Do I break up with him?

[amd]

I've been together with my boyfriend for almost a year...I'm 22 and he's 30. On the surface everything is great...he's a completely nice guy, we've grown close emotionally and I trust him completely. But ever since we met I've always had a voice in the back of my mind that told me that he was only "okay," I still don't have the feeling that I am in love with him, although I would say that I love who he is as a person. He's just not the kind of person I can see myself marrying, he is too needy for me and a little too attached to his parents still (he just moved out of their home a year ago...when he was 29). Although he is 30 he has the personality of a 10 year old (seriously!), which sometimes makes me annoyed and wishing he would act like a man every now and then. Also we do not enjoy a lot of the same activities, like going out to bars...but when I go out without him he starts complaining and acting like I don't spend enough time with him.

 

Even if I learn to accept all of his many annoyances, it all boils down to the fact that I am not in love with him now, and I seriously doubt I ever will be. I feel really sad about this because he is a great guy, but I don't think he is the right person for me. Do I sound crazy for wanting to give up a good relationship? He is always there for me and is the most gentleman-ly guy I have ever met, but something about his personality just makes me cringe. How do I break up with him? How do you tell someone you are not in love with him without hurting their feelings too much? He has said repeatedly and jokingly (I hope) that he would "jump off a cliff" if I ever broke up with him. He thinks his life would be "ruined" if I broke up with him because he thinks since he's past 30 no one will ever go out with him (I think it's all just a desperate attempt for sympathy). Yes we've talked about this casually, which makes me wonder if he's already scared or anticipating that I am going to break up with him. I just know I have to do it, and recently I have thought about when I was going to do it, but I always chicken out and make up an excuse not to do it. But I know this break-up is inevitable. I would really appreciate some advice about this, I'm just very confused and tired of making excuses!!

[Tony T]

Don't let him hold you emotional hostage. You are not happy in this relationship, at least you hold out no hope for it going any further, and you need to get out of it. Break up with him today.

 

Just let him know you really care for him but you are not ready for marriage now and you want to be free, out of a relationship, and be able to grow as an individual right now. Let him know that's your final answer, you can't be talked out of it if he starts pleading with you.

 

I promise you, it won't ruin his life. I've had girls break up with me and after I got home I was jumping for joy. Guys always kind of feel obligated to show the girl they feel bad. Of course, many really do. Believe me, in the long run a guy will realize it's not in his best interest to be with a lady who doesn't want to be with him.

 

And don't feel sorry for him. A guy in his 30's, even in his 40's, is in an excellent position to attract young, beautiful ladies. Many women are attracted to older men because they are usually more mature and financially stable. You just happened to find one to wasn't quite there yet...but breaking up with him may help him to grow a little. Besides, you aren't in charge of his social life...you are only in charge of YOUR life.

 

Breaking up isn't an easy thing. It's worse than a root canal but you can do it in an evening. There is pain, whether you're the dumper or the dumpee, but time will heal things and you can move on.

 

You're just going to have to sit him down and tell him straight out and do it today or tonight. Don't put this off. If he acts irrational about it, this will be proof positive you've made the right decision. Any decent, mature man will not make doing this difficult for a lady who feels she must.

 

As you get older, you get sharper in determining who is right for you. The best thing to remember is don't spend a lot of time with guys who you don't feel good about.