Proof my wife is cheating

[Jclements00]

Ok to keep this short my wife of three years wants to separate she told me a month and a half ago we still live together another few weeks or so until I can afford to leave. We're staying civil really out of each other's way. Anyway she had been unhappy for a long time as she did things in the past to push me away so I stopped giving her attention.

 

Anyway she had started hanging around an old friend a few days before she told me she was done with the marriage and has said she could see herself in a relationship with her. It's another girl my wife has been lesbian in the past. So a few weeks ago she put pictures from her phone onto her computer which is shared with my computer and I saw a few pics of the girl and a pic of a text they sent saying they were girlfriends just without the title. I asked several times if they were dating and she denies it.

 

Today I happen to get on her computer which is a family computer and her facebook is up and I see messages she sent to another friend saying she's enjoying her new girlfriend and she's fantastic and no one will believe who it is. I ask again if they're dating and she keeps denying even after I say I have proof. I took pictures of the messages on my phone for proof.

 

What should I do with this? I don't want to cause any problems before I leave and I'm waiting on income taxes which is being deposited into my bank account and she wants half of it since I claimed two of her three kids that I put a roof over. Plus I still pay all the rent in the apartment we're at now and and behind a month that I pay some on evety two weeks and she expects me to pay it off with taxes. Should I give her half the taxes she wants and just not pay back the rent I'm behind leaving her to pay it or what?

Edited April 4, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs and move to Infidelity

[beach]

If the money earned was yours then I'd keep the tax money as your own.

 

You pay all the rent? Stop that! She's using you and you're allowing it!

 

Take your money you're earning and pay only your way. She has 3 kids and needs to figure out how to support them herself.

 

She can figure out who she intends to use next.

[KBarletta]

Whose name is on the lease? If yours is not, I would stop paying the rent and get out of there as soon as possible. If it is, then you still need to make sure the bill gets paid until the lease expires.

 

Depending on how much income you each made, I would try to split the tax refund fairly, after paying the rent, not before.

 

It doesn't sound like you have children together, no? And it also doesn't sound like you own your home. This should make separating and ultimately divorcing less complicated than most.

 

Either way, I would get out as soon as you can, file for divorce and do your best to move on.

[LifeNomad]

well since you already claimed the kids if you have proof they were under your care/custody such as school records, receipts and such or whatever the IRS would need in case you got audited I would say you could keep it all

 

 

If you don't have any proof or simply want to avoid that whole process altogether just give her the half to get her off your back.

 

 

Im not an expert on this matter but the taxes cutoff date is on 4/15/15 and even then if she wanted to make your life miserable or play hardball she could amend or file her return late. It would have to be done thru the mail and all she would have to say was that you didn't have permission to claim her kids and then a few months or so down the line you would get audited and then possibly fined or penalized if you cant provide proof

 

 

The easiest thing and to avoid all hassle is to just give her half and get her off your back. (I agree with poster above give her half after all payments/rent is made) Especially if you would've ended up paying back had you not claimed her kids.

[Jclements00]

The children are hers and we rent an apartment we don't own a home or anything together. Her name is on the lease she was living there before I moved in. Right now I'm waiting for income taxes so I can afford to buy the things I need for a new place like a sofa and bed and all cause pretty much everything I had I gave away when I got married. I'm looking at a small two bedroom cheap trailer that's being worked on right now so I have to wait for that anyway then I may just stop paying rent where I am now and pay on the trailer. I would like to have my taxes first so I can buy some decent stuff for it but I may end up having to wait a while and it's still gonna take a good month for taxes to come. I'm sure I'll end up giving her half of the taxes even though she didn't work at all the last three years and just got a job a couple months ago. As for paying the back rent she keeps lying to me about this girlfriend so why should I pay it when I can keep the money for a new place?

[Jclements00]

I paid for the roof over her kids head. She didn't work last year so she won't file a return. She's so worried I'll keep all the taxes. I don't want to cause any problems so she'll get half of the taxes but if I don't pay back the rent I'm behind that will just fall on her to pay.

