Oh.really. Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 We are officially broken up, with a couple go-backs which are ALWAYS painful. He stopped the sex and affection very suddenly, using our religion ar the reason which I know is crap, because he cheated after that. Im not angry about the cheating. Im angry about his lies about it, even when I found evidence. How long does the anger last? Link to post Share on other sites
mariekatie Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 We are officially broken up, with a couple go-backs which are ALWAYS painful. He stopped the sex and affection very suddenly, using our religion ar the reason which I know is crap, because he cheated after that. Im not angry about the cheating. Im angry about his lies about it, even when I found evidence. How long does the anger last? The anger will stop when you've moved on to a new person. But the damage will probably stay with you a LONG TIME. I've been cheated on many times, it builds up and now i'm a damaged person, i'm seeking help to recover though. It's not easy, after being cheated on, you will always be paranoid. I don't know how people overcome it but it always stays with me.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oh.really. Posted April 6, 2015 Author Share Posted April 6, 2015 Sweet and sensitive answer Marie. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 It depends on your view of this. Be grateful he wasn't having sex with you at the same time he was cheating, that he didn't carry this on for the whole duration of your relationship, that he didn't have multiple sex partners, that you found out instead of finding out when you were with child/married, be glad it's over and know he wasn't the one. Just tell yourself you deserve better and you will find someone who will be true to you. Sitting around rewinding this in your head will make you bitter and taint any new promising relationship you have. Keep telling yourself you are OK and today is a new day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I'm still dealing with it. I agree that it is the lying that bothers me more than the cheating. I haven't found anyone new so maybe that's the reason that I am still angry with him. I've been practicing trying to let the anger go and let him go. It's very hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 I'm sure you have some anger or hurt over the cheating. Who would not? Your boy friend put you second to another woman? You won't get over it. You'll never trust him the same way again. The simple truth is he's given you absolutely no reason too trust him again! He's shown you he's a dishonest person and does not respect you. If he did he would not lie and cheat. Trust is a lot like glass it takes a lot of work to produce a beautiful piece of glass. Once the glass is cracked it will never be the same again. It will never have the strength it once did. Once it is shattered into a million pieces it can never be put back together again the way it once was. You can glue it back together but there will always be visible scars of the damage it once sustained. There are a ton of men out there. Why waste your time with this guy? What makes him Ooo so special? You think there are not other men as attractive? As fun? As awesome? You can find everything he provides and honesty in a another man. Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 I'm a bit confused, how can you be broken up and it's still cheating? Disrespectful and selfish, yes, but technically the definition isn't fleeting? Maybe I'm just misunderstanding, could you clear it up for me? I do understand the anger though, but that's a whole different cup of tea. Getting over cheating can be as hard or easy as you make it, Often betrayal and lies hurt more than we admit, and people tend to try and fake it. Just remember that you are special, as everyone deserves complete serenity, Even if you get angry, and in your head toward him you scream obscenities. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 We are officially broken up, with a couple go-backs which are ALWAYS painful. He stopped the sex and affection very suddenly, using our religion ar the reason which I know is crap, because he cheated after that. Im not angry about the cheating. Im angry about his lies about it, even when I found evidence. How long does the anger last? It depends on how much time you had invested with this person combined with the amount of gaslighting or crap you had to put up with over the course of the relationship. For many, the lies that are spewed with a straight face are just as damaging as the physical act of cheating itself. For some it is even worse, especially if they have been exposed to the toxicity for a long time Everyone heals at their own pace. There is really no set timetable. If you were in the process of reconciling it would be a different matter but I gather you re trying to move on. Just remember to take time for yourself and to make your well being a priority and to not settle or feel like you have to rush into anything with anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 I disagree about saying the anger will stop once you've moved on to a new person. Or rather, I don't think that finding someone else is the ONLY way to get over someone. Especially since for me, a person shouldn't even be entertaining the idea of finding someone else until they are 100% over whoever cheated on them. It's not fair to anyone they might date in the future if they enter into a relationship still hung up on the creep who cheated on them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BrianSmith Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 The anger will eventually go away, you just got to let it go and possibly meet someone else. But the scar that person caused you will remain. For instance, now in days I have a harder time trusting people than I used to. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Don't use someone else as a rebound to get over being cheated on. That is not nice behaviour. If you were dating someone who was still angry at their ex, would you be happy with that? I very much doubt it. I certainly wouldn't. I would want someone who is emotionally stable and ready for a new relationship, not someone who is using me to get over being treated badly by their ex. How long it lasts varies very much from person to person and case to case. NC helps a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
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