Do men feel intimidated by smarter/more successful girls?

[xxoo]

The good news is, my boss, my husband's boss, my physician, my child's specialist, my kids' dentist, etc, are ALL married women with children

[serial muse]

That would be my primary concern... I wouldn't want someone who would neglect our kids... I'm not always going to be around so I need someone who will be.

 

It's a shame that some people think because a woman is working she's "neglecting" the kids. There's an obvious logical fallacy there. Are those the only two options? Really?

 

Let's see. I believe this would the "black or white" fallacy.

[gaius]

Gwyneth Paltrow was talking about how many blowjobs she gives to make sure her man knows she's the woman, and that's probably not a bad idea if you're Gwyneth Paltrow.

[StanMusial]

It's a shame that some people think because a woman is working she's "neglecting" the kids. There's an obvious logical fallacy there. Are those the only two options? Really?

 

Let's see. I believe this would the "black or white" fallacy.

 

Her example was a young female lawyer. Most likely pressured to keep her billable hours up.

 

There's only 24 hours in a day. I had a lady quit just yesterday so she could spend more time with her husband. She's in her 50's at least. I don't blame her one bit.

[BlueIris]

That would be my primary concern... I wouldn't want someone who would neglect our kids... I'm not always going to be around so I need someone who will be.

 

That was why my exH opposed my working, and why we got divorced. But we had VERY different definitions of neglect. By the helicopter-parent standards, I was definitely "neglectful." I come from a line of farmers and ranchers, and women working as nurses, hat makers, teachers, seamstresses, quilters, shop keepers, and I mean going back to the 19th c, at least. Heck, both of my grandmothers were either sole or primary earners, who brought the majority of the wealth into their marriages. Everyone worked. Kids worked too. So this whole 1950’s/60’s I Dream of Jeannie, Leave it to Beaver thing was something I never personally witnessed and it always seemed so weird to me. The up side is that when my exH implied that I was failing as a mother if I wasn't watching my kids all the time, and let them ride their bikes outside the neighborhood, take the dog to the pond or walk down to the candy store, it didn't hurt because his thinking was bizarre and foreign to me.

 

You just have to pick a partner who really aligns with you and your priorities and expectations. Some women will go absolutely stir-crazy being a housewife.

[edgygirl]

My understanding is that most men don't care about a woman's professional success nearly as much as we women do about theirs.

 

I always thought me having a career would be something a guy would want as I wanted it in them. Turns out it took me years to realize they don't care as much. After all, traditional gender roles are still alive.

 

I've noticed though that successful guys I've been on dates on like the idea of me having a career. A few of them were divorced and used to be married to stay at home moms and it seems that's a turn off for some. They seem to want professional women the second time around.

[barcode88]

My understanding is that most men don't care about a woman's professional success nearly as much as we women do about theirs.

 

I always thought me having a career would be something a guy would want as I wanted it in them. Turns out it took me years to realize they don't care as much. After all, traditional gender roles are still alive.

 

I've noticed though that successful guys I've been on dates on like the idea of me having a career. A few of them were divorced and used to be married to stay at home moms and it seems that's a turn off for some. They seem to want professional women the second time around.

 

Um, if we want to **** you, then no we don't care. But if we see you as Girlfriend/Wife material, we want you to be college educated and have a job. At least that's my take as a college educated male.

[GoodOnPaper]

The OP's use of the word "intimidated" makes me think more about personal dynamic issues rather than the career vs. stay-at-home compatibility discussion. To me, a woman with the "too driven/smart/intelligent" label would be someone who's primary vibe is I-challenge-you-to-keep-up-with-me. That's a big turnoff. I see such women being drawn to men who either can keep up with them - more accomplished men in that or a similar career field - or those who don't care about keeping up in that sense - blue collar, entrepreneurial, and creative types.

[Woggle]

Most successful and smart women I know are happily in relationships with men so most men are not intimidated by this. Some have other personality traits that are a turn off that they blame on men being intimidated but being smart and doing well is a plus for most men.

[MissBee]

Well the title pretty sum up everything i wanted to ask:bunny::bunny:

 

As with all these types of questions about if men or women as a group feel a particular kind of way about a specific thing, the answer is: some men will feel that way and others won't. There is no hive mind where all men will feel one way. It depends on the person.

 

In my own experience, most of the men I've dated have been men who value intelligence and success in women and actively seek women who are that way and greatly appreciate it. I'm also smart and "successful" so that probably also influences the kinds of men I'm around and choose to date to begin with.

 

I have known men to be intimidated or express that, but for me, that simply means we're probably not a good match and they are better off with someone else. I can't and won't apologize for who I am or being smart or successful (men never apologize for this so why should women tip toe and act all reticent?!) and any man who can't deal, well we have no business being together and there are tons of other people they can date.

 

As with all things in dating, unless it is an actual problem with you, the goal shouldn't be to change or down play who you are to get some man, because clearly he's only with you because of false pretenses. The goal is to be who you are and find someone who loves it, values it and appreciates it. Everyone won't, that's life. For me , I am not attempting to appeal to all men, but know that I only want to be with a specific kind of man so what every man thinks is irrelevant to me.

