Demeaning comments about body

[gaius]

Can't say I've ever read that Erica girl's threads, but I must be very oblivious because I've never really noticed this on here. It seems utterly bizarre that women on an online forum would be jealous of each other. Hard to imagine. Just as weird as being jealous of a celebrity's picture. You don't even know this person IRL!

She was only around briefly so I'm not surprised, but I've talked to women off board before that pretended not to know who Phoe was. After posting in several of her threads. A lot of the dynamics that develop in real life social circles happen here too.

[Tayla]

point well made Phoe. !

[Phoe]

Personally, I think its a few things.

 

For one, you do talk a lot about your body. Listing every minute detail. Hence why people on some other thread of yours said that you talk about yourself way too much. Its not bad to seek advice for yourself, its true you are here for yourself, but to go on about your physical attributes can rub people the wrong way.

 

Also, I personally find that your posts do have a "victim" tone about them. You tend to write a lot about how unattractive/average/etc you think you are, how your face looks alien, how your __________ looks _________. Then a whole bunch of posters come on and say "no you are gorgeous you are this you are that". Then some threads later, you do the exact same thing again. Putting yourself down is a way to get attention/validation because people come on and refute what you say about yourself. You do this really frequently.

 

I am not really bothered by the above, personally. I'm bothered, however, when people are genuinely trying to give you advice, and putting efforts into their posts, and either you say "no that's not true I'm not like that at all", or use passive-aggressive tactics to put down their advice in different threads. I've encountered a few times, posts in threads where you'd say "everyone keeps telling me that I need to raise my standards but I know what's best for ME". In a thread that doesn't have much to do about standards. That kind of sounds like you're spitting on good advice that people put thought into, in your threads.

 

I am not trying to be harsh or judgmental, this is just my observation that I have noticed.

 

I've definitely said before that I don't think I'm a victim. What am I a victim of? I know that everything that comes to me, is my own fault and that I've done something to earn it, that problem is that I typically don't know what I've done.

 

When friends consistently fade out on me, when men consistently lose interest or never had interest to begin with, when folks here tend to dislike me, I KNOW the common denominator is me. I know that the world isn't out to get me. Not even close.

 

I know that it's all a result of my own actions, but I never quite know what those actions are that have set people off. And getting an actual answer, can be difficult.

 

There is actually a LOT of advice here that I have taken, and a lot of advice that I have considered.

 

But when someone makes a suggestion about me that it totally off base, I'm going to say so. Not in a "you're wrong!!" kind of way, but I figure it's best to defend myself and let that person know that I am not like that at all, so that they don't waste their time trying to advise me on something that is completely not relevant to my situation. I know that reading my posts and giving advice is time consuming, if I can stop someone from continuing to make posts giving advice that is totally in the opposite direction, I figure I'm doing them some good! I'm trying to help.

 

Because while I am not always fully aware of myself, there are some qualities of myself that I am 100% certain of, and there is no denying that. So when someone suggests that I am the polar-opposite of the exact thing I know I am, I will say so!

 

Like the suggestion earlier in the thread that I must have been asking these people for opinions on my butt. No! No!

 

I never ask people IRL for their opinion of me. Ever. Why? Because I already know I wouldn't like the answer. I don't want to know what people think of me.

 

Same thing goes for not wanting to talk about myself IRL. Not wanting to talk about private things. Which led to the suggestion that I may want to be more vulnerable with others. Because I really am rather private, and don't share much with those I know.

[bubbaganoosh]

I don't know. Today, if you make a comment about a woman's body in the work place you run the risk of a ton of trouble.

 

If you go to the Hr manager and complain and it doesn't stop because the people making the comments haven't been warned and it continues, then you go back to the HR manager and ask him if he would prefer talking to your attorney.

 

Knew a woman who complained and it fell on deaf ears until she mentioned dragging in a lawyer and the only thing that the HR manager saw was a whole lot of money flying out the window.

 

This isn't just talk.....................it a law.

