LibraLover Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Hello everyone, this is my first post here and i would like you to give me your opinion about the issue regarding a girl i'm in love. I'm still in love with her, at least once a day i think something of her (mostly about if she is laughing or is in any kind of problem). Beware it's a long text and it might be a bit confused, just ask something and will constantly reply. Thanks, cheers. Now here's the long story and novel I met a girl trough a friend of mine and she is gay, so i though here's another chance to have one more friend of the opposite sex. After months of enjoying ourselves, me, her and two other male friends, she started to introduce her friends and among them one pretty and shy girl caught my eye. In the middle of our friendship, my friend (the one that presented her) told me that she most likely was having feelings for me because she always laughs at what i say (even when i'm sarcastic), the way she reacts when i'm near, her eyes glittering, asking about me when i'm not around, etc. After he told me that i started watching for those signs and they showed up. So, here i was, with a girl i like as a friend that as feelings for me, and i have feelings for a girl that is her friend. Started thinking how to solve the problem and decided that i was going to talk with her about the signs she shows towards and the feelings i have for her friend. Everything went fine, she laughed at it and confirmed to be true about her feelings with me and blessed me regarding her friend (gave me the specific advice about being patience and approach slowly). Somewhere between this event about feelings from one side to another, my friend started to show his own problems. His problems were about women in general, basically because he is a man that knows a lot of women but none of them gets intimate with him, they all stay in the friend zone with him and more to that he always brings them near his friends and what happens is that they get intimate with them (not all of course). This time happened to me, a girl which is gay having feelings for me (male) and not him, but the strangest part is that he always told me he didn't want anything with her, not because she is gay, but because her girlfriend is his friend also. I got a bit confused and then started thinking about how he is around women and the conclusions are simple, he is extremely desperate, desperate enough that he is also close to all women that are engaged, always with the hope that she might, just might want something if she starts being single. I'm telling you this because it's important for the rest of the drama. Anyway i felt bad and decided to help him. So, among a lot of advices, one specific that i told him is that he must release the desire to pursue all women at the same time and being needy and try and focus only on one of them until, either gets rejected or things go well (going for a lot of women at the same time, especially if they are friends with each other is extremely risky). I told these advices and we spoke about his problems and i told him about what i did regarding our mutual gay girlfriend and he already knew my feelings for her friend, then i told him to follow my advices, that i will help him along the way with other women (trying to drive them towards him for example) and then he could see which one he connected best and try something, BUT, leave that specific one for me, the girl i have feelings, i told him, you can have all women in the world i don't care, my eyes and heart are on that one. What happened was that while i was flirting with the girl i have feelings, he also was talking with her on facebook and all other girls, basically ignoring the advice i gave him about lots of women, the request i made regarding that specific one, but started using my words, my flirting techniques and so on, and i notice his charm started to shine. I got mad about, only because he didn't follow my request about that specific girl, the rest i don't mind and i'm actually happy because what i said is giving him some results in self esteem. After flirting with by beautiful crush slowly and patient for a month or two (like our mutual gay girlfriend told me) i noticed her signs of joy, but also noticed my friend constantly engaging her and i got mad and acted quickly so i would not lose her to him, and used a lot of things, and at the end it backfired towards me. What i meant about backfire is that she rejected me, saying things like, "you are putting me in an uncomfortable position", "i'm sorry i gave you the wrong impression", etc... I read the message and i knew she was right, first of all i suddenly acted desperate and needy just like my friend does, which is a major turnout and the funniest thing is that i knew that going to direct and quick would ruin everything i did, but the madness took me (always learning ). Now, my reply to her rejection was with ease, no problems at all, i told her that it's alright, that i understand her space, and if she feels uncomfortable around me i will simply back off and not be with our mutual gay girlfriend or others friends, i don't want to ruin her world, her environment, etc, and she replied again saying no need for that and stay cool and never speak of it again. Weeks later we all went on a night out to a bar and i noticed she still looks at me the same way, when i'm not looking (well i am but she doesn't notice it) she looks at me and when i turn my head towards her, she turns away, and i stay turned towards her, waiting, and i'm feeling her wanting to turn also. She turns to me when i speak directly to her but she speaks fast and looks to her friends again like asking for help, lol, sometimes she just gazes to the floor and i never noticed aggressiveness or dislike towards me. Anyway among these signs, i also noticed her texting a lot on cell phone and after the bar a strange thing happened on their house, the girls started laughing and viewing something on her tablet and when i got up the chair she turned it off and stopped laughing, looked at me with her shin down and waited for me to pass. So i started thinking, she has another boy after her and she is very happy about it, time to back off and let her be. The day after, she posted on facebook the music of Sam Hunt "Take Your Time", which after reading the lyrics, it looks like it's representing what happened on the bar and the way i reacted to the rejection plus the fact that i was going slowly to let her know me and let her gain trust in me and building a solid foundation. That made me remember something about that night, our mutual gay girlfriend hates when people laugh about others feelings and that night she was laughing on the tablet issue, so i'm starting to believe there was something funny but only girls could watch it and that's why she turned it off, and at the same time i remembered she has a friend that studies a lot of the "ways of men" and i'm thinking she was on her cell phone texting about me, theories, paranoia, i know, thats why i'm asking your opinion. Thanks, once more for the long and tedious reading... Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 What i meant about backfire is that she rejected me, saying things like, "you are putting me in an uncomfortable position", "i'm sorry i gave you the wrong impression", etc... I read the message and i knew she was right, first of all i suddenly acted desperate and needy just like my friend does, which is a major turnout and the funniest thing is that i knew that going to direct and quick would ruin everything i did, but the madness took me (always learning ). Her response -- "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression" is what you need to hold on to. Now, my reply to her rejection was with ease, no problems at all, i told her that it's alright, that i understand her space, and if she feels uncomfortable around me i will simply back off and not be with our mutual gay girlfriend or others friends, i don't want to ruin her world, her environment, etc, and she replied again saying no need for that and stay cool and never speak of it again. You handled this well -- continue to be your most relaxed self around her. No one can know her intentions of posting that song on Facebook. She knows you like her. If her feelings ever change, she'll make it known. Just carry on and continue to do you. Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 You seem to be pretty smooth with girls, I can detect this. However, you are making the mistake of being biased. Of course you will see certain things a certain way, because that's the way you want them. You already tried to tell her you like her... she isn't waiting for you to tell her again. Recognize this for what it is, and move on. And stop being friends with females, it's a surefire way to fail. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LibraLover Posted April 6, 2015 Author Share Posted April 6, 2015 thanks for the replies... being myself and staying cool is what I'm thinking about doing and i also think time will tell if she likes or not, she already knows about my side, can't do anything more about it, can't insist, a person is free to choose what they want in their own timing... "Strength in Healing", why do you say to stop being friends with females it's a way to fail?? i understand that after having a girlfriend and having other females as friends brings some problems, like thrust issues with the girlfriend, jealous things, etc, but that happens when in a loving relationship with someone Link to post Share on other sites
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