Can't take the fakeness of OLD

[LookAtThisPOst]

I am always noticing these really nice women with real jerks of a boyfriend or husband for that matter...when they go out to parties or social gatherings, he's always eager to get home or hinting around that he wants to split.

 

He's rarely social with her friends and she's chatting away...people look at him with scorn as people wonder "Why the hell is he with THAT *******?"

[Eternal Sunshine]

I hate to say this, but men definetly have more options as we age. The level of guy I was able to get 5 years ago and now is not even close.

 

I dated a guy earlier this year who was decent looking (not that hot, just kind of OK) and was educated (PhD) and had a great job. He was couple of years older than me. Things fizzled out and he told me he is really looking for a woman that has a PhD but looks/dresses like a stripper. He loved trashy looking women that are smart. I was thinking that he is never going to find that..but guess what...he is dating her now.

 

It may be my enviroment too as I am working at a place with around 80% women. As soon as single guy appears, there are 5 attractive single women all over him.

 

I give up.

[BluEyeL]

Well, it was sort of an experiment. Up until that point I had only dated idiots. I figured I'd give the "nice guy" a shot. I was never attracted to him. And I believed what people said: "Attraction grows over time."

 

Kinda never happened. My un-attraction to him just got worse and worse.

For me it does grow, but only if the emotional connection grows too.

[road]

Everything in life has trade offs. Example, boobs, a woman can be just as hot whether the label in her bra says A, B, C, or, D. Now there are men that will have a preference for one of those letters. Though when looking at the whole package a woman not having the preferred letter he can still find her hot. I made this point because when it comes to appearances how many women are a 10 in all of these: have the feet, legs, butt, belly, rack, shoulders, face, lips, eyes, hair, smile, to die for.

 

 

So people need to be realistic. You are not a total 10 the odds are against you not pulling in a total 10.

 

 

Then same is to be said with:

 

 

Family

Job

Education

Recreational activities

 

 

I think many woman today have their own mate rating value over rated.

 

 

Also OLD either has people that could walk into a bar with a fist full of fifties and still could not get a date or average people that have unrealistic expectations and holding out for Mr/Miss Perfect.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Everything in life has trade offs. Example, boobs, a woman can be just as hot whether the label in her bra says A, B, C, or, D. Now there are men that will have a preference for one of those letters. Though when looking at the whole package a woman not having the preferred letter he can still find her hot. I made this point because when it comes to appearances how many women are a 10 in all of these: have the feet, legs, butt, belly, rack, shoulders, face, lips, eyes, hair, smile, to die for.

 

 

So people need to be realistic. You are not a total 10 the odds are against you not pulling in a total 10.

 

 

Then same is to be said with:

 

 

Family

Job

Education

Recreational activities

 

 

I think many woman today have their own mate rating value over rated.

 

 

Also OLD either has people that could walk into a bar with a fist full of fifties and still could not get a date or average people that have unrealistic expectations and holding out for Mr/Miss Perfect.

 

I disagree. When we get older and are not exposed to a lot of singles, it gets harder. If anything, my standards for looks are too low. Anyone I dated within the last couple of years, people would randomly tell me "You can do so much better!".

[road]

It really is easier said than done at this stage. I'm fully expecting the ladies on here to attack me for being in this situation.

 

This isn't my thread, so if anbody has any advice can they PM me, please?

 

 

 

 

I say it again. Look at your avatar photo. I am a straight male so I am not a fashion expert. Burn that shirt. Take your photos at a more normal angle. People go with looks first in real life and on OLD.

 

 

Some of the other avatars of the women show no smile. A nice smile makes any woman so much more attractive. Also the photos are head shots so view of the clothes is limited, is not will not pull men in. Not saying they have to slut it up. Also many of the woman complaining they can't get there dream man with their PhD's, status careers with status salaries, do not realize they are average looking in appearance and personality.

 

 

I am average. I got my dream girl/wife. She may be average to others. Though see is way above that to me.

[Leigh 87]

Everything in life has trade offs. Example, boobs, a woman can be just as hot whether the label in her bra says A, B, C, or, D. Now there are men that will have a preference for one of those letters. Though when looking at the whole package a woman not having the preferred letter he can still find her hot. I made this point because when it comes to appearances how many women are a 10 in all of these: have the feet, legs, butt, belly, rack, shoulders, face, lips, eyes, hair, smile, to die for.

 

 

So people need to be realistic. You are not a total 10 the odds are against you not pulling in a total 10.

 

 

Then same is to be said with:

 

 

Family

Job

Education

Recreational activities

 

 

I think many woman today have their own mate rating value over rated.

