Can't take the fakeness of OLD

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

OK, before the 10 years pass let me tell you why your logic is not...logical.

 

So, you're telling me that if I were in my 20s, smart, hot, desirable for men all ages, no children, I'd have more problems finding an educated boyfriend than when I'm over 40, divorced, a tad overweight and raising a child on my own? LOL And that's because of the proportion of educated men to educated women on campus. Funny.

 

We all know that women have the most power in their 20s and men after 30 and it keeps increasing. Read the statistics. A woman in her 20s has a lot of power and she doesn't have to date on campus, she can date younger, older and she can have her pick pretty much. If she's not finding a serious boyfriend it is not because of the education thing, it is because a million of other issues she has, the most likely one being that she goes for the wrong type of men, who are not seeking long term relationships, or has low self esteem and no confidence. Young women often have no confidence and that severely impairs them.

 

Second, plenty of educated men are married and in long term relationships. So if all of the educated men were dogs, like you imply, they'd all be single into their 70s and beyond. And the divorce rate in that demographics is way smaller than in the uneducated demographics. Because they're a little smarter than average, they can handle conflicts and find solutions better, plus having more money always helps relationships.

 

Third, it is not relevant if a man "has options" or not. What is relevant if he is a man who is relationship oriented and doesn't care whether he has options. Amazingly enough, despite the stereotype that says that all men want is chase a new skirt every week, there are men out there who are not really into dating around and sleeping around. That's what women should look for. Not looks and yes, not even education necessarily. Education is my preference for my reasons and because I can but everyone wants something else.

 

And last, women do not owe anything to men (not to make their environment towards getting laid easier-they make it plenty easy as is), only to themselves. If more understood that and stopped validating themselves through men, things would be easier for them and it would also be harder for the players to get laid. But that's not gonna happen.

 

And about me and whether it'll last with my BF. I'm pretty darn sure it'll last a while because I know who he is and I know who I am, and he doesn't care whether he has options. But even if we change, and it ends after a few years, I embrace change, as change is the only sure thing in life and I'm confident I'll find love again at any age. If I had to look again, it'll be easier and more fun than first time around for sure. I think being positive and enjoying whatever life gives you keeps you happier than fear and negativity.

 

 

Damn, girl.....you NAILED IT! *fist bump*

 

 

.

[KatZee]

But you're having no success. Your problem is that the superficial (i.e. Looks) is at the top of your list. Which is going to make it harder for you in so many ways. BlueEyes put looks to the bottom of her list and found success. Not a coincidence.

 

But there's nothing wrong per se about being shallow in that sense. It's just going to be way harder for you to find someone to be in a relationship with. As you already know.

 

I mean, if shallow means that I need to find the guy I'm dating, physically attractive, then yeah, I guess I'm super shallow.

 

I already tried dating someone I felt zero attraction too. Long story short, it was an awful relationship.

 

Let's be clear here, I'm not looking for a super model, I'm not looking for 10. I just need to find the guy attractive, and everyone's definition of attractive is subjective.

 

I frankly can't wrap my head around how anyone dates someone they don't find attractive. I didn't even want to kiss the my ex. I didn't want to hold his hand. I was so repulsed in some situations.

[Woggle]

Ah I remember NYC in the 80s. Sure there was trash strewn across the streets, wind whisking it down the streets and avenues, but there was character. As disgusting it was to see used condoms on trains, stairwells, and the street, at least you knew people were having sex, being considerate of STDs or pregnancy, and enjoying it at public locales. Chinatown is gone. Well it still there, but a shell of it's former glory. Condos and high-rise apartment buildings are being erected, and rendering the area "whitewashed", expensive, pushing out tasty and cheap restaurants, to be replaced with some Pinkberry, Starbucks, or generic hipster cafe.

 

At least where I am in Queens, I'm tucked in with Greeks, Irish, English, Hungarians, Romanians, Mexicans, Ecuadorians, Thai, Koreans, Indians, Bangladeshi, and much more. No hipsters...yet.

 

It had soul which it doesn't have today. It went from a place where an outcast can feel welcome and rent was affordable and it was full of life and turned into a status obsessed yuppie playground. Sure some things could have changed but not what it turned into. It's telling that a place that used to create new musical movements almost every other years hasn't created anything in over a decade.

 

Any place this shallow will not be good for dating and relationships. It has no heart and soul anymore and happy relationships take heart and soul.

[KatZee]

It had soul which it doesn't have today. It went from a place where an outcast can feel welcome and rent was affordable and it was full of life and turned into a status obsessed yuppie playground. Sure some things could have changed but not what it turned into. It's telling that a place that used to create new musical movements almost every other years hasn't created anything in over a decade.

 

Any place this shallow will not be good for dating and relationships. It has no heart and soul anymore and happy relationships take heart and soul.

 

Yep, a landlord just yanked up a family owned Chinese business' monthly rent from 100k/mo to 500k/mo. All because a Starbucks and a Citibank opened up on the block. The landlord knows he can get some new mass produced garbage to fill their building. Everything is so greedy in NYC now, it's lost it's charm in most places.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I don't date guys without a college degree. That's a must, although post-grad strongly preferred.

