Can't take the fakeness of OLD

[writergal]

My point is, to do online dating you've got to have a thick skin. Not everyone is cut out for it. I understand OP is not cut out of it, that doesn't mean it's a bad way of meeting a future mate, it's just not a mean suited for her. I hate when people come on here and say they tried online and it's sh!.t, yes it's sh!.t for you, it's a viable mean for meeting for others.

 

But it's not about having a thick skin, Gaeta, to do well with online dating. It's about accepting OLD for what it is and how it works. Thick skin has nothing to do with OLD. I hate it when people gloss over the glaringly obvious flaws that OLD has, with statements like that "thick skin" excuse. But that's just an excuse for what in reality is a completely unnatural way to meet and date another person. But hey, like you said some people like OLD and some don't. All of your threads about your online dating escapades here make me wonder why you subject yourself to it all. You have dated hundreds of men over the years, using online dating, so it's clearly not working for you is it? It just seems like all of your posts are rants about your online dating experiences.

[Mrlonelyone]

But it's not about having a thick skin, Gaeta, to do well with online dating. It's about accepting OLD for what it is and how it works. Thick skin has nothing to do with OLD. I hate it when people gloss over the glaringly obvious flaws that OLD has, with statements like that "thick skin" excuse. But that's just an excuse for what in reality is a completely unnatural way to meet and date another person. But hey, like you said some people like OLD and some don't. All of your threads about your online dating escapades here make me wonder why you subject yourself to it all. You have dated hundreds of men over the years, using online dating, so it's clearly not working for you is it? It just seems like all of your posts are rants about your online dating experiences.

 

Basically it is blind dating. A total shotgun approach. If there is a one in one hundred chance that you will meet, date, LTR and marry someone from OLD then you just have to go on over 100 crappy dates to get to that one.

[Gaeta]

But it's not about having a thick skin, Gaeta, to do well with online dating. It's about accepting OLD for what it is and how it works. Thick skin has nothing to do with OLD. I hate it when people gloss over the glaringly obvious flaws that OLD has, with statements like that "thick skin" excuse. But that's just an excuse for what in reality is a completely unnatural way to meet and date another person. But hey, like you said some people like OLD and some don't. All of your threads about your online dating escapades here make me wonder why you subject yourself to it all. You have dated hundreds of men over the years, using online dating, so it's clearly not working for you is it? It just seems like all of your posts are rants about your online dating experiences.

 

What's the alternative? I stay home on this Saturday night and feel miserable?

 

Ok it's an unnatural way of meeting, I agree. In 1 hour I have a date with a hot dude. If it weren't for online dating I would spend this Saturday night in my pj's watching hockey with my dog. Instead I am out there in town having a laugh, getting some attention, feeling pretty and flirty.

 

I have not met the man of my life yet but it keeps me busy and entertained.

 

Of course all my threads are about my dating experiences lol, isn't it what this forum is about! Sometimes I need advice or just rant.

 

Anyway, I don't want to make this about me. Hot dude is waiting.

[Weezy1973]

OLD is not a good way to get into a long term relationship. Neither is a "cold approach". Neither is a bar/club.

 

People that are trying to find a long term partner through these methods are extremely likely to fail (and LS is a great example of that!).

 

Time and time again, research has shown that the most successful long term relationships come from (and in this order):

 

1. Meeting at work.

2. Meeting at school.

3. Meeting through one's social circle.

 

And that's it! The reason is obvious. The characteristics that make one a good long term partner are shown by getting to know someone over time. OLD, bars/clubs, and cold approaches don't allow for this.

 

If one is serious about finding a long time mate, they would stop OLD, forget about clubs and bars, stop trying to cold approach and focus on what (as research has shown) actually works!

[katiegrl]

OLD is not a good way to get into a long term relationship. Neither is a "cold approach". Neither is a bar/club.

 

People that are trying to find a long term partner through these methods are extremely likely to fail (and LS is a great example of that!).

