Don't know where this is going ...

[lgspot]

If you don't believe in yourself (as you stated) then who's going to?

 

Nobody. So be it.

 

How bout we believe in you until YOU believe in YOU?!?

[badpenny]

How bout we believe in you until YOU believe in YOU?!?

 

(What do you think we've been doing for the past XXXX posts and XXX pages? )

 

'Ain't nobody can going to do it for her'.

 

This is one big jump she's gonna have to take on her own.

Nobody ever leapt a chasm in two small steps.

It takes a leap.

And faith.

And she has to have faith in herself, and take that leap.

 

It's hard to fathom, after all she's been through, that she cannot bring herself to do this one thing that would afford her happiness and independence.

 

but there again, it's small wonder that after all she's been through, she cannot bring herself to do this one thing that would afford her happiness and independence.

 

Her husband and circumstances have all contrived, purposely or by happenstance, to erode her self-confidence, and the belief in her own strength.

 

Oh she's strong.

She just doesn't believe she is.

Her Fear is blocking her view.

 

What she needs to do is to question where that fear comes from. What feeds it, generates it, and where its foundation lies.

 

Because I'd be pretty willing to bet her Fear is exactly like the Wizard of Oz.

A Facade. A false premise. Insubstantial, and unreal.

 

But it LOOKS mighty impressive from where SHE'S sitting....

 

MM needs to confront that fear - that air-filled party balloon - and pop it.

 

We can hand her a whole roomful of pins.

 

It is she who must determine that her Fear is nothing but a load of hot air.

[Lion Heart]

Dear Merrmeade,

 

You talk to me Sooooooo much. I hear you. LH Response.

 

 

1. This? You need to prize this and give him his due. My WH has NEVER said anything close to this, never admitted 'insight' or vulnerability. Everything is hidden and what comes out of his mouth is calculated, never spontaneous.

 

LH: I try to give my WH confirmation when he "gets" stuff.

I really really TRY to make things non-confrontational but he's been in such a confrontational space / a defensive mood for so long! Much worse since D Day. Holding up the facade is SO EXHAUSTING for him now. The C said that NOW I HAVE got "his number" he will try so hard to hold up / reassert "that personality" still while it's got a massive crack in it that's exposed his true self definitely to ME & his chn & all my family & friends & the wider community too. Remember he sees an IC (tho still deceives her) & K is a psych & neighbour too. I guess this is another plus for widespread knowledge of the A.

 

My WH simply can't hide his true self because we ALL KNOW.

Sure it's REALLY uncomfortable, embarrassing, humiliating etc for him. I tell him that I admire his bravery. Because his family works hard at their "masks" and I mean REAL hard, he has a "fog" after being with them. They give WH positive reinforcement for maintaining his facade whilst the people who are in this world where he lives, works and mostly socialises positively reinforce his character development.

 

TBH that brings a stark difference to the fore in my mind as I type! The "masked" people have a far higher rate of substance abuse (alcohol etc) / use (prescription meds) than those in THIS world! Masked also spend far more time in partying etc.

This world in achievement in all sectors of their lives.

Masked: little or no self reflection.

This world: frequent discussion with each other on values & character.

 

As you said b4 merrmeade. This world is WH only chance. Not because it's superior but because he WANTS to be a part of this world. He wants to achieve and has been stunted in his PD growth for a life time in the masked world. I just spoke with him about this very point. WH totally understood. He agreed because he's "felt the difference between the 2 worlds for a long time". When driving to see his family he's going to visualize entering the peak of the iceberg of "self" ie personality. Then when driving home re-entering the base of the iceberg ie character. WH thinks that'll help clear his mind.

 

2. This is a kind of vulnerability that is only possible for a NPD when something really smacks them off the pedestal. I said mine experienced one of these 'life blows' but it didn't go far enough, certainly not this far.

LH: I think for the "smack off the pedestal" we can thank the OW. Thank you OW!!!!

