My breakup

[Stuck0112]

hello my name is Sam (I feel like I'm in an AA class or something) and I have lost the love of my life. I dated this amazing guy for 6months. Yes I am young, and yes I will agree I have made bad decisions with guys in the past. Honestly though, I can truly say that I have screwed up royally.

 

The guy I used to date was the sweetest man in the world. He is sweet, kind, goofy, selfless, super intelligent, and stubborn. He is the best listener I've ever met and is super sensitive to people and their problems. The way we started out wasn't the best foundation in the world, but it happened and it was never a huge issue in our relationship. He cheated on his last girlfriend who he was pressured into dating by his evil (well get into this later) older brother. They were not compatible, she cheated on him first and told him she was going to, and they were both very much pressured into dating based on their older siblings (they dated so they thought it would be cute to set up their little sibilants with each others... It didn't work out).

 

So me and Ryan got together. It was such an amazing connection from the get go. However we made mistakes because of this, that of course I see now. 1) we did not give each other enough space. We spent every minute of the day together except for class. We had a ton of mutual friends so that was easy to do. However that has now put all parties involved in a really tight position.

 

2) we moved to quickly. By thee time we had broken up, he had met most of my extended family, as I had met a lot of his. I had stayed with him at his parents house. We had gone to a wedding together. We talked about a future together all the time.

 

3) his brother could and still cannot stand me. Although Ryan is mature in several aspects, when it comes to his brother he is very impressionable. Granted Ryan is young, as is a freshman in college, as his brother is a graduating senior, he has always looked up to his brother and followed exactly in his footsteps. However, when he started dating me I supported him in whatever he wanted to do. Ryan wanted to switch his major from what his brothers was to something completely different. His brother yelled at him, called him dumb, and told him he would never be successful unless he was in the same field or a similar field as him. I remember going up to his brother and tellin him, as Ryan walked away nearly in tears, that he really needed to support his brother. I told him how much than valued his support and opinion, and stressed the importance of letting him figure his life out for himself. I was told I lost him in this moment. His brother also misconstrued this later on down the line and got ryan to believe it.

 

Before the breakup, things were great. Granted we had our problems like any other couple, like bickering and fights due to being together so much, his brother was a constant battle, I was kind of nitpicky sometimes and got mad over dumb stuff. The usual. But besides this we were happy, like extremely happy. We had just gone on vacation together and had an amazing week together a few days prior to the breakup. However when we got back his brother started talking to him more, which led to the breaking apart of my personality.

 

Ryan and me got into a dumb fight the night before and I walked away like I usually did, but this time I went to my room and laid down and accidentally fell asleep. I woke up at 6 and walked down the Hall to his room and got in bed. We talked about the situation and argued for a bit, and Ryan said we needed to sit down and have a talk tomorrow and that he needed space from me. I unwillingly gave it to him, and was really mean about it, which I now know was dumb. We sat down and the end of the day and played Chess and talked. I made it clear that some thins he said to me last night were wrong and disrespectful and I wouldn't be spoken to that way ever again. He blurted out that he didn't want to be there anymore. I was shocked. I was weak and told him I would change anything and everything about me so that we could be together.

 

I am a really Strong person, I've been through some really hard things in my life, I am not usually weak, but I was. Ryan admittedly regurgitated his brothers reason for hating me as his reasons for breaking up with me. I was called manipulative, clingy, self centered, unstable, and the reason him as his brother and his Brother friend weren't hanging out with him. This didn't make sense because he was at all the events me And Ryan were at and even offered to drive us to these events. So most of this was untrue, although I personally see some things about myself I truly believe I can improve upon because these reasons got me thinking. In egged him to give me a week and he was set against It and cold. So we ended things.

 

This breakup is hard because we live down the hall from each other and have so many mutual friends we see Nearly every day. I think about how I have screwed up daily. I did the whole unintentional, intentional running into each-others, I blew up his texts, called. Dumb stuff. He is very cold and distant toward me now, however about a week ago we sat down and talked about the breakup, and his brother, and not getting people involved. I admitted what I did wrong in the relationship, he admitted to not yet takin any blame for anything because he was scared the second he did he would think his decision was bad.uve debunk dialed. And u miss home. I know people will tell me to move on but I refuse to.

 

Please help, he has recently told a mutual friend who favors me a little more thanh im. And se said he mentioned getting back together but not right now because he needs s space. So what do I done to get him back?

Edited April 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Ruby65]

I know people will tell me to move on but I refuse to.

 

I'm afraid it only takes ONE PERSON to end a relationship.... when that happens, when the person we're with decides it's over.... it's OVER. What can you do or say to get them back? Pretty much.... nothing. It's their choice and you can't make someone love you or want to be with you.

 

There's really nothing you can do at this point except give him the space to miss you and hope that one day he changes his mind.

 

In the meantime, you can work on yourself and healing. The more you get yourself back, the more attractive you're going to be to your ex -- and everyone else.

 

Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com

 

Good luck to you.