Edited April 1, 2015 by MissBee

[salparadise]

My mother had an advanced degree and career. I've never thought of it as a criteria, but it is attractive. I seem to only get involved with smart women. It's just not fun to have to explain concepts or to get that deer-in-the-headlight look when you try to engage in intellectual foreplay. On the other hand, if a woman is smart and/or accomplished and feels the need to remind people of it, then it's not attractive.

 

I dated a woman who's a mensa member and makes a million bucks a year. She enjoys the status and attention she receives by giving large sums to society organizations, yet has little empathy for people who struggle. I quit after I saw her stiff a good ol' boy who hauled her kayaks up river in his beater pickup. She believed her good fortune was due to virtue rather than grace. Uh, not attractive at all. So you just can't generalize... it's all about the individual.

[Frank2thepoint]

No I'm not intimidated. It's great that a woman finally gets to enjoy the burden of paying bills and taxes. Drudge through school, get good enough grades to appease parents, neighbors, peers, and employers. Wade through job interviews, hope to land a dream job, or what seems to be a dream job, only to find out the job in general sucks. Toiling day in, day out, and one day drop dead. I don't understand how conservatives and men of old wanted to keep women out of the workforce and getting an education. Why did they deprive them of the "joys" of stress and having them share in the rat race.

 

But if she throws it in my face overtly or subtly, then I'll just get annoyed, and dump her because we're not compatible.

[sportygirl89]

At least in my area it does. For when I did online dating I would have to put some college down vs. full bachelor degree. I don't get it because that would mean you would have good income if you both have it. Maybe there's just more uneducated guys in the area and do not want it. That is fine. I live in a small town/rural area so things are probably different.

[barcode88]

The OP's use of the word "intimidated" makes me think more about personal dynamic issues rather than the career vs. stay-at-home compatibility discussion. To me, a woman with the "too driven/smart/intelligent" label would be someone who's primary vibe is I-challenge-you-to-keep-up-with-me. That's a big turnoff. I see such women being drawn to men who either can keep up with them - more accomplished men in that or a similar career field - or those who don't care about keeping up in that sense - blue collar, entrepreneurial, and creative types.

 

This is what I was getting at in my post earlier actually..

 

In general I don't think most men are intimidated by successful women (at least I'm not, it's actually a bit of a turn on). But the "Hyper-Successful" types who are on the top tier of attractiveness, have extremely huge social circles, maybe a masters degree, extremely well paying jobs, they volunteer/etc., and are constantly ON THE GO... Those are the types that CAN be intimidating for a lot of average-yet-successful men.

 

I think its good for Women to be able to be successful, but if you're too successful in too many facets of your life, you're most likely stuck with other people who are in the same boat as you. Which is fine... I don't think I could keep up with some of these Women

[thefooloftheyear]

At least in my area it does. For when I did online dating I would have to put some college down vs. full bachelor degree. I don't get it because that would mean you would have good income if you both have it. Maybe there's just more uneducated guys in the area and do not want it. That is fine. I live in a small town/rural area so things are probably different.

 

 

Though I am college educated, I am now in an entrepreneur in a blue collar field and have made a more money than most of my college educated friends with white collar jobs..

 

There are probably many strippers that have more raw intelligence and survival skills than their college educated peers..

 

This is no knock on higher education, I only say that in my experience, whether someone has college or not has little to do with their real world intellect and capability to earn a living...man or woman..

 

TFY

[PinkInTheLimo]

I come from a line of farmers and ranchers, and women working as nurses, hat makers, teachers, seamstresses, quilters, shop keepers, and I mean going back to the 19th c, at least. Heck, both of my grandmothers were either sole or primary earners, who brought the majority of the wealth into their marriages. Everyone worked. Kids worked too. So this whole 1950’s/60’s I Dream of Jeannie, Leave it to Beaver thing was something I never personally witnessed and it always seemed so weird to me.

 

BlueIris, I SO agree and I honestly wonder if these Stepford wives who wait at home with supper until their husband comes home actually ever existed.

Both on my mother and on my father's side I come from generations of farmers, butchers, bakers and other small independent businesses and the women in these families have ALWAYS worked in the business of their husbands. Because there simply was no time nor resources to have the women stay at home. As a matter of fact a wife was among other things chosen because she was a hard worker.

 

And apart from working in the business, these women ran a household, made sure their kids got a good education, were fed and dressed and did not mess up in school, etc...

 

So I come from generations of hard workers who take great pride in working and doing a good job and I am no different. So if a guy has a problem with my career and the fact that I earn good money I simply don't want to have anything to do with him. He would not get me. I like to work and I like to be good at what I do. Why on earth would that be something negative?

 

It's pretty amazing that we have this discussion because I don't think we will see a topic here titled "Do women feel intimidated by smarter/more successful men?"

There will only be gender equality the moment being smart and succesful is no longer seen as something negative for women.