[Jclements00]

We had a talk/semi argument over this last night and she denies denies denies. She's all stressed out over me right now it's getting pathetic when she was the one who wanted the separation in the first place and is clearly dating this other girl. I told her I'd leave her alone and simply move out soon as my taxes come in but she doesn't know that's when I'll hit her with the proof and let her know I could possibly send the pics I have to all of her family and friends and I know she's afraid of what her family will think of her being lesbian.

[bubbaganoosh]

OK the first thing you have to do is start thinking about yourself and let her go on her merry way. The problem is your paying for everything and she's getting all the benefits from it..............and your letting her.

 

Comes down to this, She's going to have to get a job when you leave unless her new partner wants to support her and three kids which I doubt so sh mat as well start looking now.

 

If she gets pissed then let her. Right now you owe her nothing. She's cheating on you and your financing her affair so think about it. Do you deserve it?

[I4givehim]

We had a talk/semi argument over this last night and she denies denies denies. She's all stressed out over me right now it's getting pathetic when she was the one who wanted the separation in the first place and is clearly dating this other girl. I told her I'd leave her alone and simply move out soon as my taxes come in but she doesn't know that's when I'll hit her with the proof and let her know I could possibly send the pics I have to all of her family and friends and I know she's afraid of what her family will think of her being lesbian.

 

You owe her nothing. Pay the rent up to date and move on. Definitely send pic of the proof you have of her A to her family. Your W has some nerve. No good will come her way after doing what she did to you. You have a bright future ahead of you. Good luck.

[Jclements00]

I already go to a gym and I am bald by choice so I have no hair to style haha. The only bill she pays is the electric bill and she just recently took her phone of my plan so I don't pay for that anymore. We had agreed to split the taxes halfway and a few days ago I received a letter from the IRS saying I needed to fill out a form I didn't send them and they were confused about my filing status which was married filing separately. We switched to filing jointly and are getting double back plus made an amendment to last year's taxes to file that same so we get a good bit back from that too. Problem is now the taxes are under both our names so I do need to give her half which now isn't really a problem since it's much more. She hadn't worked for the last three years but just got a job two months ago which is another reason why she's separating cause she can support herself. I know she is using me but the way I look at it is I'm paying rent here plus cable/internet for me only and her kids as she isn't here as much anymore she's with her girlfriend a lot and it's okay cause I will hit her with the proof the day I leave and everyone will know she is a cheater. She doesn't suspect I have any proof and she's not very bright so she will be so shocked when it comes back around on her. Plus she tells me she knows she will be struggling more without me while I'll be better off financially by myself. Money doesn't buy happiness but it sure will be nice going from paying most of the bills to paying only for myself.

[Jclements00]

I agree I can't turn a hoe into a housewife! I been lifting weights off and on for 16 years now and I do enough cardio at my job running around all the time. I have a muscular build at 5'8 1/2 200 pounds. I'm not sitting around all depressed over this I only did that for like two weeks then I realized it wasn't worth it. I'm just ready to get my money and move away from her.

[Jclements00]

I don't think I can keep all of the tax return since my filing status is changed to filing jointly. I will pay rent here until I leave but I won't pay what I'm behind on since she lived here too and sat on her butt not working or looking for a job. I'm not one to get back at someone who screws me but she has done too much for me to sit by and let it happen. She has more than earned to be screwed back and if I don't decide to be the better person and just walk away I will show all of her family and friends the messages I have of her saying she has a girlfriend now. Not only that but since we still live together I'm sure I can find other ways to make her life miserable while I'm here if I wish to. She really doesn't realize she's pushing me by the constant denial of any girlfriend and also by not being home most nights as she sleeps at her girlfriends house while she has three kids at home she spends very little time with.

[Jclements00]

What I can do now is take her off my work insurance. It's free for me but costs $80 a week for her. She says I can take her off she isn't going to the doctor soon yet tells me she's going today for more medicine for all the stress I put her through. She wanted to separate so the stress is her doing not mine. She expects me to be all nice and civil and not dare screw her over like she does me. A part of me still cares for her health which I know is stupid since she doesn't care for me but it's been hard to take her off insurance. But then she tells me she has Medicaid but not sure how long since she's working which she should get her own insurance through soon I'm guessing. I need the extra $80 a week more than she needs medicine for stress.