 

 

Also OLD either has people that could walk into a bar with a fist full of fifties and still could not get a date or average people that have unrealistic expectations and holding out for Mr/Miss Perfect.

 

 

So many men assume we aim too high....

 

My friend is beautiful and her man is average. She fell in lust with him instantly..

 

I don't want a hot guy. I want a guy I have sexual chemistry with. Huge difference for SOME women as we are able to feel great chemistry with 5/10 men, I sure am, if the guy has confidence, is not a pushover and has a decent career or is on the way towards one.

 

I only explore chemistry with the men who I know would fall all over me; not the men who get the model look alike, 8/10 girls on a regular basis.

 

This method of online dating seems to be very pleasant so far; I go for guys I great chemistry with yet who are within my league look wise - I NEVER date up, and prefer the man to be one or two points or three points, below me...

The guys seem really adoring and pleased to have a woman who they feel is gorgeous, can carry an intelligent conversation and who treats them well. I personally prefer to feel adored and desired. So I date men who are objectively below me look wise, since I have the ability to feel great chemistry with all types.

 

This doesn't always work as my ex was about a 6 or 7/10 at best, and yet he wanted a 9 or 10/10 model type. He left me and got her! I was perplexed. To say the least:lmao: BUT, good for him:lmao: Sigh. Karma:sick:

[Woggle]

I hate to say this, but men definetly have more options as we age. The level of guy I was able to get 5 years ago and now is not even close.

 

I dated a guy earlier this year who was decent looking (not that hot, just kind of OK) and was educated (PhD) and had a great job. He was couple of years older than me. Things fizzled out and he told me he is really looking for a woman that has a PhD but looks/dresses like a stripper. He loved trashy looking women that are smart. I was thinking that he is never going to find that..but guess what...he is dating her now.

 

It may be my enviroment too as I am working at a place with around 80% women. As soon as single guy appears, there are 5 attractive single women all over him.

 

I give up.

 

When there is a shortage of men the man have the advantage and when there is a shortage of women the women have the advantage. I don't think it has much to do with age. I do think both men and women have higher standards as they age because they have been through the BS and now want quality. Honestly if I never met my wife I would probably still be single because while I see many attractive women the total package like she is is very hard to find.

[xxoo]

I disagree. When we get older and are not exposed to a lot of singles, it gets harder. If anything, my standards for looks are too low. Anyone I dated within the last couple of years, people would randomly tell me "You can do so much better!".

 

If they were basing that on looks, that's really shallow and unhelpful.

 

When you're really into a guy, your friends may not "see" how attractive he is to you. That's ok.

[road]

This doesn't always work as my ex was about a 6 or 7/10 at best, and yet he wanted a 9 or 10/10 model type. He left me and got her! I was perplexed. To say the least:lmao: BUT, good for him:lmao: Sigh. Karma:sick:

 

 

Like you she wanted a guy two points lower then herself.

[Weezy1973]

I hate to say this, but men definetly have more options as we age. The level of guy I was able to get 5 years ago and now is not even close.

 

It's this mentality that is your downfall, or more specifically, what you consider to be a high "level" has nothing to do with relationship qualities. To you a "high quality" man has only to do with looks, education and career.

 

This fact, in amongst itself, makes me think that in fact, you ES, are not relationship oriented.

 

Juxtapose what you consider to be quality to my sister. The man she chose is short (5'4"), bald, and when they met he delivered trees for a living. But what attracted her to him was that he had a ton of integrity, was a hard worker, was honest and trustworthy, and was also a good communicator. Those superficial things that you value so highly weren't even a concern. She chose him because she knew he would make a great long term partner. And honestly, he has been - they have one of the best marriages out there.

 

It's about priorities - if you want a long term relationship or marriage, your top priorities by far should be finding someone with the qualities that make one a good long term relationship partner. If you're relationship oriented, it should be in fact those qualities that attract you, instead of the superficial.

 

For you that's not the case.

 

I give up.

 

And how many times is that now?

[xxoo]

It's this mentality that is your downfall, or more specifically, what you consider to be a high "level" has nothing to do with relationship qualities. To you a "high quality" man has only to do with looks, education and career.

 

I kind of agree.

 

I do think attraction....sexual attraction....is important. Vital. But I don't think it has to come from looks. Everyone ages, and looks change with age, so what keeps sexual attraction strong? It's mostly personality traits, character, capacity to love, etc.

[Emilia]

The vast majority of women have no problems finding a long term mate - why do you?