[BluEyeL]

I mean, if shallow means that I need to find the guy I'm dating, physically attractive, then yeah, I guess I'm super shallow.

 

I already tried dating someone I felt zero attraction too. Long story short, it was an awful relationship.

 

Let's be clear here, I'm not looking for a super model, I'm not looking for 10. I just need to find the guy attractive, and everyone's definition of attractive is subjective.

 

I frankly can't wrap my head around how anyone dates someone they don't find attractive. I didn't even want to kiss the my ex. I didn't want to hold his hand. I was so repulsed in some situations.

I think you went too far. You have to be attracted. If you're downright repulsed that's clearly not good.

[jay1983]

I think you went too far. You have to be attracted. If you're downright repulsed that's clearly not good.

 

She was dating Quasimodo, lol

[KatZee]

I think you went too far. You have to be attracted. If you're downright repulsed that's clearly not good.

 

Well, it was sort of an experiment. Up until that point I had only dated idiots. I figured I'd give the "nice guy" a shot. I was never attracted to him. And I believed what people said: "Attraction grows over time."

 

Kinda never happened. My un-attraction to him just got worse and worse.

[KatZee]

She was dating Quasimodo, lol

 

You're honestly, and sadly, not far off. He wasn't hunchbacked though. LOL.

 

Seriously though, he was very nice, but the attraction was just not there. Sometimes I'd look at him and be like, "Oh he kinda looks cute right there" but then it would pass.

 

And you know it's bad when people actually stop you and ask why you're dating someone. :X

[Frank2thepoint]

I don't date guys without a college degree. That's a must, although post-grad strongly preferred.

 

So the guy you recently dated, that was checking out other women, commenting how hot they are, had a Ph.D. in douchebaggery? Is that what you prefer?

[xxoo]

Well, it was sort of an experiment. Up until that point I had only dated idiots. I figured I'd give the "nice guy" a shot.

 

Idiots and unattractive "nice guys". What about the normal guys in the middle?

[KatZee]

Idiots and unattractive "nice guys". What about the normal guys in the middle?

 

I think I would drop dead if I encountered a "normal guy in the middle." I've only encountered super clingy/needy and then super emotionally unavailable.

 

I used to know normal people back when I was younger, but something about this city, and getting older. Everyone gets super dark and jaded.

[Weezy1973]

I think I would drop dead if I encountered a "normal guy in the middle." I've only encountered super clingy/needy and then super emotionally unavailable.

 

I used to know normal people back when I was younger, but something about this city, and getting older. Everyone gets super dark and jaded.

 

So given that most adults are in relationships (even in NYC) what do you think you're doing wrong? Are you attracted to non-relationship oriented men? Do you not care if they're relationship oriented and just focused on physical attraction and then hope for the best (a recipe for failure FYI)?

 

The vast majority of women have no problems finding a long term mate - why do you?

[KatZee]

So given that most adults are in relationships (even in NYC) what do you think you're doing wrong? Are you attracted to non-relationship oriented men? Do you not care if they're relationship oriented and just focused on physical attraction and then hope for the best (a recipe for failure FYI)?

 

The vast majority of women have no problems finding a long term mate - why do you?

 

Who knows what I'm doing wrong.

 

I've gone on tons of dates, I'm not only focusing on physical attraction. If a guy looks good and then can't have a conversation or says he's only looking for casual, I'm out.

 

I've never had a BAD date. They're all fine. But I literally feel zero connection with anyone I go out with.

 

I've had guys want to see me again, I'm not interested.

 

I'm not sure why I can't find a guy who likes me, that I'm interested in as well.

 

I could find a "long term mate" in 5 seconds if I really wanted a boyfriend, but I refuse to just settle with someone just for the sake of having a boyfriend. Look at all these "long term" relationship people, I look at most people and then thank God I'm single.

[xxoo]

I could find a "long term mate" in 5 seconds if I really wanted a boyfriend, but I refuse to just settle with someone just for the sake of having a boyfriend. Look at all these "long term" relationship people, I look at most people and then thank God I'm single.

 

Do you know any couples that you admire?

[KatZee]

Do you know any couples that you admire?

 

Nope. I don't.

 

Wait, that's a lie. I know ONE couple who are both so suited for each other. Everyone else? Lies. Cheating. Disrespect.

 

I often wonder why most of the couples I know are even still together. Complacency? Familiarity? Been together too long to split?

 

And the worst of it, is that I have a bunch of people who come to me for relationship advice, to vent, to say how fed up they are with their partners, and then 5 seconds later, they're engaged to be married.

 

What?

[Weezy1973]

Nope. I don't.

 

Wait, that's a lie. I know ONE couple who are both so suited for each other. Everyone else? Lies. Cheating. Disrespect.

 

I often wonder why most of the couples I know are even still together. Complacency? Familiarity? Been together too long to split?

 

And the worst of it, is that I have a bunch of people who come to me for relationship advice, to vent, to say how fed up they are with their partners, and then 5 seconds later, they're engaged to be married.