[pteromom]

Do you have somewhere you can go? I would just go. You can file taxes from anywhere.

 

I would go file for a divorce and ask the attorney for advice as to the tax refund. You want to be the "good guy" in the divorce, so don't be a jerk out of spite. Hold your head high and walk out.

 

Just go and be free of her.

[pteromom]

What I can do now is take her off my work insurance. It's free for me but costs $80 a week for her. She says I can take her off she isn't going to the doctor soon yet tells me she's going today for more medicine for all the stress I put her through. She wanted to separate so the stress is her doing not mine. She expects me to be all nice and civil and not dare screw her over like she does me. A part of me still cares for her health which I know is stupid since she doesn't care for me but it's been hard to take her off insurance. But then she tells me she has Medicaid but not sure how long since she's working which she should get her own insurance through soon I'm guessing. I need the extra $80 a week more than she needs medicine for stress.

 

Ptthh... her "stress" is sneaking around and lying.

 

It's ok to care about her, but not at the expense of yourself.

 

Take her off the insurance. Tell her upfront you are doing so.

[pteromom]

I don't think I can keep all of the tax return since my filing status is changed to filing jointly. I will pay rent here until I leave but I won't pay what I'm behind on since she lived here too and sat on her butt not working or looking for a job. I'm not one to get back at someone who screws me but she has done too much for me to sit by and let it happen. She has more than earned to be screwed back and if I don't decide to be the better person and just walk away I will show all of her family and friends the messages I have of her saying she has a girlfriend now. Not only that but since we still live together I'm sure I can find other ways to make her life miserable while I'm here if I wish to. She really doesn't realize she's pushing me by the constant denial of any girlfriend and also by not being home most nights as she sleeps at her girlfriends house while she has three kids at home she spends very little time with.

 

Don't sell out your own integrity. Be the bigger person. So you are a free babysitter too? You need to cut that sh** out now. Don't you have a friend or someone you can stay with?

 

1. Find an attorney and get the process of divorce started. Find a friend or family member to stay with

 

2. Tell her you found the texts, and that you are leaving. Tell her she is on her own as far as the apartment. Tell her your attorney will tell you how to handle the tax refund so she can quit worrying about that.

 

3. GO.

[Jclements00]

Well I don't really have a place I can stay at right now. I'm waiting on a trailer that's being worked on and should be ready in a couple weeks. I filed the taxes already under the married filing jointly status so both our names are on it though it gets deposited into my bank account which she isn't on. I don't babysit her kids they are old enough to watch themselves. I'm paying rent where at my apartment now for me to live here since it's so close to my work and she's hardly here anymore anyway.

 

What's really sad is one of her daughters has an iphone on my account that's too much trouble to get rid of so I'm letting her use it for now. I just now happened to read the texts between her and her mom, my wife, and she's constantly asking her mom to come home at night when her mom says she's at her "friends" and it's just sad. Her friend or girlfriend I will say is an umpire for girls' softball and my wife's daughter plays so that's how my wife met her but it was a girl she had a fling with and grew up around. So also in these texts anytime my wife mentions her friend helping the daughter with practice or going to practice or anywhere her daughter says no only you. The kids have told me they are tired of hearing about her friend tired of her mom not being home always being around her and my wife just doesn't care. That's so sad for the kids it really makes me want to make sure my wife gets what she deserves.

[Jclements00]

My wife is not smart at all. She blocked me yesterday from her facebook so I would stop messing with her cause I asked one question about a post she made. I never bothered her on facebook and long ago stopped commenting on anything on her page. Yet she texts me today to have a normal conversation. Little does she know she has a chromebook here and her Facebook pops up on it so yesterday I unblocked myself and made her posts where I can still see them. She's not smart enough to figure it out and if she goes to unblock me I'll pretend like I don't know anything if she asks. She already told me she probably won't be home all weekend so I'm alone with all her stuff here and could do anything imaginable if I chose to. I know her email and password that she told me before and I could easily go on her Facebook change the password delete the email from it and post all the pics of proof I have of her cheating. But I don't want to do that at least not until I move out then one day ruin her for all the bad things she's done to me. Part of me wants to go out with my head held up and not do anything at all and I may not. But the more she keeps lying about her girlfriend and not coming home at night to be with her and not her kids, it fuels that fire to watch her burn. She shouldn't have messaged a friend saying she has a new girlfriend and think that Id never see it and have pics of that now. She doesn't screw around smartly.