 

Time and time again, research has shown that the most successful long term relationships come from (and in this order):

 

1. Meeting at work.

2. Meeting at school.

3. Meeting through one's social circle.

 

And that's it! The reason is obvious. The characteristics that make one a good long term partner are shown by getting to know someone over time. OLD, bars/clubs, and cold approaches don't allow for this.

 

If one is serious about finding a long time mate, they would stop OLD, forget about clubs and bars, stop trying to cold approach and focus on what (as research has shown) actually works!

 

Isn't that why people date... before committing to a long term relationship? To get to know each other "over time"?

 

Who cares *how* they met. Or *where* they met. What matters is, as you said, getting to know each other over time. That's what dating is for!

 

People are in such a damn rush. THAT is what ruins it. NOT where or how they met.

 

That logic is severely flawed....

[katiegrl]

And for the record Weez..LS is not a dating website and should not be categorized as such...as you did in your post....

 

Just sayin..

[jay1983]

Isn't that why people date... before committing to a long term relationship? To get to know each other "over time"?

 

Who cares *how* they met. Or *where* they met. What matters is, as you said, getting to know each other over time. That's what dating is for!

 

People are in such a damn rush. THAT is what ruins it. NOT where or how they met.

 

That logic is severely flawed....

 

It's still true. OLD is just a way for guys to sleep with women they wouldn't normally date and the cold approach just doesn't work. I haven't gotten anything out of a cold approach since I was in my teens.

[katiegrl]

It's still true. OLD is just a way for guys to sleep with women they wouldn't normally date and the cold approach just doesn't work. I haven't gotten anything out of a cold approach since I was in my teens.

 

Fair enough...I dislike OLD as well.... for reasons I posted earlier.

 

But to suggest people should meet and date at work?

 

Worst advice ever!!!!

 

Unless one chooses to leave the job once they start dating.

[KatZee]

Ugh. I am right there with you ES.

 

I hate OLD. I too, understand what you mean by: "I wish I put more effort into dating in my 20s."

 

When I was younger, there was never a period in my life that I was single. I was a serial monogamist, and there was never any short supply of guys I wanted to date, that I found attractive, etc.

 

My issue was that I remained in the wrong relationships for far too long. I wasted 2 years with one guy, 3 years with another. Years when it was far easier to meet single men, I should have been out of relationships that held me back and focusing more on better matches.

 

Hindsight is 20/20, but when you're in your 20s you never really think about your 30s. When I was 25 I thought FOR SURE I'd be married and with kids by 30.

 

Here I am almost 31. I've been single for the past three+ years, but not for any lack of trying. I've been on just about every dating site. Match, OKCupid, POF, Tinder, Coffee Meets Bagel, Hitch, and a few others.

 

When I'm out in the real world I never meet men. I've done MeetUp events, singles dating events, speed dating, happy hours, joined a gym, and just general other things I enjoy doing. I've not met one person in the real world.

 

Everyone I know is in a relationship/engaged/married. My friends try to be "helpful" but the people they try to hook me up with are just ridiculous. I'm trying not to sound completely shallow but I have to look at them and go, "Really??" Is that all that's left for single women?

 

Even doing activities, people show up as couples. That's REAL helpful.

 

So the last resort is OLD. In my 3 years doing OLD I've had dates with and come across these guys:

 

1. Recovering alcoholics/drug addicts.

2. Pantyhose Fetishists.

3. Cheap dudes who then believe it's appropriate to ask to come back to my apartment.

4. The dudes who don't want to meet you but just want to be perpetual pen pals.

5. The dude that's only looking for an ego stroke.

6. The dudes who can't take rejection and become aggressive, angry, and hostile.

7. A dude who threatened to kill me.

8. Dudes who have good conversation for hours/days and then just stop talking to you for no reason.

 

I'm sure I can think of a whole ton of other guys I've dated, but I get the "no feeling" thing. If you look up men's websites, and how they talk about OLD, a lot follow this 3-date rule, where if they're not banging the girl by date 3, she's out, because obviously anyone who isn't having sex with a virtual complete stranger by the 3rd meeting is obviously not into you at all.

