Can't take the fakeness of OLD

[Woggle]

I think the women are most successful with men and relationships are not women who downplay their success and achievements. Believe me most men don't think stuff like that is a big deal.

 

The ones who well with men are the ones who really understand what motivates us. I am not talking about the narrow stereotype of manhood that society likes to promote but what really makes us tick. If you understand that and how to deal with men on that level then you should do very well with guys. I find a lot of women approach men with the stereotyped view of masculinity in their mind and as a man that is just off putting.

 

A for NYC to me it is a bunch of shallow people complaining that everybody else is shallow. My friend who still lives there said he would be up for bringing back hookers in Times Square and Graffiti covered trains if it would get rid of all these new people that came in the last fifteen years. A wonderful unique and gritty place full of culture and creativity almost overnight became a shallow status obsessed yuppie playground. The worst part is they are so pretentious about it. At least here in California people wear their shallowness and materialism honestly and don't wrap it up in some phony intellectualism.

[KatZee]

A for NYC to me it is a bunch of shallow people complaining that everybody else is shallow. My friend who still lives there said he would be up for bringing back hookers in Times Square and Graffiti covered trains if it would get rid of all these new people that came in the last fifteen years. A wonderful unique and gritty place full of culture and creativity almost overnight became a shallow status obsessed yuppie playground. The worst part is they are so pretentious about it. At least here in California people wear their shallowness and materialism honestly and don't wrap it up in some phony intellectualism.

 

Yaaaaasss!

 

I hate some parts of NYC now. It's so phony. Walk around NYC and see how many people sound like New Yawkas. Not many anymore.

 

Everyone's a transplant from somewhere else and then they like to brag and boast and claim to be "so new york."

 

Brooklyn kills me the most. And hipsters. Oh God, the hipsters.

 

I was at a party once and they were playing music, and a friend and I started picking out some awesome songs and I swear one of the dudes was like, "oh GOD. JUST KILL ME. What are we listening to?? Who would even listen to something like this???!" He made such a show about it, and then got up stomped his feet a bit, then went to pull the plugs out of the speakers, and then changed it to some indie garbage just so he could act all superior to such "basic mainstream" music. :rolleyes:

 

This got way off topic. LOL.

[Woggle]

Yaaaaasss!

 

I hate some parts of NYC now. It's so phony. Walk around NYC and see how many people sound like New Yawkas. Not many anymore.

 

Everyone's a transplant from somewhere else and then they like to brag and boast and claim to be "so new york."

 

Brooklyn kills me the most. And hipsters. Oh God, the hipsters.

 

I was at a party once and they were playing music, and a friend and I started picking out some awesome songs and I swear one of the dudes was like, "oh GOD. JUST KILL ME. What are we listening to?? Who would even listen to something like this???!" He made such a show about it, and then got up stomped his feet a bit, then went to pull the plugs out of the speakers, and then changed it to some indie garbage just so he could act all superior to such "basic mainstream" music. :rolleyes:

 

This got way off topic. LOL.

 

I know you have the career but if you can get out and still make good money do so. It's the best decision I ever made and I met somebody worth it after I did.

 

It's sort of on topic since what NYC has become makes it an awful place for dating.

[BluEyeL]

I really don't think I even understand what you're saying.

 

I don't think I mentioned anywhere that I'm looking to date the top 1% of the male population? In one post I said I've had dates with guys who have had "High School" listed as the top level of education completed.

 

I don't think I've even been on a date with anyone who had a master's degree.

 

I don't go into anything looking at it like a "business transaction." One of the guys I really liked the most had just a year or two of college and then he dropped out.

 

Sorry my bad, I didn't mean you go for the top 1%. I meant if a woman is highly educated and wants to date up in terms of career and education AND also have the guy be single, relationship oriented and good looking, I think the said woman will have to choose among top 1% of males.

 

In your case, I understand you don't date up in terms of education so you have more men to choose from. I have no idea what's wrong in your situation. Maybe just bad luck.

