Proof my wife is cheating

[Jclements00]

I dunno I haven't gotten a text from her all day yet and I haven't texted her back. I'm trying the waiting game to see if she texts me. She does have bad days and seemed to text me the other day when she was having one and telling me how she's depressed lately and hasn't told anyone else. I'm just gonna wait and give her space try to make her wonder what's up with me. Plus she should know by now I work till 5 and it's after that that I need to man up and not reach for the phone to text her anything. I have been texting her a lot and I need to slow down some and make it seem I have a life besides her and get her to text me more. And if she does text me I'll just say something like I been busy. I tend to send long texts too at times and need to keep it short and sweet. Like yesterday she didn't text me all day and around 3 I asked if something was wrong she said no. I said ok just wondering and then she asked me how my day was going and we texted more from there.

Edited September 3, 2015 by Jclements00

[Jclements00]

She sent me a message on Facebook last night saying her phone went out she's waiting for a new battery to come in. I fell asleep early and didn't see it right away. Three hours later she sent another message saying Well Goodnight!! Not sure how to take that one. I sent her one back saying I was busy earlier and asked if I'd see her this weekend. No reply yet so it's a wait and see game now.

[TX-SC]

Reading your posts, I'm seeing a lot of anxiousness and over thinking of things. You just broke up with your wife and only just started back into the dating scene. Don't rush anything with this or any other woman. Just relax and enjoy any time you guys get together. Be yourself. If she doesn't text back for a day, just go about your day and do what you normally do.

[Jclements00]

Yeah you're right I do tend to get anxious. I can see when she's on Facebook and if she saw my messages yet and she hasn't and has been on a few times this morning. Now I'm not sure what she's doing or anything but I know enough to know you would see by now you have messages or check if you wanted to talk to the person. That's why I know I have to keep my guard up and not let her play any games with me. I'm too old for that and I'm supposed to see her this weekend anyway so I'll find out whether I'm tripping or if I need to back off.

[Jclements00]

Yeah so she messaged me back saying yes most likely I'll see her this weekend. Not sure if that's really assuring I mean if she really wants to see me she would say yes and not most likely. One minute I get a vibe saying yeah it's all good then the next it's like she's backing off. I can see when she's on Facebook as you can see when anyone's on and she'll be on a while then get off and not read my messages. Like we were talking back and forth then she just stops reading my messages and that was a couple hours ago and she been on and off since then. Very weird. I'm just anxious cause I like the girl but if I don't see her I'll know to probably just leave her alone.

Edited September 5, 2015 by Jclements00

[Jclements00]

Soooo yeah I was sleeping a while ago and woke up to a text from her asking if I'm up and a missed call. She was using her dads battery. Soon as I replied back she calls me and her phone died so she's supposed to call me back soon. Really sweet of her to call and she has a sweet voice. This is when I think I'm overthinking things when she actually calls me and it was the first time we actually spoke on the phone. There's a festival tomorrow night where she lives I told her I'd take her if she wanted to go but she wasn't sure as its a big trash fest now but a band is playing she likes so she'll see if her mom will watch her kids. I just need to share what's going on since I only told a couple people at work that I'm even talking to her cause I don't like saying much unless I know it's in a good direction.

[TX-SC]

She's using that "my battery is dead/dying" thing WAY too much. She can buy a charger at Walmart for like $20. Battery is dying? Plug the damn thing in and keep talking/texting.

 

I'm not getting good vibes from this one. I think you are feeling it too.

[Jclements00]

It's not that she can plug her phone in and charge it. When her battery is in her phone and she plugs it in it doesn't charge. She has to take the battery out and charge it by itself. She ordered new batteries that'll be in today or Tuesday. She called me twice last night cause she tried her dads battery in her phone and it worked. It did die on her while she was telling me a story so she had to charge the battery for a bit then she called me back. I messaged her on Facebook this morning thanking her for calling me and she said she was glad she got to talk to me and she needed it. I even saw her when she was here take out her battery and charge it and she showed me where a piece had broken on her phone. She has a Samsung Galaxy S5 which I have iPhone so I know little about it. She also said it'd be great to have me around to help with her kids and stuff cause they were sick last night and she was having a hard time with them but she's always with her kids and won't even let me meet them yet till she's ready if that happens.

