I refuse to go to social events because some a-hole calls me out for being quiet!

[Bobbi7]

Yes, I consider myself shy-mostly due to my insecurities and I don't have any self-confidence. I try to put myself out there to do things social. Mostly I just go to my brothers/sister in laws social gatherings. I've gone to parties, family get togethers, etc, etc. I usually end up leaving early because I'm quiet and not good at conversation with people that I'm just not that close too. I hate the fact that I have to go alone, I don't have boyfriend to go with-because that would make the process easier. One time when I was at a party-one of my sister in laws friends said out loud, "I haven't heard her say a word." And some people started laughing. I was like wtf? I thought that was rude. Well, I just met her, and haven't gotten a chance to talk to her. She just seemed like a bitch. I'm sure if I looked like Miss America, people wouldn't treat me like ****. Am I right?

[Lurkeraspect]

Yes, I consider myself shy-mostly due to my insecurities and I don't have any self-confidence. I try to put myself out there to do things social. Mostly I just go to my brothers/sister in laws social gatherings. I've gone to parties, family get togethers, etc, etc. I usually end up leaving early because I'm quiet and not good at conversation with people that I'm just not that close too. I hate the fact that I have to go alone, I don't have boyfriend to go with-because that would make the process easier. One time when I was at a party-one of my sister in laws friends said out loud, "I haven't heard her say a word." And some people started laughing. I was like wtf? I thought that was rude. Well, I just met her, and haven't gotten a chance to talk to her. She just seemed like a bitch. I'm sure if I looked like Miss America, people wouldn't treat me like ****. Am I right?

 

I'm not so sure that looking like Miss America is some magic shield from the azz holes of the world. True azz holes don't care what you look like. But, given your example, you don't really know if the SIL friend was talking about you or not and perhaps you were/are being overly sensitive.

 

Anyway,

You might want to look into some professional counseling for your self esteem issues. These types of issues don't tend to get better with time.

[Bobbi7]

I'm not so sure that looking like Miss America is some magic shield from the azz holes of the world. True azz holes don't care what you look like. But, given your example, you don't really know if the SIL friend was talking about you or not and perhaps you were/are being overly sensitive.

 

Anyway,

You might want to look into some professional counseling for your self esteem issues. These types of issues don't tend to get better with time.

 

Yeah, she was talking about me. My sis-in law jokingly said I was a bad influence, then her friend say out loud, "I haven't heard her say a word." Everyone started laughing. Since when is being reserved and quiet a bad thing?

[Lurkeraspect]

Yeah, she was talking about me. My sis-in law jokingly said I was a bad influence, then her friend say out loud, "I haven't heard her say a word." Everyone started laughing. Since when is being reserved and quiet a bad thing?

 

It's not. But to be honest, it sounds like a big chunk of this story is missing.

[Bobbi7]

It's not. But to be honest, it sounds like a big chunk of this story is missing.

 

No, that's the whole story. I was at her housewarming party and sis-in law introduced me to her, my sis jokingly told her that I'm a "bad influence." Which I thought it was funny. Then her friend out loud made that comment, "I haven't heard her say a word." In a really bitchy tone. Everyone started laughing. That's fine that she thinks I'm quiet, but to call me out like that?

[SupportiveGuy]

Most people bond by conversing with each other, and doing interesting activities together.

Quiet and reserved people are seen as aloof and uninterested.

Sometimes an extrovert will attempt to break the ice by calling you out, trying to drag you out of your shell.

She accidentally hit a nerve in the process.

That set off a whole chain of events that has led you here, and I think, deep inside, that you secretly know these things, and you secretly want to be more engaging and talkative, and have more friends and make more connections with people.

 

I've been there. It's a long hard road, but it might be worth it for you. I just don't have the energy, but maybe you can.

Maybe start by telling a joke, don't worry about how funny it is to others, just have one signature joke that people will recognize you by.

[darkmoon]

leaving early? quit doing this, as it suggests you do not like the people, can't get away fast enough, you want one rule for you another rule for other people

Edited April 5, 2015 by darkmoon

[nerd]

People suck.

 

Unfortunately we have this biological, evil need to be with other people. So you need to learn to deal with people well enough to get them comfortable around you. Just do it in small enough doses so that you can survive. Try doing it with random people you don't care about, that makes everything easier. Then you learn what works and can do it in more important situations like dealing with family and dating.

[Maxtor]

You know what, I have kinda the same problem, but when i connect with people I enjoy it, and love to do stuff together.

 

You know what you need to do?

 

Get a passion. An interesting one. Something you love. Dance, martial arts, sculpture, writing, anything. But you need something that can open up the path to new social places. Go. Stop being affraid. When you have something interesting to tell, people love to hear it, and if you love to talk about it, the better.

[anna121]

So, my take on it is that the SIL was making a joke (could have been mean-spirited; depends on the relationship), and the friend was saying "Bad influence? But she hasn't said a word!"

 

I would have said something like "That's because I like to keep my cards close to my chest". or something funny about the Spanish Inquisition.

 

I think you reacted badly because this is a sore spot for you.

 

Truth is, people aren't really thinking about any of us as much as we think they are. I highly doubt the person was calling you out.

 

Let it go. But, if you'd rather not go to events, then just don't. If you feel you are missing out by doing that, then go and have some sort of goal, like small talk with three people.

[anika99]

No, that's the whole story. I was at her housewarming party and sis-in law introduced me to her, my sis jokingly told her that I'm a "bad influence." Which I thought it was funny. Then her friend out loud made that comment, "I haven't heard her say a word." In a really bitchy tone. Everyone started laughing. That's fine that she thinks I'm quiet, but to call me out like that?

 

 

I think you're being a tad oversensitive. I used to be very meek and quiet in group settings and yes sometimes someone would comment that I was too quiet or that they never heard me speak. So what? I was quiet and people noticed, it was hardly some big secret which nobody could ever speak of.

[Kamille]

You're quiet and reserved. So what?

 

If I were you, I would focus more on being comfortable with that aspect of your personality. Once you accept that side of yourself, you will respond differently to people who comment about it. In the example above, there are a few ways to interpret the comment and many ways to respond to it.

 

Example: I'm a bit disorganized. I used to get really upset when people would point it out because I didn't accept that side of myself. Now that I accept this side of myself, I laugh with them about it. It doesn't make me more organized, but it makes managing that personality trait a lot easier, both for me and my friends.

[SpiralOut]

Comments like that won't bother you so much if you learn to accept your quiet side. I've dealt with so many rude comments from people over the years, because they didn't like how quiet I am. I eventually learned it was more about them than it was about me.

 

 

Please don't stop going out just because of something one person said.

Edited April 5, 2015 by SpiralOut