[BluEyeL]

I think the women are most successful with men and relationships are not women who downplay their success and achievements. Believe me most men don't think stuff like that is a big deal.

 

The ones who well with men are the ones who really understand what motivates us. I am not talking about the narrow stereotype of manhood that society likes to promote but what really makes us tick. If you understand that and how to deal with men on that level then you should do very well with guys. I find a lot of women approach men with the stereotyped view of masculinity in their mind and as a man that is just off putting.

 

So what makes men tick. Tell us so we can learn the big secret.

[Weezy1973]

I really don't think I even understand what you're saying.

 

I don't think I mentioned anywhere that I'm looking to date the top 1% of the male population? In one post I said I've had dates with guys who have had "High School" listed as the top level of education completed.

 

I don't think I've even been on a date with anyone who had a master's degree.

 

I don't go into anything looking at it like a "business transaction." One of the guys I really liked the most had just a year or two of college and then he dropped out.

 

But you're having no success. Your problem is that the superficial (i.e. Looks) is at the top of your list. Which is going to make it harder for you in so many ways. BlueEyes put looks to the bottom of her list and found success. Not a coincidence.

 

But there's nothing wrong per se about being shallow in that sense. It's just going to be way harder for you to find someone to be in a relationship with. As you already know.

[Moy]

Wow. Maybe you should consider moving to the U.S. lol:confused: That woman's POF profile was HORRIBLE!!!! I mean, I guess she can't really help what she looks like....but, holy hell!!! Talk about a mean, snobby, demanding and extremely insecure person!! I doubt she gets any hits on her profile.

 

It's too bad you deleted your POF profile. I wanted to take a look at it to see what you wrote so I can try to figure out why you're only getting responses from the types of women that you're NOT attracted to. Your avatar shows that you're into fitness, you're healthy and have a great smile! I just don't understand why (and how) you've gotten no dates in TWO years! That's just crazy. Maybe you should try OKC. I tried that for a few months and got some "ok" responses from a few decent guys but then deleted my profile because I wanted to take a hiatus from dating on OLD for a while.

 

Have you tried IRL dating in your locality? If so, how did that go?

 

.

 

I tried OKC a few months ago, the closest I got was a brief conversation with a very stuck up 52 year-old who kept telling me that she looked 40 (she didn't) and how amazing she was. It got tedious very quickly.

 

As an indication, this is the most attractive woman that I have ever messaged on POF:

 

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=92080236

 

She messaged me back telling me off for messaging her, stating that I was not good looking enough to be worthy of doing so.

 

IRL dating? I'll be honest here. Since becoming single in January 2013, I haven't even spoken to a woman other than:

 

a: My family.

b: Basic work stuff with work colleagues.

c: Saying 'Yes please' when asked at the checkout if I need any bags.

 

My experiences on OLD have battered by confidence down so much that I wouldn't dare even look at a woman in real life now as it's just become ingrained ito me that I'm too ugly and they'd be disgusted to find somebody like me wanting to say hi to them.

 

Couple that with the recent rise in radical feminism and creepshaming (Google Shoshana Roberts hollaback video) it's now deemed creepy and rapey to say hello now, so I don't want a sexual harrassment charge against me for saying hello. No chance!

 

The fact is, there is something deeply repulsive about me that makes women turn hateful towards me on sight - which is why I fear them, dread them and avoid them.

Edited April 10, 2015 by Moy

[Woggle]

So what makes men tick. Tell us so we can learn the big secret.

 

It's hard to put into words but the misandrist stereotypes that are so often promoted about us are very far from how many of us really are.

[MoreFire]

What is old ? I thought we were talking about old men?lol

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I tried OKC a few months ago, the closest I got was a brief conversation with a very stuck up 52 year-old who kept telling me that she looked 40 (she didn't) and how amazing she was. It got tedious very quickly.

 

As an indication, this is the most attractive woman that I have ever messaged on POF:

 

Sunnyday_2010 Wirral England singles,Wirral England women

 

She messaged me back telling me off for messaging her, stating that I was not good looking enough to be worthy of doing so.

