Can't take the fakeness of OLD

[Mrlonelyone]

My $0.02 is that all of us who are tired of OLD need to be less reserved in our real life real world efforts to meet people.

 

 

There are a few places people spend lots of time around people

 

1. While doing any sociable hobbies they may have.
   
2. At work
   
3. At school
   

 

If one does not want to date online one has no choice but to make moves IRL. If you are a lady get out there and approach the men you like. Take the chance on rejection. At worst you get rejected and then move on to the next guy. Stop caring about what kind of girl you will look like by doing that. Guys stop caring if someone thinks you are creepy.

 

We all only need one yes to get a date, one date that can start a relationship and one good relationship that can become a good marriage...then we need to take one day at a time.

 

Now this week lets all get out there and approach one person. I guarantee if each of us does that we will get at least a few of us a good date or two at least.

 

Lets give em one for the gipper.

Edited April 5, 2015 by Mrlonelyone

[40 Fonzarelli]

 

If I could move from this city, I would in five seconds. Unfortunately, I love my job and it's strictly NYC.

 

I guess your job is the higher priority. Dating in NYC is tough because of the sheer number of options. Everyone is replaceable. People are always looking to upgrade. Temptation around every corner. Compare this to smaller city or suburb where there aren't as many options. It's like summer camp. The average looking girl there becomes hot because there's no one else to compare her to. Once camp is over and she goes back into the real world she becomes average looking again. Sad but true.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Re: unavailable men

 

See, I am attracted to men when I have no idea if they are available or not. In fact the older guy I described here didn't wear a wedding ring so I got my hopes up. Once I found out that he is married, I moved on without a second thought.

[fitnessfan365]

Re: unavailable men

 

See, I am attracted to men when I have no idea if they are available or not. In fact the older guy I described here didn't wear a wedding ring so I got my hopes up. Once I found out that he is married, I moved on without a second thought.

 

Basic female psychology. Men that are mysterious and more of a challenge are attractive.

 

I still say though that if you have a self defeatist attitude going in, you'll never make the most of out online dating. On one hand I do agree that real life approach will always be better. But if she represented herself accurately, I just act like it's a first date. I mean aside from the brief interaction where I pull a number in real life, she's essentially a stranger in either case. So it's up to me to bring her out of her shell and gently lead.

[KatZee]

I guess your job is the higher priority. Dating in NYC is tough because of the sheer number of options. Everyone is replaceable. People are always looking to upgrade. Temptation around every corner. Compare this to smaller city or suburb where there aren't as many options. It's like summer camp. The average looking girl there becomes hot because there's no one else to compare her to. Once camp is over and she goes back into the real world she becomes average looking again. Sad but true.

 

My job is definitely a higher priority.

 

Could I find some menial job elsewhere? Sure. But I don't work a job. I have a career. One that took me 6 years to get into, now that I'm here, a dude isn't worth leaving it for.

 

Not to mention the divorce rate. I like the fact that I can provide for myself. I can afford my own apartment, car, utilities, clothing, etc. I don't need a man to provide anything for me.

 

I don't want to leave my job, just to search for a man in some small town who may love me one day and then want a divorce the next. My security comes first.

 

Too many women get screwed by leaving their jobs, leaving their state, having absolutely nothing, and then wind up in the cold by their loving partners.

 

I guess it's a double edged sword. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

[Bobbi7]

Well, I damn wish people would have given to strict advice on taking advantage of dating in my early 20's!!!!!!! And what I'm more pissed off at, is that I lived at home until I was 29 and of course I obviously had no dating life due to my strict parents. Ugh. Now, that I moved out, I've been doing OLD and going out on dates. OLD-I've meet some decent guys on there, but they are soo damn picky-I've had amazing first dates only to never get a call back, or I see they updated their profile/picture and STILL fishing around. So, basically its a waste of time. It really kills me when I see college aged guys out and about, going to the bars-I would have loved the chance to have lived that life when I was 22. I'm 33, so that would be pretty ridiculous to even flirt with some guy a decade younger than me. 33 it damn tough! The attractive 27 year old guy wants the hot 18 year old girl. Meanwhile, with the 35 plus 40 crowd. They have alot of baggage-divorced..and have a few kids. Maybe that's my only option. I'm sure the single 40 year never married, never had kids is going to date the hot 25 year old-only for making babies. Because that is the child bearing age.