 

3. Although, beware. They can talk the talk and walk the walk expected of them, too, if there's enough on the line. Be careful that he's not studying and copying vulnerability, for example, from you. I realized sadly at the end of MC, when I told him to go ahead and stop the appointments for financial reasons, that he'd been sort of conjuring up personal sadnesses so he could cry and show emotion. When I said in MC that he never showed how he felt about me or anything else, he talked about our visit with his sister who is dying and the way they communicated (without words) - so advanced, so intimate, you know. IC guy and I showed sympathy but later, I thought, "Oh, sh-t! What just happened? He still didn't say a damn thing about how he felt about me."

LH: He's waaaaaay too exhausted for him not to be processing.

At times he's thought ahead stuff and I am gobsmacked. Not with everything and not all the time but yeah.

 

4. But then. Tonight. Just now. We just got back from being with our sons' families. Both wives are expecting. One grandchild already here. Being all together is better than anything. I'm not ready to make the jump that would disturb such events. WH is part of that scene.

LH: to have calm and unified family times is a beautiful thing. Definitely one reason why we stay together - both of us.

After almost leaving us yesterday again. Which he should, should he want to (but it's his battle with his 'self' that is pulling him both ways - hence seems like more diagnoses to come) he made the monumental set of statements that haven't been said n4: I want to be with YOU Lion Heart as we watch our children grow. No one else, just you. It's too difficult sometimes. I'm afraid you won't love me know you know everything.

 

5. And the memories like that one up there from DECADES ago? He knows. He remembers. And he knows that I know and remember. If I get too understanding and admit to too much responsibility in the chilling series of events that tumulted us to Dday and he starts talking entitlement, victimhood and blame again, it doesn't take that much to remind him of his abuses and inject reality back into the memories.

LH: yes they do. Mine "hears" now. It hurts him like hell because he actually says sorry immediately now. Seldom said sorry in his life.

 

6. Also, I am NOT confused any more and cannot be confused. He does get that.

LH: as the pendulum swings I need to observe.

.

 

Footnote: my H b4 being A - type wayward, looked after me when they diagnosed my broken back. Youngest DD was 2yo.

He cared for me SO well when I was pregnant each time. He loved me so well. Fear was the precursor of each "event".

I'd had 5mths off work last year with other diagnoses for my health. My father and maternal g-father died just 9y older than me with identical beginnings to their eventual death.

Nothing excuses infidelity in my mind. I can see fear as part of my WH redirecting his attn.

I'm 99% recovered now.

I couldn't abandon WH in his worst hours / weeks / months after all he HAS done for me in mine.

 

We may end D. Time will tell.

Lion Heart.

[beach]

My kids know strength from the example I've set for them in the past 10 years. They are young adults now and show their own strength... Especially by telling their Dad "NO" when he's unreasonable.

 

We still parent together (but separate). We are still parents and learned to respect each other's position.

 

 

I had help in understanding how to lead by example. I had to find my courage and strength and overcome my fears.

 

Once I got moving it became easier to see what that looked like for me. Easier to feel what seemed best.

 

His manipulation is no longer part of the equation - he stopped using that on us when he realized it no longer worked for him (it's all about him).

 

Not only is my exH narcisissitic but he also seems to be bipolar - so there are highs and lows that are unpredictable. It was chaotic to say the least.

 

 

I don't miss that emotional roller coaster. I have a sense of peace and calm now since he's further removed from my life. Arms length is ideal. He tries stepping in too close and I remind him he's no longer allowed to tell be what to do and how to do it.

 

I'm old too - but not so old that I didn't want to be free - I deserve happiness.

[merrmeade]

Dear Merrmeade,

 

You talk to me Sooooooo much. I hear you. LH Response.

 

Footnote: my H b4 being A - type wayward, looked after me when they diagnosed my broken back. Youngest DD was 2yo.

He cared for me SO well when I was pregnant each time. He loved me so well. Fear was the precursor of each "event".

I'd had 5mths off work last year with other diagnoses for my health. My father and maternal g-father died just 9y older than me with identical beginnings to their eventual death.

