Can't take the fakeness of OLD

[Leigh 87]

I never said it was. In fact, I believe quite the opposite.

 

 

 

Never said this either. I think women in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond have loads of options.

 

My negativity? Where are you getting that from? I've never said a word about your looks. You are the one who is totally infatuated with how you look and has to tell us in every post how hot you are.

 

 

 

Yeah, never said I disbelieved that you get dates with men who find you gorgeous either. Do you even read the posts you quote?

 

You have suggested to several women in this thread that they move, because you get all kinds of dates where you live. My point is that they seem to get a lot of dates, too! Getting dates isn’t getting a great relationship.

 

 

 

Is this the guy you just met around a week ago?

 

 

 

And yes my mums visiting me from overseas so when he picked me up for our date he said that he wanted to come in and say hi. No big deal. He said finds it important that parents like him and that he makes an ok impresion.

 

Is this a red flag insofar as the men of online are concerned? I don't pick him to be one of the online types who want an instant relationship as he has told me he wants to take things slower than he has done in the past since his exes turned out bad after he had jumped all in way too fast with them....... He says he wants to take it slow.

 

Many men online I do realise are desperate for a relationship and want one right away although that hasn't happened to me personally! Wait it has once.... Damn. He didn't get a second date from me.

[katiegrl]

Why do those women only date creeps undesirable or losers then? I don't understand why they have such sh* t luck!

 

I am average. But i manage to find men who find me attractive and who aren't creeps or after casual. So i question why can't these better looking women.

 

Save it Leigh...no one cares.

[Leigh 87]

Save it Leigh...no one cares.

 

Well I'm genuinly baffled as to why some women on here who claim to be attractive have trouble meeting ANY decent men online. I get most of them aren't good picks but to have NO luck whatsoever is really perpelexing!

 

The way KatZee and eternal talk about their luck on OLD sounds awful and it scares me to be honest.

 

Plus they don't sound very positive about dating. I think that is actually the root of their problem. I'm not confident about my looks but I've never even questioned whether or not I'll find true love! I believe it happens to most decent people albeit later in life. ... unless they are absolutely hideous looking and even those people couples up and end up very happy.

 

It is very sad hearing women simply never meeting a single decent soul l online or in real life and these women simply don't believe love happens at all for many decent and attraction people.

 

There are a few posters on here and on other forums who bemoan online and claim that they don't they will ever find a great love story....these are attractive woman!!

 

It also just sounds so sad that even a girl with low self confidence still believes I'll find a great love story, VERY POSSIBLY from online dating, and yet these more attractive women seem to believe they have little hope.

[Eternal Sunshine]

nm

...............

Edited April 6, 2015 by Eternal Sunshine

[Mrlonelyone]

nm

...............

 

 

I was writing a long reply to this one. Let me just say I know what you meant.

[40 Fonzarelli]

My job is definitely a higher priority.

 

Could I find some menial job elsewhere? Sure. But I don't work a job. I have a career. One that took me 6 years to get into, now that I'm here, a dude isn't worth leaving it for.

 

Not to mention the divorce rate. I like the fact that I can provide for myself. I can afford my own apartment, car, utilities, clothing, etc. I don't need a man to provide anything for me.

 

I don't want to leave my job, just to search for a man in some small town who may love me one day and then want a divorce the next. My security comes first.

 

Too many women get screwed by leaving their jobs, leaving their state, having absolutely nothing, and then wind up in the cold by their loving partners.

 

I guess it's a double edged sword. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

I hear ya. I wouldn't move just to find "the one" either. But I do think dating in NYC is definitely a challenge. Like someone mentioned earlier, regarding OLD, just cast a wider net and see what happens.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Well I'm genuinly baffled as to why some women on here who claim to be attractive have trouble meeting ANY decent men online. I get most of them aren't good picks but to have NO luck whatsoever is really perpelexing!

 

The way KatZee and eternal talk about their luck on OLD sounds awful and it scares me to be honest.

 

Plus they don't sound very positive about dating. I think that is actually the root of their problem. I'm not confident about my looks but I've never even questioned whether or not I'll find true love! I believe it happens to most decent people albeit later in life. ... unless they are absolutely hideous looking and even those people couples up and end up very happy.

 

It is very sad hearing women simply never meeting a single decent soul l online or in real life and these women simply don't believe love happens at all for many decent and attraction people.

 

There are a few posters on here and on other forums who bemoan online and claim that they don't they will ever find a great love story....these are attractive woman!!