[LifesontheUp]

For me, I took a hit (moneywise) on the divorce because I wanted it so bad. He fought me all the way and didn't want it even though he cheated.

 

So what; I paid that little more to get rid and it was worth it in my eyes.

[Jclements00]

Ok a 40 day journey of sorts would be a good thing. I go to the gym but not as consistent as I should lately. I think I will put forth an effort to make sure I go 5-6 days every week for the next 40 days, when I'm in the gym I get the attitude to forget all this mess and feel much better during and after. Money is hard right now so I can't bite that bullet and get it over just yet. Plus once I move out it'll be like it's over that's when I try to just go my separate way and leave her alone. I didn't want this so she can pay for everything and do all the filing. It's not like I'm always depressed or anything, the worst I feel is when I'm off work all weekend I might be down for a minute here and there but generally I'm good. I do love her and know it's not so easy to shut her out my life but I also know it's best I do.

[I_Give_Up67]

Man the sooner you have her in the rearview mirror, the better and quicker your life will improve! What she is doing to you and her children is below the standards for even the Jerry Springer show.

 

 

I hope your finances allow you to make a break from this madness soon. Just hang in there for a bit longer!

 

 

Good luck!

[Jclements00]

I know my life will be better away from her and I am just waiting on my income taxes to come so I can afford to move out. At this point in my life being almost 35 I do want to make sure when I move it's as comfortable as can be and I'm able to buy the things I need such as a bed and whatever food cleaning supplies etc. I need for a new place. Just right now I'm not financially able to do so and I don't really have a problem living with her a little while longer to do so. I still go about my day to day things I go to work go to gym watch some TV do whatever and she isn't even here that much in my way anyway.

 

I'm looking at a small two bedroom trailer to move into that's about 20 minutes away more in the country. A guy I work with his parents own it and are renting it really cheap $350 a month so compared to the $550 I pay for my apartment now I can't pass it up. Plus it has a small yard and a nice patio and comes with all appliances washer dryer fridge stove even a microwave and has all cypress cabinets and they are laying new wood floor down in some rooms and painting the outside. If they let me, to occupy my time and make it more cozy for me I'd like to paint the inside walls and put down some decent cheap vinyl sticky tile in the kitchen and bathroom that has floor already but it's older and just ugly. I really want to make the inside look as awesome as possible and doing the work could keep my mind occupied off thinking about her.

[harrybrown]

Have you consulted an attorney about your D?

 

If she is your wife, until you get the D, you could have obligations to her.

 

make sure your attorney has copies of the evidence of her girlfriend.

 

But you do want to consult an attorney to find out what the courts could hit you with regarding her and her kids.

 

Sorry for the situation, but the courts could make a property split, alimony, child support (maybe), but you really need to see that attorney right away.

[Jclements00]

We only been married three years. Her children are not mine, she gets child support from the baby daddy. We own no property or anything we rent an apartment which is under her name. She says she doesn't want alimony she just wants the divorce to go smooth as possible and move on from this. She is working and makes about half what I do but with her child support it's almost the same what I make. I definitely cannot afford an attorney at the moment but if it comes down to it and she tries to get anything which I highly doubt since she's so over it and just wants done, then I would get an attorney and give the proof of her girlfriend. I have pictures of texts they sent saying they were girlfriends without the title and pics of a conversation on facebook she had with another friend saying she was enjoying her new girlfriend and what her name is.

[Jclements00]

I can't move too far with my work. It'd be nice but I don't see myself too far from my family. Being 20 minutes from her will be enough not to have to see her or be anywhere she might be. I told her the area I'd move but not telling her exactly where. She wouldn't go out her way to bother me anyway. This girl definitely just wants to be done with me.