ZA Dater Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 Have been thinking about this for a while, people often say the first impression one makes is the most important and perhaps there is some truth in this but surely if one doesn't make a perfect impression one can win back some ground but being charming and nice? Or are first impressions truly vital? Flirting and being charming are to me one in the same but I am open to correction here, I always think there is possibly a risk of under complementing someone and over complementing someone, compliments always make someone feel good but for example in the following scenario. You meet up with someone and they look stunning, naturally you complement them upon meeting them and then again when saying goodbye, for me this would seem the most normal but again I stand corrected. Does anyone else sometimes feel that being charming is perhaps being rather false in a sense, as opposed to being oneself. Must be honest I haven't tried the charm method, I failed that particular subject with FF so I do resort to just being me. I would think sincerity would win out against someone who is charming but comes off as being insincere. Ladies, which do you prefer? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 A man can be charming with anyone, from babies to grandparents, men or women. A man flirts with a woman he'd like to have sex with, presuming heterosexual Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted April 4, 2015 Author Share Posted April 4, 2015 A man can be charming with anyone, from babies to grandparents, men or women. A man flirts with a woman he'd like to have sex with, presuming heterosexual Good summary thank you, that pretty much helps me answer quite a few questions! Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 Charming is an adjective to describe a person that is pleasant to be around with or is attractive. Flirting is a verb to describe the action of playfully showing you are romantically attracted to someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted April 4, 2015 Author Share Posted April 4, 2015 Charming is an adjective to describe a person that is pleasant to be around with or is attractive. Flirting is a verb to describe the action of playfully showing you are romantically attracted to someone. Seems I have been quite wrong for quite a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 I really don't want anyone who is faking charm. I like the real deal, someone who is naturally charming and doesn't stop being that way when he goes home and takes off his shoes because he was faking it. Of the three guys I loved, one was very charming in his own way, a poetic way. One was crazy charming and he turned it loose on me because he knew I could appreciate it and he had to peel it back with others who found it unnecessarily fopish, I suppose (middle conservative US). Left more for me And the third was a low-key charming, genuinely interested in people in a nondramatic friendly way, thoughtful about remembering what each person was interested in, etc. Of course, there's schmoozing, which to me is mostly for networking and business purposes, and that's what I mostly consider fake charm, and it involves a whole lot of fake interest in the person you're schmoozing to make them like you and is done mostly to further your own agenda, like get a new client, etc. One other person comes to mind that might help illustrate what charm can do. Every woman I know who comes into contact with him is positive he has a big crush on her. I felt that way decades ago when he, an artist, drew something that looked a bit like a glamorized me at a time I felt he'd been flirting. Two of my best girlfriends are both convinced he is positively carring a torch for each of them. I've told them both he's like that with all women, but he is so convincing they never waiver in their belief that they are special to him. And by the way, this guy is not at all good looking. He's short, he has wiry reddish hair, a flat face with mashed up features. But I'm pretty sure he doesn't have much trouble getting women. He will look into your eyes as if he is seeing your soul and tell you how beautiful you are as if he is truly moved by your very presence. I still cannot tell for sure if he is sincere or just the greatest deliberate charmer on earth. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 Charming is an adjective to describe a person that is pleasant to be around and welcoming, inclusive and generous to all. Flirting is a verb to describe the action of playfully showing you are romantically attracted to someone. I have altered your post slightly Smackie. A 'charmer' is a different thing too - which I thought I would add.. A charmer is someone for whom it is an act and it is done for show. EG: A 5 year old can be a little charmer when they want something. Link to post Share on other sites
devilish innocent Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 Charming can mean different things. For a guy dating a girl, it can be the one who pulls out a chair for a woman. It can also be the one who knows how to make her laugh. Different women will find different things charming. Flirting can be one way to act charming, but isn't the only one. To answer your other question, first impressions can be turned around sometimes. My first impression of my husband was that he was somebody I would never want to be in a relationship with. Yet, here I am, married to him. I agree that just being yourself is the best option, especially when somebody has acted uninterested in you. It gives off confidence. It shows that you know they're not worth it if they don't appreciate you for you. Some guys try too hard to act a certain way, and that can come off as phony. Also, if a guy keeps trying over and over after being rejected, then he just starts to seem like a pest. The same overtures that can be really charming from someone a girl is attracted to can be annoying from somebody else. The best thing is too accept that a girl probably won't change her mind, but if she does, it'll be because she got a chance to know you better and started liking you for you. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 My husband is always charming but he's rarely flirty, at least not with other women. For example, he holds open doors and holds out chairs, he offers his seat etc. It's part of courtly manner &i is quite charming. While he may smile when he makes the offer, he's not flirting. They can be similar but are not always the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 And the third was a low-key charming, genuinely interested in people in a nondramatic friendly way, thoughtful about remembering what each person was interested in, etc. That is the kind of charming I like! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted April 4, 2015 Author Share Posted April 4, 2015 The best thing is too accept that a girl probably won't change her mind, but if she does, it'll be because she got a chance to know you better and started liking you for you. That for me was the stand out point, rare that this happens! Probably one needs to find a way of being sincere, charming, flirty and nice and have the right balance of all of those. My personal opinion is in todays world people don't really bother getting to know each other. If the first impression isn't wow, they just tend to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 I have altered your post slightly Smackie. A 'charmer' is a different thing too - which I thought I would add.. A charmer is someone for whom it is an act and it is done for show. EG: A 5 year old can be a little charmer when they want something. Another name for that would be manipulator..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 Another name for that would be manipulator..... Eggszackerley!! Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 That for me was the stand out point, rare that this happens! Probably one needs to find a way of being sincere, charming, flirty and nice and have the right balance of all of those. My personal opinion is in today's world people don't really bother getting to know each other. If the first impression isn't wow, they just tend to move on. That's the way it is with people in general, it has nothing to do with "today" dating sure hasn't changed compared to when I was dating over 25 years ago...the complaints are the same lol. I'm one of those people....I'm aggressive and expect instant results, and that includes instant attraction. I thrive on the spark, I don't have time to wait around and "discover" someone... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted April 4, 2015 Author Share Posted April 4, 2015 That's the way it is with people in general, it has nothing to do with "today" dating sure hasn't changed compared to when I was dating over 25 years ago...the complaints are the same lol. I'm one of those people....I'm aggressive and expect instant results, and that includes instant attraction. I thrive on the spark, I don't have time to wait around and "discover" someone... That's the thing we are all different, I think we would all like to be wow initially but some of us aren't, we perhaps wow over time. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 That's why the wow'ers have more success at getting what they want. Link to post Share on other sites
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