[gaius]

The things I get from you, I don't view as abuse or disdain or attacks. It's all very mild in comparison to real abuse that I've gotten. Which, when I DO get physical or verbal abuse from others, I've always walked away and never looked back. I may not lash out and give hell right back, but I never forget, and I will never give that person an inch, ever again. I tend to just quietly walk away. If I never have to see that person again, I won't. If I have NO choice but to interact with that person, I will do so civilly, but won't attempt to engage them in any other way.

 

The things you post towards me that may be more negative, I view as you trying to help me. I've never viewed as "I feel like kicking Phoe!" - which, well, maybe to you, you do feel that way!

 

And the compliment? Well, I didn't respond because I figured you were just being nice, but you've never seen my butt! No one here has, lol. I figured it was sort of the obligatory "Ah, Phoe had a lousy day, let's say something kind to sort of pick her up." - I didn't view it as something that you actually meant because, well, how could you? You've never seen it.

You had one picture that showed off your figure even if it wasn't a direct shot of your butt. You could kind of extrapolate from there.

 

But I get that. Maybe not outright abuse but I still think you prefer a little insensitivity maybe. =/ Just from the perspective of someone who's interacted with you.

[Phoe]

I don't know. Today, if you make a comment about a woman's body in the work place you run the risk of a ton of trouble.

 

If you go to the Hr manager and complain and it doesn't stop because the people making the comments haven't been warned and it continues, then you go back to the HR manager and ask him if he would prefer talking to your attorney.

 

Knew a woman who complained and it fell on deaf ears until she mentioned dragging in a lawyer and the only thing that the HR manager saw was a whole lot of money flying out the window.

 

This isn't just talk.....................it a law.

 

I don't know... making too much fuss seems like a good way to lose my job. Which I can't afford after all the hard work I've been putting in to move myself up. I worked 11 hours today, 11 hours yesterday.... this is not uncommon. I'm putting my all into this place, I can't risk starting a fire.

 

The HR issue the time I got physically harassed, was taken to a corporate level. Phone calls were made, interviews scheduled, witnesses questioned. I had 2 witnesses. One of whom was happy to offer up what he'd witnessed. The other of which backed out at the last minute saying he didn't want to be involved. Which I think is what made me lose the case.

 

What really bothers me is that there are video cameras everywhere. The footage is kept for a month. It happened in direct view of a camera, but no one found it necessary to go back and review tape and see 100% what happened. Instead they allowed it to be a bunch of "he said she said".

 

 

You had one picture that showed off your figure even if it wasn't a direct shot of your butt. You could kind of extrapolate from there.

 

But I get that. Maybe not outright abuse but I still think you prefer a little insensitivity maybe. =/ Just from the perspective of someone who's interacted with you.

 

I suppose I prefer insensitive and blunt over nice and kind, because I'm much more inclined to believe that the insensitive comment is the honest truth, moreso than the kind comment.

[amaysngrace]

People aren't "ganging up". They are trying to give advice. Sometimes it comes out as tough love, but many posters on here have made good points.

 

I understand what you're saying. I actually think I liked your first reply on this thread yesterday because I thought it was good advice.

 

The ganging up hasn't really happened on this thread like I've seen it happen on other threads Phoe started.

 

And why would people be threatened by Phoe when they've never met her in real life? My only answer is to some people this is their real life.

[CrystalCastles]

I understand what you're saying. I actually think I liked your first reply on this thread yesterday because I thought it was good advice.

 

The ganging up hasn't really happened on this thread like I've seen it happen on other threads Phoe started.

 

And why would people be threatened by Phoe when they've never met her in real life? My only answer is to some people this is their real life.

 

Ah, thank you!

 

I personally don't really remember the ganging up thing, or like I said, I might just be pretty oblivious/unobservant. I don't spend too much time on LS anyways so I might have missed that.

[somedude81]

For those who think I seek attention and seek validation, what can I do differently? I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

 

I always feel that a LOT of folks around here really dislike me, and I don't quite understand why. I try my best to be amicable and friendly, in hopes that maybe those who dislike me might think I'm alright, but as time goes on, it seems that more and more people think I'm just lousy.

 

 

If you really want to know what is going on send me a message. I can fill you in.

 

As for being amicable and friendly. You could start by changing how you view my posts. For months now I have only been nice to you.