[66Charger]

10 characters

[Try]

Yeah so she messaged me back saying yes most likely I'll see her this weekend. Not sure if that's really assuring I mean if she really wants to see me she would say yes and not most likely.

Take a hint. By your own admission you know that "if she really wants to see" you the answer would be a clear "yes". By hanging in there and being the back up plan that waits for her to see if she has better options, you are giving her all the relationship power, and establishing with her the same bad dynamics that you just got out of. Albert Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting a different result.

[Jclements00]

Yeah really huh. She messaged me earlier saying she was busy at the hospital with her kids. Then she don't message me back until 11:30 tonight when I said hey. Said she had a messed up day. I also think she went to a festival we talked about going to based on some comment she made on Facebook but she could have had her kids or family with her but actually doubt it. Now I know to take the hint and back off. I have two more days off but I doubt I'll even see her so why should I sit here worrying about when she isn't. This girl would be great for me without all the BS but I'm probably wrong about her being different.

[S2B]

She sent me a message on Facebook last night saying her phone went out she's waiting for a new battery to come in. I fell asleep early and didn't see it right away. Three hours later she sent another message saying Well Goodnight!! Not sure how to take that one. I sent her one back saying I was busy earlier and asked if I'd see her this weekend. No reply yet so it's a wait and see game now.

 

If you intend to see her ask her OUT on a real, planned date. She's got kids so she will need to get a babysitter. Offer to also pay for the sitter.

 

Nothing's worse than a guy thinking he's asked you out on a date but only says "will I see you"?

 

Plan a nice date. Spend some money. Offer her an outing. And CALL, don't text.

[Jclements00]

Well the thing is I have asked her on a real date before. Her mom babysits for her. We even agreed to go see a movie next Friday night and I even asked again yesterday to see if we were still going and she said yes. I had even planned to take her out when I met her but we ended up staying at my place. I think she's like most girls and doesn't know what she wants even when she says she does. It just sucks cause I had that feeling that I had to say something to her when I first saw her on that dating app and I never get that feeling that tells me that. Plus of what we have in common like the same favorite band, being at the same two concerts 7 years apart and each having something messed up happen to us at them. It just seems like too much coincidence that it ends up just being the same old junk with the same messed up girl. Yes I want to believe she is different and she even said today she's working on breaking my wall down that I have up, but I also know what my gut tells me and from day one it said go after her. I just need to remind myself not to let it end up hurting me if I'm wrong which I probably am anyway. Seeing her and the way she made me feel was just so different from anyone else but the best thing I can do is just back off and see if she comes around and if not I'll just be single and forget women for a long while.

[starpower]

I would just carry on with what you have been doing. Don't get hung up if she doesn't reply to your text messages, just carry on with your day. Make plans and do things for yourself, concentrate on your own happiness.

 

I wouldn't bring up the late replies of her messages and calls or battery issues etc with her. Calling out stuff like that never ends well in my experience anyway, especially so early on.

 

I think your thinking of a backing of a little bit will be good. If she cancels anything, or is too busy, no matter, carry on with your day, she's only someone you just met. Like that concert you mentioned, you should have gone anyway. And she will pick this up, and know your not just waiting round for her all day.

[Jclements00]

Yeah that's what I'm gonna do. She did message me a while ago saying she's all messed up and I don't deserve her and she tends to pull away cause she lost people and she's scared. I told her I can't make her be with me its up to her if she wants to let me in but that I don't want her to be scared I want to be here for her and be given a chance to show her better.

[Jclements00]

So we were going back and forth last night about her mind being messed up how I'll found out and she said she's more crazy towards herself whatever that means. I ask if she wants to get to know me and see where it goes and she said yes but doesn't think she deserves it. So I say ok if you're gonna pull away and be scared or don't want me then tell me and I'll back off but you're gonna lose a great guy and a chance at something real. She says give me a minute. Then I don't hear back from her but saw she was on the messenger a lil while ago and again didn't read my message that just said ok. So yeah I'm backing off now and if she wants she'll have to play my game cause I'm sick of stupid girls and don't deserve it.

[MrBojangles]

I ask if she wants to get to know me and see where it goes and she said yes but doesn't think she deserves it.

 

She says give me a minute. Then I don't hear back from her but saw she was on the messenger a lil while ago and again didn't read my message that just said ok.