[Anela]

Well, I damn wish people would have given to strict advice on taking advantage of dating in my early 20's!!!!!!! And what I'm more pissed off at, is that I lived at home until I was 29 and of course I obviously had no dating life due to my strict parents. Ugh. Now, that I moved out, I've been doing OLD and going out on dates. OLD-I've meet some decent guys on there, but they are soo damn picky-I've had amazing first dates only to never get a call back, or I see they updated their profile/picture and STILL fishing around. So, basically its a waste of time. It really kills me when I see college aged guys out and about, going to the bars-I would have loved the chance to have lived that life when I was 22. I'm 33, so that would be pretty ridiculous to even flirt with some guy a decade younger than me. 33 it damn tough! The attractive 27 year old guy wants the hot 18 year old girl. Meanwhile, with the 35 plus 40 crowd. They have alot of baggage-divorced..and have a few kids. Maybe that's my only option. I'm sure the single 40 year never married, never had kids is going to date the hot 25 year old-only for making babies. Because that is the child bearing age.

 

You sound more jaded than I am. I felt great at 33. Of course, that was before I experienced online dating. Don't believe that your only chance was in your twenties.

[Mrlonelyone]

Re: unavailable men

 

See, I am attracted to men when I have no idea if they are available or not. In fact the older guy I described here didn't wear a wedding ring so I got my hopes up. Once I found out that he is married, I moved on without a second thought.

 

FWIW ES I have found myself that I am more attractive to any potential mate when I already have a relationship of some kind. When I don't have anyone I can't find anyone. When I have someone I have more than one option that I then have to turn down. It is almost like people just know you have some interest from someone.

 

Maybe you are attracted to the confidence that taken men exude? They are taken and steadily in a relationship so they are at ease in a way that is attractive.

[Mrlonelyone]

My job is definitely a higher priority.

 

Could I find some menial job elsewhere? Sure. But I don't work a job. I have a career. One that took me 6 years to get into, now that I'm here, a dude isn't worth leaving it for.

 

Not to mention the divorce rate. I like the fact that I can provide for myself. I can afford my own apartment, car, utilities, clothing, etc. I don't need a man to provide anything for me.

 

I don't want to leave my job, just to search for a man in some small town who may love me one day and then want a divorce the next. My security comes first.

 

Too many women get screwed by leaving their jobs, leaving their state, having absolutely nothing, and then wind up in the cold by their loving partners.

 

I guess it's a double edged sword. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

 

You sound allot like me. Before I found so much work where I am last year I was looking nationwide for work. Now that I am here and have a pension worth a darn I wouldn't easily leave it for anyone. They would have to walk on water or something.

[2nd tyme]

I think NYC has some unique problems on this. If you are open to meet people just outside the city, but within commuting distance, I think you may get different results.

[KatZee]

I think NYC has some unique problems on this. If you are open to meet people just outside the city, but within commuting distance, I think you may get different results.

 

That's what I thought, and that's why I started expanding my range into Jersey. Turns out the biggest dolt I met from OLD was from out of state!!

 

I just have no luck. :/ lol

[Leigh 87]

Well, I damn wish people would have given to strict advice on taking advantage of dating in my early 20's!!!!!!! And what I'm more pissed off at, is that I lived at home until I was 29 and of course I obviously had no dating life due to my strict parents. Ugh. Now, that I moved out, I've been doing OLD and going out on dates. OLD-I've meet some decent guys on there, but they are soo damn picky-I've had amazing first dates only to never get a call back, or I see they updated their profile/picture and STILL fishing around. So, basically its a waste of time. It really kills me when I see college aged guys out and about, going to the bars-I would have loved the chance to have lived that life when I was 22. I'm 33, so that would be pretty ridiculous to even flirt with some guy a decade younger than me. 33 it damn tough! The attractive 27 year old guy wants the hot 18 year old girl. Meanwhile, with the 35 plus 40 crowd. They have alot of baggage-divorced..and have a few kids. Maybe that's my only option. I'm sure the single 40 year never married, never had kids is going to date the hot 25 year old-only for making babies. Because that is the child bearing age.

 

I am 28 and I have men my age date me and I'm the average girl. They even think I'm pretty. Ibam always dating someone my age in fact. Trying to find ideal compatibility is hard but there are no shortage of men my age who find me desirable.

