elaine567 Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 I have seen to many men making$30 to $50 g a year married to women that were making $20 to $60 g. Only to have their wife 10 years later making $100 to $200 g a year. That decides life would be so much better if she was married to one of her peers at work or management above her. Now that I am older and have seen many wives earning a lot more money then their husband only to become a WW makes me nervous as to her being wife material. That is why some men choose women who have little ambition and women who have really married above their station. They have no real place to go apart from down financially, and whilst it I don't think it necessarily guarantees against cheating, it may prevent them looking for a replacement, as they feel they have probably netted the jackpot with their first choice. Everyone if they are that shallow, is going to see greener grass everywhere, and women with the potential to be high earners are going to mix in circles where the greener grass actually grows.
GorillaTheater Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 The hottest, sexiest women on this board are the exceptionally smart, tremendously funny ones, and I've never laid eyes on any of them. Brains are the best. 6
elaine567 Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 On a 1 to 10 where would you rate this woman? She sounds as if she is in denial with a low number combined with an extreme liberal Feminazi position that is her turnoff. So she hides behind that men must be intimidated by me. She may be dead right, some men are intimidated by clever women so whilst she is not a CEO, nor earning a fortune, she is a graduate and for some men that is a step too far. She probably falls between two stools, too clever for your ordinary Joe, but not earning enough for high flyers to be attracted to.
xxoo Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Just for practical matters, it's rare in my experience to see a couple who functions with complete equality at all times regarding career and family responsibilities. Even if the person who is more heavily career focused and more heavily family focused shifts over time, usually there is still some imbalance. It takes a strong, confident man to be support a woman's career by picking up the slack on the family end. Not all men handle it well. The ones who can are a real catch. And given the reduced job stability in today's economy, it is a GREAT thing if the wife and husband can each function well in both roles. 5
Mrlonelyone Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Truthfully most men are intimidated by women who have more power than them in some way. Just as many women are turned off by men that they have power over. It comes down to the implicit messages society gives us from a young age. The big, strong, more experienced, more powerful, provider, protector, man. The physically weaker, in need of protection, less experienced, less resourceful woman... Gender roles. Many men to feel like a man need to totally dominate a woman. Many women to feel like a woman need a man to have power over them. If you are a woman who's a double PhD 6'2" with a net worth of 1 million dollars US and CEO of a company it will be hard to find an average height, star bucks baristo who will not feel inadequate next to you. Your best bet is to find a man who does something like what you do or some thing comparable but at the same or higher level. That is the only way to head off such insecurity. 2
elaine567 Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Truthfully most men are intimidated by women who have more power than them in some way. Just as many women are turned off by men that they have power over. It comes down to the implicit messages society gives us from a young age. The big, strong, more experienced, more powerful, provider, protector, man. The physically weaker, in need of protection, less experienced, less resourceful woman... Gender roles. Many men, to feel like a man, need to totally dominate a woman. Many women, to feel like a woman, need a man to have power over them. ^^^^ the bottom line^^^^ We may rail against it, we may try and rationalise it and say it isn't so, but deep down, we know... Things have got to change massively before there will be any real equality for women.
Snaggletooth Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Do man feel intimidated by smarter/more successful girls? Not I. I'm a bricklayer who left school aged 16. My woman is a university lecturer with a bunch of degrees and a phd. I couldn't give f*ck if she was the Prime minister or a shelf stacker. Whatever makes her happy. I've never met an intimidating woman. I've met a few who thought they were intimidating. I met a few who thought they were superior for their education and career. They weren't intimidating, though. Merely unpleasant and therefore unattractive. 2
carhill Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Do man feel intimidated by smarter/more successful girls? Not so much intimidation, as we're all smart in our own way and successful in our own way, but rather an innate understanding of class stratification and preference, indoctrinated at a young age, generally most poignantly during peer integration. Hence, for the last 30 years or so, with occasional thwarted forays into what I felt were equitable associations, I've followed that guidance with good success. Otherwise, it's not so much derision or annoyance, .
