Realization and pain for the DUMPER

[Price2Play]

Yeah, what is up with all these weaklings who can't properly break up and have to have a safety net ?!?

 

It's a good question but deep down I think their self-esteem is shot? Possible abandonment issues? I really thought she was a confident woman but deep down I don't believe she is?

I think some people are addicted to love & constant attention/validation otherwise they don't feel of any value to themselves?

[Throldur]

It's a good question but deep down I think their self-esteem is shot? Possible abandonment issues? I really thought she was a confident woman but deep down I don't believe she is?

I think some people are addicted to love & constant attention/validation otherwise they don't feel of any value to themselves?

 

This is precisely it. Usually it stems from their family life. They never got the love/validation/attention they sought from their parents. So they try to get it from other sources until the honeymoon phase ends, the relationship gets serious, and attention/focus isn't always on them, they don't hear the things they're used to hearing, then it's on to the next person who gives them that attention/validation they seek because they are still trying to get it from their parents.. they don't love themselves because if their own parents don't, why would anyone else?

[NC-Thomas]

I love this. It brought tears to my eyes, because I remember so distinctly the moments when that realization hit me, that my exs have moved on. Much, much better to try and accept it from the beginning, it kills when it sinks in later. But very well said.

 

I think this holds some truth. Good thinking!

 

Hope is often the last resort for someone holding onto the part of themselves that got lost when they broke up. Because whatever we lose, was an investment in another person. An investment for shared happiness.

 

I so happy I got to realize, after my breakup, that happiness comes from within. And that it is vital to keep this as a sustained source within yourself for you to use. Because if you don't have this, gave it up for someone or stopping investing in it, we create hope. Now we desperately seek this source within someone else.

 

I'm not saying having hope is bad. But all human emotions have to be balanced in a healthy manner. When some person after BU is extremely hopeful, it's often because this big load of unhealthy stockpiled hope is a doorway to being a desperate and needy person that seeks for inner compensation of a lost of underdeveloped quality (the power to feel self-sustainable in terms of being overall satisfied and happy with life... alone).

 

Therefore I think you can conclude that HOPE is basically a black hole that sucks massive amounts of energy into a vast space of nothingness. HOWEVER, because we, as human being are in the process of processing a shocking event, hope is a natural and primal response to something that got lost. I think it can be compared to a mother desperately looking for her child. Because in the end, no person in this world wants to lose someone they (blood-) bonded with.

 

My conclusion is that hope is a natural emotion, but it takes a strong person to see hope for what it can truly be sometimes: a desperate search for compensation of lost inner happiness, lost energy better to be used for accepting the situation and rather investing in a solid self-sustainable inner form of strength.

 

My search to being a better person on this level has started here on LS, in particular to some very wise posts by enlightened members. Work on being self-sustainable in order to be happy. I have actively chosen to work on this before I bite into another RS. Because a RS should be additional happyness, not aiding or be in any compensation form for my lack of that quality.

Edited April 5, 2015 by NC-Thomas

[Throldur]

I think this holds some truth. Good thinking!

 

Hope is often the last resort for someone holding onto the part of themselves that got lost when they broke up. Because whatever we lose, was an investment in another person. An investment for shared happiness.

 

I so happy I got to realize, after my breakup, that happiness comes from within. And that it is vital to keep this as a sustained source within yourself for you to use. Because if you don't have this, gave it up for someone or stopping investing in it, we create hope. Now we desperately seek this source within someone else.

 

I'm not saying having hope is bad. But all human emotions have to be balanced in a healthy manner. When some person after BU is extremely hopeful, it's often because this big load of unhealthy stockpiled hope is a doorway to being a desperate and needy person that seeks for inner compensation of a lost of underdeveloped quality (the power to feel self-sustainable in terms of being overall satisfied and happy with life... alone).

 

Therefore I think you can conclude that HOPE is basically a black hole that sucks massive amounts of energy into a vast space of nothingness. HOWEVER, because we, as human being are in the process of processing a shocking event, hope is a natural and primal response to something that got lost. I think it can be compared to a mother desperately looking for her child. Because in the end, no person in this world wants to lose someone they (blood-) bonded with.

 

My conclusion is that hope is a natural emotion, but it takes a strong person to see hope for what it can truly be sometimes: a desperate search for compensation of lost inner happiness, lost energy better to be used for accepting the situation and rather investing in a solid self-sustainable inner form of strength.

 

My search to being a better person on this level has started here on LS, in particular to some very wise posts by enlightened members. Work on being self-sustainable in order to be happy. I have actively chosen to work on this before I bite into another RS. Because a RS should be additional happyness, not aiding or be in any compensation form for my lack of that quality.

 

For me.. I have an incredible family. I've never had a career goal in mind, basically anything that I can do that will allow me the finances necessary to travel, play sports, have a family etc. is all that I need (going to Human Resources training in September). I fulfilled my dream of playing ice hockey and taught myself to skate, play goal, and now play in 3 different leagues. I go to the gym, I'm a good drummer, I write and have had many things published.

 

Basically for me, my forever girl is the one thing that I've always wanted and it's the last piece of the puzzle to me. I had everything I had waited for and it just ended up not working out in the end because she had GIGS and lacked the maturity, self-love (that we're talking about here.. doesn't love herself seeks out honeymoon stage relationships to compensate for lack of love from her parents and herself) and will to actually work on something to make it last. Now, I struggle with what I struggled with when I was single before.. that my opinion of myself is not shared with strangers, that girls I like (which there are few since I won't settle and especially now that I had a girl who had every quality I wanted besides those personal qualities to make a relationship go the distance) don't see me for what I am, being an average looking guy certainly doesn't help. So my happiness is there on some level but now that I had EVERYTHING I wanted and don't have it anymore, it's hard to find the same joy I had before and it's all consuming this hope for a miracle.. her growing up and coming back to rectify her mistake or.. finding a girl that wants me, that I want, and we can go the distance.

[NC-Thomas]

Basically for me, my forever girl is the one thing that I've always wanted and it's the last piece of the puzzle to me. I had everything I had waited for and it just ended up not working out in the end because she had GIGS and lacked the maturity, self-love (that we're talking about here.. doesn't love herself seeks out honeymoon stage relationships to compensate for lack of love from her parents and herself) and will to actually work on something to make it last. Now, I struggle with what I struggled with when I was single before.. that my opinion of myself is not shared with strangers, that girls I like (which there are few since I won't settle and especially now that I had a girl who had every quality I wanted besides those personal qualities to make a relationship go the distance) don't see me for what I am, being an average looking guy certainly doesn't help. So my happiness is there on some level but now that I had EVERYTHING I wanted and don't have it anymore, it's hard to find the same joy I had before and it's all consuming this hope for a miracle.. her growing up and coming back to rectify her mistake or.. finding a girl that wants me, that I want, and we can go the distance.

 

I don't want to be rude, but I think there is a contradiction in the bolded text. Obviously she was not everything you wanted.

 

Consider life to finding that joy on your own and consider a partner additional value in your life. You may want a partner, but you don't need a partner. Once you understand this difference, you will accept your own happiness to be fulfilling enough to lead a good life. Women notice this, and then you will likely attract that girl that comes closer to "everything" you want in life.

 

Don't wait nor hope for the miracle to happen. There is no Morgan Freeman God up there giving you happiness. You must create it.