 

The first date for me is just to meet and get a feel for that person, and 9/10, I feel nothing. No connection, no spark, no chemistry. It's just some dude, a stranger, yeah we're getting drinks, we had some convo, cool. Then I go home and that's that.

 

I'm really at a loss on what to do anymore. I've pretty much resigned to the fact that I'm just going to be single. It's been 3+ years and I don't see it changing. I have no prospects, no friends who can hook me up with anyone decent who's single, OLD sucks, and everyone else is married.

 

I guess I just have to sit and wait until the divorces start happening. Maybe by the time I'm 40 there will be some single men available. And if that's the case, I'll just stay single. Not interested in step kids, or being a second woman in someone's life. (I say this half joking, but yeah, it does get to me sometimes.)

[Eternal Sunshine]

I guess there are also other things that lack with OLD such as creating a sense of wonder and anticipation.

 

As an example, last week I went out with a group of co-workers. I saw another guy that I have seen around before and we casually chatted every now and then. That night, I saw him across the room and he smiled and we held eye contact. I felt the "spark". All night, we would catch each others eyes and later when he asked me to dance I was feeling

 

Then I found out that he is married That happens every time I am attracted to someone in real life.

 

If I saw him on OLD and he was single, I would have most likely clicked next as he is over 10 years older than me. It's such a cold and scatter gun approach to meeting people. Completely opposite of what falling in love should be like.

[Gaeta]

It's such a cold and scatter gun approach to meeting people. Completely opposite of what falling in love should be like.

 

You don't think falling in love will come out of meeting this way but...

 

When I met my ex-boyfriend, at the moment we locked eyes I felt a shot through the heart, the world around me froze and all I heard was my heart beat pounding in my chest. I am not new to love and dating and I had never experienced that before. It took me by surprise because I had met maybe 80 men before I met him and I was just going through the motion. That morning I had even thought of cancelling him because in my mind it was just gonna be another dude but same story. Maybe that is why I don't lose hope. I have experienced it first hand once, I know it can happen again.

[BluEyeL]

You're just not meeting any guys that have actual dating experience out in the real world. A lot of guys online, use it because they're socially awkward and are afraid to approach women in person. If you meet a guy that's sociable and confident, he'll be like a romantic Rumplestilskin and turn straw into gold.

 

When you're approached in the real world and give a guy you're number, you've talked for all of a few minutes. So it's not like you've had unlimited time with the guy. The only real difference is that you got to see what he looked like and banter a bit. But why not just have that mindset that it's an extended number exchange the first go around? Make the most of it. If you have mis-conceptions and sour grapes going in, you've already defeated yourself. Positive mindset is key.

This is spot on.

 

I've got to say that I like your posts.

 

I had the same thoughts about the similarities between meeting someone at a party and meeting someone on OLD. I think the only difference stays in the fact that online people could misrepresent how they look and you may not like their looks in person. But other than that, it's similar. OLD works for so many people, so it's been proved to work. Meeting in school in your 20s is the other option that you don't have when you get older. That's how I met my ex-husband.

 

My own experience. Being over 40, OLD is pretty much my only option, aside from meetup. I've got to say that once I started dating, at 41, my first semblance of a relationship happened via meeting someone at a meetup, lasted under 4 months. Then, I've met my current, serious boyfriend online. I don't feel it was such a big difference between the beginnings of each of the relationships. The only difference stayed in each of the guy's styles. The meetup guy was smoother, more experienced and moved faster. But other than that, yeah, he chatted me up at the event, got my number, called me, we had a first date and from then on it was exactly as an OLD meeting. I've been on one other date from a meetup and it was a failed one, there was no second date.

 

I think that indeed, it's an attitude problem. Perhaps OLD leads to meeting too many men and if you keep doing it for a long time, you just get bored and burnt out.

 

But knowing you from the past, ES, I think you err on the commitment-phobic side. Might be worth exploring this angle, maybe you don't really want a relationship afterall.

[BluEyeL]

Completely opposite of what falling in love should be like.

