makeithappen Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Hello all, so I've been living in this country for more than 10 years. I got educated here, etc.... However, an opportunity has come up for me to spend a semester abroad, and I am considering moving there or another country I visited recently, permanently. I feel like I need a new environment, away from the people I know, to be able to be myself. I have changed so much. I am no longer the conservative minded person. I changed my identity, and I would not feel comfortable with people giving me stares or commenting on how I changed. I want to be a new person and I want to be away from this place. I've had so many issues here as well. I severed ties with family, I had issues with co-workers and friends, and I did not manage to make friends to allow me to cope better with my estrangement. Whilst abroad, I met someone who is currently working where I am going for a semester. We became friends (though she might leave within 2 years if her bf does not get something good there). I am so sad here. I am so fed up of everyone. Noone cares about me. The place reminds me of my arguments, and I constantly worry that I may bump into family members that I really do not wish to see. I am so sad, but nothing guarantees that it will be better elsewhere. At the same time, I feel like it's bad here anyways. Plus, I will be working with a person who is renowned in my field, and maybe I could get a permanent position there. I am excited and scared. If things were bad here, why am I running away? At the same time, I feel like this place is bad for me. Too many bad memories, too much worrying about who I will bump into. I should not care about such thinhs, but tbh, I diverted so much from my family's values that I would not feel safe/comfortable showing them what I have become. I am ok with who I am, but not ok with them seeing who I am. I've had enough of the shaming/gossip, etc... Anyways, I am not sure if I am rushing into this.... I just want out. Link to post Share on other sites
freelo Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 I think you're experiencing mixed emotions about life because you're not exactly sure what makes you happy. Joy doesn't happen automatically. You have to examine yourself-your mind, body, spirit-and find out what kind of people and activities make you happy on the inside. Family members can be horrible-but if we let them govern our happiness then we're giving up too much control over our life-we have to be strong enough to keep our distance from them and do the things that make us happy for ourselves. If you feel that no one cares about you-why not do more things to care for yourself or even volunteer and give to those who need your help? Ultimately, we are the answers to our own questions-nobody can truly satisfy ourselves more than ourselves. Link to post Share on other sites
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