Day 8 of NC... Am I making the right decision?

[Joey07]

It's day 8 of nc. The first four days wer unbearable. After being with someone who I was with everyday for two years was gone. After day four it got easier. I bought new clothes. Started going to the gym and doing activities I was too scared to do. Just living a little from the advice given on a previous post. I've tried to keep distracted and reconnecting with friends. But tonight I went for a motorbike ride up to the mountains and really thought about all of this after not thinking about it for too long. And I asked myself is she really worth my time and effort. Is she really worth my love. And as much as I wanted to say no. I couldn't help but say yes. Yes being on my own has allowed me to be free from all my worries but to me she is worth every second. I know I screwed up. I never cheated on her but I lied to her countless times over things I shouldn't have to lie about. She messaged me three days ago telling me Thankyou for all the good things that happened in our relationship and she hopes I don't resent her. I didn't reply. I know there is no formula or a step by step guide on how to do this but I want her back. Is there an approach I can take. I know for sure that I want nothing more then to be with her. And I know after these 8 days of nc threat I really do love her. What I'm trying to get at here is I need help. How do I approach her? Should I approach her? I miss her.

[Ruby65]

She keeps saying that there is no chance in us being together because she's happy alone and that's it.

 

Are you making the right decision? Sadly, it's not YOUR decision to make.

 

It only takes one person to end a relationship. Your ex has decided to end the relationship and there's nothing you can do or say that's going to change her mind.... only push her farther away.

 

Have you ever been fired from a job? It doesn't matter how much you loved that job, how committed you were to staying in that job for the rest of your life.... when you're fired, you're FIRED. It's over. You don't keep contacting your old boss, asking for another chance.

 

All you can do is move on and try to accept it.

 

Stop contacting her. Work on HEALING, not on trying to figure out how to get her back. If she ever changes her mind, she'll track you down and let you know.

 

[Over n out]

I'm sorry to hear about the break up

 

The one piece of advice I wish I listened to, just like everyone has ever said is stick to NC. Right now you're upset and you won't be thinking straight. Dude I thought I was fine 2 weeks after my breakup and then I crashed again! No doubt that you'll miss her especially after being with her for 2 years.

 

But you have to realise that you are emotionally vulnerable at the moment and anything you do will just push her away. By the sounds of it you're doing a good job at NC so far.

 

The best thing at the moment would be to give each other space. You need to look back on the relationship and reflect on what went wrong. You said that you lied to her. Questions you should be asking yourself are why did you lie to her? Why did you feel like had to lie to her?

 

There will always be blame on both sides. You've already admitted to some of your mistakes, but you won't be able to acknowledge her's until you've taken a step back from all the heartbreak. So don't purely blame yourself for the break up.

 

Keep going dude, NC and time are your best friends!

[hunk]

Day 8 of NC is absolutely nothing and you're most definitely still in some sort of shock/denial. It gets easier. There's a reason everyone says healing takes time. It's because it does, but that time does what it's meant to do. You're gonna be completely fine. As for a method or "way" of getting her back - there's none.

 

I do believe however that having a little bit of hope during the initial stages of a breakup is completely natural and even kind of healthy. All of my breakups have followed with a time of "ok, this isn't permanent, she's gonna come back". Surprise surprise, they never do. But this little bit of hope has kind of helped to get me through the agonizing days where you think you can't do anything, where you can't even get off the couch or when you look outside to see a nice day and you wanna die. Whenever i felt like that, i would use the idea that she was definitely coming back as some kind of medicine to get me through the day.

 

Eventually enough time passes, she doesn't come back, you realize that this false hope was exactly that, and you can kind of let go of these false hopes as if they're some kind of training wheels and see the situation for what it is.

 

Good luck. If hope makes you feel better during this time then embrace it, but know that it's just that - hope and nothing else. It's not reality.