 

I really am naive. I often don't understand typical social scenarios, and am on a totally different plane than what others are on, and don't become aware of this until after the fact, or until it's too late, or until it's been pointed out to me.

 

That is something I've known about you for a long time.

 

But when it comes down to it, I have no one to talk to. And I clearly need to limit what I say on LS... perhaps I will get a diary or something.

 

We used to talk.

 

I considered you a friend of mine here for a long time. Then I made a mistake and you are still reacting, many months after the fact. If this is any way close to how you are around people IRL then it starts to explain why people respond to you the way you do.

[Imajerk17]

These are my thoughts, Phoe. Everything I bring up you can change.

 

1. Well, I notice that you have 4000+ likes in only 4300 posts. So you obviously have some people who like what you say.

 

2. When I first read your story on this thread I found it bizarre, it read like an excuse to humblebrag about your butt. But now that you filled in the details, given your posts on here it makes perfect sense. Basically you butted into (oops) conversations that were not about you and you tried to change the topic to something that was about you or just not of interest to the other people (who cares if Mandy plays softball just as you do). You did it in a "nice" way but it came across as seeking attention and validation.

 

I'm not saying those guys aren't crude jackazzes talking inappropriately. They are indeed. BUT, I wonder if you aren't doing a good job reading social situations and are getting shunned for it.

 

Anyway I notice that you do that on here as well--bring up yourself in discussion that have nothing to do with you or your situation, in a way that comes across as humblebrag, seeking validation or attention. You do it in a "nice" way but it is still annoying to a lot of people.

 

A couple examples: Phoe, you would do yourself well NOT to talk about your Extremely Low Standards on other people's threads (it's extremely annoying and not at all helpful to the guy asking for advice as the girl he is asking about DOES have standards). You would also do well not to be more careful going into so much detail about your physical appearance, what you are like it bed, ect.

 

3. It's frustrating trying to give you advice. For one thing, your tales of woe seem hard to believe (you did so well in school how did you end up in a desert, you were in a sorority but have no close female friends, people come to you for advice but they don't ask you about you) and then when people ask for clarification, you seem to get defensive and feel you are being picked apart. No, Phoe, you are not uniquely cursed, this is the internet! You are only being grilled as anyone else telling a hard-to-believe story would be.

 

You also keep changing relevant details of your story. Sometimes you say you have no close friends then you say you have a couple guy friends you can talk to, sometimes you say you always get shunned by people other times you say you and your friend are talking sass with everyone and everyone is having a good time laughing.... Who can keep up!

 

Instead of arguing back with a long post, why don't you consider what I and Crystal Castles and xxoo and a few others wrote. You can change all of the above. Hope this helps.

 

 

 

 

For those who think I seek attention and seek validation, what can I do differently? I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

 

I always feel that a LOT of folks around here really dislike me, and I don't quite understand why. I try my best to be amicable and friendly, in hopes that maybe those who dislike me might think I'm alright, but as time goes on, it seems that more and more people think I'm just lousy.

 

Everyone's entitled to any opinion they have, but unless I understand why, unless I understand what it is that I'm doing and what I have to change, it's not gonna get better. I need examples of how my behavior should change. Because, like I said above, I really am naive. I often don't understand typical social scenarios, and am on a totally different plane than what others are on, and don't become aware of this until after the fact, or until it's too late, or until it's been pointed out to me.

 

So, I have no clue what I'm doing. I need help.

 

Like Gaius said about wanting to be mean to me... I think that perhaps I do trigger that in people. And naturally, I don't want other to be mean to me! So I need to change that.

 

Especially since over the years I've been here, there have been several instances of people who I thought were really cool, people who I wanted to be friends with, who it turned out really didn't like me, were talking a lot of crap about me either on this forum or on other forums, harassing me via PM... or instances someone my make a harsh post, and the same handful of people "like" it, and its always those same names of people I always wished I could've been friends with. People I look up to, people I envy in a way. And it sucks when they just think so little of me...

 

So I want to do better. But I can't unless I am given real suggestions.

