Can't take the fakeness of OLD

[xxoo]

I don't believe for a second that eternal doesn't want to fall crazy in love.

 

We happen to crave the FEELING of being head over heels in love with a person who feels the same way back.

 

The actual notion of having a " partner " isn't what drives us. We only find the " partner " part appealing, if there are passionate feelings from both ends that come along with the " partnership "

 

I don't know about her but I read don't feel the need for a partner to have to...live life with me. Zero draw to it. I want to fall in love. In every sense if the word. I don't WANT a partner in and of itself............

 

Everyone craves that feeling. Maybe it's just harder for some people to feel than others.

[Leigh 87]

Everyone craves that feeling. Maybe it's just harder for some people to feel than others.

 

Eternal also highlighted that most couples she knows of, we're NEVER madly in love. They were never head over heels mutually.

 

I can feel the feeling easily. I'll meet a limerent partner once every two to three month. I am very OPEN. Eternal needs a highly educated man which rules out a lot of men also.

[ascendotum]

Eternal also highlighted that most couples she knows of, we're NEVER madly in love. They were never head over heels mutually.

 

I can feel the feeling easily. I'll meet a limerent partner once every two to three month. I am very OPEN. Eternal needs a highly educated man which rules out a lot of men also.

 

The more people who hold out for this the more singles there are going to be filling up the old age homes, or what will often happen is that there is a desperate resignation at 40ish and many will end up in the relationship that they feared anyway.

There is a big middle ground though between uneducated and Phd/masters, for women such as ES to mine.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Eternal and myself could both be in relationships right now if we wanted to be in a relationship.

 

We can afford to wait for the chemistry and passion with the right partner who also adores us, has integrity and is single. And happens to find us one day.

 

I'd rather be single than partnered up with a man simply Because he treats me well and we have shared values and he's loyal .

 

We don't need you telling us that most people are in relationships: WE KNOW. We could be too. We CHOOSE to be single.

 

I had a neighbour sleep with me. So he did me. His neighbour. The girl he actually felt passion for. Yet he is choosing the safe option. The girl he feels he is " exactly like" and has good values. Poor girl. It's clear as day that this man will never fall head over feels in love with her.

I have stopped contacting him because I have a boyfriend now.

 

 

I personally cannot love without passionate sex and intence chemistry so I'll keep enjoying it until I happen to find a guy who I not only felt the zest and fire for, but who sticks around. If he never arrives oh well, better than being in 99% of relationships out there. I'll find other jobs and purposes in life than having a partner.

 

 

Um, I'm either very tired (it's 1:00 am so it's possible)...or, you're very confused.

 

In several parts of this post, you claim that you CHOOSE to be SINGLE and that you ARE single.

 

Then, in the bolded underlined part of your post, you say you have a BOYFRIEND NOW.

 

So, which is it? Do you have a boyfriend now - or are you single?

 

 

.

[road]

Eternal also highlighted that most couples she knows of, we're NEVER madly in love. They were never head over heels mutually.

 

I can feel the feeling easily. I'll meet a limerent partner once every two to three month. I am very OPEN. Eternal needs a highly educated man which rules out a lot of men also.

 

 

 

 

Why? A degree does not mean wisdom. It only means he got through college.

 

 

Eternal needs a mirror and to re-evaluate what she really needs.

 

 

Everyone wants a 10. Everyone has to realize they can only pull in what they can.

 

 

As a man we all want the hottess woman we could get, never been married, and no kids, no baggage.

 

 

As we go through our 20's we realize were not getting a 10, then include the 9's, then 8's. Then we hit the 30's, we can't pull in the newer models. We can only afford the used woman lot.

 

 

We convince ourselves that used low mileage is ok. We can't come up with the down payment on a used 8. We are too selective and pass up the less deluxe models.

 

 

Late 30's now we can get a 7 - 8 with a kid/s. We don't want another man's kids. Now in our 40's and complain there is nothing left to pick from. Even the 5 -7's have high mileage and kids. The woman left will never get into a single digit dress size ever again and have more baggage then a rail road porter, and a tribe of kids. Top it off they are too old to have any more so the 40+ men will never get to have their own kid.

 

 

Yes my standards are going to keep me warm and provide for me.

[Leigh 87]

I dont need a 7 or a 10. I have absolutely no desire to get the hottest dude I can.

 

I do crave true, crazy and passionate love that runs deep.

 

We don't need nor want 10 s.

 

The average bloke HAS been my ten....... I've been absolutely crazy about average dudes. I dint need a ten to be totally thrilled with excitement and wonder.

 

Not sure where posters keep assuming that us online daters need a ten.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Why? A degree does not mean wisdom. It only means he got through college.

 

 

Eternal needs a mirror and to re-evaluate what she really needs.

 

 

Everyone wants a 10. Everyone has to realize they can only pull in what they can.

