Proof my wife is cheating

[MrBojangles]

She just said it'd be great to have help with her kids and around her house.

 

 

Jesus man! Run from this one and don't look back!

[Jclements00]

Well we've been talking a good bit most of the day just friendly talk so I'm trying to keep that going but who knows with this chick. And about her needed some help it was just one of those things where I was saying she needed a man around and she said that'd be great.

[World's.Edge]

Sorry about your dog. I've had dogs throughout my life so I know it sucks. I have a male labrador and a female collie, 6 and 4 years old respectively, and we're uber close.

 

With regard to your romantic life. There's only one comment to be made, and it's that everything you are doing is wrong. Wrong, from the women you choose, to how you pursue them. You shouldn't even be dating at the moment. You're leaving a three-year marriage and the divorce hasn't even been finalized yet. Give it some time.

 

You contradict yourself often on this thread. You say you don't want to play games, yet continually do.

 

This-

I'm going to take my friends advice and leave the girl alone and see if she talks to me and if not after a few days I'll delete her from my Facebook and do my best to forget I ever met her.

-Is you playing games. In fact it's you being passive aggressive.

 

If you subscribe to this-

She kept saying she wanted me to help her and fix her and how she wants to have a good guy around

-then you have serious issues with Nice Guy and White Knight Syndrome. Whether you consciously or subconscioulsy chose the women that you're drawn to, your life revolves around troubled women/women in distress/women with issues. This says a lot about you and how you perceive and feel about yourself, and none of it is good.

 

Her saying that she wants you to help her and fix her and that she wants to have a good guy is not a reason to want to be with her, it's the exact opposite. It is a huge flashing neon warning sign not to. It's like you have no experience with people. The fact that it appeals to you is of concern.

 

Her not contacting you for extended periods of time, uh.. didn't you JUST go through this with the last woman you were interested in?

You're likely going to end up with the same results if you continue with the same pattern of behaviour.

 

Answer this honestly, do you really think that she is your happily ever after? No she isn't, there. I answered it for you.

 

Leave her alone and let her go, don't wait a few days for her to reach out to you, have some self-respect. You should delete all of her contact information. If she contacts you, don't reply. No matter what she writes or if she attempts to contact you. If she somehow manages to get a hold off you, write/tell her 'I am not interested in seeing or being with anyone at the moment' and end it at that.

 

I refered to it as you being eager before but it's actually desperation and it is repellent to women. I get that after a breakup (especially a marriage with infidelity involved) your self-esteem and your sense of self worth suffer. There's an urgency, a need even, to move on, find and be with someone to reaffirm your value. This is worse if your former wife has either left you or already moved on, been involved with and shown interest in several people. Slow it down and stop.

 

I've written this before and I hope you take this advice seriously: Take this time to be on your own for at least six weeks, as in no dating or you actively pursuing or showing interest in anyone. Stop stalking your interests on Facebook, deactive your account, your dating profile too and stay off any form of social media.

 

Six weeks will fly by in no time. Learn to be comfortable on your own, to be secure with who you are, self-assured, confident and interesting. Involve yourself in your hobbies, interests and passions, and spend time with your close friends and family.

 

Also, learn how to just talk to women and being comfortable around them without wanting more.

 

Since your Nice Guy/White Knight issues are a serious problem, read 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' by Dr. Robert Glover. I'm sure there's a free PDF version available on the Internet or you can order it online. I'll visit this thread again in around a month and I look forwrd to the growth and progress you'll have made by then.

 

 

:laugh:WHOO!!! My hundredth post!!

[Jclements00]

That's a lot to take in. I only had this girl and my ex that had kids. Most girls around here have at least one and I just happened to talk to them. I don't agree that I shouldn't be dating or aren't ready since the last year or so with my ex was pretty much a non relationship and I got zero out of it. I don't feel like I need to wait long to date I feel I'm ready to be happy with someone. Just turned out this girl and I have a lot in common we seemed to get along great and despite what she does she is an awesome girl who has been thru a lot and I can understand why she acts as she does. I'm sure it scares her to fall for someone else and not be afraid to lose them and that's okay. I did talk to her a good bit yesterday just friendly talk but she didn't read my last two messages I sent despite being on Facebook so today I'm not texting her anything and seeing if she texts me first. Like I said I'll give it the weekend and if I don't see her I'll stop worrying altogether.