Nothing excuses infidelity in my mind. I can see fear as part of my WH redirecting his attn.

I'm 99% recovered now.

I couldn't abandon WH in his worst hours / weeks / months after all he HAS done for me in mine.

 

We may end D. Time will tell.

Lion Heart.

What IS it about you, LH? It's like you come through the "pages" (cyberspace?) and see what I didn't say.

 

And there is a huge, huge element in that right there. I mean, even my therapist isn't sure yet what to push yet and she hears and talks to me for an hour and a half twice a month.

 

There are lots of things that happen when we start a thread regardless of our role in a situation and a lot of reasons for posting. We get insight/confirmation, disturbance/resolution, comfort/discomfort. Sometimes we just need to vent.

 

One thing I've noticed is that when venting happens - either as the purpose of the thread or as a result - sometimes the venting is an end in itself. It's not necessarily a call for help or even a complete window into the situation.

 

I started the thread at a scary moment that suddenly brought back a whole life of similar situations. I coped differently and it was short-lived. But my memory buttons were pushed and I took everyone inside my Life With an NPD window for a tour of those memories. But, as LH said, it isn't the only window. I'm just now sort of sitting up, figuratively shaking my head to straighten out the contents after climbing back out that window. LH's post reminded me that there are other tiny and huge windows I actually haven't opened and invited LS in and probably won't.

 

Or how about another analogy:

I remember one of my kids went to an insanely difficult college. They warned us at orientation that our children would be calling us and 'dumping,' then going out and having a great time - which was exactly what he did. It didn't mean that it wasn't legitimate but that maybe it wasn't the whole story. Maybe he just needed to vent, maybe even exaggerate, in a safe place. We all need to tell our side with our 'safe' people.

 

I think there are a lot of threads where everybody starts getting impatient because the

OP

doesn't 'act' or take our advice. If you look at the real-life time of a thread, it's not really very long. People need time to own insights and decisions. It's not enough time to know everything relevant to make certain kinds of pronouncements or recommendations either. And maybe the

OP

just needed to vent and there are many other sides we don't know.

 

I needed to vent the NPD crap and am not done because it doesn't go away. I got excellent advice, sobering tales that my own resounded with and options for how to think about my situation and myself. We need the solidarity and get lots more options and perspectives, but in the end we come back to our individual lives and make our own choices.

 

I love LS for all of this, for its hugely democratic, messy way of dealing with information and life. No structure is forced on us. We're allowed to create our own within certain humanistic parameters (The Guidelines?). Is it time to move to the Water Cooler?

Edited April 8, 2015 by merrmeade

[merrmeade]

(Took out some rambling paragraphs in case you already read the pre-edited part. Must learn to stay on topic...)

 

I want to bow my head to Lion Heart here. Whatever I've said, whatever I've understood is nothing to what she's putting herself through. You are my hero, my dear. My only fear for you is the same one I have for myself, but I think you're going to be better off just because of how you are.

 

That is, we give SO MUCH of ourselves to make everyone around us better human beings. When things are normal and stable, we get back as much or more than we give, but at times like these, we might awake one day depleted. More often than not nowadays, I feel like my cache of wisdom and personal power has been sacked and I'm just trying to survive, scraping through a day at a time, seeing evidence of my freely given treasures on this person or that.

 

I mean, I don't think that will happen to you, LH. That's why I said you reminded me of my DD (that stands for "dear daughter," right?). All her life, I've noticed she found original but effective ways to 'process' hurt, trauma, personal mistakes, accidents. It was as if she was born with a gene for emotional regeneration. Example: When she was 3, she had an operation. For months, maybe over a year, she'd have me read a Menninger Foundation children's book at her preschool with real pictures of a real little girl having an operation. At home, she'd play "operation." In other words, she made her own therapy.

 

But you do much more than excellent self- therapy, LH. You live true to yourself with a superhuman capacity to guide others just by being yourself. Don't give it all away.

