chrissy78 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 As many of you have mentioned affairs suck. It's taken me a long time to even start to feel this because at first I was so caught up in why he did this, why he did this, how could he ...everything about him! Slowly day by day I have started asking myself how could i? What was I thinking? What did I want from this relationship? I'm not going to lie ... The pain of someone who I loved just tossing me aside and hiding like a coward once his wife found out has been a kind of pain that I wish on no one. Perhaps even more then the ending of this relationship has been grieving the fact how wrong I was for both getting involved with a married man and believing his lie after lie. But with reaching 6 months nc I am finally starting to feel like I no longer wish for him to contact me. I am finally starting to feel angry at the situation and him toying with my life. I am finally starting to maybe think there is a life after him and even if I don't love anyone ever again doesn't mean I need to waste my precious time and feelings on him. Thanks to all of you guys who are so candid about this horrible post affair proces. It has kept me sane and more importantly away from him. 14 Link to post Share on other sites
lookingforclosure Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 As many of you have mentioned affairs suck. It's taken me a long time to even start to feel this because at first I was so caught up in why he did this, why he did this, how could he ...everything about him! Slowly day by day I have started asking myself how could i? What was I thinking? What did I want from this relationship? I'm not going to lie ... The pain of someone who I loved just tossing me aside and hiding like a coward once his wife found out has been a kind of pain that I wish on no one. Perhaps even more then the ending of this relationship has been grieving the fact how wrong I was for both getting involved with a married man and believing his lie after lie. But with reaching 6 months nc I am finally starting to feel like I no longer wish for him to contact me. I am finally starting to feel angry at the situation and him toying with my life. I am finally starting to maybe think there is a life after him and even if I don't love anyone ever again doesn't mean I need to waste my precious time and feelings on him. Thanks to all of you guys who are so candid about this horrible post affair proces. It has kept me sane and more importantly away from him. My situation sounds so similar to your except i'm not sure his wife ever actually confirmed our relationship...just a lot of speculation, but who knows maybe he actually grew a set and was honest with her. I'll be at 3 months NC on April 12th. I wanted to hear from him for so long...even if it was just to say i'm sorry...so i could say I was too. Did you xMM ever contact after his wife found out?? How did you know she found out?? Link to post Share on other sites
HeartWon'tHeal Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 It does get easier over time and I have not had any desire to contact xMM for a very long time. He seems like a stranger to me now. When he ended things he made me feel like yesterdays garbage tossed to the curb. He told me over and over he loved me but in the end he said he only loved me like a friend. He shattered my heart into thousands of pieces. The good news is I can write about it now and not feel the pain. Sounds like you are making great progress and it will get easier! Keep moving forward with your life. If you have not had counseling I suggest you give it a try. It has helped me tremendously. We all make mistakes in life so don't continue to beat yourself up. Just don't make the same mistake again. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
lookingforclosure Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I am in counseling...have been since December. I do feel I am making progress, it just sucks that I work around the corner from him and have passed him a few times on the road. But at least I don't work with him anymore...that would be horrible. I do miss him horribly some days though. He tossed me aside as well...saying it wasn't goodbye it was soon....but here I am alone, and there he is still married. So yeah, it was goodbye. I haven't blocked him because I don't see the use, he's blocked me. That pretty much shows me he will not be contacting me ever. But tomorrow is a new day and at least the hot, panicky feelings I wake up to are getting less and less. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I am in counseling...have been since December. I do feel I am making progress, it just sucks that I work around the corner from him and have passed him a few times on the road. But at least I don't work with him anymore...that would be horrible. I do miss him horribly some days though. He tossed me aside as well...saying it wasn't goodbye it was soon....but here I am alone, and there he is still married. So yeah, it was goodbye. I haven't blocked him because I don't see the use, he's blocked me. That pretty much shows me he will not be contacting me ever. But tomorrow is a new day and at least the hot, panicky feelings I wake up to are getting less and less. My mm always said soon also, he went from being in love with me and wanting to be with me all the time to disregarding everything about me. He's made me feel like dirt. I didn't block him because I knew he had blocked me but he contacted me last week and sure enough was telling me he still lived me then disappears again. I'm ready to block now.... I actually hate him and only wish bad... I know that sounds terrible... Link to post Share on other sites
Pretywoman Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 He tossed me aside as well...saying it wasn't goodbye it was soon....but here I am alone, and there he is still married. So yeah, it was goodbye. I haven't blocked him because I don't see the use, he's blocked me. That pretty much shows me he will not be contacting me ever. But tomorrow is a new day and at least the hot, panicky feelings I wake up to are getting less and less. How did you know he has blocked you? I am 4th months of no contact. I feel that he has blocked me in one or another way. Just not sure.. Link to post Share on other sites
lookingforclosure Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 PretyWoman: I found out I was blocked when I would call his phone and it rang once and went straight to VM on iphone. But when I called from another number it rang 5-6 times and then went straight to VM. Imessages will still say delivered...I did a test with a girlfriend when he didn't contact me when he said he would. I got blocked after a text I sent asking to talk to him to get some closure so I could move on from this. Not sure if he's blocked my email accounts because i've only emailed him 4 times over the course of our relationship. But I am not blocked or deleted on the Skype account we had...and i'm not going to at this point delete it. Link to post Share on other sites