 

There is no way falling in love "should" be like. If you're falling in love, you're falling in love. If not, you're not.

 

Many many people meet and fall in love online, so it is possible. I know I did. I had the wonder, the walking on clouds, the being manic and insanely happy, all those nice "on drugs" feelings. You just have to let it happen, with the right person.

[BluEyeL]

OK and the third post in a row. I also hated OLD. God, how much I hated it!!! It simply made me cringe having to go online and email and all that crap.

 

But I also hated a LOT of other things I had to do in my life to become successful. However, I'm more successful than the average woman (professionaly) and I made it as an immigrant, and that's precisely because when I had a goal, I made a plan, and did whatever I had to do to reach it and I never ever eveeer gave up. Whatever I had to do, I did it, as long as it wasn't illegal or immoral. That's the secret of all of my life successes and that's how I operate to this day. If you want something, do whatever you have to do to get it. One failure or 100 will never stop me. So why not take that same approach when looking for love? Isn't lasting love worth it?

 

Similarly with OLD. I may have hated it with a lot of passion, but it made a lot of sense that, statistically, and if I kept meeting men (and OLD is just a practical way to meet men), and I got more experience, learned to evaluate people for what mattered (i.e. NOT the initial "spark"), learned to be patient and get to know a person who comes across as kind and relationship oriented, I would eventually find love.

 

If my current relationship fails, even if I'm 50 or over, I have no fear. I would go back to OLD and it would be even better because now I know exactly how it's done and what to expect. Only problem dating over 50 that I see is the health of the available men. But that has nothing to do with OLD.

 

Another note on "what" is left for single women. When someone says "is THIS what is left for single women?". I mean, if we didn't treat people like objects and would have the patience to get to know them as human beings "THIS" may not be as horrible afterall.

Edited April 5, 2015 by BluEyeL

[Leigh 87]

Waves hands********

 

 

Eternal, I met a LOVELY super nerdy electrical engineer the other day!

 

I totally felt loads of chemistry and the spark!

 

Granted, it was after chatting to him for a little..it wasn't instant because you're right, it's near impossible for me to feel instant chemistry with such a set up median from which to " first meet"

 

But yeah but the end of the evening I was feeling intense chemistry because he was so intelligent, a massive science nerd and I all of a sudden fell for his facial features and he is also 6"4

 

 

So ya, I hope there are more nerdy men with a sense of humour to go around!

 

 

If it doesn't work out you can have sloppy seconds hahaha jokes.

[Leigh 87]

Ugh. I am right there with you ES.

 

I hate OLD. I too, understand what you mean by: "I wish I put more effort into dating in my 20s."

 

When I was younger, there was never a period in my life that I was single. I was a serial monogamist, and there was never any short supply of guys I wanted to date, that I found attractive, etc.

 

My issue was that I remained in the wrong relationships for far too long. I wasted 2 years with one guy, 3 years with another. Years when it was far easier to meet single men, I should have been out of relationships that held me back and focusing more on better matches.

 

Hindsight is 20/20, but when you're in your 20s you never really think about your 30s. When I was 25 I thought FOR SURE I'd be married and with kids by 30.

 

Here I am almost 31. I've been single for the past three+ years, but not for any lack of trying. I've been on just about every dating site. Match, OKCupid, POF, Tinder, Coffee Meets Bagel, Hitch, and a few others.

 

When I'm out in the real world I never meet men. I've done MeetUp events, singles dating events, speed dating, happy hours, joined a gym, and just general other things I enjoy doing. I've not met one person in the real world.

 

Everyone I know is in a relationship/engaged/married. My friends try to be "helpful" but the people they try to hook me up with are just ridiculous. I'm trying not to sound completely shallow but I have to look at them and go, "Really??" Is that all that's left for single women?

 

Even doing activities, people show up as couples. That's REAL helpful.

