The most confusing woman in the world?

[fool100]

The ex gf and I started out as just friends , she is a really good friend with a guy friend of mine. We started to hang out more and more and it was becoming obvious that there was attraction on both parts . Then one day she told me; she liked things the way they are right now , just as friends.So we agreed to be just friends.. I was a little dissapointted but I really liked her just as a friend , so I was OK with it. A few days later we were hanging out at her place , we started wrestling on the couch and I kissed her , she kissed me back and we started making out.She then reminded me what she had said about just being friends ,but said "what the hell ,it feels so right. "

 

We were together as a couple for about three months and we got along amazing , we had so much fun together. We just clicked so well, but I always got the feeling she was hesitant or nervous about the relationship. we would kiss for hours , but she wouldnt have intercourse with me , we would do evrything else except intercourse. I was fine with that , I was very patient with her and she told me she appreciated that. It just that I feel she did this because she was unsure of a commitment to me.

 

She tried to break up with me one day , because she thought I was not commited to a relationship to her, I proved to her how much I cared about her and things were goog for a couple of weeks . She broke up with me again and gave me some lame excuse and told me she didn't want to be involved with me,she kissed me before telling me this though .So,she was calling me again a few days later and asked me back after a couple of weeks. We spent a couple of nights together then she started to avoid me and broke up with me again. Told me she wanted to be just friends like we agreed. I accepted this and tried to be her friend , but she was always giving me mixed signals (intimate touching).So,the being just friends bit was getting to me and I poured my heart out to her one day, she told me she was not interetesd in me anymore, but she asked me out a couple of days later. She was holding my hand for the first time in two months and being very touchy around me, she was even hugging me. She invited me on a camping trip with her friends (guys).

 

She asked me to come camping with her, and let me share her tent. the camping trip went Ok , but there seemed to be a little tension. So, after the trip she started to avoid me. Untill I called her up one day , she told me she was uncomfortable around me now and struggled for thinkd\s to say to me.

 

After a couple of months of NC I sent her a birthday card, she really loved it , and couldnt stop thanking me. .She talked about doing things together again in the future.We were talking for hours again and even being a little flirtatious. She asked me out a couple of times and we made plans to camping again with other friends .

 

She invited a guy she dated briefly about a year ago. The first day I was a little cold around him ,but I started to talk to him the next couple of days. Me and the ex had a great time ,and everybody else. The ex and were just being friends but she was paying more attention to me than the other two guys ,she even snuggled up to me around the campfire .I thought the trip went well. After the trip I started getting the feeling she was avoiding me again,but she was very busy and stressed over her graduate studies ,so I left it at that.

 

Now, after a few weeks I knew she was avoiding me , I just tried to be nice to her hoping she would stop avoiding me, but after a couple of months It was starting to really bother me .I would see her around and she would talk to me one day and ignore the next for no reason , I couldnt figure it out . So, I tried to avoid her,but when we saw each other she was always very friendly and talkitive to me.The longer we didnt see each other the more talkitive she was.

 

Last week I called her to ask her why she was avoiding me.Her reason ;she did not feel comfortable around me because I was "cold" to her friend at the camping trip.That blew me away ,I thought we had an awesome time. She said she couldnt be with someone who was not nice to her friends. She told me I was always good to her ,and she had a lot of fun with me , but I was not friendly to others. I am a shy person and not the most outgoing person in the world but I am not unfriendly to people.I do try to be social, i just give a bad first impression with some people.

 

It seems like as soon as things get to close for her comfort she looks for any reason to get away from the relationship.She never tells me when something bothers her , she would rather just end the relationship. I have never once put any pressure on her , I never talked about relationship stuff, I always treid to keep it light and fun. I took things real slow .I always let her make all the first moves. She use to tell me that I was "different and not like other guys. I am just really frustrated now.

 

When we went camping we were "just friends". So why is it that her other friends are more important to her than me?

 

Any opinions on this please.

 

BTW she is 33.

[whichwayisup]

Seems like an ego thing. She wants you but doesn't want you. Wants your interest in her but then ya show it and she backs off.

 

Let her go. It's a stupid rollercoaster you are on and she isn't worth it. What do YOU get out of this friendship? You put her first and think of her feelings...Seems she's not of yours so why bother?

 

At 33 she's playing this game with you and not committing?? She ain't interested in pursuing a long term friendship. You are a FWB and that's all. (Friend with Benefits.) Sorry to be harsh about it but unless you're inlove with her and want to continue this path hoping someday she'll fall inlove with you - Back off and find someone else who will treat you better and want to be with you without all that BS!

[PowerRanger1]

whichwayisup is right. You need to stop seeing her altogether. no more "friend" stuff.

[Marshbear]

She doesn't want to commit and backs away when it gets uncomfortable for her. The avoidance is her safety net. She feels guilty sometimes so she talks to you then backs away again. This will go on and on if you let it. What are you getting out of this friendship? She is just using the bad treatment of her friend to keep distance between you and her. You told her how you feel and she still doesn't want to try so I would do what is best for you and back away. If she can go months without talking to you then are you really friends? O know it'a hard when you care for someone but for your own emotional health you need to stay away and find someone who appreciates you.....

[foll100]

Thanks Marshbear

 

I think you nailed it exactly ,you helped me understand this woman. We dont talk anymore , but it is hard because we share a really good mutual friend.