.

 

Moy.....you can't let other women discourage you from dating and searching for a person you want to be in a relationship with! Who gives a $hit what that idiot said to you? She's emotionally damaged and is stuck on herself...there are MANY people out there who are like that. Remember, you only need to meet *ONE* decent, emotionally stable, kind and attractive woman to date! They ARE out there. I mean, I could see if you were an ogre like Shrek or had a horrible personality - then I'd understand why you'd want to give up. You've come this far in your life, you've kept yourself up physically, you're intelligent, and like I said before, you have a mega watt smile! I don't know you beyond what you've posted on LS and what your photograph shows, but if I were you, I would keep on keepin' on...

 

 

My experiences on OLD have battered by confidence down so much that I wouldn't dare even look at a woman in real life now as it's just become ingrained ito me that I'm too ugly and they'd be disgusted to find somebody like me wanting to say hi to them.

 

C'mon...seriously?! "Too ugly"? Wow. Those women really did a number on you, didn't they? SCREW THEM. Why would you care what a bunch of self-absorbed, unattractive negative women think of you?

 

If I could, I'd grab your shoulders and shake you to *snap* you OUT of your dating funk!! Remember what Cher did in the movie "Moonstruck" when she says, "Snap out of it!"

 

Just STOP it. Really. Maybe take different pics of yourself and create a new profile on another free dating site (pay sites are the worst). In fact, if you ever have time, post what you'd write on your profile so I can read it - to see if there's anything you say in it that would put off any woman who would read it.

 

 

.

[40 Fonzarelli]

I know you have the career but if you can get out and still make good money do so. It's the best decision I ever made and I met somebody worth it after I did.

 

It's sort of on topic since what NYC has become makes it an awful place for dating.

 

You moved from NYC? How's the dating scene in LA? I've read it isn't great either but I could be wrong.

 

I wouldn't mind moving to CA mainly because I'm not a big fan of the winters. It's just tough securing a job from out of state.

[BluEyeL]

But you're having no success. Your problem is that the superficial (i.e. Looks) is at the top of your list. Which is going to make it harder for you in so many ways. BlueEyes put looks to the bottom of her list and found success. Not a coincidence.

 

But there's nothing wrong per se about being shallow in that sense. It's just going to be way harder for you to find someone to be in a relationship with. As you already know.

Yeah, but people who put looks first think that people like me settled. Which is false. Look, nobody is perfect. You "settle" for less education, a less than great treatment etc just to

o get what it's important to you. I didn't settle because I went for what's important to me.

 

My bf is not perfect, but he's 6.1 , a wonderful person, educated, loves me, and on top of it, after about 4 months of dating I found out he's on the rich side. He's overweight. I'm not skinny either so a big man just makes me feel smaller so his looks work for me anyway. But I would have dated him even if he was short and skinny. I'm more attracted to big though, it just doesn't actually matter.

[Woggle]

You moved from NYC? How's the dating scene in LA? I've read it isn't great either but I could be wrong.

 

I wouldn't mind moving to CA mainly because I'm not a big fan of the winters. It's just tough securing a job from out of state.

 

I am married so I don't know how dating is but people seem a lot nicer. I lived in NJ for a while as well and people just seem nicer than on the East Coast. Nicer people usually equals better dating.

[SawtoothMars]

I am really sorry you've been through so much dissapointment. It does suck and I am sorry for you (and other women in the same boat) because I've been there and I know how it feels (somewhat, since we don't all have the same personalitie) I really really do not think is your education. I am not sure how old you are. I'm 43, I'm a single mother with a child full time (minus) and no family around to take the burden (minus), I'm not skinny therefore not hot (I'm size 12 US so minus), I have a Ph.D. in Engineering and I am a professor at a high profile university, lead a research group and all that stuff (theoretically minus). Plus, I'm an immigrant, with a heavy accent, so a bit more difficult to relate to (possible minus). I have never been on a date with someone with high school diploma. I never even responded to those. Minimum bachelor's. Most men I've been out with had a Masters at least. Maybe you shouldn't respond to people with no university education, since they're more likely to find your too educated.

