He kissed my best friend.

[mrs rubble]

My best friend has just been to see me and tells me that my fiance had come up behind her last weekend and started massaging her shoulders and kissed the back of her neck.

She was really upset about it as she has a thing about anyone touching her from behind and especially on the neck.

I feel pi$$ed off that he's kissed her in an intimate way, its not like a friendly "hello" type thing when he's massaging her. I was out of sight when this happened.

Am I over reacting? Should I confront him about it?

[d0nnivain]

You are reacting. It was a violation. One small piece of good news: you have a loyal best friend.

 

 

I would talk to your FI about it. Ask why he did what he did. You will need to judge his answers & reactions for yourself.

 

 

At their engagement party of all places the now husband of one of my dear friends, grabbed my butt. I was ready to smack him but couldn't. I immediately told her. She forgave him. They have been married for over 15 years & he's been nothing but loyal. He gave up drinking shortly after they got married so I think that may have played a factor.

[mrs rubble]

You are reacting. It was a violation. One small piece of good news: you have a loyal best friend.

 

 

I would talk to your FI about it. Ask why he did what he did. You will need to judge his answers & reactions for yourself.

 

 

At their engagement party of all places the now husband of one of my dear friends, grabbed my butt. I was ready to smack him but couldn't. I immediately told her. She forgave him. They have been married for over 15 years & he's been nothing but loyal. He gave up drinking shortly after they got married so I think that may have played a factor.

Thank you for your reply. Yes my best friend is great! I will talk to him but I'm going to have to pick my moment as his mum has terminal cancer & lives out of town & we're off to see her tomorrow. I don't want to put a damper on the trip.

Which is why I thought I'd ask other people's views so I can find the most tactful way to deal with this.

[smackie9]

Just to let you know something, when people go through a loss/grieving or dealing with a loved one that is terminally ill, can place a person in a poor mental state that leads to acts of infidelity. Your husband might be going through this. I'm sure there are articles about this psychological phenomenon on the web that you can take a look at.

[mrs rubble]

Just to let you know something, when people go through a loss/grieving or dealing with a loved one that is terminally ill, can place a person in a poor mental state that leads to acts of infidelity. Your husband might be going through this. I'm sure there are articles about this psychological phenomenon on the web that you can take a look at.

 

Wow! Interesting, something I hadn't considered. Thank you.

[ExpatInItaly]

You are not over-reacting. He was beyond inappropriate with this.

 

He is obviously attracted to your best friend and he also has terrible judgment. What would have happened if she hadn't stopped him? My best friend's now-ex did something similar to me years ago. I also told her. He much later (after they split) admitted to me that it was no "mistake" on his part. And I also learned it wasn't the first time he'd been inappropriate with other women. My point is that this is a sign of a bigger problem and you need to pay very close attention to it.

 

How has your relationship been in general? Has he crossed other boundaries before?

[mrs rubble]

You are not over-reacting. He was beyond inappropriate with this.

 

He is obviously attracted to your best friend and he also has terrible judgment. What would have happened if she hadn't stopped him? My best friend's now-ex did something similar to me years ago. I also told her. He much later (after they split) admitted to me that it was no "mistake" on his part. And I also learned it wasn't the first time he'd been inappropriate with other women. My point is that this is a sign of a bigger problem and you need to pay very close attention to it.

 

How has your relationship been in general? Has he crossed other boundaries before?

 

Thank you. I feel quite angry about it right now. He has admitted he's attracted to her ages ago.

This is a first that I know of, generally our relationship is excellent. We communicate well.

The only other issue I have is a female friend of his, he calls every week and when they see each other in person, they are very touchy feely. I'm a bit uncomfortable with that.

Hmmm.

[whichwayisup]

Thank you. I feel quite angry about it right now. He has admitted he's attracted to her ages ago.

This is a first that I know of, generally our relationship is excellent. We communicate well.

The only other issue I have is a female friend of his, he calls every week and when they see each other in person, they are very touchy feely. I'm a bit uncomfortable with that.

Hmmm.

 

I hate to ask this, but are you 100% that it's one sided with your BF? And as for him having another woman he sees and is close with/touchy feely, you have every right to be upset and very concerned. He has an ego issue that he needs others to fulfill and he's acting inconsiderate. He needs to stop it!

[minimariah]

Thank you. I feel quite angry about it right now. He has admitted he's attracted to her ages ago.

