Author mrs rubble Posted April 10, 2015 Author Share Posted April 10, 2015 Like hell he doesn't remember it. I wouldn't buy that. Also, your friend not reacting is a bit odd to me. She literally did nothing, even though she realized who was kissing her? I would have expected her to at the very least bat him away. In what context did she bring it up later in the week? I hate to plant this seed in your head, but how close are they in general? Thank you, I have been thinking a lot about how neither of us reacted at the time & how I conveniently "forgot" it myself. I can only explain what I think led me to not react & bury the memory. I was sexually assaulted as a child and did exactly the same thing then. When we did talk about it, he said "I'm sorry you feel the way you do but you are 100% wrong" (there was more to the dialogue but this comment upset me lots) so I told him I was pi$$ed off that he thought I was 100% wrong to be upset about what he'd done. He said I should be and he never meant me any harm (blah blah) the remorse, I hate that I've upset you. I told him it really sounds like you care, I'd love a hug. He said he'd give me plenty of hugs when I got home. I've been home for 6hours and so far the only hug I've had is from my eldest son. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrs rubble Posted April 10, 2015 Author Share Posted April 10, 2015 Thank you, I have been thinking a lot about how neither of us reacted at the time & how I conveniently "forgot" it myself. I can only explain what I think led me to not react & bury the memory. I was sexually assaulted as a child and did exactly the same thing then. When we did talk about it, he said "I'm sorry you feel the way you do but you are 100% wrong" (there was more to the dialogue but this comment upset me lots) so I told him I was pi$$ed off that he thought I was 100% wrong to be upset about what he'd done. He said I should be and he never meant me any harm (blah blah) the remorse, I hate that I've upset you. I told him it really sounds like you care, I'd love a hug. He said he'd give me plenty of hugs when I got home. I've been home for 6hours and so far the only hug I've had is from my eldest son. To summarise actions speak louder than words. I Will be considering my actions very carefully from here on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 You're still going through with a wedding why? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrs rubble Posted April 10, 2015 Author Share Posted April 10, 2015 You're still going through with a wedding why? At this stage no, I don't see any reason to get married. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 This guy has proven that he is a cheater and would like to cheat on you with your best friend. I can't believe you are still trying to protect his feelings when he obviously could care less about yours. I hope you reconsider marrying this man because he has no control over his desires. I would hate to see you get into a dead end marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Thank you, I have been thinking a lot about how neither of us reacted at the time & how I conveniently "forgot" it myself. I can only explain what I think led me to not react & bury the memory. I was sexually assaulted as a child and did exactly the same thing then. When we did talk about it, he said "I'm sorry you feel the way you do but you are 100% wrong" (there was more to the dialogue but this comment upset me lots) so I told him I was pi$$ed off that he thought I was 100% wrong to be upset about what he'd done. He said I should be and he never meant me any harm (blah blah) the remorse, I hate that I've upset you. I told him it really sounds like you care, I'd love a hug. He said he'd give me plenty of hugs when I got home. I've been home for 6hours and so far the only hug I've had is from my eldest son. Are you kidding me? OP, you are obviously in a lot of pain. But this is the same man who kissed a woman who is not you. And you want him to hug you? Why? I think you are somewhat in denial as the truth is too painful. This guy isn't trustworthy even when you are present, for Pete's sake. And he is trying to sweep it all under the rug by saying you're wrong. You're not. He is wrong. Not husband material by a long shot. You deserve a man who doesn't go rubbing up on your best friend, don't you think? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrs rubble Posted April 10, 2015 Author Share Posted April 10, 2015 Are you kidding me? OP, you are obviously in a lot of pain. But this is the same man who kissed a woman who is not you. And you want him to hug you? Why? I think you are somewhat in denial as the truth is too painful. This guy isn't trustworthy even when you are present, for Pete's sake. And he is trying to sweep it all under the rug by saying you're wrong. You're not. He is wrong. Not husband material by a long shot. You deserve a man who doesn't go rubbing up on your best friend, don't you think? I am not in denial. I have taken my engagement ring off. I am completely heart broken and I'm angry as hell. I think unfaithfulness might be a family trait, his daughter kissed a close friend of hers boyfriend a few weeks back, claimed to be all remorseful and then went back a week later and slept with him too. Her mug of a partner is still hanging in there. I don't plan on waiting to see whether my situation esculates the same way. I'm sure the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I still want a hug, NOT from him anymore though. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 Aww I'm so sorry....you have a lot of strength to call it off. I wish you well and hope you get through this quickly. This is rare but **hugs** to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 OP, it's unfortunate that your fiance's actions showed you what his true colors really are, while at that party that you two went to. (And his young daughter who cheated on her boyfriend with his friend? Yikes.) But you are fortunate to have found this information out about his character before you went through with the wedding. Imagine standing up in front of family and friends, exchanging your vows of fidelity and love with your fiance and then he showed your his true colors. I hope you have a good support system offline too to help you through this difficult situation. You seem like a very strong person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrs rubble Posted April 11, 2015 Author Share Posted April 11, 2015 Thank you. I have some amazing friends, who'll help me get through this. I'm really hurting right now, but I will get there. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 Thank you. I have some amazing friends, who'll help me get through this. I'm really hurting right now, but I will get there. That's good that you have amazing friends who will anchor you and keep you directed and focused, because situations like these can leave one feeling like they are treading water out in the middle of the ocean, with no land in sight. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 You were very helpful to me before mrs rubble so I'm bummed I don't have much to offer other than to say that really sucks and I'm sorry. =/ And that you're probably right about the unfaithful aspect. If you decide to stay and just punish him by calling off the engagement I won't judge, but when it happened to me a long time ago it was so humiliating even when I got rid of them both immediately that I don't know how that can't wear on your soul. But maybe whatever you have with this guy is strong enough to counter balance that. Link to post Share on other sites
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