 

 

She's warned you with this statement a couple of times now. You should listen to her. Call it a "Red Flag", but she's telling you this for a reason.

 

It sounds like she's wanting to use you for emotional support, but does not actually want any more than that with you. With you having just come out of a nightmare marriage, I'd suggest you stay away from "emotionally needy" women, for now. I'd move on if I were you. Drama you can live without.

[Jclements00]

You're right but we have been talking a lot this morning. She said she pulls away and always has. I told her not to for once to give me a chance and get to know me. She said she will try and may be coming my way tomorrow and may see me. Also said again we are going see a movie Friday night but I'm not believing it unless it happens. We joked around I made her laugh and am hoping she opens up to me. If she doesn't and I don't see her Friday then I'll have no choice but to move on. She says she wants to get to know me and be with a good guy but I do understand after her husband died the reason why she'd pull away so I'm keeping my guard up not getting my hopes up and going about my life.

[World's.Edge]

So I just kind of read through this thread and I honestly feel that you shouldn't date or pursue any relationship at the moment. There's no need to rush.

 

You have been way too involved in your (not yet but soon-to-be former) wife's life and I'm glad that is no longer the case. I mean, all that drama with her being a lesbian, then not being a lesbian, lying to you about dating other men, who needs that:confused:? Maintain no contact with her unless absolutely necessary (finances, the divorce, etc) in which case you either communicate through texts, messages or emails. You have to detach and separate in order to fully move on.

 

You seem to have a type, which is women who have children, who are emotionally unavailable in some form and have issues. Why not find someone who has a better handle on their life, someone who is emotionally mature, capable, self relient, self-assured and established in their life?

 

Your type hasn't worked out for you and it probably won't. Your behaviour in pursuit of these women tends to be self-destructive, in that, even though you acknowledge certain warning signs and red flags (not responding to texts for extended periods of time, recently separated, depression), you casually disregard them and continue.

 

There are a few 'I know I shouldn't but..' and 'it's probably not a good idea' comments throughout your thread. Why do you act against your own interests and self-sabotage? It's never a good sign when you have to explain, make excuses or allowances for someone else, especially before you're even in a relationship with them.

 

So we were going back and forth last night about her mind being messed up how I'll found out and she said she's more crazy towards herself whatever that means. I ask if she wants to get to know me and see where it goes and she said yes but doesn't think she deserves it.

This is what I mean. This is a very telling comment by her. These remarks don't work themselves organically into conversation, and as MrBojangles mentioned, she's telling you this for a reason. When someone shows you who they are, you should believe them. I had an ex girlfriend who was exactly the same way, she was depressed, didn't think she deserved me, wanted a good guy, basically your conversations with your new interest verbatim, and that didn't end to well. I was in my early twenties then, what's your excuse?

 

You talk of having your guard/ a wall up but you don't. You're so very eager everytime you meet someone who fits your type. You shouldn't try to play the role of someone's Knight in Shining Armour. It may make you feel good about yourself but it's fleeting. You may require some introspection into why you pursue the women that you do, because you're likely going to end up with the same results if you continue with the same pattern of behaviour.

[Jclements00]

I know you're right and it's only the last couple of girls that have had kids. I didn't know this girl was this emotional until about a few days ago when she told me she's screwed up. I don't know what will happen I just know what I like about her besides that which is everything and I never liked everything about a girl before. I'll give her a week before I decide to leave her alone for good or not as I'll know more whether I see her or not like she said I would. I know I'm too old, 35, to be playing games with anyone and have my own life to focus on.

[Jclements00]

So this weekend was the worst ever. Yesterday this girl messages me morning. That's it nothing else the whole day. I sent her a couple after and one last night but she's been on Facebook a lot and doesn't bother to read anything. So that's it I'm done talking to her. If she comes around I'll talk but I'm tired of playing games I deserve better and don't deserve to have her or anyone make me feel bad. She went to this festival yesterday with her kids since she posted pics of it on her Facebook which is good she brought her kids there but she told me Sunday she would probably come my way which I didn't expect anyway. She promised she would see me this weekend I had three days off and barely even talked to her. Besides that my dog I had the last three years passed away. I had to bury her yesterday which was very hard cause she was family and all I had here. It just made for a depressing weekend. I did have a couple friends to talk to who gave me some great advice and helped lift me up some but still I'm alone and depressed. I'm going to take my friends advice and leave the girl alone and see if she talks to me and if not after a few days I'll delete her from my Facebook and do my best to forget I ever met her.