[qubist]

That's a lot to take in. I only had this girl and my ex that had kids. Most girls around here have at least one and I just happened to talk to them. I don't agree that I shouldn't be dating or aren't ready since the last year or so with my ex was pretty much a non relationship and I got zero out of it. I don't feel like I need to wait long to date I feel I'm ready to be happy with someone. Just turned out this girl and I have a lot in common we seemed to get along great and despite what she does she is an awesome girl who has been thru a lot and I can understand why she acts as she does. I'm sure it scares her to fall for someone else and not be afraid to lose them and that's okay. I did talk to her a good bit yesterday just friendly talk but she didn't read my last two messages I sent despite being on Facebook so today I'm not texting her anything and seeing if she texts me first. Like I said I'll give it the weekend and if I don't see her I'll stop worrying altogether.

I think you are over reading between the lines, hey you are just in the first stage of dating which is a time for both of you to explore each other.

Honesty is the key for you, why don't you just open up and tell her how you feel it could all be a misunderstanding

[Jclements00]

I have told her how I feel. She told me before that she likes me and wants to see if we click and where it leads. She even told her mom about me and showed her pics of me. We clicked for sure when we meet I mean she went for the kiss she initiated making out and told me I'd definitely see her the next day but I didn't. I really think she's scared and pulling away like she says she does. I have to remember she could have other motives but she did say she wasn't talking to anyone else. I can easily see why she would pull away and be scared but I'm not sure how to get thru to her if that is the case.

[qubist]

I have told her how I feel. She told me before that she likes me and wants to see if we click and where it leads. She even told her mom about me and showed her pics of me. We clicked for sure when we meet I mean she went for the kiss she initiated making out and told me I'd definitely see her the next day but I didn't. I really think she's scared and pulling away like she says she does. I have to remember she could have other motives but she did say she wasn't talking to anyone else. I can easily see why she would pull away and be scared but I'm not sure how to get thru to her if that is the case.

everyone reacts differently, you are projecting your logic into hers. there could be many reasons why she is pulling away. I would be patient with her and talk to her about it frankly. make her feel secure with you it will take time but she hasn't built the trust yet.

[ShatteredLady]

I agree with other posters that it's way too soon with this girl. Please think about what you're saying, correct me if I'm wrong.

 

Her dead H isn't the father of her kids. Correct?

She's 25

Her son is 4 (she was pregnant for a year before he was born remember)

Her H died a couple of years ago.

She'd been seeing a guy for a few years.

She hasn't seen anyone in a year.

How old is the youngest child again?

How many times has she been married?

Why is there so much overlap here?

 

She's only 25 & there seems to be a lot of crossed timelines. Please be careful.

[World's.Edge]

What I wrote was written in earnest and meant with good intentions. It wasn't meant as an attack, like if someone tells you that you have the flu and that you should rest and take care of yourself for a while.

 

Take away what you will from the posts or disregard them all together [AT YOUR PERILLL!!!!!], but if nothing else, look into the book I recommended, 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' by Dr. Robert Glover.

 

Good Luck:).

[Jclements00]

Yeah I'm deciding what to do with all this advice. She did read what I sent last night but no reply so I'm jus leaving her alone.

[TX-SC]

I think you have been somewhat skewed in your perception of reality. Therre are women out there that don't cheat. There are women who don't play ****ty text/FB games. These are the women to pursue.

[Jclements00]

I know that. I dunno she's messaging me tonight saying she will see me again so who knows. If I do I'll make it clear either stop with the BS games or I'm done.

[Jclements00]

She did text me this evening saying she got batteries in for her phone and sent a text not a Facebook message. So I'll see how she texts if it's more or less. I do have to remember she has an 8 month old baby and a 4 year old she's raising by herself and that requires a lot of time and attention.

[ShatteredLady]

Read through this thread from start to finish. You're not ready to jump into another relationship! REALLY! If I was her Mum I'd be telling her to take it really slow. We've all answered your messages because YOU are the one posting here.

 

Think about the emotional turmoil you've been through in such a short period of time. I've questioned her 'story'. Just think about her age & the age of her kids. Things don't add up.

 

Now let's give her the benefit of doubt. Look at your recent history. You seem to jump in & out of love pretty fast. That's what it looks like! Slow down! She's a MOTHER of 2 children! Ugh! I don't know. I think I need to stay away from this post. You're BOTH flashing so many red flags I don't know what to say anymore.

[Jclements00]

She is 25. She has a 4 year old she had at 21 and an 8 month old she had in February this year. How does that not add up? As for what everyone is telling me I am listening and taking advice as I see fit cause it is ultimately my decision. I choose to give her the weekend. If I see her then ok go from there. If I don't then I will stop pursuing and leave her alone.

[S2B]

She stated she's broken and wants you to fix her.

 

That alone should be your big red flag waving!

 

How old are you? I missed it...

 

 

FYI - YOU can't fix HER - or anyone else for that matter. You can only fix you.

[66Charger]

Duck, because here comes a big 2x4.

 

What is the matter with you?

 

This is a single mother with a 4yr old and A 8 MONTH OLD and you are whining about Facebook messages? She has a lot bigger fish to fry than your hurt feelings.

 

I guarantee she can smell your weakness a mile away. And the previous one also.

 

The common denominator in the last 2 failed relationships is YOU. Your Man game is so pathetic that even though these women may be initially attracted to you, your persona shows no confidence. My God man, do you even read what you write? You were even considering your maybe lesbian but now looking for guys Stbx

 

What kills you is not your looks but what comes out of your mouth. Hate to say it, but if you present yourself to the beautiful gender as you have done here, no wonder you are striking out. You have shown nothing that resembles confidence or any other trait a woman would want to STAY with.

 

Get it together man. If you cant handle a single mother, then leave her alone. She is kind of busy. You are the problem here.

 

Be better than you are BEFORE you date again. Or dont. And continue to complain instead of getting down. And why exactly are you not in the "dating" section?

[Darren Steez]

Duck, because here comes a big 2x4.

 

What is the matter with you?

 

This is a single mother with a 4yr old and A 8 MONTH OLD and you are whining about Facebook messages? She has a lot bigger fish to fry than your hurt feelings.

 

I guarantee she can smell your weakness a mile away. And the previous one also.

 

The common denominator in the last 2 failed relationships is YOU. Your Man game is so pathetic that even though these women may be initially attracted to you, your persona shows no confidence. My God man, do you even read what you write? You were even considering your maybe lesbian but now looking for guys Stbx

 

What kills you is not your looks but what comes out of your mouth. Hate to say it, but if you present yourself to the beautiful gender as you have done here, no wonder you are striking out. You have shown nothing that resembles confidence or any other trait a woman would want to STAY with.

 

Get it together man. If you cant handle a single mother, then leave her alone. She is kind of busy. You are the problem here.

 

Be better than you are BEFORE you date again. Or dont. And continue to complain instead of getting down. And why exactly are you not in the "dating" section?

Blunt but fair

[Jclements00]

Sure it's okay to blame me and say it's my fault when none of you know me in real life nor know who I really am. I will handle my situation as I see fit as I feel is best. I don't need to change a thing about me but thanks for the advice.

[qubist]

Sure it's okay to blame me and say it's my fault when none of you know me in real life nor know who I really am. I will handle my situation as I see fit as I feel is best. I don't need to change a thing about me but thanks for the advice.

Jclements: do not take the above comment personnel Charger66 didn't have any intention to insult you' I know he should've put it a bit less aggressive but at the end he was pointing at what he thought an apparent flaw in your personality, and that's what this forum is all about. I agree with him that reading your post give a clear indication that you are lacking confidence. do not take as an insult. but look at yourself before you look to change anybody else. I also read from your post that you are a good man with good heart, it is so sad that you would be wasting your time and energy going through the same cycle. I suggest you read more about self confidence. if you have any question there are people here that can help.

good luck

[66Charger]

Yes, I did intend to insult you but You are Male, so I am sure you are not too offended. You are right, I dont know you, but if you were one of my friends, the words would have been much harsher. Look, it is obvious you can get a woman to date you and are a likeable chap, but something happens after a couple of weeks. You do realise that maybe the dirt you went thru has thrown your game off, to put it midly. You become "the pillow" but she is a woman and a woman wants to be devoured. Its not just what you think. Its what SHE thinks.

 

So lets explore what she may be thinking while I give you one suggestion and then I will take my leave.

 

DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR STBX EVER AGAIN. Not to a new relationship. "My wife left me for a woman" Not good bro. It may give the new gal the impression that your oral skills are less than spectacular or perhaps nonexistent. (BTW HS, mines are) Do you really think that is a good thing? HELL NO! Drop that part of your "sharing life experiences" getting to know you conversation.

 

No more X talk, got it? You know we are right Jclements

 

Other than that, you are on your own and may do as you see fit. I as well as many here, who do know you, because we followed your story from the beginning, do wish you well.

[Jclements00]

Don't matter I talked to some friends about all this got some good advice and take into consideration what is said here. The girl said she is scared to get into something and it go bad but that she does like me and is working on it and to give her time. So ok I stopped talking to her no texting or messaging at all since Saturday afternoon. If she decides to text me and wants to talk I will but I won't text first. She can have her time and I'll see if she's being honest or brushing me off. It's her loss and I'm not gonna sit around and wait for anyone anymore.

[bigman1]

Seriously, you don't need to be dating anybody for a little while. Let's examine what you are doing: you picked a woman and tried to continue a relationship with that same one who was a lesbian, a Cheater, disrespected you, and in general was clearly not relationship worthy and yet you tried to stay with her, struggled to leave her and, then bring her up when you're talking to a new woman. It's just too soon for you. You need some therapy to figure out where you are in life.

 

Your new woman that you have way too much emotion attached to and too many other questions has a 4 year old and an 8 month old. The four year old that's fine. The eight month old, come on. Unless he is the product of a one night stand he is most likely the product of a relationship. If it is the same father as the four month old then this woman is coming off of a long term relationship with a man that she has two children to raise for the next 18 years. So, she's got that history with someone else who happens to also be the father of both her children. That is too recent a relationship and too strong of a connection To merit trying to start something new.

 

If its two different fathers then that is kind of problematic, a young woman who has two children under 5 by two different men with the most recent being eight months old is just trouble. She's got some serious baggave that u got to work through. In addition, why are you even bringing up your old girl to the new girl? That tells me you're not over the old girl.

 

You say you got me some great advice from your friends. Is that advice did not include don't date anybody right now and fix yourself and don't get involved with a young single mother who youngest child is 8 months old then you did not get great advice.

 

Good luck to you but everybody watching and reading this story can see you heading 4 train wreck.

Edited September 14, 2015 by bigman1

[Jclements00]

I'm giving up on the girl anyway. I'm talking to someone else I started talking to a few days ago and she wants to meet up next weekend so I will just to hang out. The girl I was talking to I left alone but sent her two texts yesterday saying have a good day and one later on asking how her day went. No response so I'm done trying. I said what I had to say and part of me does believe she likes me and does need time to figure stuff out since she been through a lot the last few years and here I come and it seemed so good between us I can see how it scares her so if she's being honest and will be ready one day she can let me know. But I won't put my life on hold for her and not talk to someone else because of it. This new girl I'm talking to we both made clear we are perfectly happy the way things are and aren't out to rush anything. Plus I have to keep my guard up and not allow anyone to stress me out no matter how good they seem or how bad I want them. I'm going to put my attention on the girl who wants to see me not on the girl who won't even respond to my texts. Maybe if I leave her alone long enough she'll want to talk but I won't put her ahead of anyone else I'm talking to.