Noirek Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Well seeing as if a lot of people would want to know, then why do people still recommend to the wayward to keep their mouth shut? It makes me wonder if the same people that recommend to the wayward to keep their mouths shut would want to know if it happened to them. I already explained that. People want to know what they know or in any hypothetical situation because very few people want to admit to wanting to be ignorant. But wanting to know and the harm that can occur for some people not knowing is why there are those who recommend swallnyour guilt and keep your mouth shut. Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I already explained that. People want to know what they know or in any hypothetical situation because very few people want to admit to wanting to be ignorant. But wanting to know and the harm that can occur for some people not knowing is why there are those who recommend swallnyour guilt and keep your mouth shut. Very few people admit to such because very few want to be ignorant. If he didn't have enough good judgement to not cheat, have an affair, then I certainly don't want him making decisions about what I should or shouldn't know. A marriage is about two people living their lives together. Not one selfishly deciding what is best for both. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Well seeing as if a lot of people would want to know, then why do people still recommend to the wayward to keep their mouth shut? It makes me wonder if the same people that recommend to the wayward to keep their mouths shut would want to know if it happened to them. A simple case of "do as I say and not as I do" perhaps. Everything is easier when you're speaking in hypotheticals. I doubt very much that many would actually subscribe to their own prescription if they were faced with the same issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I would want to know, just so I can move on to better things... and people. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I already explained that. People want to know what they know or in any hypothetical situation because very few people want to admit to wanting to be ignorant. But wanting to know and the harm that can occur for some people not knowing is why there are those who recommend swallnyour guilt and keep your mouth shut. Why do people act like cheaters tell to "relieve their guilt"? How does it relieve any guilt to admit you cheated? It's such a cop out and i think it's a BS reason cheaters use to keep quiet. They've somehow managed to trick themselves into thinking they are doing the right, selfless thing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 When I was married I had a foot in either camp. xH and I discussed that silly one off (ONSs, full contact lap dances, etc) indiscretions didn't need to be disclosed, but if there were something significant (an actual meaningful attraction to someone, indulged or not) we'd tell each other. This was never put to the test as neither of us (to my knowledge) ever traversed the silly or significant. Now having been an OW, I've changed my view completely. And I think there should be disclosure for the fundamental reason that partners that have made a life commitment deserve to know one another fully. To me, it's not about infidelity per se, it's about the fact that infidelity is indulged in and why and how, and what that reveals about a person. This is what a partner deserves to know; the whole truth about the person they have entrusted their future to. Anything less is subterfuge that does not belong in a loving relationship. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I think the answer to this question generally falls into 2 camps: repentant WS/AP's, those who D'ed and moved on, those who fully and transparently recovered: want to know WS/AP's who have not actually repented, those who are in limbo, or those who want to gloss over in recovery: Don't tell/don't want to know Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I wouldn't want to know. I mean... sure. My rational side says I would want to know. But the truth is, if I had no suspicions, I wouldn't. Id rather maintain the status quo. If I did suspect something, then yes. I would want to know. I know many cheaters. MANY. Their gfs/wives have no idea. Usually they don't have affairs, though. Just ONS/FWB situations. And the SOs are none the wiser. Right now they are HAPPY because they have no idea of what's going on. And it doesn't matter if the happiness is based on a lie. The happiness is still real and true. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I do not want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Interstellar Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 (edited) America is a confessional society. Confess everything to your partner. Confess everything to the rest of the world. And you see celebrities do it all the time. That's what's wrong nowadays. You can simply shut up about it and promise yourself never to do it again and keep your word. Because the measure of a man (or woman) is not the promises he's made but the promises he's kept. No, I don't want to know. Edited April 6, 2015 by Interstellar Link to post Share on other sites
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