Edited April 8, 2015 by merrmeade

[Lion Heart]

Thankyou Merrmeade. For everything you've shared here. I know it's not everything. Never could be.

 

What is ACTUALLY happening in my life (simplified) is that I already know what the challenges are IF we do D. I can foresee most of the identical issues because I've lived through them WITH this WH when dealing with my exWH but most especially his DD. It's this DD that's brought wisdom to my WH. He's seen the sudden movement away from him by his chn (now). He knows if he were to D then all the fairy tales of how great a part time dad is, is false to HIM.

 

My WH is seeing an IC for the very first time. He is being diagnosed. It is making sense to him when he reflects on his lifetime decisions. For the first time in his life he's getting answers to they "Why do I do___???? Why Lion Heart? " I never knew. I couldn't answer him.

It is crushing him on one level and empowering him very slowly on ALL levels. He's being brave in going through whatever he HAS to, to improve his life and indeed ALL our lives.

 

WH could very easily go "kaput I'm done" and boy has THAT been tempting for both of us. His life would be relieved on the physical level but he KNOWS his self would be forever retarded.

He's helped me get well physically for 15y! I got alopecia when breastfeeding the twins after my mother was jailed. He knew how to research exactly what herbs to formulate and fed me that formula for a year and healed me.

 

Now we have another set of illnesses, mental illnesses. His.

IMO it would be morally wrong for me to desert him now. Just when he's getting answers and processing. Getting help from

3-5 mental health professionals. We have the psychological support if he stays.

 

I'm not saying I'm a martyr - G** forbid. It's not that at all. It's time staying with a person I've built a life and family and future with. A man who's walking the tough lonely road of illness. It is not of his conscious doing. He accepts responsibility for his choices though. THEY were conscious but ofcourse I concede influenced by his minds make up and upbringing. He WANTS better for HIS chn. That's why he's blatantly gone against almost all of his own parent's style. The arguments he's had to have with them over 15y! Woah!

 

My family never question my parenting. It's so similar to theirs.

 

Merrmeade I get you. It's the good you share not the bad that keeps you there. Me too. It's up to us to squeeze as MUCH GOOD into this situation as possible. In the past I've bailed immediately. In this M we have proven to be the 5% who've survived this or that x 100. Maybe this will be another occasion, I really hope so. But if not I'm willing to D. I've certainly never in my life been one to take other's advice then act on it, gosh I'd have no children, no property, nor career, nor M. I've got what I've got because of me. It's my strength and determination that will be the 50% making of this M or the 100% making of my life after D.

 

Regardless of anything LS has helped me see OP povs.

And ofcourse led me to you.

 

HOLIDAY TODAY! My kids are still sleeping. I'm EXCITED!!!

XX Galloping Lion Heart

[merrmeade]

HOLIDAY TODAY! My kids are still sleeping. I'm EXCITED!!!XX Galloping Lion Heart

This would be really cute if it weren't so serious. this would have been a great movie, too.

[flowergirl14]

The real issue here is understanding what it is you have with the person you married and what your rights are. Once you know what the truth is you can decide what is best for you and your children and not just what is best for your children.

 

The first thing to remember is that being a married monogamist couple is a free and voluntary choice, it is both your choices to enter into a covenant with each other. You choose to be joined to each other for life and it is your word to each other that joins you. Many confuse the ceremony as an important part of the binding, the ceremony is only the public display of the covenant you gave to each other.

 

People get married for many reasons but the reason that motivated me was love. The advantages of doing so include:

 

. Establishing yourselves as legal parents of your offspring.

. Gives both husband and wife partial monopolistic rights to their spouses domestic and labour services.

. Gives both husband and wife monopoly in their spouses sexuality.

. Gives both husband and wife partial or total control over property belonging or potentially accruing to each spouse.

. Establishing a joint fund of property for the benefit of the children of the marriage.