BlueIris Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 (edited) Elaine657, You nailed it here ;- My exH refused to allow any domestic help about the house because "he didn't want strangers poking around" Looking back I think he had a lot of issues He married his AP after I divorced him, so now he has a wife who has no career ambitions and is happy to be a sexual housekeeper. Her only requirement seems to be a foreign holiday twice a year to Playa las Americas (Canary Islands) or some other cut-price lager-louts' resort. Very similar experience, the entire exchange between Elaine and Arieswoman. I really think that it’s just as individual as any other attitude or belief. Statements about all or most men or women have too many exceptions to be rules. Given my age, the only men I’ve dated were born before 1970, so Gaeta’s comment about age resonated with me. I agree with her that it appears as though younger generations might be less rigid and emotional about this in general. My son in law (who had two equally powerful outspoken working parents who are still married and very much in love, btw) seems quite comfortable with my daughter’s mind, accomplishments and income. They’re about equal on intelligence and career success. I’ve had a few relationships with men born before 1970 who not only didn’t like my working or being successful but who actively undermined my working- actual, blatant, unapologetic sabotage. Both my 14 year marriage and my 3 year relationship with 1 year engagement ended for this reason. Both were “successful” men (using the wealth standard for success, which isn’t my definition of success). I don’t think they were intimidated, though. I think they just didn’t want a wife who was busy or distracted with outside activities and goals, and yes, I think they both needed to be the more admired or more powerful person in the relationship. Maybe that’s intimidation. It seems more like fragile ego to me or maybe just a traditional mindset about gender roles. But that still doesn’t mean that all men born before 1970 are like that! I’ve seen many many exceptions. My boyfriend, who was born in the 1950’s, isn’t intimidated one bit and supports my working. So generally, I don’t think you could make a sweeping rule on this. Edited March 31, 2015 by BlueIris
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 In general - No. However, there are some Women who are hyper-successful - they are highly attractive, have great jobs, have HUGE social circles, and just seem to have everything going for them. They can be a bit intimidating sometimes since they are so highly successful in every facet of their life (so it seems). I always try avoid letting this daunt me, and I will approach these Women - and I've dated a few. But in my experience they're incredibly hard to please. I usually end up with Women who are a bit more modest like myself. I would consider the Women I date smart/successful, but just not in the God Tier like some Women are.
elaine567 Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Both were “successful” men (using the wealth standard for success, which isn’t my definition of success). I don’t think they were intimidated, though. I think they just didn’t want a wife who was busy or distracted with outside activities and goals, and yes, I think they both needed to be the more admired or more powerful person in the relationship. Maybe that’s intimidation. It seems more like fragile ego to me or maybe just a traditional mindset about gender roles. But that still doesn’t mean that all men born before 1970 are like that! I’ve seen many many exceptions. I think born before 1970 may have something to do with it in some cases, but fragile egos and the traditional perception of gender roles is not confined to those men born before the 1970s. I guess family values and behaviour mould younger men and younger women. But what I have seen is that some younger men who were willing to do their share of housework/child care in new relationships/marriages, as time goes on, they tend to revert to more traditional gender roles and simply leave the main responsibility of home life to their wives, even although their wives work too. 1
preraph Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 A lot of men are intimidated by even moderately successful women. All that means is the woman needs to raise her standards. 2
Justanaverageguy Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 So you need a woman that can keep you living in a style that is better then the one you can provide. Ok - Wow how in the world did you get that from my comment ? I am early 30's and have been very successful professionally which thankfully also rewarded me very well financially. I was promoted into management in a large company at a young age - by simply working harder then everyone else and being better at my job then any of my peers. I make goooood money and I have no need or want for another persons money or support. I'm perfectly capable of providing that on my own. I've recently gone through a divorce but had enough cash to be able to buy out my ex and still own my own home, a nice car and live a comfortable life. Something which I worked exceedingly hard to provide for myself. That is all about dollars and cents. Wife does not want to work means no dollars and cents from the wife. Wife that is not a professional means that wife when she does work means that the dollars and cents will be few. [/Quote] I clearly stated it had absolutely nothing to do with dollars and cents. My most recent ex was a very intelligent and driven women. She was initially in academia and completed a PHD and worked at a University - which as you know doesn't pay so well. I actually helped support her through her studies. She then moved into consulting industry and was making plenty of her own good money. She didn't earn more then me when we were together but there is every chance she could have in future. That would not have been an issue for me as I knew I was making a very good salary and easily carrying my own share of financial responsibilities. Like I said it wasn't the money she earn't or the job she worked that was attractive. She didn't earn anything when we first got together. It was her intelligence, drive, ambition - someone who wants to make something of themselves. All my exes have had that in common. Thats f***ing attractive in a woman ..... its attractive in anyone.
thefooloftheyear Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Yes,,, Haven't you heard the news? All guys now are intimidated into whining little weenies by any woman who has a career, an IQ above 100 and can bench press more than 75 lbs.. TFY 1
toolforgrowth Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Not in the slightest. In fact, I think they're haaawwwwt. I'm in a loving relationship and want only my girlfriend. But there's woman at work...she's tall, pretty, has a bachelor's in math, is super smart and very successful. She's married and I'm taken, so I wouldn't touch her with a 100 foot pole. But am I attracted to her? Oh hell yeah. Her husband is a VERY lucky guy.