 

So the last resort is OLD. In my 3 years doing OLD I've had dates with and come across these guys:

 

1. Recovering alcoholics/drug addicts.

2. Pantyhose Fetishists.

3. Cheap dudes who then believe it's appropriate to ask to come back to my apartment.

4. The dudes who don't want to meet you but just want to be perpetual pen pals.

5. The dude that's only looking for an ego stroke.

6. The dudes who can't take rejection and become aggressive, angry, and hostile.

7. A dude who threatened to kill me.

8. Dudes who have good conversation for hours/days and then just stop talking to you for no reason.

 

I'm sure I can think of a whole ton of other guys I've dated, but I get the "no feeling" thing. If you look up men's websites, and how they talk about OLD, a lot follow this 3-date rule, where if they're not banging the girl by date 3, she's out, because obviously anyone who isn't having sex with a virtual complete stranger by the 3rd meeting is obviously not into you at all.

 

The first date for me is just to meet and get a feel for that person, and 9/10, I feel nothing. No connection, no spark, no chemistry. It's just some dude, a stranger, yeah we're getting drinks, we had some convo, cool. Then I go home and that's that.

 

I'm really at a loss on what to do anymore. I've pretty much resigned to the fact that I'm just going to be single. It's been 3+ years and I don't see it changing. I have no prospects, no friends who can hook me up with anyone decent who's single, OLD sucks, and everyone else is married.

 

I guess I just have to sit and wait until the divorces start happening. Maybe by the time I'm 40 there will be some single men available. And if that's the case, I'll just stay single. Not interested in step kids, or being a second woman in someone's life. (I say this half joking, but yeah, it does get to me sometimes.)

 

 

 

Holy crap that's depressing.

 

You sound really funny. I can tell you are in real life.

 

I'm single but I meet really decent men online! It just be the area you're in. I'm a laid back Aussie woman.

 

As you can see from my pics, I'm a totally average women look wise and yet I still manage to meet men both in real life AND online who have wonderful personalities, who gladly treat me and who aren't ugly. Just average looking.

 

I've had dates with cute men too who had great personalities too.

 

Maybe you are innately attracted to the best looking guys? Who have the most options?

 

 

I am dumbfounded at your luck. You're probably way more attractive than me and yet I seem to have better luck with online.......

 

 

Definately your area I'd say...........

[Mrlonelyone]

All night, we would catch each others eyes and later when he asked me to dance I was feeling

 

Then I found out that he is married That happens every time I am attracted to someone in real life.

 

If I saw him on OLD and he was single, I would have most likely clicked next as he is over 10 years older than me. It's such a cold and scatter gun approach to meeting people. Completely opposite of what falling in love should be like.

 

This so much this. On OLD we are going not by feelings of what we really want but by ideas of what we should want. Dating based on should wants does not work. Just as others have pointed out trying to stay with someone to full fill a timeline of shoulds doesn't work (should be married by X and have children by Y).

 

 

The way people will turn out to be married and coming on to me thing happens to me all the time. I used to believe that maybe I was wrong and misinterpreting their kindness. Not any more. I trust my instincts now. Plenty of married people will try to play if they think they can get away with it.

[GemmaUK]

Unfortunately, the guys I met on line did not, and expected me to be in love with them during the first meet!!

 

I am exaggerating a bit, but they were very impatient to say the least. Had a lot of expectations from the get go!

 

One guy told me after meeting me for two minutes his search was over! Ugh! I get I am pretty, but come on now, get a grip why don't ya...

 

Makes it very uncomfortable for me to proceed forward. They're all over me!

 

 

This is what I have found also with OLD.

If you chat and agree to meet and the guy likes you he seems to think that's it bam - relationship.

 

 

Even if I like the guy then that attitude is way too much too soon for me. Way too much!

 

 

It's flattering to be liked but if I feel forced/rushed then it's not going to work for me.

I think this is why some men think they get led on with dating as they think it just happens instantly and it just doesn't. Yes, attraction to the physical can be there from the get go but attraction has so much more to it than just the physical element.

 

 

I need to spend time getting to know a guy which is why I go on dates whereas for some of the men I have dated have seen the dates as being 'in a relationship' right off the bat. I'm not 'in a relationship' until I get to know him and that takes time.