 

 

As a man we all want the hottess woman we could get, never been married, and no kids, no baggage.

 

 

As we go through our 20's we realize were not getting a 10, then include the 9's, then 8's. Then we hit the 30's, we can't pull in the newer models. We can only afford the used woman lot.

 

 

We convince ourselves that used low mileage is ok. We can't come up with the down payment on a used 8. We are too selective and pass up the less deluxe models.

 

 

Late 30's now we can get a 7 - 8 with a kid/s. We don't want another man's kids. Now in our 40's and complain there is nothing left to pick from. Even the 5 -7's have high mileage and kids. The woman left will never get into a single digit dress size ever again and have more baggage then a rail road porter, and a tribe of kids. Top it off they are too old to have any more so the 40+ men will never get to have their own kid.

 

 

Yes my standards are going to keep me warm and provide for me.

 

Yes - I won't date a man without at least a college degree and stable employment. That's hardly asking for a 10

[Leigh 87]

Um, I'm either very tired (it's 1:00 am so it's possible)...or, you're very confused.

 

In several parts of this post, you claim that you CHOOSE to be SINGLE and that you ARE single.

 

Then, in the bolded underlined part of your post, you say you have a BOYFRIEND NOW.

 

So, which is it? Do you have a boyfriend now - or are you single?

 

 

.

 

I have a boyfriend who I met online.. And it was a more boring first impression then the guy I met the same day as him; I randomly encountered a neighbour and we met in the pouring rain so it was romantic and more.. Exciting.

 

So I get the whole fakeness of OLD thing...

 

But you know, we aren't in a serious relationship yet do I use the term single lucidly.

[Leigh 87]

I have a lot of passion with the OLD guy but I've yet to see if we are compatible long term.

 

But I've been generally delighted with the quality of men I've met! All have good jobs. Cute. Not desperate.

[NGC1300]

I need to get to know someone to feel the attraction. And by getting to know, I mean in a natural setting, not 1-1 forced hangouts from the get go.

 

Who's forcing you to date them?

[NGC1300]

Yes - I won't date a man without at least a college degree and stable employment. That's hardly asking for a 10

 

So if he's successful in his career, well-educated about things, and financially stable and earns good money, you still won't date him because he doesn't have a degree.

 

Interesting.

[NGC1300]

Why? A degree does not mean wisdom. It only means he got through college.

 

People have been conditioned to believe that they can only become educated about things by giving institutions a boatload of money.

 

In turn, you have these same people believing that someone without a degree can't possibly be on the same intellectual level as themselves.

 

Not saying OP thinks this, but certainly many people do.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I just find that people that don't have at least a degree under-value education. They tend to make snarky comments about how education is useless. I have spent 10 years in school (post-high school) and I don't see how I can have much in common with someone that has such a different value system. I also don't care about money - beyond the point that I need a certain amount to live. I am not motivated by it. People that choose a career in research and academia didn't do so to make the most amount of money. So bussinessy people of the type "Joe the plumber never went to school and is earning million dollars" are missing the point. They seem to be unable to grasp any value system beyond material.

[NGC1300]

I just find that people that don't have at least a degree under-value education.

 

But college isn't the only way to become educated.

[katiegrl]

Um, I'm either very tired (it's 1:00 am so it's possible)...or, you're very confused.

 

In several parts of this post, you claim that you CHOOSE to be SINGLE and that you ARE single.

 

Then, in the bolded underlined part of your post, you say you have a BOYFRIEND NOW.

 

So, which is it? Do you have a boyfriend now - or are you single?

 

 

.

 

^^Don't worry BlackOps...it's not you.

 

This is precisely why I don't even read Leigh's posts anymore. They leave me too confused and frustrated cause every post says something entirely different from the pervious one.

 

Not sure she even realizes that, but yes I do believe the beautiful Ms. Leigh is very confused. Either that or just not very articulate... which is too bad, as I think some of her opinions and ideas are actually legit...

 

Apologies to Leigh for speaking about her in the third person...

Edited April 12, 2015 by katiegrl

[xxoo]

I just find that people that don't have at least a degree under-value education. They tend to make snarky comments about how education is useless. I have spent 10 years in school (post-high school) and I don't see how I can have much in common with someone that has such a different value system.

 

I don't think this is a problem, if education is your one big "must have" beyond good relationship qualities.

 

Education + hot enough to impress your friends is a totally different story.

[BluEyeL]

I would date someone without a degree if they are otherwise successful (i.e. built a business or some other kind a career instead of just working retail or something similar) and we are compatible. But I tend to think those are rare occurrences.

 

When I was dating, I preferred men with degrees because I think we could be more compatible on the long term. However, I noticed that having a degree doesn't preclude a man being an arse at all. The other reason I prefer a man with a degree OR who is otherwise successful is in the light of men having to feel secure in the relationship, and with me having the Ph.D. in STEM (not literature, psychology or other liberal arts discipline, which would be easier to swallow for a man) and the career, it could become a problem if the guy is working in a factory.