Do you count divorces? Seeing as about 30-40% of marriages the US end NSFG - Listing D - Key Statistics from the National Survey of Family Growth. So the 'truth' is probably somewhere between you and KatZee. Not as rosy as yours and not as terrible as hers.

[Weezy1973]

Do you count divorces? Seeing as about 30-40% of marriages the US end NSFG - Listing D - Key Statistics from the National Survey of Family Growth. So the 'truth' is probably somewhere between you and KatZee. Not as rosy as yours and not as terrible as hers.

 

The truth is exactly what I stated - the vast majority of people are in a relationship. Vast, vast majority. Like 80% plus. The women in these threads cannot find a relationship. They are the exception to the rule.

 

Do a significant number or relationships end? Of course! But I can guarantee you this - the majority of relationships that end do so, not because one partner "settled" (as the women in this thread would have us believe) but because one or both partners weren't very good at being in a relationship.

[BluEyeL]

The truth is exactly what I stated - the vast majority of people are in a relationship. Vast, vast majority. Like 80% plus. The women in these threads cannot find a relationship. They are the exception to the rule.

 

Do a significant number or relationships end? Of course! But I can guarantee you this - the majority of relationships that end do so, not because one partner "settled" (as the women in this thread would have us believe) but because one or both partners weren't very good at being in a relationship.

I agree, partially. Some marriages end because the partners weren't good at being in a relationship, for sure. But overall, there could be many reasons, simply just people changing. I am not worried about this OMG half of marriages end in divorce hype.

 

I think it's quite normal. In the past, marriages were pretty much forced and were economic and social arrangements. Marrying for love and not being forced by society and economic reasons to stay together makes things more real. People get older, people change, priorities change and relationships end. Not the end of the world. It's no reason to say that it's not worth getting into one because they could end, as long as you're happy while in one.

 

Look at your friendships, these are also "unforced" relationships made by free will of the parties. Most of them ended because of changes we're all going through and because of other various reasons that make free will relationships end. We don't say it's not worth having friends because friendship is bull**** because most of them end.

 

Staying single is one of the options and it has a lot of advantages too. And so being in a relationship. Either way, being happy is what matters. Definitely relationships have challenges, it's not just fun fun fun all the time.

 

But yes, most people are in a relationship at some time. Not being able to get into one at all is a bit abnormal and I also think these people subconsciously do not actually want to be in one.

Edited April 11, 2015 by BluEyeL

[BluEyeL]

Ah and of course, getting in relationships for reasons such as lust and chemistry and even shared interests predicts it's ending in way more cases than when the partners seek traits such as emotional stability, integrity, commitment (not seeking novelty all the time), low conflictual personality...stuff like that.

[jay1983]

This is strange, when I was using the dating sites I only met 6 girls. It seemed almost impossible just to get them to talk on the phone instead of text, much less meet in person.

[Eternal Sunshine]

The truth is exactly what I stated - the vast majority of people are in a relationship. Vast, vast majority. Like 80% plus. The women in these threads cannot find a relationship. They are the exception to the rule.

 

Do a significant number or relationships end? Of course! But I can guarantee you this - the majority of relationships that end do so, not because one partner "settled" (as the women in this thread would have us believe) but because one or both partners weren't very good at being in a relationship.

 

I am gonna say this again: just because 80% are in relationships, doesn't mean it's a good one. More than half of relationships that I know; I wouldn't be in. And I am talking about the relationship dynamic itself rather than individual people.

 

Majority of the people don't have the high education level that I do so it's easier for them to relate to someone less educated. I tried dating uneducated men and it felt like we were speaking a different language.

 

Finally, it's not that I can't find a relationship at all. I can be in a relationship tomorrow and join those 80% - it's just would not be the relationship I want.

[crosswordfiend]

I am gonna say this again: just because 80% are in relationships, doesn't mean it's a good one. More than half of relationships that I know; I wouldn't be in. And I am talking about the relationship dynamic itself rather than individual people.

 

Majority of the people don't have the high education level that I do so it's easier for them to relate to someone less educated. I tried dating uneducated men and it felt like we were speaking a different language.

 

Finally, it's not that I can't find a relationship at all. I can be in a relationship tomorrow and join those 80% - it's just would not be the relationship I want.

 

I seriously don't understand why this is such a hard concept to understand. The more sophisticated you are, the harder it gets to find someone you can relate to on multiple levels. It's a serious turn off to have to suppress a portion of your personality when interacting with a potential partner.

 

In many respects bland people have a much easier time finding someone to date.

[BluEyeL]

I am gonna say this again: just because 80% are in relationships, doesn't mean it's a good one. More than half of relationships that I know; I wouldn't be in. And I am talking about the relationship dynamic itself rather than individual people.