[KatZee]

Holy crap that's depressing.

 

You sound really funny. I can tell you are in real life.

 

I'm single but I meet really decent men online! It just be the area you're in. I'm a laid back Aussie woman.

 

As you can see from my pics, I'm a totally average women look wise and yet I still manage to meet men both in real life AND online who have wonderful personalities, who gladly treat me and who aren't ugly. Just average looking.

 

I've had dates with cute men too who had great personalities too.

 

Maybe you are innately attracted to the best looking guys? Who have the most options?

 

 

I am dumbfounded at your luck. You're probably way more attractive than me and yet I seem to have better luck with online.......

 

 

Definately your area I'd say...........

 

It definitely has to be my area. I'm from NYC. I walk around see average looking dudes with super models on their arms.

 

So I've come to the conclusion that men, and specifically average men, have just gotten spoiled around here. They know that if they were able to land a super model, they can get another one.

 

I'm attractive, but I'm no super model. So even when I'm around decent looking people, not even talking about a 10, or the hottest guy in the room, but even then average dudes are thinking, "Yeah. I could get hotter."

 

That's the mentality in NYC. Couple that with the fact that NO ONE is looking to get into a real relationship or settle down. I am only one of a whole load of people I know who are single, single for YEARS. And we are not ugly women.

[KatZee]

This is what I have found also with OLD.

If you chat and agree to meet and the guy likes you he seems to think that's it bam - relationship.

 

 

Even if I like the guy then that attitude is way too much too soon for me. Way too much!

 

 

It's flattering to be liked but if I feel forced/rushed then it's not going to work for me.

 

This exactly. I was talking to a guy I met on OLD for about two weeks.

 

We had agreed to meet up one night but he had to cancel because he was stuck at work late.

 

Well, up until that point he had made statements like:

 

-We're definitely going to date.

-You're going to be my girlfriend.

-I don't need to look anymore because I found you.

 

And various other statements like that, basically TELLING ME that we were going to get into a relationship.

 

The first time he said something like that I was like "hahahah, you don't even know me."

 

He made a comment that he was saying these things half in jest. So I was like oh OK maybe this is his type of humor.

 

We kept talking and then he had to cancel the date. At that point, I was done with it. I don't give OLD dudes chances at all. So I stopped talking to him, didn't try to reschedule or anything.

 

He then kept texting me about how we should "just date already" and would make sexual innuendos about how we were going to "go back to my apartment to go at it a few times" and then go about our day. He would send me pics of himself (not X-rated ones, just him before work) and he admitted he had wanted to hear me say I thought that the was so good looking.

 

I mean really?

 

He fell into the category of:

 

-Too fast, too soon.

-Perpetual pen pal.

-Dude looking for an ego stroke.

 

All of which equals= COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME. And that's all OLD is!

[Leigh 87]

It definitely has to be my area. I'm from NYC. I walk around see average looking dudes with super models on their arms.

 

So I've come to the conclusion that men, and specifically average men, have just gotten spoiled around here. They know that if they were able to land a super model, they can get another one.

 

I'm attractive, but I'm no super model. So even when I'm around decent looking people, not even talking about a 10, or the hottest guy in the room, but even then average dudes are thinking, "Yeah. I could get hotter."

 

That's the mentality in NYC. Couple that with the fact that NO ONE is looking to get into a real relationship or settle down. I am only one of a whole load of people I know who are single, single for YEARS. And we are not ugly women.

 

I've always found men who found me attractive enough to date. I've never had no average dudes think I was gorgeous to be date worthy.

 

I mean I think there must be a shortage of hot women here. Plenty of men have thought I was a hottie! I know you prob all find it hard to believe, but a lot of men in my area find me very attractive.

I think if you moved to my town which is an hour and a half from Sydney, you would have better luck. But then again in Sydney I still find plenty of men who think I am actually an attractive woman enough to date.

 

Move to Sydney? Average gals like myself seem to have men who think we're gorgeous.