lookingforclosure Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 My mm always said soon also, he went from being in love with me and wanting to be with me all the time to disregarding everything about me. He's made me feel like dirt. I didn't block him because I knew he had blocked me but he contacted me last week and sure enough was telling me he still lived me then disappears again. I'm ready to block now.... I actually hate him and only wish bad... I know that sounds terrible... Mine has made me feel like dirt as well...well actually worse than dirt. How long were you in NC when he contacted you again? It's been 10 weeks for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chrissy78 Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 @lookingforclosure and @prettywoman I know his wife knows something because she called me. Funny the first day she called I could hear him in the back saying put down the phone leave her alone...which even at that point I took as a sign of he cares and is sticking up for me. Later that day he was all I love yous. However something was just off... He was treating the situation and me so bizarrely. Then when he went to work his wife called me again and I broke. I was crying and I couldn't blatantly lie to her but I didn't say we slept together. I just answered a few questions. I of course told him that. He then vanished ohhh so fast and by the end of the week changed his number. No notice no nothing. I didn't even know until much later bc I wouldn't even call his phone in a dday situation. That's when it really hit me he doesn't care two ****s about me. The minute I even spoke like 1/4 of the truth he ran like a coward imagine if I said all of it. Anyhow the good thing I got out of speaking to his wife is a chance to hear her side of how horrible he treats her despite me. And all the things he lied about. She also clued me in that this is not his first affair. And although it behooves me why she stays then, it spelled it out for me that I meant nothing. Of course I'm sure he painted me out to be some obssessed person because that's what would save him in the situation and that's all he cared about. Everyone said just wait you will hear from him...but I haven't nor have I ran into him. At this point I don't want to. Only for my ego but nothing else. Link to post Share on other sites
Chasing_mya Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Chrissy, consider it a blessing that he hasn't contacted you. Congrats to you on 6 months NC. You are on your way to healing & with each passing day you'll feel better for it. You have all the closure you need. No reason for you to look back. You have new and better things to look forward to. Wishing you the best! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author chrissy78 Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 So I Just posted last week how things have slowly started to turn around reaching 6 months NC. Guess who pops up on FB yesterday. Yup. Before I start I de friended him but just the sight of his name send me into anger and annoyance...tossing all night. I must admit it's a good change from being sad but who does he think he is...and more importantly what is this? I know I am to blame but this man turned my life upside down and left me devasted. After dd he ran and hid and went out of his way to be nowhere near me. My friend suggested it could just be an accident and he didn't notice but I do not buy that for a second! Everything he does is deliberate. And I'm well aware of his ways. Not to mention anyone who went out of his way to change their number so he couldn't be found but forgot to block me on fb. The whole thing makes me angry. I'm pretty sure he knew I would see it but what's even the point... You made your decision what's the need to even be fakebook looking at me. I now realize what a lot of you said. I wish he would stay dissapeared. He is a hinderance in my recovery. Thank god for you all and this site. I can totally see how this is a game to him and his poor wife has given some leash space and here he goes again....I can't believe I was so naive the first time I just needed to vent and see if any of you guys faced some cowardly comeback after months of dissapearance Link to post Share on other sites
lookingforclosure Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I personally haven't as of yet...of course i'm only heading in to 3 months no contact. I did block and delete him from our messaging account. He blocked me on everything else. I see on here that more times than not, they do reappear, out of no where. It always seems to be at the point when you are actually reclaiming yourself. I agree it was probably deliberate. Mine blocked all means but the Skype account. He kept that active until I finally said screw you, I wasn't in control of how he chose not to deal with things in the end...but I sure as heck could do that Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I don't understand how if you defriended him he still shows up? Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Isn't there a way to totally block people, so that you don't see them at all? Anyway, not the point. Point is, don't let that set you back. 6 months is a decent amount of time here now, we aren't talking 6 days or 6 weeks even. I know you say everything is deliberate with him, but try not to over think it. That will only be detrimental to you. Even if it was, he's just fishing. Don't give into it. He probably wants to make you angry. And yes, I did have him comeback the first time around. That ended again and we've been NC for 6 weeks. I've just started taking my normal hallway to my office and parking in my normal spot again (yes, I changed my entire day around to not have to run into him. Finally I decided that was stupid and I wasn't letting him own me anymore) and guess what? He won't even lift his head to glance my way and makes sure he's in the building before me so he doesn't run into me in the lot. Lol. Coward indeed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lookingforclosure Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I was doing very similar things GlodieLox...we don't work in the same building anymore but around the corner, so I would go a different way as to not see him on my way in or at lunch. I stopped going to the places to eat because I would typically run into him there. I just now decided to take back my life and not worry if I run into him. He makes sure he parks in a lot farthest from my building and takes opposite routes as well...last time I passed him on the street he looked the other way as well... Link to post Share on other sites
Chasing_mya Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Chrissy, block him on FB and on anything else where he can possibly contact you. You have come so far and you should pat yourself on the back and be proud of that. Every day that goes by is another day to rejoice your new found freedom. Focus on that and not on the negatives. His chapter in your life is over so no need to go back and turn that page. Don't allow him to rent anymore space in your mind. You got this sweety! Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Mine has made me feel like dirt as well...well actually worse than dirt. How long were you in NC when he contacted you again? It's been 10 weeks for me. I'm not even sure ause I decided to stop counting but it seemed like every time I started feeling good he would text. It was empty and made me feel bad about myself. I just decided that I'm worth more than this and I absolutely will not let him or anyone treat me like this. I have three kids that I am trying to raise with confidence and integrity so the best way they are going to learn that is from watching me.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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