I've never been told I'm intimidating or exhausting. So I'm really not sure that the problems you are encountering are related to your career or education. Maybe the type of men you're going for? Or something else? But education and career are just nice things to think as being obstacles. Maybe you could think of other explanations? Perhaps you like to debate/have strong opinions and are not afraid to confront people you just met (trying to find out what exhausting means)? Those don't have to do with education.

 

Blue... You have to be joking here.

 

Maybe you don't get this because you are in engineering... but every college campus in the country is 65% female and 35% male. So... when you say you only date guys with degrees, you are being silly. Those guys have higher earnings and are VERY desirable to other women. Your overall chances are very slim given you minuses.

 

I think women need to put more thought into the overall effect of making college a hostile environment to males. I really doubt they will leave engineering alone since it is somewhat of a final refuge for boys.

[SawtoothMars]

IRL dating? I'll be honest here. Since becoming single in January 2013, I haven't even spoken to a woman other than:

 

a: My family.

b: Basic work stuff with work colleagues.

c: Saying 'Yes please' when asked at the checkout if I need any bags.

 

My experiences on OLD have battered by confidence down so much that I wouldn't dare even look at a woman in real life now as it's just become ingrained ito me that I'm too ugly and they'd be disgusted to find somebody like me wanting to say hi to them.

 

You cannot continue like this. The FIRST thing you need to do is talk to women. I don't care if it's a 90 year old lady to begin with. You need to learn how to converse... even if it's just about the weather.

[BluEyeL]

Blue... You have to be joking here.

 

Maybe you don't get this because you are in engineering... but every college campus in the country is 65% female and 35% male. So... when you say you only date guys with degrees, you are being silly. Those guys have higher earnings and are VERY desirable to other women. Your overall chances are very slim given you minuses.

 

I think women need to put more thought into the overall effect of making college a hostile environment to males. I really doubt they will leave engineering alone since it is somewhat of a final refuge for boys.

 

I'm sorry, I am not understanding why do you think I'm kidding. I feel it is not my responsibility to make the environment friendly for anyone but me and my chosen partner.

 

I only dated people with education beyond Bachelor's degrees. Why? Because I could and they contacted me first on dating sites. Despite my minuses, I had no trouble attracting those.

 

I am not dating "on campus", I'm not a student. I'm dating within the general population and the guys I've dated for any length of time (between 4-9 dates each) before my boyfriend were like this: 1. Bachelor's degree but working blue collar job (4 dates) - I was the dumper : he was crazy 2. Masters Degree working in IT, making somewhere between 130-160K (5 dates)- I was the dumper: he had lots of ex wife drama and moved too slow with me 3. Neurologist (Physician), may I add, most conventionally "hot" of all-you know the physician look, fit and trim, plus hair lol (9 dates)- I was the dumper: he was arrogant, he didn't treat me right and he was inconsistent. 4. Ph.D. but not making a lot of money, working for the state (3.5 months dating-probably about 25 dates and two weekend trips)- he dumped me: he never had a relationship longer than 3 months and I should have never dated him.. 5. Professor (Ph.D.) (five dates).- I was the dumper: just fizzled on my side.

 

I've been with my current boyfriend 10 months. He has a Masters in Physics. He also makes a shi.tload of money, which wasn't my goal, but it's gravy.

Edited April 10, 2015 by BluEyeL

[SawtoothMars]

I'm sorry, I am not understanding why do you think I'm kidding. I feel it is not my responsibility to make the environment friendly for anyone but me and my chosen partner.

I only dated people with education beyond Bachelor's degrees. Why? Because I could and they contacted me first on dating sites. Despite my minuses, I had no trouble attracting those.