 

I never worry about my love life. Based on my past experiences, I know I'll find a guy who falls hard for me and thinks I'm beautiful.

If I lived in your city I venture to guess I'd have the same problem. I'd move. I couldn't go through life without finding my great love story.

 

All women, even us plain Jane's, have men who find us stunning. I am serious. I am 100% sure I find plenty of men who think I'm very attractive despite being average to the masses. It looks like New York simply isn't the place that women like me meet the guy who actually falls for us and thinks he's the luckiest man alive.

 

How sad.

 

Have you ever considered moving to Australia? Men would love you accent! Guys in Sydney and other capital cities never usually expect a super model. I swear.

[Popsicle]

Despite having a pretty cool social life and going out more, I am still not meeting any single men. I meet plenty of taken men that I would date, but it seems 99% of the men in my age range are married/in serious relationships. So are the women for that matter.

 

Literally only place where I do meet single men is OLD. I have been too busy to use it much, probably meeting one men in 3 months or so. From all my experiences from OLD, it all feels so forced and fake. You are supposed to meet a complete stranger that you are suddenly dating. I feel nothing for these men, literally nothing. Even if they look good, I need to get to know someone to feel the attraction. And by getting to know, I mean in a natural setting, not 1-1 forced hangouts from the get go. I never feel any chemistry or spark. The ones that look good on paper, I tend to push myself to see but it's hard because I would rather do anything else than spend romantic time with men I am not that into.

 

Just venting and wishing I made dating more of a priority in my 20s. Hope all of you 20 something women take note and don't end up like I did.

 

Totally agree. When you're older all the men are taken when you go out. OLD is the only way to isolate the single men but it feels contrived.

[BluEyeL]

This exactly. I was talking to a guy I met on OLD for about two weeks.

 

We had agreed to meet up one night but he had to cancel because he was stuck at work late.

 

Well, up until that point he had made statements like:

 

-We're definitely going to date.

-You're going to be my girlfriend.

-I don't need to look anymore because I found you.

 

And various other statements like that, basically TELLING ME that we were going to get into a relationship.

 

I suspect these guys were acting like that because they think women want relationships and speeding things up, promising one right away, will lead to sex sooner. That, or they are not very stable. Not all men are like that.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Totally agree. When you're older all the men are taken when you go out. OLD is the only way to isolate the single men but it feels contrived.

 

Yeah, as an example, last time I went out I probably met about 30 new men (it was a work function). Only one was single but he was 22. When you add the fact that there has to be mutual attraction, common interests etc, I just don't see how I am ever going to meet someone "naturally". So I keep my OLD profile

[Auspecial]

Despite having a pretty cool social life and going out more, I am still not meeting any single men. I meet plenty of taken men that I would date, but it seems 99% of the men in my age range are married/in serious relationships. So are the women for that matter.

 

Literally only place where I do meet single men is OLD. I have been too busy to use it much, probably meeting one men in 3 months or so. From all my experiences from OLD, it all feels so forced and fake. You are supposed to meet a complete stranger that you are suddenly dating. I feel nothing for these men, literally nothing. Even if they look good, I need to get to know someone to feel the attraction. And by getting to know, I mean in a natural setting, not 1-1 forced hangouts from the get go. I never feel any chemistry or spark. The ones that look good on paper, I tend to push myself to see but it's hard because I would rather do anything else than spend romantic time with men I am not that into.

 

Just venting and wishing I made dating more of a priority in my 20s. Hope all of you 20 something women take note and don't end up like I did.

 

I would strongly suggest joining some activity groups. There is no pressure and you can get to know people in a casual way in person. Among other things, there are tons of Meet up groups for many different interests. And some of them are strictly for singles, so even though there is no pressure to date, you at least know the guys there are not taken. And yeah, people do lie about this sometimes, but I think its best to trust unless you get a flag.

 

I haven't tried it, but at this point I think speed dating would be better than OLD. Its a bizarre notion as well, but at least you know: 1. The person actually exists 2. Exactly what they look like and their energy 3. How they act around people 4. The dynamic between the two of you.