IAlwaysSettle09 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I met my husband in July, got married in October. Obviously didn't know each other at all, but he was sweet, affectionate, loving...we had really great, satisfying sex and would have great conversations. Within two weeks of being married, sex decreased from 5 nights a week to 2, then to basically once a month, if that, the following months. We had some pretty hostile and disrespectful arguments and went to counseling for a month. The therapist actually told us that she didn't know how to help us. We haven't argued lately because I decided it wasn't worth being called a bitch and a worthless piece of ****. I'd rather just not talk to him. Once we got married, he made it really awkward for me to talk to him about my day or some story I thought of. He stares in some direction and just waits for me to finish talking. He's totally uninterested in any part of my life, before him or anything now thay doesn't have anything to do with him. He's a great roommate...he does the dishes, takes out the trash, cooks dinner, pays bills on time...but we're not friends or lovers. It's so disappointing bc I am totally content being single and I lived alone for years before I met him. I feel like I gave up awesome singlehood for a terrible marriage. I have talked to him about this, he is getting TRT for low t, and he says change doesn't happen overnight. I don't get why it's so difficult to engage in conversation with your wife, but I just feel like an idiot everytime I try to talk to him. He says the no sex is all related to the low t and that he's attracted to me and loves me. I don't really understand then why that would stop him from touching me...I don't kissed, cuddled...any affection. I feel conned bc none of this was an issue 6 months ago when we were just dating. Am I supposed to just be content that he's such a great roommate? Do I expect too much wanting him to be my friend and lover as well? I'm only 28...I didn't sign up for a sexless, loveless marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Downtown Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 (edited) My husband goes from calm to hostile in the blink of an eye. He ALWAYS calls me a bitch. ...He gets in my face like he wants to fight me.... My husband gets in trouble at work for being hostile with customers, so it's not just me. [Your 3/11 post.]IAS, it may be worth your time to take a quick look at the red flags for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) to see if most sound very familiar. Three of the hallmarks of that disorder are the lack of impulse control, the rapid flips between Jekyll and Hyde, and the tremendous anger (carried from early childhood) that can be triggered in a few seconds. If you're interested, I suggest you take a quick look at my list of red flags at 18 BPD Warning Signs. If most of them sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to discuss it with you. Take care, IAS. Edited April 2, 2015 by Downtown Link to post Share on other sites
Vercetti Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 The first thing I thought, are you being gaslighted. Sex shouldn't fall off that quick ( or at bloody all ), then the 180 on everything else. How gonna have low t overnight ( even go to doctor? ) yet become more aggressive. Was he hostile or dismissive of the therapist? I don't know, just seems like got you locked in then true self came out. The most positive thing that can think, is things moved to quickly and the novelty died for him. Anyhow do look into the borderline / gaslighting stuff. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Anderlie Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I've read your other threads.... Why are you still there? You have a baby on the way with a man who is openly awful to you that you haven't known a year. Think about if you would want this situation for your child, if you would want your child growing up in such a nasty household. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 civility, common courtesy and common decency are not too much to ask from a spouse. If he treats you worse than he would a stranger on the street then you have the right to blow things up. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I met my husband in July, got married in October. Obviously didn't know each other at all, but he was sweet, affectionate, loving... Was there some additional angle - Green Card? Pregnancy? - involved? I don't understand how you go from strangers to spouses in 90 days... Mr. Lucky 5 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Do I expect too much wanting him to be my friend and lover as well? Nope. You don't expect too much. You may be expecting too much from HIM though. He may not be capable of the reciprocal relationship you want. I would demand therapy. See if it is possible for him to change his thinking. If not, you are right to bail now vs. wasting 20 years on him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
redtail Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Nope. You don't expect too much. Agreed! you are right to bail now vs. wasting 20 years on him. This! Don't live a mistake if he's not willing to treat you with respect, life is too short! Best of luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 This sounds like textbook abuser bait and switch. He is charming while you are dating, then once he "has" you, the claws come out. I am not an actual doctor who has met your husband, so I cannot toss out an illness to hang on him, but I can tell you that he may very well escalate. If he ever violent? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author IAlwaysSettle09 Posted April 30, 2015 Author Share Posted April 30, 2015 Thank you everyone for your replies. Sorry I haven't been on in awhile. There wasn't any angle. He just played it right. I ended up preggo about a month after the nuptials. Plus we live in Vegas. It's easy to just hop downtown any time and get married. I'm planning my escape now. It's rough bc baby is due in a few months and I'm working two jobs just so I have enough money to take about 8 weeks off. I don't have family here and I can't really afford an apt, so I'll have to find a roommate, not to mention breaking the lease on the condo. I could move back home. I'm deciding between the two. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 This sounds like textbook abuser bait and switch. He is charming while you are dating, then once he "has" you, the claws come out. I am not an actual doctor who has met your husband, so I cannot toss out an illness to hang on him, but I can tell you that he may very well escalate. If he ever violent? THIS! Having worked with abused women and domestic violence issues, this is exactly what I was thinking reading your post. I've seen it a million times. I haven't read through your other posts but gathering by what others have eluded to regarding your ongoing situation, I would seriously consider looking up organizations in your area that deal with domestic violence issues. They can assess your situation and see if you're indeed in an abusive relationship or not. If you are, they often network with other like-minded organizations and are able to provide a number of very valuable resources and services (often free) that might be of interest to you that might help you both in the short and long term. Good luck you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author IAlwaysSettle09 Posted May 2, 2015 Author Share Posted May 2, 2015 I felt like this was pretty fitting: In the end, sociopaths pursuing romantic relationships engage in classic bait-and-switch scams. They seduce you with overflowing attention. They engage in impression management to present themselves as everything you are looking for; in fact, they are just like you. They whisper words of unending love. And once you are well and truly hooked, committed, cohabitating, pregnant or married, or, once the sociopaths are bored, everything changes. http://www.lovefraud.com/anderly-publishing/red-flags-of-love-fraud/red-flags-of-love-fraud-chapter-5-the-sociopathic-seduction/ Link to post Share on other sites
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