Edited April 1, 2015 by Imajerk17

[Rejected Rosebud]

I've definitely said before that I don't think I'm a victim. What am I a victim of? I know that everything that comes to me, is my own fault and that I've done something to earn it, that problem is that I typically don't know what I've done.

that is victim mentality and you do project it honestly. If you are really seriously asking about how you come off here in a negative way I would tell you my impressions but I am not sure you really do want to know.

 

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Phoe, bottom line, stop caring so much about what other people think.

 

Like I previously posted, the only person you really need validation and acceptance from..is you.

 

Seriously, work on that and in time, you'll notice how little you care about even the most negative and demeaning comments.

 

Make sense?

[pteromom]

4 different men this month (all coworkers) have made demeaning remarks about my body.

 

The opinion of a man who only sees you for your body isn't worth considering.

 

Just stupid pigs. Not men you would want anyway, so why does it matter what they think?

 

You seem so sweet, and believe me, you are good enough as you are. The right man will see that. You deserve to be loved.

[pteromom]

One person's butt of horror is another person's butt of heaven

 

LMAO

 

So very true.

[pteromom]

Like Gaius said about wanting to be mean to me... I think that perhaps I do trigger that in people. And naturally, I don't want other to be mean to me! So I need to change that.

 

You seem very naive, nice, and vulnerable. So people who are insecure see you as an easy target. They can let out their frustrations on you and know there won't be a consequence for doing so.

 

Just speaking up for yourself should cure this. Don't let people say mean things to you without calling them out on it.

 

At the same time, you also have to consider when something is really an insult or not. Sometimes, a comment is just lighthearted teasing or isn't meant to be insulting.

[rester]

Of course I'm not asking. In one instance I was simply walking by and someone was singing a song about butt's, and another coworker was like "Umm?? I hope you're not talking about Phoe" and he was like "oh, no, of course not phoe's butt." and I sort of raised my eyebrows in a way that indicated I didn't like where this was going, and he's like "but i mean... i'm not trying to saying anything bad about yours.." and he starts trying to backtrack and realized he shoved his foot in his mouth.

 

In another instance a few guys were talking about a girl who works there who has a big butt and wondering how she got it... they started talking about squats, genetics, etc, and one of them says "well, she played a lot of softball". And I, having played softball, instantly thought it was cool that a fellow coworker played softball and I never knew, so I piped in "I didn't know Mandy played softball, I played too!" and instantly one quipped "apparently not enough." and nods his head toward my hip region, and I instantly know he means my butt...

 

so I just sorta backed away and removed myself from earshot of the conversation...

 

Another time I was talking about working out at the gym, and Mandy walked by, and a guy commented about her ass (again) and I just didn't really respond to it and sorta nodded my head and kept working, and he started talking about his gym routine, and all the squats he does, and I mentioned that squats and leg day in general are favorite, and I was told that I don't have good muscle building genetics in my lower body.

 

Another time a few were talking about a girl and mentioned her weight and that she needs to lose weight, which happens to be the same weight as mine, and that struck me as odd because I'm not overweight, and I was like "But that's the same weight as me", and he says "Yeah, you guys weigh the same, but all her weight is in her ass, unlike you. And you know I LOVE those big butts!"

 

 

I think posters are being pretty harsh on the OP, but I do see some of their points.

 

In each of the last three instances, you did, while trying to find something in common to interject into the conversation, mention something about yourself and bring the attention to yourself. I don't think you did this on purpose, but I do see how that can come off as weird socially, and maybe a bit self-absorbed? It's hard to say without being there, but if you frequently talk yourself up to people you open yourself up to people knocking you down.

 

Without knowing what type of job you have, it also sounds like it's a very relaxed atmosphere and you may have to accept some things that would be unacceptable in a more professional environment. I have friends in the restaurant business and you should hear some of the crap that comes out of their staffs' mouths. Same with a warehouse I frequent. I'm not excusing it, I'm just indicating that the cultures of different work places are different. The things that would get someone fired in an attorney's office would be nothing in another job situation.

 

Also, not to minimize how you felt about what they said, but it sounds a bit like they were teasing you and not being intentionally hostile or demeaning, or like I said earlier, they thought you were bragging and felt the need to knock you down a bit.