 

The only difference between being married in a church or married on a beach is that one is considered to be Divinely established but both are legally recognized. When one of the spouses decides to break that covenant by being adulterous, well consideration for their spouse is out the window, they have broken their covenant with them. The contract divine or otherwise is over because their word did not stand. Regardless of your sorry a$$ excuse, you like the thrill, he/she is powerful, she had amazing breasts, he's so handsome, you were drunk, it's done, you are in breech of your contract. You can come up with all kinds of BS to cover the real problem, you. Wanting an open relationship crap that never works because now your asking your spouse to give up their monopolistic rights because of your fu*k up. Asking them to embrace polygamy to make yourself feel better because you want to continue to chase strange is further betrayal.

 

Demand your rights, fire them for betraying you, terminate the contract. Why spend years in hope they finally get it because what if they don't? You can always re marry them if they can prove to you that they fixed what was wrong and are now the person you deserve in your life. You deserve to be happy, you don't deserve to be used. Do not act out of fear because a lifetime is too long to waste.

 

These are the kind of posts that get me fired up! In a good way! As my screen name suggests Im more like a flower and need to be more like a warrior. Mermeade does too. Hopeing the both of us will change!

[beach]

Merm - have you read Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie

[merrmeade]

Merm - have you read Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie

beach, I can't and won't. SIL (OW) lived by that book, told me that she and I were codependents in one of the disturbing phone conversations we had a few months after Dday. THAT book I cannot read.

[Lion Heart]

beach, I can't and won't. SIL (OW) lived by that book, told me that she and I were codependents in one of the disturbing phone conversations we had a few months after Dday. THAT book I cannot read.

 

Gee merrmeade, I guess that book helped SIL be so independent that she decided to be codependent on someone else's H. Maybe not the books fault! What a joke.

LH

[merrmeade]

I mean, beach, I am not averse to the idea. It's just that THAT particular book is a major trigger for me. The MC therapist we went to for a couple of months in the beginning after Dday said I was just the opposite of codependent, having spent months and months away from him at a time with little to no communication. And OW was dependent on him for everything. She shared everything with him (I read all their emails). Wouldn't buy a car without getting his input - and this was for a hybrid, which I know for a fact he knew nothing about, yet still advised her. I mean, she had it bad.

 

The fact is that I don't admire or lean on my husband for anything. Another fact is that he is undiagnosed NPD, but even my IC therapist seemed relieved when we finally just got down and dirty and started calling him that and talking about stuff I could read. I think that, if codependent is the counterpart to a narcissist spouse, then maybe I qualify that way. Anyway the name doesn't matter; it's the fact of the situation that does.

 

So one fact is that the further we get from Dday and from the 2nd MC, the more my H has started donning his NPD behaviors again. The more he does that, the more I genuinely, deeply dislike him. THIS is the real problem now above and beyond the A(s). I see the A (now) as a manifestation of his NPD. If I acknowledge any responsibility - like I was out of the country and left him in deed if not in spirit - he will essentially imply that he had no choice but to use her and prostitute himself to survive. Maybe I sound heartless and agree the whole scene was insanely f--ked up, but the fact also is that that 'choice' he made simply would not have been a choice in any world that I have lived in or will live in. And the fact that he sees it as having no choice - just really disgusts me. It's an excuse. It's admitting your values don't extend to all situations (which is having none).

 

When there was still hope for intimacy, mutual understanding and growth together, I was all in for that and hoping he'd really changed. But since we stopped MC a few months ago, he's been sliding back into entitlement, self-pity, blame-shifting (passive-aggressivity). And the more I do IC, the clearer I get about what Healthy looks and feels like and the more I see how he ain't it.

 

He often remembers a period when we lived in another state and says I rejected him or something like that. The fact is I was happy and healthy. He was miserable and made others miserable. He's getting like that again.

 

You asked - sort of.

[Lion Heart]

beach, I can't and won't. SIL (OW) lived by that book, told me that she and I were codependents in one of the disturbing phone conversations we had a few months after Dday. THAT book I cannot read.

