She seems to really like me one minute, then goes completely cold the next?

[manipulator]

I've been hanging out with this girl for around 5 months. I should say right now at the start that she has been through a really tough break up, and has made it very clear she does not want another relationship.

 

But, we got very close, very fast. Not that I knew it at the time, but I was getting on board the craziest roller coaster of my life. We immediately had a connection and it because pretty obvious that we both liked each other. We started spending A LOT of time together. I'm talking like 3 - 4 days a week, and messaging each other all day every day.

 

So one day, we're on the beach, we start cuddling, and just as something is about to happen, she pulls away. She made a bunch of different reasons that didn't make much sense to me. Afterwards she told me about how I'm growing on her but she still doesn't want anything, so we should keep going very slow. This was all fair enough and I wasn't mad or anything.... Then 3 days later, BAM, she went into complete denial and told me she had NO feelings for me and that night meant absolutely nothing. Alllllrighty then.

 

This has happened literally 5 - 6 times since, with a lot of arguments and confusion in between, and often some time spent apart out of anger. We'd get close, flirt constantly, start cuddling like a couple whenever we hung out, then something would start to happen, but as soon as it was about to go any further than fooling around she would stop it! Then she'd slowly go cold on me, and tell me she has no feelings for me! She'd state soooo many reasons that we're not compatible and make me feel like ****.... Yet a week prior she'd be saying things like, "I wish I was in your bed." "We have such a special connection." "Why have you made me so attracted to you at the wrong time." "Pick the right moment and do whatever you want." I could go on.

 

The stupid thing is, SHE'S always been the one initiating anything intimate between us. Whenever I've asked for space, SHE'S been the one to start messaging and wanting to start hanging out again, I have distanced myself on multiple occasions and she clearly can't bear being away from me. SHE'S usually the one messaging first. SHE'S the one who will randomly start sending me photos of her in her underwear. It just makes no sense.

 

She says she feels uncomfortable whenever things get to that point because she thinks we've become too close as friends for anything to happen. It sucks, because I'm crazy about her and would love for things to happen. She is incredibly beautiful, which is hard, because every guy on the planet is trying to get with her. She seems to have really gone cold on me this time. She has actually gone to a doctor about 'mood swing issues' she told me. Something about a hormonal imbalance. She said she feels like being all affectionate one minute and then hates it the next.

 

We still talk every day, we talk on the phone for hours, see each other all the time, tell each other EVERYTHING. I just feel like there's clearly something here and have we this blatantly obvious attraction towards each other, but it's just been so hard, when she goes cold, she really goes cold, makes me feel like she never even liked me. It's gotten me really down. I've thought this before, but I don't think she's going to give us another chance.

Edited March 31, 2015 by manipulator

[preraph]

It seems like you think a woman can't have sexual feelings sometimes without actually being interested in a relationship with you. I think what you may have here is someone who is missing the affection she had before the breakup and is vulnerable because she's missing it so much that any affection feels good, but she's been plain as day that she doesn't want a relationship with you and she is not letting herself have sex with you since she doesn't want you for a relationship. You aren't the right guy for her. She's just vulnerable right now and you need to leave it alone since she said she doesn't want to.

[Satu]

You should take not one, but two steps back.

 

She's too fragile to be in a relationship with you at this time.

[PaperCrane]

I was there, still am. If you read my topics you'll get the gist of it.

 

What I've learned so far is that, in my situation the only thing I can really do is enjoy the ride, enjoy the moments that happen for what they are and if anything more is to happen it is on her. I can't keep letting my heart get torn asunder by a girls indecisiveness about me or my feelings.

 

In your case you need to go full NC, seriously. You're attached at the hip with a girl who doesn't know up from down at the moment. For both of your well beings, try some time apart and accept nothing but an offer at real dating from her when she has sorted herself out.

[gerkin]

Practically the exact situation i'm in. Shes got abroad for a few months so will have to see how it goes from there..

[isRaven]

Maybe...

 

1. She wants to be with you, but anytime the mood is on, she'll get scared and remember about her ex.

2. She's just playing with you. Harshly, you're just her rebound.

 

I don't think "she's not ready to start a relationship" is the only reason.

Normally, if she's not ready, she still hurts, and yada yada, she won't even talk to boys.

 

So, it goes back to reason number 2...