 

I do think the they were being childish, and I don't excuse it at all...but there are probably ways you can avoid these situations a little better. Or maybe they're just jerks and you need to avoid them all together.

[jay1983]

I understand what you're saying. I actually think I liked your first reply on this thread yesterday because I thought it was good advice.

 

The ganging up hasn't really happened on this thread like I've seen it happen on other threads Phoe started.

 

And why would people be threatened by Phoe when they've never met her in real life? My only answer is to some people this is their real life.

 

I think that's what it is too.

[LifeNomad]

my opinion...from a guy

 

 

 

 

if they are making comments about your butt, they probably like it and just don't know what to say,

 

 

because if you didn't have a nice butt, or something about you isn't nice, from my point of view of course, guys would simply ignore it and not say anything about it

 

 

Maaaaayybe if 1 guy a month told you something you could take it wrong, but for 4 guys to tell you....either they have something against you and are all in cahoots to make you feel bad, or they simply like your butt, I would say they like it.

 

 

That's just my 2 cents. sometimes guys try to flirt and say the wrong things or are taken the wrong way.

 

 

if so many people are making comments about your butt, im guess its an attractive big butt, but guys don't wanna state the obvious and make it seem like you don't have a butt

 

 

im just guessing obviously i havent seen it and don't care to but when girls don't have any butts it don't matter guys simply ignore that fact.

[Phoe]

These are my thoughts, Phoe. Everything I bring up you can change.

 

1. Well, I notice that you have 4000+ likes in only 4300 posts. So you obviously have some people who like what you say.

 

2. When I first read your story on this thread I found it bizarre, it read like an excuse to humblebrag about your butt. But now that you filled in the details, given your posts on here it makes perfect sense. Basically you butted into (oops) conversations that were not about you and you tried to change the topic to something that was about you or just not of interest to the other people (who cares if Mandy plays softball just as you do). You did it in a "nice" way but it came across as seeking attention and validation.

 

I'm not saying those guys aren't crude jackazzes talking inappropriately. They are indeed. BUT, I wonder if you aren't doing a good job reading social situations and are getting shunned for it.

 

Anyway I notice that you do that on here as well--bring up yourself in discussion that have nothing to do with you or your situation, in a way that comes across as humblebrag, seeking validation or attention. You do it in a "nice" way but it is still annoying to a lot of people.

 

A couple examples: Phoe, you would do yourself well NOT to talk about your Extremely Low Standards on other people's threads (it's extremely annoying and not at all helpful to the guy asking for advice as the girl he is asking about DOES have standards). You would also do well not to be more careful going into so much detail about your physical appearance, what you are like it bed, ect.

 

I always just thought it would be useful for others to see that there are people out there who see things a different way, do things a different way. I figured it would help people if they know that not everyone thinks the same way. But if it is annoying, I will stop posting.

 

3. It's frustrating trying to give you advice. For one thing, your tales of woe seem hard to believe (you did so well in school how did you end up in a desert, you were in a sorority but have no close female friends, people come to you for advice but they don't ask you about you) and then when people ask for clarification, you seem to get defensive and feel you are being picked apart. No, Phoe, you are not uniquely cursed, this is the internet! You are only being grilled as anyone else telling a hard-to-believe story would be.

 

I'm in the desert because this is where I grew up and this is where my family is. Shortly after graduation I got laid off of my job, and had no choice but to move in with family here while I got back on my feet. I literally see no reason for it to be hard to believe that I live in the desert. My female friends from the sorority all went their separate ways. Life happened. People moved, got jobs, etc. I still communicate with a lot of them on facebook from time to time, and once or twice have seen them since leaving college, but otherwise, life happened. And yes, there are some people who come to me for advice about situations. - How is ANY of that farfetched or hard to believe?

 

You also keep changing relevant details of your story. Sometimes you say you have no close friends then you say you have a couple guy friends you can talk to, sometimes you say you always get shunned by people other times you say you and your friend are talking sass with everyone and everyone is having a good time laughing.... Who can keep up!

