bamawsp Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 While in the shower this morning, she entered the bathroom and said she is having a nervous breakdown and has constant thoughts of harming herself. I got out of the shower and embraced her. The reality is sinking in. I left with the kids for their soccer games with her in bed crying. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 While in the shower this morning, she entered the bathroom and said she is having a nervous breakdown and has constant thoughts of harming herself. I got out of the shower and embraced her. The reality is sinking in. I left with the kids for their soccer games with her in bed crying. Get her some real medical/psychiatric help. Another poster's wife actually committed suicide in a very similar situation. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 Get her some real medical/psychiatric help. Another poster's wife actually committed suicide in a very similar situation. ^^^ This ^^^ 2 Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 Bama- What is she really upset about? Is it because she cannot afford an attorney to fight back? Or is it because you are divorcing her? She may need to be "Baker Acted" (involuntary institutionalization and examination here in FL) there may be an equivalent process where you reside. Her parents need to make that call though, unless she is a serious imminent danger to herself that you can see. The reason her parents need to be involved is so it does not appear later that you are acting out of spite. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted April 4, 2015 Author Share Posted April 4, 2015 Bama- What is she really upset about? Is it because she cannot afford an attorney to fight back? Or is it because you are divorcing her? She may need to be "Baker Acted" (involuntary institutionalization and examination here in FL) there may be an equivalent process where you reside. Her parents need to make that call though, unless she is a serious imminent danger to herself that you can see. The reason her parents need to be involved is so it does not appear later that you are acting out of spite. She is upset about the divorce. She has retained counsel and my attorney expects a response to the filing no later than Tuesday. I had to get the kids to their games but I will be tending to her immediately after the games. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 Very puzzling??? If I read her actions right, she was and is still unwilling to get rid of the pot head OM and work on her M. But actually did not really want you to divorce her after all, even while she herself threatened you with D previously? This seems insane honestly, what does she want from you?? Are you supposed to live with her disrespect and pretend to be a normal couple? Sorry I don't mean to rehash old stuff, but I can't understand how her thought processes are working right now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 Very puzzling??? If I read her actions right, she was and is still unwilling to get rid of the pot head OM and work on her M. But actually did not really want you to divorce her after all, even while she herself threatened you with D previously? This seems insane honestly, what does she want from you?? Are you supposed to live with her disrespect and pretend to be a normal couple? Sorry I don't mean to rehash old stuff, but I can't understand how her thought processes are working right now. I guess she is self medicating with the pot. She has issues, she had a terrible childhood and a close mother figure of hers was murdered recently, for instance. This is not just simple cheating for the sake of some fun, this was a lot more complicated I guess. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 Bama This is truly crazy and she needs to be institutionalized. All through this she has been the aggressor. Telling you that you are worst husband on earth, all the infidelity, tirades at you in front of the kids, and the list goes on and on. And now she is upset at the divorce because you refuse to let her keep her pot head boyfriend and have you as the baby sitter. You have given her ample time to stop this **** and have gotten nothing but more abuse from her. Alert the authorities and her family . I assume by now they know what she has done and your divorce coming up. And get your kids away from this woman. Hurting herself is one thing but who knows what she might do to them as well. You are not qualified to figure out if she is seriously going to be more stupid than she already has. Turn her over to those who are, but this is no reason to stay married to her. I would not stop the divorce proceedings . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 I guess she is self medicating with the pot. She has issues, she had a terrible childhood and a close mother figure of hers was murdered recently, for instance. This is not just simple cheating for the sake of some fun, this was a lot more complicated I guess. Elaine- thanks for reminding me of that. She really needs professional help then. I hope she will seek it, if for nobody else sake, then for her children. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 Tell your in-laws that she's mentally unstable, but don't get close to her again now. She will have to stand on her own two feet sooner or later, and she has AP as her crutch too. Don't be her emotional tampon whenever she feels scared. She can turn around any time and be the same woman screaming bloody hell at you like the past few weeks; this could also be a tactic of hers aka emotional blackmail. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 I read all your threads. I'm going to give you my take, as things stand at this moment. STBXW Manipulation Your wife is obviously in panic mode, scared, frightened, likely paranoid (as she knows she is caught, and her legal advice has told her as much). She has implemented (successfully, partially successfully, and unsuccessfully) a number of manipulative techniques over the past months you have been posting. The well know "Cake-Eating" technique, which you tolerated for quite a while. The "Let's Make a Deal" technique, agreement to go to MC (twice), which provided you, (whether you want to believe it or not), some false hope, but, most importantly, for her -- it bought her time. Then she has tried the "Exploding Bomb" technique - where she uses angle, completely out of the blue, and unprovoked, to attempt to "get a rise out of you," but that hasn't been working. So, she up-ed the anti, and pulled an "Atomic Bomb," in front of the kids, to get your attention - well, that got your attention all right. Her exculation dramatics are not working. So now, I going to caution you about something I sense might be happening with this latest "Cry for Help" situation. I am first referring to this matter as a "situation" (rather than a manipulative technique), as when someone says the words, to the effect, "I think about offing myself," you HAVE TO take them seriously, as pointed out by Elain567. It is not your role to comfort and mend a person with suicidal thoughts, especially a substance user (even if it is only a dependence on weed). You have to call in medical assistance, period. Before you get home, I would call the hospital, get the name of a nurse in emergency, and ask their advice about what you should do. THEN DO IT. Based on her statement to you, she will be hospitalized for at least 24-72 hours for observation. Don't try to handle this on your own. (If you are instructed to call EMS or police, don't tell her, and have the kids at a different location when this intervention occurs after the game). There are two reasons you MUST follow through with action, after her behavior this morning. First, she might really try to kill herself, or attempt to make it appear she is attempting suicide (which can accidentally lead to death). The second reason you MUST do something is in the event she is paying games, and just talking like this to cause you fear, and to attempt to manipulate you, or gain sympathy. By acting properly, by alerting authorities that are trained to handle people with thoughts of suicide -- you are covering all bases, and protecting her, yourself, and your children. That is only my take. It is your choice how to handle this kinda thing. Things To Watch Out For: 1. In the event this "Cry for Help" turns out to be a manipulative technique to gain your sympathy (which I think she is perfectly capable of), that is even more reason to act as if this is a serious threat, and take the steps recommended by the hospital. She will never pull a stunt like that again. Either way, you are covered, and have done the right thing. 2. Should she be trying to get on you good side, by whatever means, even through sympathy, here is where I want to give you a legal warning. I you were to have sex with her, to comfort her, or whatever, YOUR DIVORCE WILL, TECHNICALLY, HAVE TO BE REFILED. That is because between between husband and wife AFTER an affair, is considered FORGIVENESS under the law. Only one sex encounter, and, many of your evidences could go down the tubes. She could re-file with a clean slate. Now, I am not an attorney, but this was the case in the state of Georgia (but in Georgia, adultery is a big deal, an automatic bar to alimony). 3. Even for your own psyche - don't get lured with sympathy or sex. That is my advice. Position of In-Laws: Considering history of MIL, you really NO NOT know where they stand in financially supporting her divorce fees. Her parents flip-flop - just stay LC, only discuss matter with children over email (not text, so to avoid bloody urine). These in-laws are a monkey wrench. Handle this alone, period. I hope everything goes OK, today. I seriously hope and pray your wife is looking for sympathy, and not really feeling suicidal. This is the one time I would really WANT HER to be manipulating, pretending, and/or gaming. TAKE NO CHANCES! Get help, now. Yas 3 Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 She is most likely going through the pain of roller coaster emotions that comes with divorce. She did wrong but also losing someone she loves.I have never heard of sex being considered forgivable by law where I live. I had sex with both my exes and it was a last time good bye. I do not know your wive either but she very well could be up,down,angry and all over the place. Some people hurt different then others. You do not have to forgive her actions but maybe just listen. Tell her you understand her feeling like she needs to commit suicide but really do you intend on going through. She defiantly needs something for depression and anxiety so her parents or someone needs to take her to the doctor.Good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GollumsNightmare Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Get her some real medical/psychiatric help. Another poster's wife actually committed suicide in a very similar situation. Did this happen really recently? I noticed a very active thread in another forum that abruptly disappeared... Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Did this happen really recently? I noticed a very active thread in another forum that abruptly disappeared... The poster came to LS in 2013, the suicide occurred in 2014. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/383712-wife-had-been-cheating-last-10-years-23.html Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Take her immediately to the emergency room. Do not leave her alone. Get her help. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 (edited) Yes, please listen to everyone. DON'T RISK IT. Edited April 5, 2015 by Yasuandio Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 If she makes comments about harming herself or anyone else, call 911. Document all the details such as time, place, verbatim what she said, if she has any kinds of plans, if she is under the influence of alcohol/drugs, she she stores her drugs, pills etc etc and report that all to the police/paramedics when they arrive. .....then go on about your business and keep on trucking. This covers all bases and addresses a number of things. If she really is considering self-harm, you are upholding your responsibility in taking threats seriously and getting her the attention and help she needs. If she is just doing this as a manipulation, it takes away all the power she has over you and then she has to deal with the police and the psych doctors etc and as long as you keep going on about your business, it proves ineffective and takes away any incentive to try to pull this again. So very simple solution, she threatens suicide - she gets a visit from the police and gets hauled in for an eval, and you keep doing what you are doing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 (edited) If she makes comments about harming herself or anyone else, call 911. Document all the details such as time, place, verbatim what she said, if she has any kinds of plans, if she is under the influence of alcohol/drugs, she she stores her drugs, pills etc etc and report that all to the police/paramedics when they arrive. .....then go on about your business and keep on trucking. This covers all bases and addresses a number of things. If she really is considering self-harm, you are upholding your responsibility in taking threats seriously and getting her the attention and help she needs. If she is just doing this as a manipulation, it takes away all the power she has over you and then she has to deal with the police and the psych doctors etc and as long as you keep going on about your business, it proves ineffective and takes away any incentive to try to pull this again. So very simple solution, she threatens suicide - she gets a visit from the police and gets hauled in for an eval, and you keep doing what you are doing. LIKEWISE, IF SHE IS IN DANGER, YOU WILL HAVE TAKEN THE PROPER ACTION. YOU ARE NOT IN A POSITION TO KNOW WHAT SHE IS CAPABLE OF. Go read the thread "No Limit" posted. OMG. Take any threat serious, dead serious. You are not responding back after the kid's game today, and that is concerning, to at least me, as a dedicated LS poster. Please let us know what is going on. Yas Edited April 5, 2015 by Yasuandio Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted April 5, 2015 Author Share Posted April 5, 2015 She is in a deep depression. She joined me and the kids for lunch and openly wept throughout the meal. She did bake the kids an Easter Bunny Cake for the first time ever but did so with tears/sadness in her eyes. She planned on going to church with us this morning but is currently in bed. I've asked the kids to leave her alone. She said yesterday afternoon that she wasn't going to harm herself but feels she could have a panic attack at any moment. I am helpless on what to do. I'm scared to call the police but I know she needs help as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Bama, And tomorrow morning she will go to work and OM will get right back in her head. Get her whatever professional help she needs but get out of this marriage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 She is in a deep depression. She joined me and the kids for lunch and openly wept throughout the meal. She did bake the kids an Easter Bunny Cake for the first time ever but did so with tears/sadness in her eyes. She planned on going to church with us this morning but is currently in bed. I've asked the kids to leave her alone. She said yesterday afternoon that she wasn't going to harm herself but feels she could have a panic attack at any moment. I am helpless on what to do. I'm scared to call the police but I know she needs help as well. Forget about the police, she needs a doctor. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted April 5, 2015 Author Share Posted April 5, 2015 What do I do Elaine? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 What do I do Elaine? Is she completely off the cannabis now? If so, this may be cannabis withdrawal mixed in with all the stress of the break up. If you think she is not suicidal and you can keep a close eye on her wait till tomorrow and get her seen by a doctor re her depression. If you are very concerned, then get the emergency services involved. Cannabis (Marijuana) Withdrawal | Psych Central Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 She said yesterday afternoon that she wasn't going to harm herself but feels she could have a panic attack at any moment. You should know by now that her words aren't worth a penny. As for the guy whose wife committed suicide in the thread I posted; she showed no signs of doing it either except being in a deep depression. A few months later he found her dead in her home. Do what oldshirt wrote - just call 911 and have her taken in by professionals. Obviously OMs support isn't enough for her. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Please have your wife admitted for a psych evaluation. She needs professional help. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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