 

Majority of the people don't have the high education level that I do so it's easier for them to relate to someone less educated. I tried dating uneducated men and it felt like we were speaking a different language.

 

Finally, it's not that I can't find a relationship at all. I can be in a relationship tomorrow and join those 80% - it's just would not be the relationship I want.

I think you are right, it makes sense. I am sure that if you wanted to be in a relationship, you could find one. Since your view of relationships are negative and what you want is something very close to an ideal, it seems close to impossible to find that. That relationship that you envision may not exist, or is that rare that may not exist for you. As such, you don't want a real relationship, with pluses and minuses.

 

On the flip side, since you are not getting into one to find out if it's not what you want, it would be difficult to say for sure that those relationships that never started would have not been "the relationship you want". I think you need to be in one to find out if it's what you want or not.

[Leigh 87]

Ah and of course, getting in relationships for reasons such as lust and chemistry and even shared interests predicts it's ending in way more cases than when the partners seek traits such as emotional stability, integrity, commitment (not seeking novelty all the time), low conflictual personality...stuff like that.

 

A lot of people need the lust and chemistry to even date.

 

Sorry but it's normal to want the " in love" feeling.

 

I personally believe it's ideal to kick things off with lust and chemistry and then to see if those other key attributes are there.

 

You need both. You need the initial lust and chemistry. At least most people do. I consider it settling if couple bypass that stage.

 

But people like me don't ONLY want passion! We ALSO do realise that we need those other things in a partner that you urge us to seek. We aren't stupid we know we need more than great chemistry and a spark.

[Woggle]

In no way am I saying that anybody should not be proud of their education but some of you don't need to look down on those who aren't academics like yourself. The elitism some have towards working class or blue collar people annoys the crap out of me especially many of them do jobs that would grind society to a halt if they stopped doing them.

[xxoo]

I am gonna say this again: just because 80% are in relationships, doesn't mean it's a good one. More than half of relationships that I know; I wouldn't be in. And I am talking about the relationship dynamic itself rather than individual people.

 

Majority of the people don't have the high education level that I do so it's easier for them to relate to someone less educated. I tried dating uneducated men and it felt like we were speaking a different language.

 

Finally, it's not that I can't find a relationship at all. I can be in a relationship tomorrow and join those 80% - it's just would not be the relationship I want.

 

I don't think people can gauge from the outside how much people get from their relationships.

 

A few times, my mom has mentioned to me how "hard" things were for my husband and i when we were first married. And I'm always really bewildered, wondering what she's talking about! Yeah, we fought a lot. A lot! But there was never a day that we didn't passionately want to be together. We were just fiery with youth and immaturity. We rubbed off each other's "sharp edges" over the years, chilled out, matured, and now we look much more peaceful from the outside

 

Maybe you don't have as much drive to be in a relationship as the average person. THere's nothing wrong with that. I think it's sort of like running your own business. There's good days and bad days, struggles and triumphs, some succeed and some fail, but some people just LOVE running their own business and will try again and again. And others look at the whole thing and wonder why anyone would want to go through all that. If you don't love it, what's the point?

[Leigh 87]

The truth is exactly what I stated - the vast majority of people are in a relationship. Vast, vast majority. Like 80% plus. The women in these threads cannot find a relationship. They are the exception to the rule.

 

Do a significant number or relationships end? Of course! But I can guarantee you this - the majority of relationships that end do so, not because one partner "settled" (as the women in this thread would have us believe) but because one or both partners weren't very good at being in a relationship.

 

Eternal and myself could both be in relationships right now if we wanted to be in a relationship.

 

We choose now to because the VAST majority of relationships don't have any lust chemistry or passion, and one or both partners chose each other purely based on their mutual respect and admiration and shared goals and all that jazz...

Most " couples " bypass the honeymoon stage. They are not " madly " in love. They never fell hard for one another.

Some women happen to want to actually have chemistry AND the mutual expect and shared values jazz. We don't WANT a low passion partnership for the sake of having a " partner " to a re our lives with.

 

Having a partner simply isn't enough of a desire in an of itself for girls like eternal and myself to settle down with the men who may treat us well and be loyal yet who we feel NO sexual or romantic chemistry with.

We don't need kids..eternal has spoken of her desire to avoid having her own kids. I am the same. We can afford to wait for the chemistry and passion with the right partner who also adores us, has integrity and is single. And happens to find us one day.