 

Hi Merrmeade,

 

I read something today that answered a concept I've been pondering and I see reflected here on your thread. I'm going to stay at Ks farm tomorrow, so I prayed for clarity on this topic b4 I saw her and got it today. K besides being a psych, is so very much more evolved than me, at the very least theoretically but also alot in her physical life. She challenges me ALOT. Certainly in the realms of spiritual development but forcing this along with the manifestation into my physical life and DEFINITELY in forming the minds of my children.

 

So moving onto the concepts of codependence / independence / interdependence and relating these to M and family, it could be assumed that because I (we) have made the decision to remain M or at least in the reaction to D Day, did NOT permanently kick WH butt to the curb that somehow there are major codependence issues within me (possibly us MM).

 

The underlying premise in any major decisions I make is whether I can "sit easy" or live with my own decision. After all I'm the ONLY person who's gonna live with me till the day I die.

I realized this as a teenager and live by it. I couldn't give a rat's bum what other people think of me. This may appear as an abrasive attitude but it's true. OPs opinions of me are none of my business and at times I've said exactly that.

This doesn't detract from the fact I care deeply for OP. I do.

I also make it quite clear when I am asking other's their advice.

I also love to learn from others but I do take into consideration whether they have the "credibility" (not quals) which has been demonstrated in their lives not just merely words spouted (or spat) out of their mouths. This ^^^^ is certainly not directed at anyone on LS.

 

SO today I found Habit 4 "Think win-win" in Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of H. E. Families.

 

My aim for my M and family is win-win.

I'm not going to remain in a M that's a lose - win. ie. "I'm a martyr. Go ahead, step on me. Have your way with me. Everyone else does." No way. I'm assertive. I've certainly felt depleted at times whilst raising children and since D Day but

it's a gradual state I'm aware of and my parenting style comes from a surplus model (as opposed to deficit model) which means it's self regenerating. Not detracting.

 

There's also a win-lose scenario. This is divorce for me. I know I would have major "wins" and psychs tell me this as if THIS would make me happy. Thinking my WH would lose and I would win??? Very wrong assessment of the state of our M. I KNOW HE WOULD LOSE but I am NOT happy at all that my "win" means his "loss".

 

So this leads to "win-win". K made a very early assessment of the hopes for our M after D Day. She said something like this (keeping in mind she's counselled lots of people post A).

"For some couples an A is a "hiccup" (excuse me while I nearly vomit lol) and in this case the A serves as a catalyst for each person in the M to do some earnest soul searching but come together and build a much stronger M in which each person is far more fulfilled than previously.

 

K diagnosed the following scenario, where one partner's behaviours had developed and escalated to the point of an A and due to no serious introspection on their part (and K firmly predicted there would never be any sort of self evaluation of my WHs behaviours) to affect lasting change.

 

At this point K concedes that her prediction was wrong but I allow that she could be correct in the long term.

 

My point which is obviously still forming is this. A M is stronger when there are two people committed to turn "me" into "us".

As individuals these people may have been fiercely independent but when stepping into the "M state" unless we are willing to become interdependent then there really isn't the emotional investment and return to have fulfillment.

 

There were lots of quotes I wanted to add in an attempt to illustrate the concepts I'm forming in the hope others could contribute. But my post is already too long.

 

And our holiday has been wonderful. So relaxing. Kangaroos in the car park, possums, fruit bats and the rare koalas we can see from our room. My non-WH if there's an appropriate acronym for him now, visited and we all had a really nice few days. The next few days will be full of horses, donkeys, dogs & chickens. The kids love taking the marble sized ticks off the animals and smashing them with a hammer on the fence posts. Yeah. Yuk. My steel capped boots are my happy shoes there in the massive vegetable gardens as the brown snakes come out to say a friendly "hello Lion Heart". Mmmm mindfulness as they slither past! Ks longest resident brown was 2 metres.

 

So if I return unscathed LOL I'd love to see other's thoughts on the different dependencies etc.

 

Sunny wishes from mid North Coast of Oz,

Lion Heart.