I am not dating "on campus", I'm not a student. I'm dating within the general population and the guys I've dated for any length of time (between 4-9 dates each) before my boyfriend were like this: 1. Bachelor's degree but working blue collar job (4 dates) - I was the dumper : he was crazy 2. Masters Degree working in IT, making somewhere between 130-160K (5 dates)- I was the dumper: he had lots of ex wife drama and moved too slow with me 3. Neurologist (Physician), may I add, most conventionally "hot" of all-you know the physician look, fit and trim, plus hair lol (9 dates)- I was the dumper: he was arrogant, he didn't treat me right and he was inconsistent. 4. Ph.D. but not making a lot of money, working for the state (3.5 months dating-probably about 25 dates and two weekend trips)- he dumped me: he never had a relationship longer than 3 months and I should have never dated him.. 5. Professor (Ph.D.) (five dates).- I was the dumper: just fizzled on my side.

I've been with my current boyfriend 10 months. He has a Masters in Physics. He also makes a shi.tload of money, which wasn't my goal, but it's gravy.

 

You are from an age group where this is less of an issue, but anyone my age or younger should absolutely not take this approach unless they have some serious mojo with men.

 

As for you in particular... I don't care who dumped who. 10 months is nothing serious. I hope you can come back in 10 years and talk about how all this worked out great.

 

The pressure for educated men is very high. I met a woman about a month back who is 29 and only dates college educated men. She has had 1 BF since college. He dumped her for someone else after 1.5 years... mostly because he has tons of options!

[BluEyeL]

Alright, I'll let you know in 10 years.

[xxoo]

You are from an age group where this is less of an issue, but anyone my age or younger should absolutely not take this approach unless they have some serious mojo with men.

 

As for you in particular... I don't care who dumped who. 10 months is nothing serious. I hope you can come back in 10 years and talk about how all this worked out great.

 

The pressure for educated men is very high. I met a woman about a month back who is 29 and only dates college educated men. She has had 1 BF since college. He dumped her for someone else after 1.5 years... mostly because he has tons of options!

 

This may depend on circles we move in, but since my H and I both have jobs that require a college degree, most of the people we know have college degrees. It may be true that there are fewer college educated men than women, but I can't throw a rock around here without hitting a college educated man in a relationship. Tons of options mean nothing if they guy wants THIS woman (and a college degree hardly guarantees tons of options).

[BluEyeL]

As soon as I get to a computer I'll argue why that's a faulty logic.

[Phoe]

This may depend on circles we move in, but since my H and I both have jobs that require a college degree, most of the people we know have college degrees. It may be true that there are fewer college educated men than women, but I can't throw a rock around here without hitting a college educated man in a relationship. Tons of options mean nothing if they guy wants THIS woman (and a college degree hardly guarantees tons of options).

 

It not only depends on circles, but an area in general!

 

I am college educated and am pursuing a master's, but live in a town where college education isn't terribly common. I only know a handful of people, men or women, with degrees.

 

Most folks around here got jobs, got married, and had kids right after high school. I was one of the few who left for college, and the only one out of my high schools group of college bound kids, that ended up coming back after college. Which is a crappy feeling but not relevant to the topic, so onward!

[Anela]

You are from an age group where this is less of an issue, but anyone my age or younger should absolutely not take this approach unless they have some serious mojo with men.

 

As for you in particular... I don't care who dumped who. 10 months is nothing serious. I hope you can come back in 10 years and talk about how all this worked out great.

 

The pressure for educated men is very high. I met a woman about a month back who is 29 and only dates college educated men. She has had 1 BF since college. He dumped her for someone else after 1.5 years... mostly because he has tons of options!

 

 

What on earth? What is this about? Blu is dating a man she would ordinarily have avoided, if she was focused on looks, so she has already changed her attitude in one way. They have a serious relationship, and she sounds comfortable and happy. Why are you trying to convince her that it won't last? And why would it automatically be her fault, if it didn't last? If someone dumps a wonderful woman, because they have a ton of options, that doesn't sound like a high-quality man to me.