It also just sounds so sad that even a girl with low self confidence still believes I'll find a great love story, VERY POSSIBLY from online dating, and yet these more attractive women seem to believe they have little hope.

 

Leigh, I notice in almost all of your posts that you seem to place an inordinate amount of emphasis on physical appearances (yours and other peoples') with regard to women dating guys on OLD or IRL.

 

In my opinion, it's not so much that the women on here (me included) are 'bemoaning' that they can't find "decent" guys to date who are "attracted to them" - it's that these women (me included) can't seem to find normal, respectful, stable and decent guys who are INTERESTED IN PURSUING A MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP. And even when we date guys who are interested in eventually being in a relationship, they turn out to be dysfunctional in some way or they turn out to have a character trait or personality trait that ends up being a deal breaker for us or ends up being something we do not wish to tolerate within a long term relationship.

 

I could be mistaken, but I think this is what you're misunderstanding about ES's post and many other posts from the other women on this forum (me included) who are losing hope with regard to dating and losing faith in finding the one guy who has the character/personality traits we're looking for who is actually interested in pursuing a monogamous relationship; especially when dating via OLD as well as IRL.

 

Physical attraction is VERY important in the world of dating and with finding a life partner...but I mean, it's not the ONLY aspect of it!! Yes, average looking women, pretty women, cute women and "hot" women DO have success with regard to DATING - but a lot of them do not have success with regard to securing a healthy and stable relationship with any of the guys they date.

 

 

.

[Imajerk17]

You know, this is what is interesting to me: A bunch of threads have been written by the guys lamenting about how tough online dating is for them. They sound just as frustrated. I might actually pay money to have y'all hashing this all out together in the same room.

 

Seriously, I usually find myself telling the guys to stop whining in those threads, BUT there is still a grain of truth. I'm not trying to start a gender war, but I find it hard to believe that the OP and a couple others hasn't met and passed up on--at least one decent respectful moderately attractive guy who would have made her very happy if she had only given him more of a chance.

 

Just as guys need to get that they just won't inspire a woman to go on a first (or second) date by being boring, I am wondering if the women on this thread complaining would be more likely to find a relationship that makes them very happy, if they were to relax their expectations on what they expect to have happen on a first meet, and give the guy more of a chance. Life aint a rom-com....

[barcode88]

I think part of the problem on OLD is everyone is always looking for something better. I get that it's like a supermarket for dating and you get to have your pick, but everyone is constantly trying to do better than what they have and then they end up with nothing.

 

I've had decent success on OLD, but it's wearisome after a while and I need a break !! lol

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

You know, this is what is interesting to me: A bunch of threads have been written by the guys lamenting about how tough online dating is for them. They sound just as frustrated. I might actually pay money to have y'all hashing this all out together in the same room.

 

Seriously, I usually find myself telling the guys to stop whining in those threads, BUT there is still a grain of truth. I'm not trying to start a gender war, but I find it hard to believe that the OP and a couple others hasn't met and passed up on--at least one decent respectful moderately attractive guy who would have made her very happy if she had only given him more of a chance.

 

Just as guys need to get that they just won't inspire a woman to go on a first (or second) date by being boring, I am wondering if the women on this thread complaining would be more likely to find a relationship that makes them very happy, if they were to relax their expectations on what they expect to have happen on a first meet, and give the guy more of a chance. Life aint a rom-com....

 

Guys should also relax their expectations and instead of passing up on a decent, respectful and moderately attractive woman who could make them very happy, they should give the woman more of a chance.

 

 

.

[Weezy1973]

Guys should also relax their expectations and instead of passing up on a decent, respectful and moderately attractive woman who could make them very happy, they should give the woman more of a chance.

 

The difference of course being that women are complaining that there aren't any quality men on OLD and men are complaining that women aren't even giving them a chance. How can the men who every woman refuses to date relax their expectations?

[Anela]

The difference of course being that women are complaining that there aren't any quality men on OLD and men are complaining that women aren't even giving them a chance. How can the men who every woman refuses to date relax their expectations?

 

In the past, I've seen posts like this: "Only fat/older/ugly women message me." They could relax their expectations.

[barcode88]

Guys should also relax their expectations and instead of passing up on a decent, respectful and moderately attractive woman who could make them very happy, they should give the woman more of a chance.

 

 

.

 

I've dated girls who were smoking hot on OLD, as well as girls who were just average looking (but cute), and I've chatted with a few who had a couple extra pounds (but I wouldn't classify as overweight in the traditional sense, they still were attractive). Oddly the couple extra pound girls were the least interested in giving things a try.

 

I'd say I've been pretty open minded so far, but have naught to show for it.

 

A really cute girl on Match did just give me her number though, maybe the OLD gods heard my bitching lol.

[Shining One]

Guys should also relax their expectations and instead of passing up on a decent, respectful and moderately attractive woman who could make them very happy, they should give the woman more of a chance.

Paging you to this thread. Apparently men who relax their expectations too much are looked down upon.

[barcode88]

Paging you to this thread. Apparently men who relax their expectations too much are looked down upon.

 

Yeah I posted on that thread, and I think the OP was referring more or less to "desperate" Men. There's a difference between being open-minded and trying to get into a relationship with any pair of boobs that happens to be single that walks by you.

 

Yes, OLD is a numbers game. But in real life approaches are a lot more genuine and should be treated as such. If you approach all the ladies in your social circle(s), word is going to get around that you asked them all out, and it won't be favorable for you.

Edited April 6, 2015 by barcode88

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Oh I can tell you have that side to you silly.

 

But imagine that one of those fun, silly exchanges was with a guy that pushed your buttons and that you were attracted to. If you had only 5-10 minutes to work in a line, at the grocery store, etc and he said "We should continue this over coffee time, when are you free?" You wouldn't exchange numbers and arrange plans? After all, a first date is just seeing if any real chemistry is there. So if lightning strikes, you might as well live in the moment.

 

Realistically exchanges out in public are quick like that. It's like when you're in a bar or club and can sit together, have a drink, dance together, etc..

 

 

Naah, there's no way you can tell I have a silly side! Anyways, as for the part of your post that I've highlighted in bold, if something like that were to happen, I'd have him give me HIS phone number so I can call him to set up a time and day to continue our fun banter over coffee. Do you think a guy would feel weird giving a complete female stranger his number? Or do you think a guy would want the upper hand by having HER number instead?

 

 

.

[thecrucible]

I completely know where you are coming from.

 

 

OLD is a safety blanket for me right now. I've stopped looking for opportunities in real life and instead rely on the depressing reality of online dating. I do get dates but I just find it mentally draining as most don't pan out - not even like there is anything wrong with either of us, just a lack of chemistry (not talking about what they look like, just the emotional romantic connection). Even just a week of talking and then a date I find mentally draining. I never go on dates thinking it's necessarily going to go anywhere; I just focus on enjoying myself but going on dates which lead nowhere is getting to be an expensive habit for someone on a low wage.

 

 

I've been single on and off for about 4 years now so I'm really starting to feel it and I'm 25 and panicking that my time is running out and here I am wasting swathes of time on online dating. I just feel like saying 'enough is enough' as this would force me to pursue real life interactions more. It would force me to join meet up and socialise in other groups and put myself out there more.

 

 

I feel lonely a lot of the time as I have lots of solitary hours applying for full time jobs - and my hobbies are also mainly solitary. I like going to the gym but I can't afford to go all the time in order to meet more people. I'm back living with my parents in my home town after university and most guys my age I've either already dated or I knew them at school and we have only ever been friends. I am part of the Girl Guides and of course that is all women so no meeting men through that. Most people I work with are over 60 years old. My best friends work long hours and have boyfriends so it's hard to fit in time to see them. Since none of them are single, I don't have a wing woman to help me in the dating arena. I'm not leading the gregarious life I wished to lead after university drew to a close. I'm applying to jobs all over so I have the opportunity of a fresh start elsewhere - this lack of a permanent job just stops me from dating properly as I'm always unsure of how long I'll be around for.

 

 

Ahhhh so yeah totally not hacking online dating at all

 

 

I like getting to know people slowly and online dating is just pressure to me - as I feel like it's a chase from the get go when you're not even sure of the person and they are a complete stranger. You don't get the sense of mystery of seeing someone across a crowded room or starting a conversation with someone new, nervously exchanging phone numbers and wondering what is going to happen next.

 

 

The last guy I dated I met in my town, and we stopped seeing each other in February and even though he was not right for me on so many levels, it felt more real to me than any online dating interaction ever did with guys who looked great in their profiles and who I seemed to have lots in common with.

[BluEyeL]

The difference of course being that women are complaining that there aren't any quality men on OLD and men are complaining that women aren't even giving them a chance. How can the men who every woman refuses to date relax their expectations?

 

Men complain that ATTRACTIVE women aren't giving them a chance. Everyone dates based on looks and wants to date up from their own "league".

[fitnessfan365]

Naah, there's no way you can tell I have a silly side! Anyways, as for the part of your post that I've highlighted in bold, if something like that were to happen, I'd have him give me HIS phone number so I can call him to set up a time and day to continue our fun banter over coffee. Do you think a guy would feel weird giving a complete female stranger his number? Or do you think a guy would want the upper hand by having HER number instead?

 

BOZG, you're a sexy feminine woman, so why act like a man? Also, to quote you from another thread "It's just a phone call". Or does that live in the moment, care free attitude only apply to your online dating game?

 

Now I think a lot of guys in that situation (including me) would take it as a major sign of dis-interest. Along the same lines as a woman insisting on paying on a first date, or giving a cheek and claiming that she "doesn't kiss on the first date". When a woman is interested, she'd have no issue handing out her number, kissing on the first date, and letting a guy pay for her. Now if is she is in the small percentage of women that are genuinely interested but still insists on the number, chances are that she's over the top independent and really progressive. Or even a feminist. In that case, it's as big of a turn off to me as her playing games and being too scared just to say she isn't interested. I don't mind a woman that's independent, but I am attracted to women that still want a man to be a man.

 

** So on the rare occasions where it's happened to me, I simply let her know that I'm no longer interested and walk away. The way I see it, is that there are plenty of women who will happily give me their number

Edited April 6, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[SELdeMER]

I didn't read the whole thread because there are so many negative attitudes on here.

 

I started OLDing for the first time a few months ago and I am in my mid-thirties. I know many couples that have met online and had successful relationships and in some cases it ended in marriage. There is a statistic that 30% of all relationships are now from online (sorry don't have the reference handy), so people are having some success.

 

I think a lot of your success, has a lot to do with you attitude and your expectations. When I met a guy, I have no expectations of anything...manners, chemistry, a second date., etc.....I'm a pretty happy chick so my goal is to meet the guy, have a nice convo, a coffee/drink and leave (with both of us) in a good mood. I have not had a truly bad date yet.

 

Sure I have encountered guys that want me to be a text buddy, flakes, guys that suddenly stop talking to me, a guy that disappeared after 4 dates, a guy that wouldn't stop texting after I told him that I wasn't interested....you get the idea....but it's easy to just let this stuff role off your back if you just LET IT GO, and focus on the guys whose actions match their words

 

And I also don't understand the "pressure" issue with regards to chemistry, chemistry can take time to build, I have felt chemistry on the first meet, and in some cases I didn't feel it until the 3rd or 4rth date...much like meeting someone in real life actually...I give it 4 dates to feel that click....If your date feels the click right away and starts acting crazy (pulling his profile, saying weird things about love at first sight etc.) then you don't date him again.. It's not a reflection on you, just that person is nuts and you can't date that. Don't pressure yourself to feel something, you are what matters here, if he/she starts getting weird and you feel pressured, then you move on...it's simple.

 

Maybe I have just been really lucky, but 90% of the guys I have met wanted to see me again. I only wanted to see 40% of those, and only a few guys have gotten to third or 4rth date. But, it certainly hasn't been awful, but I think a lot of that is really just my attitude. I am not expecting anything other than a pleasant time.

 

I don't had much luck meeting men IRL. I look younger than I am and so attract guys 10 years my junior, which I can't date. I also attract men who are middle aged who have mostly just creeped me out by being over eager and desperate. Most of my friends are married and babied, they have no single friends to introduce me too, and they don't stay up past 10pm, so the days of going out for a night on the town to meet someone (with these people), or be set-up are sort of over for me.

 

I could sit here and feel bad for not having dated more in my twenties...but I refuse to because I spent that time dealing with a family tragedy, being chronically ill and working on my education and career so that I could secure a decent future for myself in case Mr. Right never surfaces for the long term.

 

I refuse to take on the mindset that somehow there are "slim pickens" after a certain age (which would be an insult to myself too). And I refuse to think of OLD as a "last resort', it is simply one other tool in the box to meet new people. Just like meetup, volunteer work etc. Don't make it the only method of meeting people and keep your chin up...you attract what you are inside, and if you are putting forth a negative attitude about being who you are (ie: Single) then you will attract those with the same mindset.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

BOZG, you're a sexy feminine woman, so why act like a man? Also, to quote you from another thread "It's just a phone call". Or does that live in the moment, care free attitude only apply to your online dating game?

 

Now I think a lot of guys in that situation (including me) would take it as a major sign of dis-interest. Along the same lines as a woman insisting on paying on a first date, or giving a cheek and claiming that she "doesn't kiss on the first date". When a woman is interested, she'd have no issue handing out her number, kissing on the first date, and letting a guy pay for her. Now if is she is in the small percentage of women that are genuinely interested but still insists on the number, chances are that she's over the top independent and really progressive. Or even a feminist. In that case, it's as big of a turn off to me as her playing games and being too scared just to say she isn't interested. I don't mind a woman that's independent, but I am attracted to women that still want a man to be a man.

 

** So on the rare occasions where it's happened to me, I simply let her know that I'm no longer interested and walk away. The way I see it, is that there are plenty of women who will happily give me their number

 

You're just as stubborn as I am lol. With regard to dating, you like things to happen on your terms, and I like things to happen on my terms; because it's what makes us both feel comfy about the conversational exchange that we're in! Why would a guy be turned off or put off by him giving me HIS number - unless he just wanted to have the upper hand (which means HIM being the one in CONTROL of the situation)?

 

I understand allowing a "man to be a man". And in a dating scenario, I allow him to be just that - but, a modern, respectful gentleman would also allow the woman he wants to date to be the independent woman she is and would allow her to feel comfortable with the situation - as long as she doesn't blow smoke up his ass. I'm all for chivalry...but I also respect a guy more (and become more attracted to him) when he assures me that he wants ME to feel comfy with the way we contact each other or with regard to where we meet up.

 

 

.

[SawtoothMars]

Despite having a pretty cool social life and going out more, I am still not meeting any single men. I meet plenty of taken men that I would date, but it seems 99% of the men in my age range are married/in serious relationships. So are the women for that matter.

Literally only place where I do meet single men is OLD. I have been too busy to use it much, probably meeting one men in 3 months or so. From all my experiences from OLD, it all feels so forced and fake. You are supposed to meet a complete stranger that you are suddenly dating. I feel nothing for these men, literally nothing. Even if they look good, I need to get to know someone to feel the attraction. And by getting to know, I mean in a natural setting, not 1-1 forced hangouts from the get go. I never feel any chemistry or spark. The ones that look good on paper, I tend to push myself to see but it's hard because I would rather do anything else than spend romantic time with men I am not that into.

Just venting and wishing I made dating more of a priority in my 20s. Hope all of you 20 something women take note and don't end up like I did.

 

Of course... like all the other chemistry freaks here on LS, you lack self awareness.

 

You ladies have all brought your cricket paddles to a soccer match. It's no wonder you are all perpetually confused by dating. You have to figure out what you are doing and how the rules work before you can create any kind of coherent strategy.

[Weezy1973]

In the past, I've seen posts like this: "Only fat/older/ugly women message me." They could relax their expectations.

 

Men complain that ATTRACTIVE women aren't giving them a chance. Everyone dates based on looks and wants to date up from their own "league".

 

Both men and women want to date people they're attracted to. Is this a surprise?

 

Again - women are the ones saying there are no good single men. Men are claiming nothing of the sort. And let's be honest - the vast majority of people have no problems finding a relationship. If the OP (or anybody else for that matter) is struggling to find a relationship, the matter lies squarely on herself. Not OLD. Not men.

Edited April 6, 2015 by Weezy1973

[TigerLilly78]

I like meeting people on line tbh ive found when it came to dating getting to know the person a bit on line is better then cold approach irl and ive had both happen. Neither of the cold approach guys ended up working out one had major problems I didn't realize until I was already well invested in him. And the other I ended up being fairly sure was married cause after a while things just weren't adding up. In both I wasted alot of time just getting to know the basics im not saying this couldn't happen with meeting a guy on line but seamed most were pretty straight forward with the important things.. I never met alot thu straight up OLD tho but threw other mutual on line interests maybe that's the difference..

[TigerLilly78]

Of course... like all the other chemistry freaks here on LS, you lack self awareness.

 

You ladies have all brought your cricket paddles to a soccer match. It's no wonder you are all perpetually confused by dating. You have to figure out what you are doing and how the rules work before you can create any kind of coherent strategy.

 

I think a lot of women are to into the "prince charming package'

the guy has to tick every box right off the get go the setting must be magical the approach must be memorable if not then hes got no chance and there is automatically "no spark"

 

Guys are human just like women life isn't always a Disney movie some times the best things develop over time..imo anyways and I didn't mean this to offend anyone here its just been my observation...