Downtown Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 I think it's ok now because he just agreed that I can send back the stuff for him by post. I hope you're right, Sunshine. Yet, if he is emotionally unstable and has a great fear of abandonment -- as you seem to describe -- his behavior can change in a few minutes. So please continue to be careful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 That's why I made no attempt to diagnose anyone. Nor have I suggested that anyone else on this thread can do so. Elaine, this is not the first time you've falsely accused me -- and other members -- of attempting to "diagnose" someone when we simply suggested that an OP read about the warning signs for a disorder so as to be able to better protect herself. Just about every time you post, you post the same stuff about BPD. I may mention narcissism or give out links occasionally, as your obsessive stalking of my posts demonstrates, but at least I am capable of considering other diagnoses. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 I think it's ok now because he just agreed that I can send back the stuff for him by post. I am trying to forget all about him but it's so difficult... Thinking about the good times and the future we used to dream of, I feel so sad and hard accept the truth. Endings are always sad...even when you know they have to happen. You're being really strong. Just keep going, take advantage of the student life - and in a few months time I bet you'll be really glad to have taken your freedom (and safety) back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 OP, just check how much postage costs may be for those books - it could be a lot. If you know where he works or lives would it be possible for a friend to just drop the books off to either location for you? Don't tell his boss about his behaviour, there is no point rocking the boat at this stage as it could go titanic. Just get his stuff back to him, forget any stuff of yours he may have and then you can totally cut all contact. I'm so sorry you had to go through all this at such a young age. There's a website I know of which has a forum which may help you recover from this if you feel you need some support: Domestic Abuse Information They are based in the UK but are international and anyone can join. They recommend a book on their site which is one I am reading now (The Jerk Radar) so until I finish it I can't really recommend it but - its been spot on for me so far but I have a lot more to read and also was only raped once (in his sister's house with his whole family there - not a lot I could do about that at the time) and he raised his hand to strike me once but that was the last weekend I saw him. Most of it was emotional abuse and controlling behaviour and a lot of it was very subtle. I could recommend other books I have read but my situ wasn't as physically violent and as often as yours - so I recommend having a look at that site if you feel you need some support from those who have been through what you have. It also can get to you later - just be aware. ((hugs)) and I hope that this all ends for you now. xx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Do you want to live a 1950s Household? If not, run away. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Is there any chance that violent men can be changed...? I don't like drama actually, but sometimes I am too forgiving I guess. I don't know if that man really deserves to have a chance... with therapy and counselling possibly......but......they have to want to change and they have to see what they do is wrong......and i suggest that you not to be together until counselling therapy and resolution is visible......in other words do not be with someone who is violent....see change before you decide to go back....and let that change be seen over months not weeks..... if you are willing to do that waiting and see what comes about game, and, he is willing to put effort in then just maybe....he might be better and rehabilitated...because that is what it is rehabilitation of a core life management process(cause and effect)....but then....he may not get better or be able to be rehabilitated.........all in all...you are taking a risk with your personal safety.......is he worth that risk.....deb Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Is there any chance that violent men can be changed...? No. Read this book, so you understand: http://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling-ebook/dp/B000Q9J0RO Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine_forever Posted April 28, 2015 Author Share Posted April 28, 2015 Just to update... It's been nearly a month and I am moving on unimaginably quickly. After I told him that I would call the police if he dared to get near me again, he became very nice and did not try to beg for my coming back anymore. We have returned each other's stuff already. Surprisingly, I have completely forgot about him. Nowadays I engage myself a lot of very interesting activities I never had a chance to try (like dancing, working out, hanging out with new friends,...), and you could only see me smiling. Some days ago, he texted me to inform that he has failed a very important exam (he took that exam before our breakup). And I know for sure that means he cannot continue the study here any more and he has to come back to our home country! (because we are both international students) I truly believe that what goes around comes around... If you treat people badly, then sooner or later you have to suffer from bad luck. Thank you all for the advice you've given to me when I needed it the most. Now that I am out of that unhealthy relationship, I can conclude for sure that nobody should ever tolerate abuse. We deserve a much better life. As for the abusers, they are not gonna change. And they will also get what they deserve. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Just to update... Now that I am out of that unhealthy relationship, I can conclude for sure that nobody should ever tolerate abuse. We deserve a much better life. As for the abusers, they are not gonna change. And they will also get what they deserve. Well done you. Link to post Share on other sites
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