Author Jclements00 Posted April 22, 2015 Author Share Posted April 22, 2015 Ha! I don't think at this point she will give that speech and I wouldn't stay anyway. Sure I care about the girl and all but I won't be used for my money. She will be okay she knows she will and I know it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Ha! I don't think at this point she will give that speech and I wouldn't stay anyway. Sure I care about the girl and all but I won't be used for my money. She will be okay she knows she will and I know it. I was just checking, didn't want you fall for the "I'm broke, oh yeah by the way I still love you" play. Think I've fallen into that trap a time or two. This evening I happen to be in your neck of the woods for work. I'm over in your capital city for a couple of days, I have a customer here to take care of tomorrow. But before I leave the area, I have to hit Voodoo's BBQ while I'm here! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted April 22, 2015 Author Share Posted April 22, 2015 I wouldn't fall in that trap. We texting right now how she likes women and hates sex with men. She's crazy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted April 22, 2015 Author Share Posted April 22, 2015 We had a long friendly conversation last night. Admitted she's on and off again with her girlfriend. She doesn't want her family to know she's lesbian or that she lost her job. She's really stressed about everything but seems better today. The part of me that cares actually cares for her wellbeing and doesn't want to see her or her kids struggle. I still just want her to be ok. All feelings aside, she's a lesbian and there's nothing I can do but move on. I will be friendly and that's it. Move on and do for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Dude, I would be stressing to her to GET A JOB! When divorce comes, her lawyer is going to go after you for alimony. If she doesn't have a job, then it will be a LOT of alimony versus if she has a job then it will be less alimony for a period of time. Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Ok to keep this short my wife of three years wants to separate she told me a month and a half ago we still live together another few weeks or so until I can afford to leave. We're staying civil really out of each other's way. Anyway she had been unhappy for a long time as she did things in the past to push me away so I stopped giving her attention. Anyway she had started hanging around an old friend a few days before she told me she was done with the marriage and has said she could see herself in a relationship with her. It's another girl my wife has been lesbian in the past. So a few weeks ago she put pictures from her phone onto her computer which is shared with my computer and I saw a few pics of the girl and a pic of a text they sent saying they were girlfriends just without the title. I asked several times if they were dating and she denies it. Today I happen to get on her computer which is a family computer and her facebook is up and I see messages she sent to another friend saying she's enjoying her new girlfriend and she's fantastic and no one will believe who it is. I ask again if they're dating and she keeps denying even after I say I have proof. I took pictures of the messages on my phone for proof. What should I do with this? I don't want to cause any problems before I leave and I'm waiting on income taxes which is being deposited into my bank account and she wants half of it since I claimed two of her three kids that I put a roof over. Plus I still pay all the rent in the apartment we're at now and and behind a month that I pay some on evety two weeks and she expects me to pay it off with taxes. Should I give her half the taxes she wants and just not pay back the rent I'm behind leaving her to pay it or what? This is a prime example of why marriage is such a raw deal for men nowadays and why guys should be very cautious (or never) about wifing up some chick who already has kids. For me, a woman with kids is a no go as far as long term relationships go. I dont have any, and I dont want to deal with the potential for drama. I want to be the father to my own kids if I ever have them, not some other man's kids. Also, in the future, only date women who have their own decent careers. There's less chance she will be able to get the courts to give you any of your cash...except if its to pay for your own kids as child support. Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 3 year marriage,so I doubt there will be any alimony involved. Alimony usually is awarded for long term marriages over 10 years. She's lost her job and has switched teams,so he's got the upper hand in that she doesn't want anyone to know. I'd use that to my advantage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 If the money earned was yours then I'd keep the tax money as your own. You pay all the rent? Stop that! She's using you and you're allowing it! Take your money you're earning and pay only your way. She has 3 kids and needs to figure out how to support them herself. She can figure out who she intends to use next. Shes a bum and a mooch. Why do men still date women like this in todays age? Any girl without career options or who ever told me she didnt want to pay her share would be dumped quickly. We are all adults, and we should all be able to take care of ourselves. The only time I would let a woman sit home while I paid the bills is maybe the few months after she gave birth to my kid. And even then, Id likely be married to a woman who works hard, and thus has the money saved or vacation time from a decent job where I wouldnt have to foot all the finances. Its 2015 and its damn hard to support a family on a single income nowadays. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted April 22, 2015 Author Share Posted April 22, 2015 She doesn't and won't have a lawyer. I have stressed to her to get a job and she is trying very hard as she knows she needs one asap. We are not out to get anything from the other we just want this over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 Well now things are getting juicy. I got income taxes today. But not the amount we expected. We had to fax off a paper we were missing and they were unsure of my filing status. We changed the status to get double the amount. They paid me what I originally filed for and it was 1,000 less than it supposed to be. Apparently my student loan took some out. Ok not that big a deal but we're splitting what I got and it's now not a whole lot. We have to file an amendment for this year to change my status and get back more. That will take 12-16 weeks. Then we amended last year's taxes to change my status and it was mailed off the first of the month but won't be processed until at least the last week of June. She doesn't have a job now and didn't get child support this week and will probably be at least a month till she gets that again since her ex lost his job but just got one. The place I want is about ready to move in and I have the money to. But if I leave now she will be stuck with no money and probably be evicted from her apartment with three kids and nowhere to go. If I stay awhile she can find a job and get child support and be ok. She may not deserve the help but those kids don't need to suffer. I told her to find a job quick cause I'm not letting the place I want go cause of her. I know I should just leave but I also know Id hate to see her and those kids struggle so much. Link to post Share on other sites
bigman1 Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 I'm not for seeing kids homeless, but tell me, how long does it take to get evicted in your state? It's not instantaneous. There is legal aid to help the poor in court. Finally, in 2014 -2015 have you personally known any woman to get evicted with kids and end up homeless on the street in as short as 1 month? I doubt it. I'm not being cruel, but she will land on her feet or someone's couch or spare room. Sadly, life happens to everyone. If you weren't there and never met her, she'd be in the same situation. She'd work it out. I have no problem with the fact that you just can't let it go right now. Even if I did it wouldn't matter because its your life not mine. Still, don't create calamities where no real calamity exists. it's not about punishing her or punishing her by allowing the kids to suffer; rather, it is about allowing life to progress as you would when any relationship ends. there will always be a reason not to leave or not leave the kids under those circumstances that exist at the time but you are deciding whether to leave. at some point, if you're going to leave, you're going to have to leave despite those circumstances. good luck to you 2 Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 JC, if you feel you must stay, I'd recommend taking part of that money and paying the rent on your new place so that it does not get away from you. That way if she goes bat shjt on you for any reason in the meanwhile, at least you have a place to stay. You obviously have a big heart for her and those children, but you have to think of yourself too. Bigman is right on the money in his post above. If you were not still in her life, she would find a way to survive. Please do not put yourself in jeopardy to try and save her now, she doesn't deserve it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted April 24, 2015 Author Share Posted April 24, 2015 I'm not trying to save her and I know she would find a way to survive without me. Yes I have a big heart for her and her children. That's my weakness but I can't just let them be here knowing they have no money coming in at all and could get evicted and be struggling bad. It's not the kids fault we're divorcing and they shouldn't have to suffer. I told her she needs to find a job asap and she is trying. But like I told her I'm not staying too long where the place I want is no longer there. I'll stay another month or so but then I need to go on my own. Link to post Share on other sites
irishguy Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 I think you should move out as soon as the place is ready .Im sure she has family who can help her out ,i think you have done more than enough .Leave it up to the parents of the kids to look after them .You need to start to move on , a new place will help . Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted April 25, 2015 Author Share Posted April 25, 2015 Right now I'm waiting to hear from the owner of the place I want to see how long I can have until they need me to move in. I explained to them I'm giving my wife a chance to find a job before I go. I just paid all the bills where I am now so I'm not wanting to move right this moment and have that money go to waste if I wouldn't be here. I'm being very nice for my wife and her kids so they don't have to struggle so much if I'd leave now. I know it's not my problem and I should just go but I have too soft a heart for that and will not let them suffer with no money coming in. I have been getting along better with my wife and we aren't arguing and leaving peacefully. She's stressed out about things but knows come Monday she has to work extra hard to find a job. But if I would have to move into the place sooner I would cause I'm not gonna let it pass up for anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 She has two job interview tomorrow. One at an office mart place she worked before and one at a sex novelty shop. That'll be great on career day. What does your mommy do for a living? Sell sex toys! I hope she gets a job pronto