Author Sweeetie Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 I have already resolved to leave him alone, but as a dumpee what would be the thing that would make him want to see me? The prospect of us getting together again? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I have already resolved to leave him alone, but as a dumpee what would be the thing that would make him want to see me? The prospect of us getting together again? Don't ask that question if you don't want to execute the answer. Just leave him alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I have already resolved to leave him alone, but as a dumpee what would be the thing that would make him want to see me? The prospect of us getting together again? Nothing. At all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 OP, speaking as someone who was the dumpee for the first time EVER just 10 days ago, PLEASE just leave this guy alone. He doesn't want to talk to you. He doesn't want to be friends with you. He just wants you to leave him alone. Why is that so hard for you? Contacting him often is making it harder for him to move on. So please just stop doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweeetie Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 I have already stopped. That's not what I'm seeking advice on. What I'm asking is what would make a dumpee want to meet up? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I have already stopped. That's not what I'm seeking advice on. What I'm asking is what would make a dumpee want to meet up? What is the purpose of getting this information? Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I have already stopped. That's not what I'm seeking advice on. What I'm asking is what would make a dumpee want to meet up? As you said yourself, weren't you a 3 time dumpee? Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I have already stopped. That's not what I'm seeking advice on. What I'm asking is what would make a dumpee want to meet up? Depends on the reason for the meet up. If a dumper just wants to relieve their feelings of guilt, then the dumpee will probably not want to meet up. If the dumper is genuinely wanting to reconcile, that could make the dumpee want to meet up. Each person is different though, and you may find that nothing you say will make the dumpee want to meet up, and that's their right. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I'm truly afraid that the OP is going to pretend to want to get back together with this guy to try to force a meet-up. She seems manipulative enough to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I'm truly afraid that the OP is going to pretend to want to get back together with this guy to try to force a meet-up. She seems manipulative enough to do that. I think a more realistic scenario would be her pretending to want to reconcile, him shooting her down, then her obsessing over why he won't want to talk even though she's done what all dumpees want and come to him wanting to try again. And then trying to talk to him about WHY he doesn't want to get back together... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I think a more realistic scenario would be her pretending to want to reconcile, him shooting her down, then her obsessing over why he won't want to talk even though she's done what all dumpees want and come to him wanting to try again. And then trying to talk to him about WHY he doesn't want to get back together... Yeah, that's the cousin of my scenario. Definitely could happen. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I just don't get the need to force yourself on someone else. The want to force someone to feel a certain way about you. I mean, I don't want other people to have a bad opinion of me either, but this is so extreme. At some point, you just have to realize that you can't control other people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 In your first post you stated you don't want him back, now you're bringing reconciliation into it...what's actually on your agenda? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweeetie Posted April 3, 2015 Author Share Posted April 3, 2015 Hello everyone, a couple of things: - I do *not* want to meet up to "unload any guilt". Apart from end a relationship, I have done NOTHING to him. - I do not want to manipulate him into thinking I want to get back together when I don't. The truth and the reason for me asking if this will work is that I am open to the idea. I miss the person very much. If we can talk about what happened and if he is willing to understand the problems that led to its downfall, it would be nice. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Why do you want to keep talking about it though? If he hasn't asked you the questions, it means that he doesn't want to hear what the problems are. Are you really this oblivious to that? You dumped him, so you would like to talk to him about the problems that led to you dumping him? How self-absorbed can one person possibly be? It's bad enough you dumped him but you want him to relive that under the guise of a "friendship"? Just. Leave. Him. Alone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Hello everyone, a couple of things: - I do *not* want to meet up to "unload any guilt". Apart from end a relationship, I have done NOTHING to him. - I do not want to manipulate him into thinking I want to get back together when I don't. The truth and the reason for me asking if this will work is that I am open to the idea. I miss the person very much. If we can talk about what happened and if he is willing to understand the problems that led to its downfall, it would be nice. -You've also bothered him when he has made it clear he doesn't want anything to do with you. -You're open to the idea of getting back together with him? It's up to him if he wants that. You want to meet up with him, and talk to HIM about what HE did wrong? Hello? You don't see anything that is selfish about that? Maybe I'm missing something. I hope that I am. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 (edited) Hello everyone, a couple of things: - I do *not* want to meet up to "unload any guilt". Apart from end a relationship, I have done NOTHING to him. - I do not want to manipulate him into thinking I want to get back together when I don't. The truth and the reason for me asking if this will work is that I am open to the idea. I miss the person very much. If we can talk about what happened and if he is willing to understand the problems that led to its downfall, it would be nice. o_O As a guy, this is without a doubt one of the most self centered things I think I have ever read on these boards. You're saying you do not want to get back together with him, but you are open to the idea? You dumped him! How in the double hockey sticks are you thinking that that statement is not manipulation? What you want, is for him to stroke your ego because he does not care that you left. End of story. Seriously, if I was your ex, I would build a wall so high between you and I that any rocket known to mankind could not get over it. You need to leave him alone. Forever. Edited April 3, 2015 by frigginlost 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Hello everyone, a couple of things: - I do *not* want to meet up to "unload any guilt". Apart from end a relationship, I have done NOTHING to him. Sure you have -- you constant badger him and annoy him in an attempt to meet up with you. - I do not want to manipulate him into thinking I want to get back together when I don't. The truth and the reason for me asking if this will work is that I am open to the idea. I miss the person very much. If we can talk about what happened and if he is willing to understand the problems that led to its downfall, it would be nice. You need to figure out whether you want to take him back "as is" before even broaching the subject. It's incredibly selfish of you (which falls in line with your behavior in this breakup) to want to have a conversation with him hinting at possibly getting back together with conditions. GTFO. You broke it, you fix it. As the dumper, it's up to you to make all of the effort -- it's not up to you to test him. I mean, I can see why he wants nothing to do with you -- you're extremely self-centered. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Sounds like you need to make your mind up rather than keep sitting on the fence, you appear selfish and confusing, hence why your ex wants nothing to do with you. You either go all out or don't bother at all. Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 You need to get it through your head that he doesn't want to talk to you. He doesn't want to be your friend. He just wants you to leave him alone. If you care about him at all, just stop badgering him and leave him alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 (edited) You're a carbon copy of my manipulative ex. She didn't know if she wanted me back but was "open" to the possibility. Did you just recently meet someone and did it not go as planned? Or, are you having difficulty meeting a guy you want to date? If so, don't stress, you'll meet another guy soon enough. You're not doing your ex any favours...the things you don't like about him haven't changed. If you do get back with him you're gonna feel like you're "setting" for him...and what guy wants to feel like a second option? Not only will you feel this way, but you'll act it to him too. He deserves someone who will love and respect him. Look, there is no way, and I can tell how you're talking, that you will fall madly in love with your ex again. As a matter of fact, you don't even love him now (romantically). You are gonna go back to him with demands, try to make him change to what you want and HOPE he can make you fall madly in love with him again. But he won't, because he is who he is...but hey, at least you have a safety net while you search / filter through guys... Edited April 4, 2015 by lauri Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 I think this is a case where the OP wants control. She doesn't really care about this guy or want to get back with him. She is mad that he has the last word and power to reject her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 I think this is a case where the OP wants control. She doesn't really care about this guy or want to get back with him. She is mad that he has the last word and power to reject her. Since August... this has been going on for well over 6 months. I agree with you wholeheartedly. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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