 

This definitely confuses me. When have I ever said that people shun me? I can't picture myself saying that, because for the most part that doesn't happen. I work with close to 100 people and there are maybe 10 that seem to want nothing to do with me. I wouldn't consider that being shunned. And I only have a few close friends, they are men, so I do have to limit what I can be open about with them, but I do trust them with a few things. Otherwise, I have plenty of casual friends and acquaintances, but that's not what I would consider close. Those aren't people I can confide in. And yes, with my friends, there's always sass and banter and laughter. I laugh so hard I cry, on a daily basis. I always have fun with my friends. I'm sorry if it appeared as though I change details, that is my fault for being unclear, but that was never my intention. I often don't realize that what I am saying doesn't make sense or sends a totally different perception than what I think it does. But in my mind, I have never changed any details. The way I am with my friends, acquaintances, and coworkers, is all quite simple.

 

 

 

Instead of arguing back with a long post, why don't you consider what I and Crystal Castles and xxoo and a few others wrote. You can change all of the above. Hope this helps.

 

I don't know how you can write that to me and then expect me to just not respond. I'm not arguing, I'm simply trying to defend and explain myself. It's dawning on me that I often don't make sense, so I'm trying to fix that. And I always consider what everyone writes to me. I read and consider everything. But I cannot apply everything. That's just not possible.

 

The long story short that I'm getting is that I should stop trying to participate in conversations IRL, stop posting things about myself here, and generally just limit the things I say. Perhaps not talk unless addressed, or only if I have something exceptionally useful to offer.

[Phoe]

that is victim mentality and you do project it honestly. If you are really seriously asking about how you come off here in a negative way I would tell you my impressions but I am not sure you really do want to know.

 

 

I'm not understanding how me not knowing what it is that I do wrong, how me not realizing what is wrong with my behavior, how that is a victim mentality?

 

It's me saying that I 100% know, without a doubt, that I am at fault and I am to blame for what I get, but I am admitting that I am socially inept enough to not know what it is that I'm doing wrong. I know that out of all my behaviors, at least some of them are not well received. I just don't know which behaviors those are, and wish I could know.

 

I don't see how that's me playing a victim. It's just me admitting to being socially stupid.

[Phoe]

If you really want to know what is going on send me a message. I can fill you in.

 

As for being amicable and friendly. You could start by changing how you view my posts. For months now I have only been nice to you.

 

We used to talk.

 

I considered you a friend of mine here for a long time. Then I made a mistake and you are still reacting, many months after the fact. If this is any way close to how you are around people IRL then it starts to explain why people respond to you the way you do.

 

Somedude, this needs to stop.

 

You clearly have no respect for my boundaries.

 

You made me feel pressured on these boards, stressed me out, and made me very uncomfortable. I blocked you several months ago because I do not want that in my life.

 

Despite being blocked and being told that I want to be left alone, you continue to try to communicate with me, you continue to have others message me for you.

 

And I'm especially tired of others encouraging this! Telling me to just meet up.

 

So for months now, you've "played nice" and expect it all to just go away and I talk to you again and you get what you want. That's your view. My view is that for months now you've continued to disrespect my boundaries and push for contact with me and further make me uncomfortable.

 

Yet you expect me to do what you want, and when that doesn't happen, you insult me, implying it's no wonder that I struggle.

 

It doesn't work that way. I don't want this in my life. This needs to stop!

[Imajerk17]

See Phoe, now I'm confused. For example, which is it, A or B?

 

 

A:

 

Maybe my coworkers just don't like me.

 

After I clocked out, and was about to leave, someone came to me and asked if I could carry some things to a different area. I told them I was clocked out already, but went to grab 2 other coworkers who were still on and ask if they could help carry those things since I'd already clocked out.

 

They got SO pissy with me, asked why i couldn't do it, got really irritated, threw down their things, stomped off to carry the things muttering under their breath the whole way.

 

I dunno what I could've done differently but to just keep working off the clock and not bother asking them... one of my coworkers who is a good friend noticed the way they acted and was like "wow, whatever I guess... let them be mad."