cause her kids like to come here turn a bunch of lights on and leave without turning them off. Next time I'm ripping out light bulbs. If their mom was actually a decent mom they would know better. They are so messy and act nothing like they should. It's not their fault that's how they were raised. And this is while their mom is off having fun with her friends drinking it up right now. She hasn't spent a minute with her kids all weekend. And I don't know why she's buying alcohol and stuff when she needs to save every penny she can and getting drunk when she has job interviews tomorrow. She will never grow up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 So it's 12:30 on a Sunday night, kids have school tomorrow. No wife here, she hasn't been here all day. When her 10 year old daughter says she wanted her mom to see her today there's a problem. And said yeah she'll come back at 2am. Just sad. I don't have any kids of my own but I don't understand why you wouldn't want to spend some time with them. Now they been gone half the weekend sleeping at friends but on Sunday night before a school day you would want to spend time with your kids right? Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 So it's 12:30 on a Sunday night, kids have school tomorrow. No wife here, she hasn't been here all day. When her 10 year old daughter says she wanted her mom to see her today there's a problem. And said yeah she'll come back at 2am. Just sad. I don't have any kids of my own but I don't understand why you wouldn't want to spend some time with them. Now they been gone half the weekend sleeping at friends but on Sunday night before a school day you would want to spend time with your kids right? She's acting this way because she knows she can dump her kids on you and you will just take it. Move into your new place. I can tell you as a former landlord not keeping your commitment after he spent money renovating it for you is a sure way to loose your place. He doesn't care what your excuse is, delaying possession for you costs him money, landlords don't like to loose money. Your wife gave your position to her new girlfriend, let it be her responsibility to take care of them all. She has her own place, let them all move in with her, isn't that what their planning anyway? Time to end the drama, no more excuses. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 Well I don't babysit her kids they old enough to take care of themselves. The place I'm moving to the inside is ready but they still have to paint the outside put a new roof and fix a back porch. I don't care much to move in if they gonna be doing all that work while I'm settling in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted April 28, 2015 Author Share Posted April 28, 2015 They aren't planning on moving in together and her kids would hate her if that happened. She won't let anyone move in after the mess she had with me. The place I'm moving to wasn't fixed up for me it's an old trailer that just needs fixing up. And the people that own it are the parents of a guy I work with and they understand my situation. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 She's out having a lick fest with her OW and you're babysittering her kids? Why, because you allow it. Please don't take this harshly but all of us are wondering when you're going to grow a pair. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 did you adopt her kids? if not, stop the baby sitting. i can see being a father to kids you devoted wife has....but NOT to some kids your cheating lesbian wife who hates your guts has! Move out quick, and make it clear they are no longer "your" kids to take care of. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted April 28, 2015 Author Share Posted April 28, 2015 Once again I do not babysit her kids. They are old enough to watch themselves. If she is not here and I want to go somewhere usually just the gym then I go. Her kids are not mine I did not adopt them and I don't watch them when I am home. It is not my responsibility and they know how to take care of themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted April 29, 2015 Author Share Posted April 29, 2015 So we had a talk today cause she wanted to tell me about some job interviews she had. Turns into a small argument of course cause she's drinking making her all emotional and says she feels really bad for breaking my heart and wants me to forgive her. I said of course you want me to forgive you and be okay with it so you can feel like you're not a bad person. Well she doesn't want me to worry about her when I move out and talking to her just reaffirmed the fact why we're divorcing. So as soon as I get the okay to move from the owners of the place I am out of here. I just don't care to hear another BS talk and her actions and what happens when I leave is on her not me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted May 10, 2015 Author Share Posted May 10, 2015 In an update I'm finally moving out in a few weeks. Things have been going rather smoothly except for a couple of times where she was drinking and wanting to talk about things and it led to arguing and reminding me why this is a good thing. She still expects me to just be ok with it cause being gay is who she is and yet she didn't have to lie to me about her girlfriend and do what she does while I still live with her. She still says she never lied to me when I got her to admit she had the girlfriend yet said many times before that she didn't. But we're more civil now just cause I don't care anymore about what she does she will get what she wants when I'm gone. Someone like her always looks for drama and I won't put up with any of that in my life anymore. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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