[beach]

How is it that he has the ability to "make you unhappy"? That's on him. The cheating is his, not yours. His feelings are his own and not yours to take on.

 

If nothing changes - then nothing changes. What do you plan to change to make this better for yourself?

 

It's only up to you - you are in control of decisions to make your own life happy. That is soley up to you.

 

Make decisions to be sure you will be happy. Start with today.

[merrmeade]

Dear LH,

 

You've touched so many hearts on LS. You know that, right? I love lisbon's flowers and cheers to you. For myself, I am ready to jump on a 500-hr flight to come see you and the "kangaroos in the car park, possums, fruit bats and the rare koalas," your kids "taking the marble sized ticks off the animals and smashing them with a hammer on the fence posts."

 

As for what to call non-WH, is there a father-of-my-children acronym? And I have a few more things to say about that based on what you so strategically have shared here and my own experience.

 

Okay, based on what you've shared, I think all the info about his issues, diagnosis and minimally optimistic prognosis have had a profound and empowering result for you. That is, you know you're on your own either way.

 

If he stays, you know it's stupid to count on him; you'll probably be disappointed. The hard part is remembering not to have expectations BUT being able to give, love and be vulnerable IN PART. But I tell you, if anyone I've 'met' here can do it, you can, my dear. You have your own spiritual life. That is a lot and gives you the perspective, peace and strength. You have a huge social network. Though you have these personal resources, you still have the right to choose what is best for you (vs for your children).

 

Obviously, if he goes, you will still do right by your children and keep him involved in their lives. That is a given because you are a responsible parent.

 

But because he is NPD, you have other layers of responsibility to your children which will be the same, whether he stays or goes. Regardless of where he is in relation to you, you will have to help your children deal with their disappointments when he fails to meet expectations; you will help them learn to adjust expectations for the next time. You must support and give conversation to their needs for love and approval that he, as an NPD parent, can never give unconditionally. Though my kids have a pretty realistic appraisal of their dad's emotional capabilities, I still hover ready to intervene if his entitlement begins to feed on their feelings of 'responsibility,' especially as he and they get older. This is why I say to you, don't let the children sway your decision whether or not to keep or boot him. Precisely because of the way he is, you - with or without him - must always be vigilant on their behalf.

 

With that in mind, I, merrmeade, give you carte blanche permission to dump non-WH and go the way that your big lion heart needs and deserves to bring even bigger love, happiness and safety into yours and your children's lives.

 

Love,

merrmeade

 

PS

I had no idea where this was going but am quite happy with where it's ended up - exactly as it should be on this "Don't know where this is going" thread of mine. Because THAT - losing my 'self' in some act of otherness - invariably enables me to find my 'self.' So thanks. For real: Thanks.

Edited April 13, 2015 by merrmeade

[merrmeade]

good-bye

 

good-bye

[beach]

good-bye

 

good-bye

 

What does this mean Merm?

 

You ok?

Edited April 15, 2015 by beach

[Lion Heart]

Hi Merrmeade,

 

Thankyou so much for that very personalized response. You nailed it.

 

Why did you say "goodbye" ?????

 

You are most welcome to take that flight! Two can fit in the meditation room! Lol.

 

I'm home now and after venturing 1000 acres of bushland full of brown snakes and even catching a funnel web spider in Ks bathroom, I got stung by a spider on my neighbour's lawn when I got home! Swollen foot. She'll be right mate! Maybe not! Might end up in emergency back in the burbs later tonight.

Twin 2 got a wasp sting getting into bed, a spider bite near the bonfire then a green ant bite on his foot after face planting the gravel in a game! And the car is CAKED in mud! It was GREAT! Ha ha.

 

Still the book I grabbed off Ks shelf was perfect. "The Road Less Travelled". WH copied and pasted again! Geez.

 

Needless to say I didn't want to come home.

 

Ok my foot has drastically changed shape, better go.

Limping Lion Heart!

Many hugs and kisses I missed you and LS.