[Frank2thepoint]

A for NYC to me it is a bunch of shallow people complaining that everybody else is shallow. My friend who still lives there said he would be up for bringing back hookers in Times Square and Graffiti covered trains if it would get rid of all these new people that came in the last fifteen years. A wonderful unique and gritty place full of culture and creativity almost overnight became a shallow status obsessed yuppie playground. The worst part is they are so pretentious about it. At least here in California people wear their shallowness and materialism honestly and don't wrap it up in some phony intellectualism.

 

Ah I remember NYC in the 80s. Sure there was trash strewn across the streets, wind whisking it down the streets and avenues, but there was character. As disgusting it was to see used condoms on trains, stairwells, and the street, at least you knew people were having sex, being considerate of STDs or pregnancy, and enjoying it at public locales. Chinatown is gone. Well it still there, but a shell of it's former glory. Condos and high-rise apartment buildings are being erected, and rendering the area "whitewashed", expensive, pushing out tasty and cheap restaurants, to be replaced with some Pinkberry, Starbucks, or generic hipster cafe.

 

At least where I am in Queens, I'm tucked in with Greeks, Irish, English, Hungarians, Romanians, Mexicans, Ecuadorians, Thai, Koreans, Indians, Bangladeshi, and much more. No hipsters...yet.

[BluEyeL]

You are from an age group where this is less of an issue, but anyone my age or younger should absolutely not take this approach unless they have some serious mojo with men.

 

As for you in particular... I don't care who dumped who. 10 months is nothing serious. I hope you can come back in 10 years and talk about how all this worked out great.

 

The pressure for educated men is very high. I met a woman about a month back who is 29 and only dates college educated men. She has had 1 BF since college. He dumped her for someone else after 1.5 years... mostly because he has tons of options!

 

OK, before the 10 years pass let me tell you why your logic is not...logical.

 

So, you're telling me that if I were in my 20s, smart, hot, desirable for men all ages, no children, I'd have more problems finding an educated boyfriend than when I'm over 40, divorced, a tad overweight and raising a child on my own? LOL And that's because of the proportion of educated men to educated women on campus. Funny.

 

We all know that women have the most power in their 20s and men after 30 and it keeps increasing. Read the statistics. A woman in her 20s has a lot of power and she doesn't have to date on campus, she can date younger, older and she can have her pick pretty much. If she's not finding a serious boyfriend it is not because of the education thing, it is because a million of other issues she has, the most likely one being that she goes for the wrong type of men, who are not seeking long term relationships, or has low self esteem and no confidence. Young women often have no confidence and that severely impairs them.

 

Second, plenty of educated men are married and in long term relationships. So if all of the educated men were dogs, like you imply, they'd all be single into their 70s and beyond. And the divorce rate in that demographics is way smaller than in the uneducated demographics. Because they're a little smarter than average, they can handle conflicts and find solutions better, plus having more money always helps relationships.

 

Third, it is not relevant if a man "has options" or not. What is relevant if he is a man who is relationship oriented and doesn't care whether he has options. Amazingly enough, despite the stereotype that says that all men want is chase a new skirt every week, there are men out there who are not really into dating around and sleeping around. That's what women should look for. Not looks and yes, not even education necessarily. Education is my preference for my reasons and because I can but everyone wants something else.

 

And last, women do not owe anything to men (not to make their environment towards getting laid easier-they make it plenty easy as is), only to themselves. If more understood that and stopped validating themselves through men, things would be easier for them and it would also be harder for the players to get laid. But that's not gonna happen.

 

And about me and whether it'll last with my BF. I'm pretty darn sure it'll last a while because I know who he is and I know who I am, and he doesn't care whether he has options. But even if we change, and it ends after a few years, I embrace change, as change is the only sure thing in life and I'm confident I'll find love again at any age. If I had to look again, it'll be easier and more fun than first time around for sure. I think being positive and enjoying whatever life gives you keeps you happier than fear and negativity.

[Anela]

:love: