Would you go to the other side of the world with a 'just a friend'?

[tolve]

I put this in dating first but probably wrong place.

 

So, I wrote this thread a while back about a very, very long time male friend who I thought might be making a move on me. It's here if you want to read it:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/508775-did-he-made-move-why-isn-t-he-following-through#post6083612

 

But bottom line, he brought up life plans and asked me what my time frame for wanting the husband, kids. I didn't know what to say so shut him down. Opinion on LS was divided if this was a come one or if he was just talking to me about this stuff as a long time friend.

 

He lives on on the other side of the country so last time I saw him was Christmas. I mentioned I wanted to travel to Australia. He said 'Oh I'd love to go Australia' He's been to and loved New Zealand. So I said 'Oh ha ha come!'. I mentioned it once again over the phone in a joke, and he said, 'I'll come, depends on money and time off work.' I then mentioned that a friend of mine wants to go to Thailand and if you don't want to come to Australia, that's absolutely cool, I also want to go to Thailand so I'll just go there. He then immediately said 'no, no, no don't book Thailand I'm coming to Australia.'

 

He then books the tickets to come with me. During the booking process he says he can only come for a 10 days, so I asked him (reasonably) 'What's the point of 10 days, it's so far for such a little amount of time.' He replied 'it's not like Australia has ever been top of my list, so 10 days is plenty' and he claims he can't possibly leave work for longer. In a later conversation I'm trying to work out what we're going to do and he says 'Whatever, I don't really care what we do while we're there.' Seriously, WTF? WHY are you coming then if you don't care?

 

Is he genuinely coming to the other side of the world because he just wants a holiday and just thinks well she's going to Australia so I'll just tag along and I liked New Zealand so why not. Or is it to hang specifically with me? WHY would you spend a pile of money going to the literal other side of the world unless you really really want to go there? I wouldn't!

 

What's confusing is that if he wants to spend time with me and move this on, he can do it right here he doesn't have to go to the other side of the world for that. He called me a month ago and casually mentioned he was in town!!! Then said 'oh I just didn't think to call you earlier to meet tonight and I'm too busy with family stuff over the weekend. Can you take the morning off work on Monday and meet me before my flight at the airport!! 'I was just like wtf, NO. I mean, surely if he liked me he would see me when he was in town, right?

 

He usually calls once a week but very lately the phone calls have dwindled from weekly to haven't heard from him for 2 weeks.

 

Is he making grand gestures to spend time with me? If so, why when he can spend time with me in this country / hemisphere?

 

He is the most career focused person I know and is super busy and obsessed with work to the point where it's ridiculous. All his friends and family are here but he insists on living a lonely life somewhere else for his career. He has zero flirting skills and won't do anything that 'wastes his time'. So read what you will....

 

My mom thinks IF he is making moves (I am SO SO confused about if he is doing this) it's because he's so focused with his career he does't want the dating hassle and sees me as this nice girl he's super good friends with and can potentially marry. So I don't set his world on fire but I'm a good bet. He's not the most romantic guy so I can see that would be what he would do. Does this sound like it to you? Or am I just a buddy.

[Standard-Fare]

It does seem -- given his urgency to jump on this plan despite his apparent disinterest in Australia -- that he may be using this trip as a way to spend more time with you. But in a friendship way or romantic way, who knows.

 

Another possibility is that he's just aching to travel and usually doesn't have anyone to go with. (Honestly I fall into that category myself sometimes, so will jump onto any trip that's open to me to even if the destination isn't my first choice.)

 

Here's a couple questions for you.

 

1. What are your feelings for him at this point?

 

2. What are your sleeping arrangements going to be like on this trip? Sharing the same room? The same bed?*

 

*If you're sleeping in the same place, that would push me further into thinking he's viewing this with some romantic interest. He might see this as the easiest way to get intimate with you.

[devilish innocent]

He could be interested, but it could also be something else. He's the only one who can answer the question. I'd hate to have you start fantasizing about a romantic vacation only to be disappointed. Pack some nice underwear to be safe, but try to keep your expectations low.

[tolve]

Thanks for the replies!

 

We will be sharing bedrooms, not beds We haven't talked about it, but that's kind of obvious I think if you're traveling with someone.

 

I'm not sure how I feel about him, so it's not like I'm building up expectations, but I'd be lying if said I wasn't at least thinking about it.

 

I just can't figure out, he makes these grand gestures (if that's what they are) like squeezing time in between busy work things to come half way around the world. Make the effort to invite me to where he's living, driving miles for me all to sit me down and ask me 'what my life plans are and what's my timeframe for husband and babies.'

 

But then when he's in town and can see me so easily, he doesn't even tell me he's around. What's that about?? Even last christmas I tried to see him again after our first meeting to figure out how I felt about him, but he didn't have time and tried to squeeze me in in between meeting other friends just before he left again. In my opinion you make time right? It's like he's in to me and not in to me at the same time

[toolforgrowth]

I flew to the opposite side of the U.S. with an opposite sex friend.

 

Okay, it was a FWB, I'll admit. lol But that wasn't why she invited me. Her whole family was there, and she also invited another guy friend of hers who is gay. So I didn't feel like I was invited because of the sex or for any romantic reason...I was invited because she enjoys my company.

 

I have a GF now, but she and I still hang out (not sexually). She's actually my BFF. I love her to death, but like I would a really awesome friend.

 

My experience is not typical, though. So there's that.