 

It must be your locations. I just don't have the issue of men my age not finding me attractive enough to date.

 

I may add- I don't go for hot guys and I find plenty of average looking men who find me very attractive even though I'm just the average looking gal.

 

Perhaps the women who ONLY go for the cute or hot men at or around their age aren't pretty enough for the leagues in which their shooting?!

[clia]

I am 28 and I have men my age date me and I'm the average girl. They even think I'm pretty. Ibam always dating someone my age in fact. Trying to find ideal compatibility is hard but there are no shortage of men my age who find me desirable.

 

It must be your locations. I just don't have the issue of men my age not finding me attractive enough to date.

 

I may add- I don't go for hot guys and I find plenty of average looking men who find me very attractive even though I'm just the average looking gal.

 

Perhaps the women who ONLY go for the cute or hot men at or around their age aren't pretty enough for the leagues in which their shooting?!

 

Getting dates is far different from getting dates with men who are (a) interested in more than sex, (b) interested in a long term relationship, and © not total losers.

 

Yes, you get a lot of dates. Apparently so do many of the other women in this thread. The issue is whether those dates end up going anywhere substantial. You seem to be dating (and infatuated with) a new guy every few days, so obviously all of the dates you get haven't led to anything long term with any one guy. It also seems like your standards may be lower (or at least different) than those of other women.

[Leigh 87]

Getting dates is far different from getting dates with men who are (a) interested in more than sex, (b) interested in a long term relationship, and © not total losers.

 

Yes, you get a lot of dates. Apparently so do many of the other women in this thread. The issue is whether those dates end up going anywhere substantial. You seem to be dating (and infatuated with) a new guy every few days, so obviously all of the dates you get haven't led to anything long term with any one guy. It also seems like your standards may be lower (or at least different) than those of other women.

 

 

 

The guys are decent seeming. Intelligent. Full time jobs. Sexual chemistry is great.

 

We don't happen to be compatible but they weren't jerks nor were they never serious about considering me for a relationship in most cases. I'm not an ugly or undesirable woman who isn't relationship material to the average man where I live.

 

It's very hard to find a compatible partner. Even harder to find a compatible partner with whom you share strong mutual sexual chemistry with. It just takes a few years to find and many good woman find the whole package in their mid 30's or 40's

 

I haven't dated losers or men that no other girl would want. They aren't hot often but most are very cute. Some are average but cute to me.

 

I just don't feel like I've had bad luck..I've dated and enjoyed dating nice seeming guys with good jobs and nice personalities who I believe gave dating me a go and we just didnt click on that level or whatever.

 

Not all men I've encountered personally were losers or only after one thing. I stay friends with a lot of them and they are genuinly relationship orientated ; they just didnt want one with me and nor did I usually feel a true romantic click with them.

 

Every guy who's wanted just sex has come out and told me. Usually the super hot men. More often than not, men I've encountered have wanted to find the right woman but I just wasn't it.

 

It's not doom and gloom for all of us late 20 s women.

 

Sorry but I may not be pretty but even women like me manage to find maaaaaany men who think we are gorgeous and desirable enough to date! You don't need to be hot or thin or attractive to MOST people for you to still have many admirers.

 

I currently have two men I briefly dated who I let down who are really upset over me. I turn DOWN nice men and yeh sure I'm average and yet I still seem to have ENOUGH men who think I'm desirable to have the power to reject nice men.

 

Don't ever tell me women my age don't have options or a very high likey hood of finding the love because MANY of us do.

 

Don't let your negativity try impact in women like me who believe they are still very attractive and desirable to many men and have ALL the chances in the world to find a great love story.

 

Maybe women pick dud dates?

 

I've personally only had great dates with cute hot or average men who, for whatever reason, weren't compatible with me or maybe some of them.weren't sufficiently attracted who knows. But I've never just met a swarm of losers.

 

I honestly meet a bevy if men online who have great carers, nice personalities and who are never ugly.

 

It's luck it really is. And no just because they were decent men that doesn't mean they only ever considered me fwb material, average girls DO have admirers and men who are super attracted to us okay! Why is that sooooooo hard to believe.

