Are there signs that she could be cheating with my man? Or am i paranoid?

[Kisses4Mario]

Hi, I have been engaged for 2 months now. And for the second time since the engagement I have suddenly felt suspicion that my fiance is cheating on me. The first time I suspected it i realized it was all in my head and applogized to him for even thinking that since it was practically impossible. But this time it is a little different. He's been hanging out with a friend of ours a lot more than usual. And it is while i am at work. She usually hangs out with the both of us at the same time.

 

She has been extra nice to me lately, telling me what a great person i am, how im so beautiful, telling my fiance what a good person he has. Its constant compliments. Yesterday they hung out all day, they had lunch with me on my break and came to pick me up from work. We all hung out after i got off of work. We were supposed to just drop her off...But she insisted that we hung out for a couple minutes in her appartment. My fiancee didnt want to but didnt want to directly say. He was being super nice while she was around. Wasnt being very social, but was reading quietly. But as soon as we left the appartment he snapped and complained and yelled that we were only supposed to stay a couple minutes not an hour and a half. I didnt want to stay that long either but jeeze, i didnt think it was that big of a deal.

 

I dont know...i just have a weird vibe off the situation. The way my fiance was acting (jeckle and hyde) and our friend being so nice. I dont know...am i just being paranoid??? Was he just tired and wanted to go home since they had hung out all day? Thats what he said. They have so many things to read on how to tell if your spouse is cheating and what not. But how can you tell if the girl is cheating with your spouse? I would like to know some of the signs if there are any.Any advice???

[Mz. Pixie]

I think this is a bad situation and let me tell you why-

 

My ex mother in law had a best friend. Her and her husband and another couple from church started hanging out all the time. The women became "best friends" The first woman and her husband had so much more financially because her hubby was a pilot. They had a big house and a pool. The second couple never had much because the husband was in the army. The friend would invite the other woman over to swim and let her hang out at the pool while she was at work. Frequently the hubby would be at home because it would be his off day. What happened? They had an affair. They eventually left their spouses and they are married today. The "best friend" betrayed her friend and got a richer husband.

 

I think it's edgy- he could be cheating based on his reaction to the two of you being over there together. He doesn't mind hanging out with her when you're not around so what made the difference. He's uncomfortable for a reason.

 

You know in your gut what's happening.

[jazzed]

maybe..........he is and maybe he isn't. But the real problem is that the two of you have a trust issue. If you are to have a successful marriage you must address this before you say I do. My ex-husband cheated on me three times I knew in my heart when each affair started and ended. A women's intuition is a very good indicator if there is a problem in the relationship. Either way, it is better to know now than after you have to involve lawyers. Best of luck to you.

[FolderWife]

!!! He has no business hanging out with some WOMAN all day long, if he's getting married to YOU!!! HANGING OUT ALL DAY TOGETHER IS SOMETHING A COUPLE DOES!!!

 

Regardless of whether they are cheating on you or not, them "hanging out" all day needs to STOP!

[reservoirdog1]

Well, you definitely need more info before you accuse or confront him. Everything you've described could well be innocent.

 

However, from my own experience, I do see what's creeping you out and making you suspicious.

 

My situation... married my TBXW (to be ex wife) in 1996. Very shortly after we married (and I can't remember the exact circs) we met a guy named S. TBXW and S hit it off right from the start. Not so of him and me... nothing overtly negative, but there was always a distance between us that I could never explain. No big deal, I figured... she's allowed to have friends, I trust her completely, and hey... we're newly married! What's there to worry about?

 

S was in our lives quite a bit, and hers a lot. I cooked dinner for him among our group of friends on several occasions. He came out with me and the guys on several occasions for drinks. One time, TBXW called me towards the end of the work day and suggested we meet up for a drink rather than heading home. Got to where we were meeting, and she was there, with him. She'd picked up a present for me, an expensive tie, that I really liked. Wore it a lot after that.

 

Around Christmas that year, S called me. She'd been out that evening, and had arrived at his place pissed drunk. He told me to come and get her. I went over there and tried to drag her drunk ass home. She didn't want to be moved, and she slept on his couch. I left.

 

Anyway, things started getting a bit odd -- she'd complain about him often, saying he was being an arsehole. Observed one such scrap between them, and I remarked to her afterwards that they were more like siblings than friends.

 

I was so f*cking naive, blind and stupid back then. I still can't believe it.

 

Turns out, she started banging S within about 6 weeks of the wedding. Stopped 9 months later when she got pregnant. Probably by him. My daughter is now 7 and I never learned of this possibility until August 2003.

 

I still kick myself for being so stupid. All I can say is, I was 24 and in love. That blinded me. Didn't help either that she's a very skillful liar.

 

You, at least, have a feeling in your gut that something's rotten in Denmark. Follow your gut, and investigate the situation further. If you're wrong, no harm, no foul. If you're right, then you'll have gotten the wakeup call that I will always wish I'd gotten.

 

Oh, and before we split, I threw the tie in the garbage. And made sure she knew I'd done so.