[William]

As the thread starter identifies as a young college-age female, as evidenced by this thread:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/self-improvement-personal-well-being/496753-should-i-use-make-up

 

Moderation will direct members to address the topic. If you, as a man, are, or are not, intimidated by smarter/more successful 'girls' (key insight into the thread starter's age), please respond with your experiences. Thanks in advance for your cooperation with this moderation directive.

[alsudduth]

My husband always made more money than me. He has been in the same large company for 19 years and has made little progress in the income department.

 

I moved jobs every 2 years or so until I hit the company I currently have been with for 7 years. The companies we work for are very different in contrast to each other and in some ways because of that (and also because I'm very smart, capable and experienced in my line of work) I was able to progress up the ladder pretty quick and in the last 7 years have over doubled my starting income in the company.

 

Initially my husband said that this didn't bother him, that not only did I have less tenure than him at his job but that I am now making quite a bit more money than he is.

 

He recently admitted that he is a little jealous that I seem to have it so easy at work. His job is very physical where I sit in front of a computer at home all day with a very easy going boss in another state and on top of that make almost twice what he does.

 

I can get where that might sting a little, but I don't rub it in his face. I am proud of the accomplishments I've made in my career and I believe he is happy as well. Just a tinge of jealousy....I think that is more the case with this question thread than anything, not that they care so much that their woman makes more money or is successful, but perhaps a little jealous that they aren't in the same place.

 

AND it can go both ways! I'm jealous sometimes of my husbands job! He gets to leave work at the office everyday, when he's done he's done. he doesn't have to think about it again till the next day.

 

I am on call essentially 24/7. At any time I could get called from clients/NOC/co workers with issues happening at work.....it's not all it's always cracked up to be!

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I don't really

[toolforgrowth]

For me, not at all.

 

I have a GF whom I love and adore. But there's this one woman in my building at work...she's got degrees, is extremely intelligent, probably makes more money than I do (and I do pretty darned well), and is also sexy as Hell.

 

If I weren't happily taken, and she weren't married, I'd have asked her out months ago.

 

It's not intimidating. It's SEXY!

[GravityMan]

Bahahaha. No I'm not intimidated by smart or successful women.

 

The way I see it, with a bright and intellectual woman, there's a much better chance that we can talk and joke about stuff that's actually interesting. I'm probably gonna be bored by a woman who only wants to talk about the Kardashians or Dancing with the Stars or Ariana Grande.

 

So a smart woman is a great thing in my book. Bonus points if she's into tech as well.

 

BTW, there are some very smart women out there who are waitresses and receptionists, and don't have a college degree. They enjoy learning and exploring new things about the world.

 

It's the woman who FLAUNT their intelligence and achievements that I'm not fond of. But I wouldn't say I'm "intimidated" by them...I'd just find them annoying.

[hotpotato]

I think that many men want successful and intelligent women, but it takes a special kind of man and a rare one IMO to want a woman long term that is more successful and/or more intelligent than he is. Fine for your layabout user of a man perhaps, but for men who have pride in their job and pride in their ability to provide, it starts to grate.

Sure they like the extra money, and they may say they do not care, but long term...

 

Exactly. When she starts outshining him, enter problems.

 

Somehow men on ls are magically more evolved than average man.

[hotpotato]

Truthfully most men are intimidated by women who have more power than them in some way. Just as many women are turned off by men that they have power over. It comes down to the implicit messages society gives us from a young age. The big, strong, more experienced, more powerful, provider, protector, man. The physically weaker, in need of protection, less experienced, less resourceful woman...

 

 

Gender roles.

Many men to feel like a man need to totally dominate a woman.

 

Many women to feel like a woman need a man to have power over them.

 

If you are a woman who's a double PhD 6'2" with a net worth of 1 million dollars US and CEO of a company it will be hard to find an average height, star bucks baristo who will not feel inadequate next to you.

 

Your best bet is to find a man who does something like what you do or some thing comparable but at the same or higher level. That is the only way to head off such insecurity.

 

Great advice. Im glad you said it. If I had, peoples heads would have exploded. *nods*

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

being the protector is fine, I have absolutely no problem at all with that, it's being the provider, breadwinner that bothers me, but that's mostly because i'm not looking to get married or settle down yet

[Got it]

Yes this was a concern for me. I think that it is a valid concern to have and even the most enlightened struggle, at times, really balancing two careers let alone the woman's. Some men are very supportive and some men are on a theoretical level.

 

It was a concern when I was dating and I was very circumvent discussing what I did and at what level. I am happy to say my husband is very supportive and most definitely "leans in" at home as well. I was just complimenting him how we just flow on chores, if I am doing dishes, he is jumping in on the laundry, if I am mowing, he is mulching, etc. And since I have been less than normal dealing with the joys of first trimester, I have just been humbled by how much he steps up.

 

So, yes, it is a valid concern, and yes some guys are threatened by it. But not all guy and you just have to weed through. Find a guy that truly understands/wants to lean in at home and at work.