This is a first that I know of, generally our relationship is excellent. We communicate well.

The only other issue I have is a female friend of his, he calls every week and when they see each other in person, they are very touchy feely. I'm a bit uncomfortable with that.

Hmmm.

 

you're not overreacting. this is a huuuuuuuge red flag, IMHO.

when you find the right moment, sit down with him & discuss this (your best friend and this female friend of his).

 

is he flirty & likes to touch in general? or is he like that exclusively with this female friend of his?

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I do not feel the same, I feel this is clear as day and night.

There is no in between, there isn't any twilight.

That's a boundary you do not cross, and he's your fiance as well?

As much as this hurts, you deserve better than that hell.

[No Limit]

If I were in your position I would have likely broken off the engagement right away.

Maybe you should marry your best friend instead, you can count on her unlike him.

[ExpatInItaly]

Thank you. I feel quite angry about it right now. He has admitted he's attracted to her ages ago.

This is a first that I know of, generally our relationship is excellent. We communicate well.

The only other issue I have is a female friend of his, he calls every week and when they see each other in person, they are very touchy feely. I'm a bit uncomfortable with that.

Hmmm.

 

You have every right to be uncomfortable. You know he has a thing for your best friend, and he likes to get handsy with his friend. Not good. I'm sorry, but I think there's a bigger problem brewing here. I would be a lot more than uncomfortable! What he's doing is bad news, and you're not even married yet. Unacceptable.

[barcode88]

If I were in your position I would have likely broken off the engagement right away.

Maybe you should marry your best friend instead, you can count on her unlike him.

 

Hmm, I think that's the likely outcome, but would probably expect them to explain themselves first.

[Strength in Healing]

Hell yea you should confront him about it.

 

That's just asinine he thought he could kiss your best friend and you wouldn't find out.

 

Sounds like he did it on purpose, if not consciously then subconsciously. Sabotage?

[No Limit]

Hmm, I think that's the likely outcome, but would probably expect them to explain themselves first.

 

 

Here is your explanation:

 

He has admitted he's attracted to her ages ago.

 

OP, you are the second choice, not the main one. I strongly suggest you leave this relationship, even if your best friend doesn't take his bait he's very willing to cheat on you on whoever he finds more attractive than you.

 

Find someone who makes you #1.

[mrs rubble]

Thanks to everyone who has replied.

I still haven't spoken to him about this.

There is so much happening in his life at the moment. Many family issues.

My friend has been helping out with lawns & stuff at my house & has been on the phone to my partner to access keys etc,

While I was at work.

I feel like I can't ruffle feathers because my friend is helping look after my property and she has her own set of issues independent of mine and my mans. He is and has gone through an awful time with his mum near death and coping with long standing family rifts.

Typing this out...is somewhat therapeutical for me.

Gives me space to collect my thoughts and read your opinions.

 

Thank you!

[ExpatInItaly]

You are a kind person OP. I can understand your hesitation to talk him with all this turmoil at the moment. However, may I point out what you don't want to ruffle feathers, he already did and didn't seem to mind.

 

At the very least, I would tell him you know what he did and that you need to arrange a time to sit down and talk about your future as a couple. He did a really crappy thing and he needs to know he will be held accountable for it.

[No Limit]

Do you really want to marry a cheater? At least get a prenup done.

[smackie9]

How about talking to your friend about this more.....she is just

as involved.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I feel like I can't ruffle feathers because my friend is helping look after my property and she has her own set of issues independent of mine and my mans. He is and has gone through an awful time with his mum near death and coping with long standing family rifts.

Typing this out...is somewhat therapeutical for me.

Gives me space to collect my thoughts and read your opinions.

 

Your husband having gone through "an awful time with his mother near death and coping with long standing family rifts" is NO EXCUSE for him to start fondling other women and kissing them inappropriately!!!! If he starts spouting off that pathetic excuse to you whenever you DO get around to confronting him with this, I'm hoping to God that you don't buy any of that bull$hit - although I believe that you're buying into that excuse already by you having typed it and posted it here.

 

If I had a family member (especially my MOM!) who was CLOSE to DYING and had other family problems, the *absolute* LAST THING that would be on my mind would be fondling, massaging, kissing or being touchy-feely with ANY other guy *other than* MY SPOUSE.

