Bobbi7 Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I think if people are young and somewhat attractive, they should do hook ups in the meantime. Why would it sound trashy to have fun sex? I get the whole not doing it until they are in a committed relationship, but what if that day never comes? I'm sure alot of people have a hard time trying to find the one...isn't that life just passing you by? Once a person gets older and old age starts kickin in, there won't be opportunities anymore, don't you think? Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 It is, IMO, a matter of generational views and values. See, I see sexual intimacy as, well, intimacy. I see it as special and personal and something I don't just wanna toss out there to anyone who has the right parts. It requires (for me) trust and affection and a level of commitment. It seems that sex has replaced the "goodnight kiss" as some prefunctory, meaningless ,end of date tradition. Call me repressed and old fashioned, but that kind of makes me sad, and I'm bot seeing the evidence that it makes people better long term partners with all those bits of intimacy spread all over the surrounding zip codes. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 that which we value we tend to not overtly abuse. if both are consenting and responsible to the extent of not using the person as a thing...then its up to them to go down that path.I personally have a problem with dehumanizing a person in the wake of a so called primal need.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 There's a big grey area between screwing someone you just met and waiting til you're in a long term committed relationship. You're using 2 extremes. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Degrading each other as little more than sex toys doesn't sound all that social to me at all. You also likely desensitize yourself; sex is still considered to be intimate in... I think every culture on the planet. Correct me if I'm wrong though. You wouldn't give anybody the keys to your house, but your body is okay? Truth be told, almost everyone I've met so far that has a reputation for sleeping around - even if it's just "serial monogamy" - has had some sort of issue. One girl in particular I remember as being completely unable to respect other people's property. Plus if ONSs would be the new trend the STD statistics would skyrocket even more than they already do - especially syphilis bloomed among teens the past year in my country (although as someone who intends to work in the medical field I won't complain too loudly, diseases and especially additional secondary infections will finance my life after all). And besides... don't you think there is more in life to aim for than having sex with a lot of people? Most people have a lot of better things to do than just that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 If both people are aware that it's a hookup and not true love/relationship then I don't see the problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 As long as there is not a partner who thinks you are exclusive there is no problem. But if you do meet someone and a relationship develops you have to be prepared to adjust the lifestyle . That can sometimes be a problem especially if you have a bunch of FWB that your new partner thinks are just friends. Stopping the " benefits" part may mean totally adjusting your social circle 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 If both people are aware that it's a hookup and not true love/relationship then I don't see the problem. Yeah, this was common in my generation when we were young, pre AIDS, and it wasn't viewed in any negative sort of way rather quite freeing from the former rather rigid sexual mores of generations past. It, and altering the mind through drug use, were quite freeing for some of my generation. For others, not so much. Most, probably overwhelmingly, went on to be productive members of society and have spouses and children and grandchildren and, yup, are still alive today living their lives, either long married or having moved on to other things in life. I see it this way. They did what they wanted to do as young people, as did I. We're all equals when it comes time to face the grim reaper. No one dies any better than anyone else. Live your life your way and be proud of it. If that includes hooking up, meaning casual sex with random people, enjoy it! TBH, in my generation, such an attitude would have made for a lot more varied and rich social life for myself and that perspective continues to this day, as I still have a markedly outlier perspective regarding sex and I'm sure it still interferes with compatibility with peers. I'm OK with that. They don't care. Life goes on. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Tried that. Frankly, I look back and feel like I wasted my time. There was so much else I could have been doing that was much more fun. If the day comes that im never in a committed relationship, that is A Ok. My life isnt based around sex or dating. There are many other things in life like: Charity/volunteering Pursuing passions relaxation spirituality 3 Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Honestly? Disease is the main reason. Possibly as far as it being viewed as bad in the past (pre birth control) was that it would prevent the traditional family unit from forming. So it's been bad for society and now is kind of risky to health. Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Why even ask such a question?? I think if people are young and somewhat attractive, they should do hook ups in the meantime. Why would it sound trashy to have fun sex? I get the whole not doing it until they are in a committed relationship, but what if that day never comes? I'm sure alot of people have a hard time trying to find the one...isn't that life just passing you by? Once a person gets older and old age starts kickin in, there won't be opportunities anymore, don't you think? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Ha, ha, perhaps kinda gross to visualize but 'old people' do have sex and, yup, even casual sex. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Honestly? Disease is the main reason. Possibly as far as it being viewed as bad in the past (pre birth control) was that it would prevent the traditional family unit from forming. So it's been bad for society and now is kind of risky to health. Add pregnancy. Plenty of women still get pregnant even while on birth control. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I wouldn't want sex with "random" people. That seems too indiscriminate and potentially dangerous from a health perspective. Casual sex with a friend, recent acquaintance, or someone I've started dating - in all these cases I know something about them - is fine with me, and greatly reduces the risks. I don't have a double standard about men or women engaging in casual sex, but many people still do - especially men. If you are a woman having casual sex and have many partners, there are men who will judge you for that even if they have done the same. It may limit your relationship options in the future, but perhaps that doesn't matter if you wouldn't want to be with someone who had such a double standard. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
letmoc Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Because as much as people hate to admit it. Most can not handle no strings sex. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I wouldn't want sex with "random" people. That seems too indiscriminate and potentially dangerous from a health perspective. Casual sex with a friend, recent acquaintance, or someone I've started dating - in all these cases I know something about them - is fine with me, and greatly reduces the risks. I don't have a double standard about men or women engaging in casual sex, but many people still do - especially men. If you are a woman having casual sex and have many partners, there are men who will judge you for that even if they have done the same. It may limit your relationship options in the future, but perhaps that doesn't matter if you wouldn't want to be with someone who had such a double standard. Yeah... random is risky. Not just from a disease point of view (that's why condoms were invented), but from a "is he an axe murderer?" point of view... I have only done it once and it all went ok, but it could have gone horribly horribly wrong, so I don't even entertain the idea these days... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 As a point of discussion, of course presuming heterosexual, if men are hooking up with random people, those random partners are women. Save for the pejorative and sexist stereotype of one woman who services the whole town, these women are presumed to be discreet individuals who are also choosing to engage in sex with random partners. Put a group of men and women together in a random sex environment and the amount of partner variety that can happen can be mathematically very significant. Then, later, out in the world, faced with the appearance of societal messages and pressure to conform, some people talk a different line. Back when I was young, it was the classic 'do as I say, not as I do' parenting style. People have their proclivities and vices and then they have their rationalizations of what is right and 'proper' for reasons known only to them. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Because as much as people hate to admit it. Most can not handle no strings sex. Unfortunately, some of those people are men. Some men will become needy and clingy. +1 for its dangerous Can we add generally complicating ones life? Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Add pregnancy. Plenty of women still get pregnant even while on birth control. As long as the guys won't bitch around because they're forced to pay child support that'd be no problem. Link to post Share on other sites
letmoc Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Unfortunately, some of those people are men. Some men will become needy and clingy. +1 for its dangerous Can we add generally complicating ones life? Some are men, but most are women. Link to post Share on other sites
SupportiveGuy Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 As long as the guys won't bitch around because they're forced to pay child support that'd be no problem. There are tons of single mothers of multiple children who also work two jobs and go to college, and they don't need a man's money to do any of that. So many single women in my town, with little kids who show obvious signs of emotionally lacking the father figure in their lives. The research is almost done in the USA, they will soon have to form a family unit or get their kids taken away, it's just that important for the mental health of the children. The biggest reason not to just hook up with strangers is disease. The biggest reason I have heard from people who do it is that they simply can't handle the company of the opposite sex, and since sex is a basic need for a lot of people, that's what they end up doing. Of course, I am unbiased on the issue when it comes to other people, but I stay away from people who sleep around, even when they say they want to find the right person. There's always a reason why a person chooses to just have sexual relationships, and it's usually because they're not deep and kind and tolerant and accepting enough to be around anyone for long. Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 I see little evidence that people who indulge in sexually adventurous lifestyles don't end up causing trouble for themselves and others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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