 

People here should talk to my friends or survey men at a crowed pub. Despite being average, many people still find MY particular look very attractive and find me pretty enough to date! And yet here I am, hearing women who are supposedly attractive not being able to get decent men who find them attractive or desirable enough to date.

 

I think it's rude that you disbelieve me when I explain that even average women like me have many men who find us gorgeous and attractive enough to date!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not all of us have given up.

 

I for one, believe in a few years to a decade, I'll find my great love story and the man will find me just gorgeous.

Edited April 6, 2015 by Leigh 87

[Leigh 87]

Getting dates is far different from getting dates with men who are (a) interested in more than sex, (b) interested in a long term relationship, and © not total losers.

 

Yes, you get a lot of dates. Apparently so do many of the other women in this thread. The issue is whether those dates end up going anywhere substantial. You seem to be dating (and infatuated with) a new guy every few days, so obviously all of the dates you get haven't led to anything long term with any one guy. It also seems like your standards may be lower (or at least different) than those of other women.

 

My standards are:

 

Great sexual chemistry

Full time job

Intelligent and curious minded can talk about most things

Kind hearted

Treats me to a weekly date and enjoys spoiling me

 

 

 

 

I happen to find a lot of average looking Aussie blokes who have a great personality and process ALL those qualities.

We date. One or both of us decides that we just aren't feeling it or that our personalities arent. Very compatible.

 

I don't have low standards. I need a man to be really into me and have no issue finding it online even though I haven't find a long term match yet.

 

Right now I'm seeing an electrical engineer who's a freak in the bedroom like me and who loves taking me out and spoiling me, he's cute and he's asked to meet my parents soon.

 

It probably won't work out but I just don't believe that it's because I'm 28 and dried up and not hot enough for men my own age. Nor do I believe this man is just out for sex. He's talking about a weekend get away to theme parks a plane ride away which he will pay for and he's met my parents.

 

If things don't work out I've rarely found it's because they only wanted sex to begin with NOR has it been because they wanted a hot young girl quite frankly, they found ME hot thank you very much.

[katiegrl]

Leigh, i don't get your logic. Since you have many many men who find you gorgeous, attractive and hot... then obviously you are NOT *average*... but yet you keep referring to yourself as such.

 

Why do you do this? Just because you think of yourself as average doesn't mean you are. It just means you lack confidence and are insecure. Work on that...

 

I mean, again, clearly... if so many people, men and women, consider you gorgeous and hot, as you keep reminding us in nearly every thread you post on, then obviously you are far from average.

 

Just sayin....

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, i don't get your logic. Since you have many many men who find you gorgeous, attractive and hot... then obviously you are NOT *average*... but yet you keep referring to yourself as such.

 

Why do you do this? Just because you think of yourself as average doesn't mean you are. It just means you lack confidence and are insecure. Work on that...

 

I mean, again, clearly... if so many people, men and women, consider you gorgeous and hot, as you keep reminding us in nearly every thread you post on, then obviously you are far from average.

 

Just sayin....

 

KaTzee and the OP are better looking women than me.

 

They just have very bad luck and live in crappy areas.

 

I am a perfect example of a woman who is not pretty to the majority and yet manages to find decent normal guys who at least consider me for dating and aren't total creeps and aren't just putting me in the casual category since when they or I end it, they don't ask for casual and they say they find me to be a very sweet and pleasant woman and wish me the best as I do them.

 

I promise there aren't only scumbags out there at least where I live....

[Leigh 87]

I also believe that most women who are looking for true love, don't tend to find a great love story until later in life... I will likely be no exception.......

 

But along the way who's to say all the guys have to be creeps, undesirables or terrible.....that certainly isn't my experience...we are two sweet people giving dating a go and usually looking to find The One.

[katiegrl]

KaTzee and the OP are better looking women than me.

 

They just have very bad luck and live in crappy areas.

 

I am a perfect example of a woman who is not pretty to the majority and yet manages to find decent normal guys who at least consider me for dating and aren't total creeps and aren't just putting me in the casual category since when they or I end it, they don't ask for casual and they say they find me to be a very sweet and pleasant woman and wish me the best as I do them.

 

I promise there aren't only scumbags out there at least where I live....

 

That wasn't what I was asking....not even close., and I think you know that.

 

Clearly you are unable to answer my question.. so nevermind.

[Auspecial]

You sound more jaded than I am. I felt great at 33. Of course, that was before I experienced online dating. Don't believe that your only chance was in your twenties.