 

Your husband (and men who are like him) will use ANYTHING as an excuse and, moreover, actually do NOT NEED an excuse to act inappropriately with other females because: They are UNABLE to CONTROL THEMSELVES.

 

I sympathize with you and your situation, because you seem to be a thoughtful and caring wife. But, if you continue to delay confronting him about this, something ELSE will always come up that will cause you to delay dealing with this. And, if you do NOT deal with this (and SOON), once his mother recovers (or dies) and once his family problems smooth over, it may be too late for you to confront him with this, as maybe he'll do something else during that time which could possibly escalate into something HORRID for your marriage and your TRUST in him.

 

Be STRONG...and DO what you KNOW *must* be DONE; and do it SOON. God Bless ~

 

.

[mrs rubble]

Thank you all for your thoughts!

I have taken the wimps way out and text him about it, we're both at work at the mo.

He claims to not remember this happening at all, there was a lot of alcohol consumed that day, and in my original post I said I wasn't around when it happened.- Well I actually was, I was shocked when it happened, but didn't want to cause a scene at the time, I was more worried about how my friend would react to having her neck touched (normally she turns around and slaps whoever does it) than what he did right then and when she didn't react, I guess I put it out of my mind until she mentioned it again last week, ever since I've been stewing on it.

Anyway, I told him that I did see it happen and he says' he promises nothing untoward was going on. I'm not sure I believe that, after him trying to deny it happened.

There was a time a while back he let slip, that he'd slept with a lady in our social club, so I asked him who else in the club have you slept with? His answer was Just the one you already know about (I knew of 2 already) so I asked him who was that, and he revealed the name of yet another one, I was until then unaware of. So I'm really thinking I can't trust him or believe him.

 

This sux!! I really don't want to have to end it like this and while things are so bad already for him.

 

Not looking forward to hometime.

[No Limit]

Denying isn't a sign of remorse. Who cares if he's having a bad time, just don't let it get you down.

It was his choice to attempt to cross that line - he played and lost.

[Lunay]

Why should you be so concerned about what's going on with his mother and family when apparently he isn't?

Because you're a caring person and a good fiance. What is he?

 

I am sorry this is happening to you. You deserve better.

[ExpatInItaly]

Thank you all for your thoughts!

I have taken the wimps way out and text him about it, we're both at work at the mo.

He claims to not remember this happening at all, there was a lot of alcohol consumed that day, and in my original post I said I wasn't around when it happened.- Well I actually was, I was shocked when it happened, but didn't want to cause a scene at the time, I was more worried about how my friend would react to having her neck touched (normally she turns around and slaps whoever does it) than what he did right then and when she didn't react, I guess I put it out of my mind until she mentioned it again last week, ever since I've been stewing on it.

Anyway, I told him that I did see it happen and he says' he promises nothing untoward was going on. I'm not sure I believe that, after him trying to deny it happened.

There was a time a while back he let slip, that he'd slept with a lady in our social club, so I asked him who else in the club have you slept with? His answer was Just the one you already know about (I knew of 2 already) so I asked him who was that, and he revealed the name of yet another one, I was until then unaware of. So I'm really thinking I can't trust him or believe him.

 

This sux!! I really don't want to have to end it like this and while things are so bad already for him.

 

Not looking forward to hometime.

 

Like hell he doesn't remember it. I wouldn't buy that.

 

Also, your friend not reacting is a bit odd to me. She literally did nothing, even though she realized who was kissing her? I would have expected her to at the very least bat him away. In what context did she bring it up later in the week? I hate to plant this seed in your head, but how close are they in general?

[stillafool]

Thanks to everyone who has replied.

I still haven't spoken to him about this.

There is so much happening in his life at the moment. Many family issues.

My friend has been helping out with lawns & stuff at my house & has been on the phone to my partner to access keys etc,

While I was at work.

I feel like I can't ruffle feathers because my friend is helping look after my property and she has her own set of issues independent of mine and my mans. He is and has gone through an awful time with his mum near death and coping with long standing family rifts.

Typing this out...is somewhat therapeutical for me.

Gives me space to collect my thoughts and read your opinions.

 

Thank you!

 

Please understand that what he did is a major violation of your trust and shouldn't just be swept under the rug because of his other problems. His action towards your friend was deliberate and he knew exactly what he was doing regardless of what's going on with his mom. You had best start standing up for yourself now or you will be sweeping up your entire marriage.