autumnnight Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 I don't go around advertising my degrees or IQ unless I am in a snarky mood or want to make a point (haha). The issue I have seen a couple of times from my own perspective was not that anyone was intimidated by me, but that we would be having a conversation, and I would make what I thought was a common reference (be it history, literary, otherwise), and they have no clue what I am talking about. I dated a guy in college that I was WILD about, and my parents kept telling me that we were not intellectually compatible. I thought they were such snobs at the time, but I understand it now. If I make a Shakespeare reference and they respond by scratching their beard and saying. "That don't make no sense," we aren't compatible lol 1
Krieger Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 ^^^^ the bottom line^^^^ We may rail against it, we may try and rationalise it and say it isn't so, but deep down, we know... Things have got to change massively before there will be any real equality for women. Men and woman will never be equal because feminists want equal rights without equal responsibility. Women gravitate towards a man who believes in his value as a man. A man who acknowledges his masculinity, and treats a woman as if they are equal only because she believes him to be equal to her as well. 1
StanMusial Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 No, not intimidated. Most likely not attracted. I haven't met that many... I have met a few but those few did nothing for me. Yes I've been at the table with C-level women from time to time.... The sacrifices and dedication required to reach that level, while admirable in many respects, take their toll in other ways. And I will testify, successful =/= smarter.
BlueIris Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 I think born before 1970 may have something to do with it in some cases, but fragile egos and the traditional perception of gender roles is not confined to those men born before the 1970s. I agree. That's why I cringe when I see questions about women as a whole or men as whole. There are "fragile-egoed" men and women, old and young people, successful and unsuccessful people, people from this place or that place. In my experience, though, so many of the men born before 1970 had stay at home moms who were completely financially dependent, there's a lot of coding inside that would cause discomfort and adjustment if we dated. So here I go making a generalization myself - only in my experience, men who've grown up around successful working moms, sisters, close family members and/or have successful daughters, nieces, etc TEND to have less internal discomfort with a successful career woman. I'll admit: I saw it enough in my OLD days that in the first meeting I asked men about their mom, sisters and exes, in an open-ended way, to see how they talked about them and whether they were career-oriented. I didn't date men who didn't seem to have experience with ambitious working women or who showed disdain for that. It wasn't about whether they were good or bad, right or wrong. It was about the odds of their being comfortable with me and my life. On a related note, I interviewed a young woman lawyer the other day (late 20's/early 30's) with young children at home and she is beating herself up about being nurturing and available enough to her husband and children. It's not an easy road. 2
serial muse Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 So here I go making a generalization myself - only in my experience, men who've grown up around successful working moms, sisters, close family members and/or have successful daughters, nieces, etc TEND to have less internal discomfort with a successful career woman. I think that's a pretty reasonable generalization, although of course there will be exceptions, as there always are. But not a bad starting point, and you're right - how someone talks about family members is a good window into them on your first date or two. So I was thinking of my H, who was certainly born before 1970. He has always been extremely supportive of my career, and has never been anything but very proud to brag to family and friends about my accomplishments. I'm not sure what I would say made the difference for him (aside from personality, which might be the main factor) - certainly not his womanizing father, and possibly not really his mother (she's smart and educated but didn't work consistently - so maybe?). On the other hand, H has lots of successful, smart (female) friends, mostly from college, who he's known for 30 years and are awesomesauce. So maybe peer group did it for him. Dunno. Anyway, it's awfully nice to know he's got my back. 2
StanMusial Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 On a related note, I interviewed a young woman lawyer the other day (late 20's/early 30's) with young children at home and she is beating herself up about being nurturing and available enough to her husband and children. It's not an easy road. That would be my primary concern... I wouldn't want someone who would neglect our kids... I'm not always going to be around so I need someone who will be. 1
No Limit Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 I heard a phrase once that said that intelligence wise A class men want B class women and B class women want A class men. The difficulty arises when you are an A class woman. Oh yes. I'm 9 years away from that but the social stigma around "A class woman" is only 3 years away because as soon as you tell someone you study medicine they'll hear "I'll earn lots of money in the future". While recent studies show that things like "doctor marrying nurse" doesn't happen anymore today and people only marry "in their leagues" (finanically) that doesn't help considering that doctors too have a high infidelity rate...
xxoo Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 On a related note, I interviewed a young woman lawyer the other day (late 20's/early 30's) with young children at home and she is beating herself up about being nurturing and available enough to her husband and children. It's not an easy road. Meanwhile, a man rarely has the same guilt about balancing work and being a father. 2
GorillaTheater Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Meanwhile, a man rarely has the same guilt about balancing work and being a father. You'd be surprised. I often evaluate myself as to how good of a job I'm doing being a dad. Baggage handed to me by a dad who wasn't present, I suppose. 6
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