 

In fact, I dated someone who worked on the line in a factory, although he had a four year degree (but from a foreign country). His insecurity came through pretty darn quickly. The first three times we met it was more or less fine. We were also 5h apart. But when I went to meet him for the fourth time, he launched into an attack towards me, saying that I shouldn't be so happy with my life and doesn't understand why am I so annoyingly happy, that he doesn't see me being successful and that he doesn't think I will find love because nobody can have it all. I was at his house and had to sit there listen to that for about 3h. And the tone of his voice...very mean, spiteful. Then he went to take a nap and I left a note on his table and left, never spoke to him again. Something like that is what I'm afraid of with men who feel inferior. I don't want to spend my life being put down by someone who doesn't seem to feel good about himself.

 

Plus, my ex-H had a huge issue with me being more successful than him, although he was also a Ph.D. However, I advanced faster. The difference in professional success was the ultimate reason our marriage ended. He said he can't handle being known in town as "Blue's Husband".

 

So that's the reason I have to date a successful man. In general, a man who is secure with his life, proud of his achievements and wouldn't feel the need to compete with me. That shrinks my dating pool for sure. But like I said, it wasn't a problem in reality. Oh, and I did have people with degrees ask me out and I came to actually realize that despite their degrees, they weren't what I'd call "successful", which would lead to the same issues I feared. So it's not the degree in itself that's the problem or the solution.

[NGC1300]

Plus, my ex-H had a huge issue with me being more successful than him, although he was also a Ph.D. However, I advanced faster. The difference in professional success was the ultimate reason our marriage ended. He said he can't handle being known in town as "Blue's Husband".

 

 

All that education; and he still had the thought process of a 14 year-old girl.

[BluEyeL]

All that education; and he still had the thought process of a 14 year-old girl.

 

Maybe it was also an excuse to get out, I don't know. We married young, met when we were 18-19yo and those rarely last forever, he never experienced other women etc. People change. I'm not excusing his behavior, he was/is a narcissist (according to my therapist), but anyway what he said definitely had an impact on how I dated after and in me trying to avoid men who wouldn't feel secure with their own station in life.

[Anela]

All that education; and he still had the thought process of a 14 year-old girl.

 

To be fair, this sort of comparison isn't really mature, either.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Eternal also highlighted that most couples she knows of, we're NEVER madly in love. They were never head over heels mutually.

sorry but you don't have any idea what other people are feeling or what it is like to be in a great relationship.

 

I can feel the feeling easily. I'll meet a limerent partner once every two to three month. I am very OPEN. .

 

Leigh I think you feel earth shattering passion for a guy one or even two times a day!!! At leas last week you did!! I don't think you have much requirements aside from feeling like having sex but that is probably not the case for ES anyway from what I have read ...

 

I thought you had a boyfriend is that over already??

 

back to the OP I am sorry ES I get a feeling from reading your posts that you might be depressed and not finding any joy in your life, if that is the case maybe you should find that again and maybe the guy thing won't be as dark and heavy for you??:

[Rejected Rosebud]

So if he's successful in his career, well-educated about things, and financially stable and earns good money, you still won't date him because he doesn't have a degree.

 

Interesting.

I don't see what the problem is with that, ES is an academic person, it's not just the "degree" it is a big part of life, what is wrong with her wanting a guy who values that like she does, NOTHING that is the answer!! Sheesh!!

[road]

Yes - I won't date a man without at least a college degree and stable employment. That's hardly asking for a 10

 

 

 

 

Why the hang up on college?

 

 

Many men have careers that make good money, provide stable employment.

[smackie9]

I just find that people that don't have at least a degree under-value education. They tend to make snarky comments about how education is useless. I have spent 10 years in school (post-high school) and I don't see how I can have much in common with someone that has such a different value system. I also don't care about money - beyond the point that I need a certain amount to live. I am not motivated by it. People that choose a career in research and academia didn't do so to make the most amount of money. So bussinessy people of the type "Joe the plumber never went to school and is earning million dollars" are missing the point. They seem to be unable to grasp any value system beyond material.

 

Obviously you are just meeting the wrong people. Dating is tough, and everyone knows this. You have to weed out the crap to find anyone with potential. I'm not saying lower your standards, but to be more open minded. Take it from an old gal, there is more to it than what looks good on paper. If you have too many strong opinions, you are putting up your own brick walls. This will be the cause of your lack of success meeting someone that is relationship worthy.

[NGC1300]

I don't see what the problem is with that, ES is an academic person, it's not just the "degree" it is a big part of life, what is wrong with her wanting a guy who values that like she does, NOTHING that is the answer!! Sheesh!!

 

What does "academic person" mean? Does she work for a college or university?

 

Your post implies a man without a degree couldn't be capable of "valuing" her?

 

???