It's extremely sad how people assume that chemistry and lust are " fluff from romance novels " . Like really?? To actually want to feel excited about meeting a partner, to get a little giddy with excitement surrounding your dates and to share mutual sexual chemistry and passion in the bedroom, is that of a " fairytale "

Being apathetic and indifferent about seeing someone isn't my cup of tea. I'd rather be single than partnered up with a man simply Because he treats me well and we have shared values and he's loyal .

 

Believe it or not, it's very normal for some women to actually was mutual chemistry and passion in a romantic relationship. And no it can't be totally manufactured if it ain't there. You can't force your heart to yearn for someone simply because your oh so " compatible " and they admire and respect you, and share your values.

Plenty of women find true love later in life. And in the meanwhile we are free to bemoan the perils of online dating. Since no offence, a lot of low quality individuals frequent online and we want to rant. Have a laugh...

 

 

 

We don't need you telling us that most people are in relationships: WE KNOW. We could be too. We CHOOSE to be single.

 

 

 

 

Most relationships are NOT comprised of two individuals who actually fell legit in love. Most relationships didn't strategy out with any real chemistry or passion or much of a romantic spark. Most couples get together because people tend to believe that they should be in a relationship or they just really prefer having a partner to the point where they pop poor " true chemistry and passion " since they can't find it on their watch and they often tell people like eternal and I that we simply won't find passion and a reliable, solid partner.

We just look on in distaste at their mediocre relationships where we have our mates come to us for advice about how they rarely have sex, the passion is gone ( since it was never there to begun with) and one of them is tempted by some one who they DO feel true romantic and sexual chemistry with...

 

Many couples wonder " what if" and " wow is this really IT "

 

I had a neighbour sleep with me. Not long ago. We had intense chemistry and we constantly laughed and we were like magnets. But he has a girlfriend of two months. And instead being in the infatuation and honeymoon period, he admits that while mentally she's a great match with him, that he isnt physically attracted to her. So he did me. His neighbour. The girl he actually felt passion for. Yet he is choosing the safe option. The girl he feels he is " exactly like" and has good values. Poor girl. It's clear as day that this man will never fall head over feels in love with her.

I have stopped contacting him because I have a boyfriend now. But he is a classic example of how the vast majority of couples settle; passion and chemistry AND long term companionship and compatibility is rare.

 

Sigh. And he isnt the first man who has come after me while they have a " girlfriend " Because they felt fire and passion for me which they lacked with their girlfriends. But hey, their girls go pick them up at 3 am when they are naughty drunk man child's at their mates house..... They fail to see.that the girls they have chemistry with would do them the same favour.

 

My married friend confessed to me the other day that he's in a loveless marriage. They have four children but he simply doesn't want to live a life without sex. Or passion. He cannot accept loosing his kids yet he also cannot accept the fact his wife has no interest in sex and her vagina no longer works for sex after birthing four kids.

He's a nice man. I don't think less of him for cheating. They married young. He was never in love. And now he has to choose between having his four kids OR sex and passion. Make no mistake, if he chooses his kids his wife has TOLD him that she has no interest in sex anymore and her ONLY concern is the kids.

 

I personally cannot love without passionate sex and intence chemistry so I'll keep enjoying it until I happen to find a guy who I not only felt the zest and fire for, but who sticks around. If he never arrives oh well, better than being in 99% of relationships out there. I'll find other jobs and purposes in life than having a partner.

Edited April 12, 2015 by Leigh 87

[Leigh 87]

I don't think people can gauge from the outside how much people get from their relationships.

 

A few times, my mom has mentioned to me how "hard" things were for my husband and i when we were first married. And I'm always really bewildered, wondering what she's talking about! Yeah, we fought a lot. A lot! But there was never a day that we didn't passionately want to be together. We were just fiery with youth and immaturity. We rubbed off each other's "sharp edges" over the years, chilled out, matured, and now we look much more peaceful from the outside

 

Maybe you don't have as much drive to be in a relationship as the average person. THere's nothing wrong with that. I think it's sort of like running your own business. There's good days and bad days, struggles and triumphs, some succeed and some fail, but some people just LOVE running their own business and will try again and again. And others look at the whole thing and wonder why anyone would want to go through all that. If you don't love it, what's the point?

 

 

 

I don't believe for a second that eternal doesn't want to fall crazy in love.

 

We happen to crave the FEELING of being head over heels in love with a person who feels the same way back.

 

The actual notion of having a " partner " isn't what drives us. We only find the " partner " part appealing, if there are passionate feelings from both ends that come along with the " partnership "

 

I don't know about her but I read don't feel the need for a partner to have to...live life with me. Zero draw to it. I want to fall in love. In every sense if the word. I don't WANT a partner in and of itself............