Leximom15 Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 It's been almost 3 months since he packed a bag and said he needed time to think. I've hired a lawyer and we have had minimal contact. I moved 4 hours away from my family so he could stay in the area he grew up in and have 2 kids that were uprooted for the move. I feel betrayed and am still so very sad he has done this to our family. He just gives the excuse that I was disrespectful and didn't appreciate him. He stopped coming to bed in September, no sex since July. I know the signs were there so I started counseling in November bc I thought something was wrong with me. Had a bout with depression in October now I believe it's because of the way the marriage wasn't working and I was alone in trying to figure it out. He wouldn't communicate with me and drove me crazy. I just don't know how to move on after investing so much in him. We were married 5 years and together 9. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 (edited) drink hot chocolate as it is soothing, do drink it, you will forget this over time, meanwhile, it is just one foot in front of the other, plan a better tomorrow than today plan on your direction, the hairdressers, meet-up groups, the sky-divers association, the shops, up to you Edited April 4, 2015 by darkmoon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 I believe it's because of the way the marriage wasn't working and I was alone in trying to figure it out. You assume correctly. He was head over heels in his affair, so he could care less about marriage or family. And it might feel like a lot to you, but you didn't invest THAT much - except emotionally - in him; it's been "only" 9 years instead of 20 or 30. I think one of your problems is that he didn't outright say he's leaving; he's kept a door open in case his affair turns out to be less than it was at first. Shake the dust off and start parting from him emotionally. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 My husband done the same but he continues to stay here and leave all week end denies he is cheating also. We are working on an agreement and he is wanting it fast.I have been with him 22 years and cant wait until we settle. I am so irked and he is disgusting be thankful yours is gone, It hurts but we can do better then this.Who needs someone you have to constantly stroke their ego to keep them around. It sucks the life out of me.We will heal and there's better out there. Good Luck and big hugs:bunny: 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leximom15 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Share Posted April 5, 2015 I'm just almost 3 months out of husband leaving me. He has moved kinda quickly with wanting separation legal and wanting to get his things from our home. I was completely shocked when he packed a bag and went to his moms bc he ended time to think. I didn't text him or bother him but all he wanted to talk about were our division of property and then threatened to take my car away. After he did this I got a lawyer to protect myself. I did not want the separation and have really been broken over the whole thing. He has texted me " do u want to try counseling or do u want this to be over" I replied with "why 2options? Either you do or you don't". I really did want to try and he also asked if I still loved him. I told him I would always love him. He never really responded to either of my responses. That hurt a lot. It's like he was looking for reassurance but wasn't wanting to actually work on our marriage. I broke down last week and texted him that he has cause to much hurt in mine and my kids life and I hoped he was happy with his choices. Me and my kids moved 4 hours away from our family to be with him 5 years ago after a long distance relationship for 3 years. I gave it my all. He withdrew sex, stopped coming to bed and I lashed out with anger. It hurt so badly to feel unwanted. I did say some things I didn't mean bc I was trying to get his attention. Evidently those are the only things he can say is e cause of him leaving me. I just don't understand how he could just up and leave without even talking or counseling. I tried for months to get him to talk about it, come to bed with me, make love to me... I even went to counseling alone and was seeing a psychiatrist for meds bc I felt something must've wrong with me. I just need some insight from those of you that have been there and how I can get past this pain. Thoughts of him consume me everyday and I need to move on. I will be moving back to my moms in June after school is out. I will be giving up my job and starting over. It all has been so forced upon me. I can't stay here without anyone and he just gets to transition smoothly back into bachelorhood without much disruption at all on his life! Any advice is welcomed and needed! Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
ArtIsMyThing Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 My husband did this to me - ended it when i was really sick and refused to talk about anything. You asked for advice - well i will give it to you. RUN AND DONT LOOK BACK GET UP AND GET ON WITH LIFE IMMEDIATLY Go have a funeral for him - pretend he is dead - pretend he never existed - do whatever you have to do and forget he even breathed. I am 14 months down the line of begging and pleading and trying to understand how he could do this to me. Here is a fact - he has done it. Yours has done it - mine has done it - forget it - wipe the dust from your feet and rebuild your life immediatly. If he can do it once - he will do it again. Run girl and make you and your kids top priority 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShannonBanana Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I agree with Artismything. Run, do not walk away from this situation. Dust yourself off, cry when you need to, do things you look forward to doing, take good care of yourself in all the ways you know how, and don't look back. This a powerful time in which your choices will be what you look back on and either regret or feel good about. Make the choices you will feel good about with the idea that he will never is in your life again because chances are he will not be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 He tests the waters. As soon as you professed your love he knew you were on the hook and that he can be with his other woman, you'd be waiting for him anyway. Get the divorce started, this isn't a husband, it's a filthy rat. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 He tests the waters. As soon as you professed your love he knew you were on the hook and that he can be with his other woman, you'd be waiting for him anyway. Get the divorce started, this isn't a husband, it's a filthy rat. "NO Limit" hit the nail on the head. The quote above is exactly what happened. Textbook. You have a place to return, June is not that far away. Believe you me, that move is going to make a 100% difference - as it is one thing you will be "taking back." Start packing. Check the divorce laws in both states in see which favor your situation the best, if that issue should be relevant. You are going to be fine. We are here for you. Yas Link to post Share on other sites
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