 

It's just weird how she came see me last weekend and we hit it off and she even talked how she would steal some of my shirts she liked and was saying how we'd see each other then she just ignores me. Whether she's scared to get close to me or not she chooses to lose out on a great guy and I can't do anything to help her. She kept saying she wanted me to help her and fix her and how she wants to have a good guy around yet doesn't bother to even read my messages so I really don't have time to play that game no matter how much I like her and believe she is worth the hassle cause she really is an awesome girl just needs to open herself up which only she can decide to do I can't do it for her.

[World's.Edge]

Sorry about your dog. I've had dogs throughout my life so I know it sucks. I have a male labrador and a female collie, 6 and 4 years old respectively, and we're uber close.

 

With regard to your romantic life. There's only one comment to be made, and it's that everything you are doing is wrong. Wrong, from the women you choose, to how you pursue them. You shouldn't even be dating at the moment. You're leaving a three-year marriage and the divorce hasn't even been finalized yet. Give it some time.

 

You contradict yourself often on this thread. You say you don't want to play games, yet continually do.

 

This-

I'm going to take my friends advice and leave the girl alone and see if she talks to me and if not after a few days I'll delete her from my Facebook and do my best to forget I ever met her.

-Is you playing games. In fact it's you being passive aggressive.

 

If you subscribe to this-

She kept saying she wanted me to help her and fix her and how she wants to have a good guy around

-then you have serious issues with Nice Guy and White Knight Syndrome. Whether you consciously or subconscioulsy chose the women that you're drawn to, your life revolves around troubled women/women in distress/women with issues. This says a lot about you and how you perceive and feel about yourself, and none of it is good.

 

Her saying that she wants you to help her and fix her and that she wants to have a good guy is not a reason to want to be with her, it's the exact opposite. It is a huge flashing neon warning sign not to. It's like you have no experience with people. The fact that it appeals to you is of concern.

 

Her not contacting you for extended periods of time, uh.. didn't you JUST go through this with the last woman you were interested in?

You're likely going to end up with the same results if you continue with the same pattern of behaviour.

 

Answer this honestly, do you really think that she is your happily ever after? No she isn't, there. I answered it for you.

 

Leave her alone and let her go, don't wait a few days for her to reach out to you, have some self-respect. You should delete all of her contact information. If she contacts you, don't reply. No matter what she writes or if she attempts to contact you. If she somehow manages to get a hold off you, write/tell her 'I am not interested in seeing or being with anyone at the moment' and end it at that.

 

I refered to it as you being eager before but it's actually desperation and it is repellent to women. I get that after a breakup (especially a marriage with infidelity involved) your self-esteem and your sense of self worth suffer. There's an urgency, a need even, to move on, find and be with someone to reaffirm your value. This is worse if your former wife has either left you or already moved on, been involved with and shown interest in several people. Slow it down and stop.

 

I've written this before and I hope you take this advice seriously: Take this time to be on your own for at least six weeks, as in no dating or you actively pursuing or showing interest in anyone. Stop stalking your interests on Facebook, deactive your account, your dating profile too and stay off any form of social media.

 

Six weeks will fly by in no time. Learn to be comfortable on your own, to be secure with who you are, self-assured, confident and interesting. Involve yourself in your hobbies, interests and passions, and spend time with your close friends and family.

 

Also, learn how to just talk to women and being comfortable around them without wanting more.

 

Since your Nice Guy/White Knight issues are a serious problem, read 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' by Dr. Robert Glover. I'm sure there's a free PDF version available on the Internet or you can order it online. I'll visit this thread again in around a month and I look forwrd to the growth and progress you'll have made by then.

 

 

:laugh:WHOO!!! My hundredth post!!

[Jclements00]

Well we messaged a good bit this morning just casual stuff. She's been on since I sent two messages just asking about exercise and music stuff we talk about and she hasn't read my messages yet. What I'll do is leave her alone and see if she answers me. If so and we talk a bit more I'll keep it casual friendly and Friday just casually ask her if she's not busy if she'd like to go see that movie she said we'd go see.

[S2B]

What was it she wanted you to help her with?

[Jclements00]

She just said it'd be great to have help with her kids and around her house.