 

Tell it, Anela!!

[clia]

It's not doom and gloom for all of us late 20 s women.

 

I never said it was. In fact, I believe quite the opposite.

 

Don't ever tell me women my age don't have options or a very high likey hood of finding the love because MANY of us do.

 

Don't let your negativity try impact in women like me who believe they are still very attractive and desirable to many men and have ALL the chances in the world to find a great love story.

 

Never said this either. I think women in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond have loads of options.

 

My negativity? Where are you getting that from? I've never said a word about your looks. You are the one who is totally infatuated with how you look and has to tell us in every post how hot you are.

 

I think it's rude that you disbelieve me when I explain that even average women like me have many men who find us gorgeous and attractive enough to date!

 

Yeah, never said I disbelieved that you get dates with men who find you gorgeous either. Do you even read the posts you quote?

 

You have suggested to several women in this thread that they move, because you get all kinds of dates where you live. My point is that they seem to get a lot of dates, too! Getting dates isn’t getting a great relationship.

 

Right now I'm seeing an electrical engineer who's a freak in the bedroom like me and who loves taking me out and spoiling me, he's cute and he's asked to meet my parents soon.

 

It probably won't work out but I just don't believe that it's because I'm 28 and dried up and not hot enough for men my own age. Nor do I believe this man is just out for sex. He's talking about a weekend get away to theme parks a plane ride away which he will pay for and he's met my parents.

 

If things don't work out I've rarely found it's because they only wanted sex to begin with NOR has it been because they wanted a hot young girl quite frankly, they found ME hot thank you very much.

 

Is this the guy you just met around a week ago?

[Auspecial]

Re: unavailable men

 

See, I am attracted to men when I have no idea if they are available or not. In fact the older guy I described here didn't wear a wedding ring so I got my hopes up. Once I found out that he is married, I moved on without a second thought.

 

The trick is staying hopeful and also cautious.

 

Having initial trust but watch for the flags. Which it appears you are doing, naturally. So trust your instincts and try to maintain hope and be positive. I know that might sound trite, but it works.

[Auspecial]

I see what you're saying FF, and it sounds logical. However, IRL, I need a hell of a lot more time than 5 minutes to gauge whether I'd want to give a complete and total stranger my phone number. I think in the hypothetical situation that you've described, I'd be more open to HIM giving me HIS phone number; I can always use *67 when I call him. And, I've never ever had a relationship (or even a date) via a "cold approach" from a guy, it had been because I met the guys in question at work, at the pool in the apartments where I lived, at a get-together in a friend's house, at someone's birthday party and online on a talk show website.

 

I have been spoken to whilst waiting in a long line at the post office/grocery store, by the cable guy who installed my turbo internet, by the cashier at a Home Depot, etc. I've also struck up convos with guys in similar scenarios and they've always been light, breezy and fun exchanges with both of us making the other smile or laugh. I'm not shy so I have an easy time of striking up conversations with males and females alike in almost any situation or circumstance; I have a sarcastic and silly sense of humor and love making a person smile or laugh! It's just fun to do, whether something comes out of it or not.

 

 

.

 

 

I love BlackOps post, but have to say that I *have had relationships evolve from cold approaches. The key word is evolve.

[Auspecial]

Original Poster:

 

"....can't take the fakeness of OLD".....

 

Thankfully, none of us HAVE to take any fakeness from anything! There are always options and alternatives.

[Leigh 87]

I never said it was. In fact, I believe quite the opposite.

 

 

 

Never said this either. I think women in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond have loads of options.

 

My negativity? Where are you getting that from? I've never said a word about your looks. You are the one who is totally infatuated with how you look and has to tell us in every post how hot you are.

 

 

 

Yeah, never said I disbelieved that you get dates with men who find you gorgeous either. Do you even read the posts you quote?

 

You have suggested to several women in this thread that they move, because you get all kinds of dates where you live. My point is that they seem to get a lot of dates, too! Getting dates isn’t getting a great relationship.

 

 

 

Is this the guy you just met around a week ago?

 

 

Why do those women only date creeps undesirable or losers then? I don't understand why they have such sh* t luck!

 

I am average. But i manage to find men who find me attractive and who aren't creeps or after casual. So i question why can't these better looking women.