Thinkalot Posted April 14, 2005 Share Posted April 14, 2005 Hi- those of you here who know my story, know that I am overcoming OCD, and that my fiance and I have had, and to an extent still do have a volatile relationship..partly because we are both strong personalities and also largely because of the OCD itself. Some of the arguments have got prettyugly in the past. Anyway- point is, we've been steadily improving, because I've been regularly seeing a psych, and my fiance has even come to a few sessions with me. The arguments haven't dissapeared (we cant expect miracles)..but they have lessened both in frequency and severity. I have made steady improvements. However, in the past couple of weeks, we've had a bad run...more fighting..the fights are intense. We still bounce back more quickly than we used to..we just find it a bit upsetting in the lead up to the wedding. I especially have expectations and wanted the lead up to be all rosy- I assumed it would be. In a sense it is, in that we are excited, cant wait to get to fiji, get married etc..but at the same time, we have had some big barney's which are really unsettling at the time, and leave us both drained. I am wondering if it is wedding stress/anxiety? We are very organised, and havent been rushing about etc. Maybe though, we are both a bit tense/nervous and it's reflected in our behaviour? Do other couples go through this? Or is this just us, having a bit of a setback. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 14, 2005 Share Posted April 14, 2005 I think it's just you not being right for each other. I can see you in the future fighting, being desperate, blaming each other, and divorcing with a couple of kids... Even the most stable relationships can be shaken, but if you're already fighting and your relationship is volatile, I don't see you as a happy couple. If I were you, I would wait some more before getting married. Marriage, especially with kids, is a serious thing and it's supposed to be a lifetime commitment. People who fight divorce! remember that. At least don't rush with children if you "have to" get married now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thinkalot Posted April 14, 2005 Author Share Posted April 14, 2005 thanks for the advice. But I have to say we have not rushed into this in the slightest. We have been living together more than 3 years, we are both over 30 years old, and we have a strong committment and love for each other. Fighting doesnt cause divorce alone. All couples fight sometimes. And I am fully aware, more than many I think, that marriage is a serious thing. I realise you are not fully aware of our history, and the things we have managed together, and how OCD itself has impacted on us. I was more wondering if other couples, sometimes simply get stressed and uptight leading up to their wedding. A friend of mine who is married was telling me she and her husband did, and I was keen to canvas more opinions to see if it was perhaps a common thing, or as I said, if we were simply having a setback, perhaps because I have been a bit stressed, and when thathappens, the OCD can get worse. We have been to therapy together, and been praised for our ability to worktogether, and commit to things. I do not think it is a case of us simply not being right for each other. But like I said, I realise you don't know us, or our situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted April 14, 2005 Share Posted April 14, 2005 Hi Thinkalot, My husband and I fought way more leading up to the marriage. It was definitely me more so than him (as it typically is!). I put it down to stress. It went away a day or two before the wedding when I had everything all sorted out. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 Getting married itself won't solve your problems. If anything it'll magnify them. If you are not happy now in the situation then don't get married. There is no reason to rush things, you can always postpone it. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 Originally posted by Thinkalot Do other couples go through this? Yes, it's fairly common to argue and bicker leading up to the wedding. Stress alters our physical bodies, and our emotions and behavior. You've been togher a while, you know what you have to deal with, you've made a committment, it's natural to be nervous, anxious, and to fight with each other! Let go of some of the control when dealing with wedding plans. Take a day off from thinking about it, or talking about it, and do something physical (no I don't mean just sex ) together. Go for a good hike, ride bikes, go swimming, go to the batting cages, just do something fun together that will involve some physical activity. It will help your bodies and your minds. If one of you brings up the wedding - be agreed that neither will be angry when the other says "Uh Uh Uh, that topic is forbidden today" and steer clear of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thinkalot Posted April 18, 2005 Author Share Posted April 18, 2005 Thanks Hokey- we actually did just that on saturday and it was great! we went surfing, then out for lunch and to a movie...NO WEDDING TALK at all...and we felt relaxed and happy. jmargel- it's not a matter of not being happy with things...more just trying to figure out the increase in stress levels, which have actually now settled back down thankfully. Link to post Share on other sites
opaleye Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 Yeah, people fight more in the lead up to a wedding. It happens a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
pretyangel Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 It is not normal! You may want to seriously re evaluate marriage with this person until you worked out your issues! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 You're a little late. She got married a couple of weeks ago. Link to post Share on other sites
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