Pennyapple Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 Whenever I'm with him alone, his hands are everywhere. Sometimes I'm not in the mood and have to tell him to stop several times. I don't have all the patience in the world to tell him again and again, and sometimes I got pissed off and raise me voice. I don't want to hurt him, but I cannot hide the fact that I hate him being so clingy and touchy. I feel this is killing the relationship slowly. What should I do?? Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 Tell him word for word what you wrote here. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 Whenever I'm with him alone, his hands are everywhere. Sometimes I'm not in the mood and have to tell him to stop several times. I don't have all the patience in the world to tell him again and again, and sometimes I got pissed off and raise me voice. I don't want to hurt him, but I cannot hide the fact that I hate him being so clingy and touchy. I feel this is killing the relationship slowly. What should I do?? Some important points: You shouldn't have to have all the patience in the world to tell him again and again.You don't want to hurt his feelings and yet he doesn't care about yours. If he doesn't respect you, he sure as heck doesn't love you.Like Lurkeraspect says, tell him exactly what you said here. And if he still doesn't respect your wishes, let nature take its course: i.e. let the relationship die. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 If this is the boyfriend, to me it makes sense. He's young and either LD is a part of your R now or he's anticipating it, and the lack of your presence. Part of how couples connect is physical and sexual. Otherwise, it's friends or roommates. If you could clarify the relationship dynamics, that might be helpful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
badpenny Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 Are we talking cuddly-clingy, or are we talking groping and sexual touching....? because the former is downright irritating. But the latter is almost abusive.... i would hate that, and be really offended if my BF couldn't be with me for 5 minutes without thinking it's ok for him to let his hands wander inappropriately... Boundaries.... he's definitely over-stepping them (IF it's the latter) and respect? Lacking. definitely lacking, either way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pennyapple Posted April 5, 2015 Author Share Posted April 5, 2015 I just talked to my boyfriend and he apologized so much for neglecting my feelings, and he promised he will change. Thank you guys for the replies and advice Otherwise I would have harbored the hard feelings. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 "Touch" is important to human beings...we all need it When I'm with a guy, I'm touching him... It can be an arm around him when we talk, my hand on his shoulder, my hand touching his face...etc. Touching does not always imply that sex is desired and touch is what keeps people connected... The day a couple stops touching each other, they pretty much are roommates. I kidd you not, while I'm still catching up with old podcasts from my fav podcaster, this woman called in about how she and her husband no longer have affection for each other. They work, come home, go to bed...pretty much roommates. Well, my fav podcaster advised her that when her husband comes home to grab him and take him to the shower and just shower together. Even if they are just standing there and letting the water run on them for 20 min. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 The OP didn't say she never wants to be touched by her bf, rather she doesn't want to be manhandled 24/7. I get that, and it's hardly a red flag or impending roommate status. To each their own. OP, I'm glad you were able to talk to your boyfriend and he was receptive to you POV. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Whenever I'm with him alone, his hands are everywhere. Sometimes I'm not in the mood and have to tell him to stop several times. I don't have all the patience in the world to tell him again and again, and sometimes I got pissed off and raise me voice. I don't want to hurt him, but I cannot hide the fact that I hate him being so clingy and touchy. I feel this is killing the relationship slowly. What should I do?? Do an SBD (silent but deadly) then tell him he was warned... Okay seriously, he needs to respect your space and when you're not in the mood to cuddle, kiss, hold hands, be touched he has to stop and understand that just because he is into it all the time, doesn't mean you are. IF he doesn't stop he's going to suffocate you to the point you won't want to be with him. Tell him how you feel, say it lovingly, that he is a great boyfriend, that you enjoy spending time with him though he needs to make more effort in not being clingy and give you space. The day a couple stops touching each other, they pretty much are roommates. Not true. I have a friend who just isn't affectionate and her husband is the opposite. They have a fantastic sex life and are happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Not true. I have a friend who just isn't affectionate and her husband is the opposite. They have a fantastic sex life and are happy. Great sex and actually "connecting" with another person while having sex aren't one in the same... Watch the movie "Don Jon"....dude could and did have sex with any woman he pretty much wanted - hotties and great sex, that is...but, it took Julianne Moore to teach him how to "connect" in the bedroom. Touching is a way to "connect" and demonstrate affection...Even "I", who has intimacy issues, squeezes out "touching" with people. Link to post Share on other sites
badpenny Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Gloria25, not everyone is the same. What goes for you need not be the same for others. You believe physical contact is necessary to establish/maintain a connection. But it's not necessarily so. my cousin and his wife are the least tactile people you'll ever meet. I never see them connect physically, yet as a couple, their love and attitude towards one another, puts other people to shame. They express their love for one another in different ways, and it's abundantly clear to everyone who knows them, that their connection puts others in the shade. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 OP, I'm glad that you communicated your feelings to him so quickly and he is responding well to it. Communication is key! You definitely saved your R from a downward spiral there, well done. I love physical touch and affection, and sometimes if we're watching TV or something, we sit with our arms around each other or our hands in each others'... for hours. But even I would not want a bf who is ALWAYS touching me, especially if I have already said that I want some time to myself. "Touch" is important to human beings...we all need it When I'm with a guy, I'm touching him... It can be an arm around him when we talk, my hand on his shoulder, my hand touching his face...etc. Touching does not always imply that sex is desired and touch is what keeps people connected... The day a couple stops touching each other, they pretty much are roommates. I kidd you not, while I'm still catching up with old podcasts from my fav podcaster, this woman called in about how she and her husband no longer have affection for each other. They work, come home, go to bed...pretty much roommates. There is a HUGE spectrum between 'never touching each other' and 'having his hands on you 24/7'. Like most other things in life, balance is key. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I'd like to know if this issue is about you having a much lower sex drive/libido than your bf. If so, then do both of you a favor and break up now before you ruin each other's lives. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I'd like to know if this issue is about you having a much lower sex drive/libido than your bf. If so, then do both of you a favor and break up now before you ruin each other's lives. Exactly ^^ She probably hates the "touch" cuz it implies sex and for some reason she doesn't want to engage in sex and/or intimacy with him (or any man). He also may be in overdrive cuz of her cold shoulder...I bet ya if she wasn't working so hard on withholding, he'd chill and slow down a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
TexasMan68 Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Marry him and in short order it will all go away!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 OP, in your opening post, you noted 'when we're alone'. Does he also touch you, perhaps to you inappropriately, when in public? What we call PDA's (public displays of affection), but in a manner you find objectionable? Regarding his promise to change, he's acceded to a request to alter a fundamental aspect of how he shows love and affection. If he follows through, that shows his willingness to compromise in an interpersonal relationship. Compromise is a two-way street. Food for thought for the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Marry him and in short order it will all go away!! Nah, they already are like a married couple....at least now she's giving him a preview of what a real marriage is like 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheGuard13 Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 This sounds an awful lot like a guy who needs and wants more intimacy. Link to post Share on other sites
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