 

 

B:

 

This definitely confuses me. When have I ever said that people shun me? I can't picture myself saying that, because for the most part that doesn't happen. I work with close to 100 people and there are maybe 10 that seem to want nothing to do with me. I wouldn't consider that being shunned. And I only have a few close friends, they are men, so I do have to limit what I can be open about with them, but I do trust them with a few things. Otherwise, I have plenty of casual friends and acquaintances, but that's not what I would consider close. Those aren't people I can confide in. And yes, with my friends, there's always sass and banter and laughter. I laugh so hard I cry, on a daily basis. I always have fun with my friends.

 

The problem is, people put a lot of thought into their responses to you trying to help you, thinking (for example) that A is true, and then after they have written that long post trying to help you, you turn around and tell them no no those assumptions are all wrong it's actually more like B. That, you'd do well to understand, is irritating to people, Phoe.

 

(I suppose one could get all technical and say that A and B don't quite contradict each other, but they do paint completely different pictures.)

 

And if it is B, then all I can say is that the coworkers who don't like you sound like jackasses, so why get worked up that a few of them are "all about that bass" in a way that you butt is not. Meanwhile there are lots of women who don't have a shapely azz who find love.

[CrystalCastles]

If there are only 10 coworkers that have issues with you, out of 100, that's not many. I was under the impression that everyone hated you. Not everyone is going to like you, and spending so much time trying to figure out why is a wasted effort. Just ignore whoever doesn't like you and avoid talking to them.

[loveweary11]

Wow...

 

Poor Phoe. I guess when you're Love Shack famous, you end up with a lot of opinions.

 

Anyone else see the connection here?

 

She's taking quite a bit of flack right in this thread. Kind of like at work.

 

Phoe, my only other post in this thread was right on. You're too nice to everyone. Too easy to pick on. This is the problem. In the pecking order of hens, you're near the bottom, unfortunately.

 

This is part of what makes you so likeable, imo, but at the same time, it's not helping ward off the bullies at work or here.

 

Sometimes, you have to just not care about what people think and literally just tell them to go F themselves, not caring if you ever talk to them again or if they like you.

 

I have around 40 people blocked on my phone.

 

You should dump people like a bad dude you don't want to date... or at least tell them off, without being wordy or defending your position.

 

People will get the message and pick on someone else.

[Phoe]

See Phoe, now I'm confused. For example, which is it, A or B?

 

 

A:

 

 

 

 

B:

 

 

 

The problem is, people put a lot of thought into their responses to you trying to help you, thinking (for example) that A is true, and then after they have written that long post trying to help you, you turn around and tell them no no those assumptions are all wrong it's actually more like B. That, you'd do well to understand, is irritating to people, Phoe.

 

(I suppose one could get all technical and say that A and B don't quite contradict each other, but they do paint completely different pictures.)

 

And if it is B, then all I can say is that the coworkers who don't like you sound like jackasses, so why get worked up that a few of them are "all about that bass" in a way that you butt is not. Meanwhile there are lots of women who don't have a shapely azz who find love.

 

See to me, A and B aren't really contradictory at all. And that probably is due to my inability to understand how others perceive things.

 

Sure, the very first sentence of A is a bit dramatic. I was feeling very badly last night, and after the negative posts I received, I started to wonder, "well, maybe my coworkers just don't like me, and are only friendly out of politeness".

 

But when I refer to those who quite clearly are jerky and don't want anything to do with me, I'm not talking about all of my coworkers. Close to 100 people work there and the jerky folks account for maybe 10 of them. The rest are all pleasant, and I consider them friends or acquaintances.

 

It was only when I start feeling very down about myself and was starting to get the impression that I'm not terribly likeable, I wondered if even those I am friendly with would rather not if given the choice. It was simply a result of my mood at that moment.

 

But I know that the things I say are perceived totally differently than how I see them. And that's another explanation as to why I always give such detail in my posts. I figure the more detailed I am, the less chance there is of people getting confused. If I leave nothing out, and give as much info as possible, I figure then it's clear as I can get it.

 

Realistically, all I probably do is muddle it all up the point where posters here say "screw it".

 

I don't mean any harm. I don't mean to upset/irritate/annoy posters. That's the last thing I want. What I really want is to be friends with people here, but I end up shoving my foot in my mouth and am oblivious to the fact that I've even done so.