 

What?

 

Yup - this explains it pretty well. I've only known good couples and good relationships throughout my life - the bad marriage is the definite exception to the rule.

 

The most important good marriage was definitely my parents' marriage. And they hung around with other couples who had great marriages. And the kids of those couples also had great relationships and marriages. And so on. From the sounds of it, your life has been very different.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Nope. I don't.

 

Wait, that's a lie. I know ONE couple who are both so suited for each other. Everyone else? Lies. Cheating. Disrespect.

 

I often wonder why most of the couples I know are even still together. Complacency? Familiarity? Been together too long to split?

 

And the worst of it, is that I have a bunch of people who come to me for relationship advice, to vent, to say how fed up they are with their partners, and then 5 seconds later, they're engaged to be married.

 

What?

 

Exactly. It's the same with me - nearly all the couples I know have terrible relationships. They actually come to me for advice all the time and then ignore me when things are "better". When I hang out with them, I thank god I am single.

 

I probably know 2 couples that have what I consider a good relationship. I would definetely prefer to have a relationship like that to being single but that's not easy to find.

 

The reason most people are in relationships is that they put up with anything because they are so afraid of being single. I am annoyed that I am supposed to celebrate those relationships because they are suddenly OMG getting married/having babies. No thanks.

[Moy]

You cannot continue like this. The FIRST thing you need to do is talk to women. I don't care if it's a 90 year old lady to begin with. You need to learn how to converse... even if it's just about the weather.

 

It really is easier said than done at this stage. I'm fully expecting the ladies on here to attack me for being in this situation.

 

This isn't my thread, so if anbody has any advice can they PM me, please?

[casey.lives]

it does seem to get harder on women as they become more rip. I think the best bet is to go to organized dances. i knew a couple of single older gentlemen who frequented and they were upstanding citizens. Its a fun place to go - no pressure and plenty of festivities. good luck.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Exactly. It's the same with me - nearly all the couples I know have terrible relationships. They actually come to me for advice all the time and then ignore me when things are "better". When I hang out with them, I thank god I am single.

 

I probably know 2 couples that have what I consider a good relationship. I would definetely prefer to have a relationship like that to being single but that's not easy to find.

 

The reason most people are in relationships is that they put up with anything because they are so afraid of being single. I am annoyed that I am supposed to celebrate those relationships because they are suddenly OMG getting married/having babies. No thanks.

 

This could be a whole new thread, but most relationships I've known have been either mediocre or bad. I know some marriages where one spouse is a pain the arse or jerk.

 

I know of a couple, just moved into together, real nice guy..but dealing with a moody girlfriend...when there's some kind of Meetup event...they'll go or not go depending on her mood.

 

If she's in a bad mood, she won't go, good she will..but if she becomes irritable AT the Meetup, she'll leave early...and he goes right along with her.

[Leigh 87]

Who knows what I'm doing wrong.

 

I've gone on tons of dates, I'm not only focusing on physical attraction. If a guy looks good and then can't have a conversation or says he's only looking for casual, I'm out.

 

I've never had a BAD date. They're all fine. But I literally feel zero connection with anyone I go out with.

 

I've had guys want to see me again, I'm not interested.

 

I'm not sure why I can't find a guy who likes me, that I'm interested in as well.

 

I could find a "long term mate" in 5 seconds if I really wanted a boyfriend, but I refuse to just settle with someone just for the sake of having a boyfriend. Look at all these "long term" relationship people, I look at most people and then thank God I'm single.

 

 

 

 

I hear you.

 

I could also have long term relationship. I am cute enough to always have a couple of guys wanting it with me. Normal, decent "nice guys"

 

Yet I would rather eat glass than be in 99% of the relationships I obersve:sick:

 

I know of ONE couple who were actually "madly" in love. They happened to have the intense chemistry AND they were also so, so compatible:love:

 

And they didn't meet online; they were at a club and intense chemistry bought them together. They just happened to be super compatible, too.

[Woggle]

A lot of relationships I see just seem like a never ending effort on the part of the man to keep himself out of the doghouse. I sometimes feel like I won the lottery or something.

[Eternal Sunshine]

A lot of relationships I see just seem like a never ending effort on the part of the man to keep himself out of the doghouse. I sometimes feel like I won the lottery or something.

 

Eh I have seen it both ways. There are some men in my group of friends that treat their wives like c$&*, the wives seem endlessly patient.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Eh I have seen it both ways. There are some men in my group of friends that treat their wives like c$&*, the wives seem endlessly patient.

 

Eternal...there's this one real nice woman I know...she'll come to Meetups occasionally as she's touching base with friends once in a while.

 

Her boyfriend comes with her, but mostly winds up a wall flower, like he's just there to pacify her. THey live together.

 

She tells me, "Yeah, he isn't much for going out as me, so we just kind of stay-in and watch movies"

 

Apparently, he's a big movie geek and that's all he does and occasionally work on his boat.

 

But she ends that sentence with, "But I love him."

 

And there ya have it! lol