about the jealousy

[sisa]

I understand she is angry and disappointed about the situation, but in fact I didn't expect she would told me she want to divorce. She told me she choose to separate now because she just can't stay with him and she feel more peaceful when not seeing him. she told me she discuss divorce issues with MM many times, but MM always reject it before but last month start saying yes and they agree for kids sake both should keep life stable and should not tell kids, which I understand.

 

She said after she divorce, I can marry him. I told her I wish he can be single and can date with me in heath way for a while, and we will see if we really fit.

[gettingstronger]

I am confused- in one post you said she was calm, in another you said she is angry-

 

I am wondering what will happen when she divorces him- he seems to want to have 2 women- would you accept her former role and be the wife while he has a mistress on the side?

[cozycottagelg]

I really don't like this guy.

 

I have always been very open minded on these boards despite not having experience with infidelity, and I am certain that poor choices don't make bad people...but I have a really hard time not feeling really sad for you. I feel like someone as loyal and patient as you seem to be, deserves someone amazing, not this clown.

[pheonixrisen]

I understand she is angry and disappointed about the situation, but in fact I didn't expect she would told me she want to divorce. She told me she choose to separate now because she just can't stay with him and she feel more peaceful when not seeing him. she told me she discuss divorce issues with MM many times, but MM always reject it before but last month start saying yes and they agree for kids sake both should keep life stable and should not tell kids, which I understand.

 

She said after she divorce, I can marry him. I told her I wish he can be single and can date with me in heath way for a while, and we will see if we really fit.

 

What did you expect ...when she is pushed in to a corner ...unlike you she did not accept this situation and ask to divorce it was your mm that refuse to give her up ...now again she chooses to leave ...your mm did not have a back bone to stand up for you and give up his wife ....or his love was not that deep ...she decided it for him ......so you got him by default if she chose to stay ...you would only be his ow. ..

 

you come across as almost telling us see ...He did not lie ..We will be together ...yes you will ride off into the sunset but only because she made their decision ...you will always wonder and hold resentment that he did not love enough to walk out himself ....

 

I am not trying to be rude or judge ..see this situation for what it is ..keep us posted if divorce goes through ..I somehow don't believe it will especially when it is not what he wants ...but stranger things have happened ....

[Cinnimon]

I can't imagine negotiating over a man, with a mans wife, in this fashion, or any fashion actually.

And the "I wish we could date for a while to see if it fits" comment just blew me away.

I think in the long run, you will be sitting down negotiating with someone else but this time you will be in the wife's shoes.

Best of luck to you all.

[sisa]

I am confused- in one post you said she was calm, in another you said she is angry-

 

I am wondering what will happen when she divorces him- he seems to want to have 2 women- would you accept her former role and be the wife while he has a mistress on the side?

 

she is angry about the situation, but when at the meetings both of us is clam.

[jellybean89]

I cannot understand what you see in this cheater.

 

I believe you are living in a fantasy land and one day, when he does to you what he is doing to his wife, you will finally see what a douche bag he is. By then, you will have wasted years on him. Do not have kids with him...not fair to those kids to be brought into this toxic mess.

[trolloperative]

Doubt he will divorce his wife. Especially now with her rejecting him, it is like an aphrodisiac for men. Add to that the thought of another man raising his children. Even if he does end up with you there will be a vacancy. You will never feel secure with him.

[sisa]

MM tell me he love me and her, even he treat me very good. I still don't understand why I get uneasy when he told me he love her. He told me he want both, and doesn't want to leave anyone. He say I should not feel bad about he love her because he love me too, he say it's just like he love both of his kids the same.

 

I never jealous about my siblings, but I don't know why I jealous her. MM say it's because society teach us this way. I start thinking this, is it really because we grow up in the one woman one man environment? He told me he is not mainstream person, he told me there must be a planet that one man has many wives and everybody is happy.

[whatatangledweb]

It is normal for you to feel the way you do. Someone you love has an emotionally connection to someone else also, and it hurts.

 

Why does he still tell you this when his wife is divorcing him? She told you she wouldn't share .

[sisa]

he told me this today, he said I should be very clear in this.

He don't want she disappear.

He still love and treasure her.

His perfect solution would be she and me get along well and share.

And she always has right to return even she devorce now.

he said I should not imagine he will forget her one day.

[purplesorrow]

He has given you a clear view of your future. It will never be just the two of you. Listen to him and decide if you are ready to live like that with him even after a divorce.

[Cinnimon]

So is he okay with the thought of you doing the same?

Having more than one man/husband?

[GollumsNightmare]

He told me he is not mainstream person, he told me there must be a planet that one man has many wives and everybody is happy.

 

Are you ready for him to share him with "many wives"? You DO realize that is his next move, right?

[IfWishesWereHorses]

You know, it should be OK for you to express YOUR feelings on this. I don't want to share, I don't like the way it makes me feel, I want a man to be faithful just to me, WHATEVER.... Why would you want to be in a R that is only about meeting the needs of him?

[Ruffian1]

I hope this cheater pays out richly to his wife in the divorce.

 

 

I hope her and the kids gets most of the possessions, money, etc.

I also hope she meets a new guy that really treats her right.

 

 

"he told me there must be a planet that one man has many wives and everybody is happy."

 

What an open minded man. So, Sisa are you aloud to have a man on the side as long as you love them equally? You know . . . . like he loves his kids?

[georgia girl]

MM tell me he love me and her, even he treat me very good. I still don't understand why I get uneasy when he told me he love her. He told me he want both, and doesn't want to leave anyone. He say I should not feel bad about he love her because he love me too, he say it's just like he love both of his kids the same.

 

I never jealous about my siblings, but I don't know why I jealous her. MM say it's because society teach us this way. I start thinking this, is it really because we grow up in the one woman one man environment? He told me he is not mainstream person, he told me there must be a planet that one man has many wives and everybody is happy.

 

Sisa,

 

 

I had given up on your posts, mostly because I get that I can't make you respect yourself or demand respect from him. You are so willing to sacrifice yourself at his feet for whatever crumbs you can get from him that you won't help yourself. It only frustrates me when I try to help you. Having said that, here's one last try:

 

 

Think about what he just said to you. In simple terms, its:

 

 

1) It isn't my wife who is making me stay with her. It's me. I want to. No excuses about the big bad wife making me stay. I simply want to stay.

2) I want at least two women in my life. I think I should be able to have "many wives." So, if you want to be one of many, come along and I'd love to have you around, but know you will be one of many - not just two.

3) Oh, and don't complain. This is my right. To love as many people as I wish. Because it is all about me. What I want. Your wants and needs don't matter.

 

 

And all of this crap about comparing love of children to love to a spouse. Sorry, but that's absolute crap! I love my siblings equally, I love my parents (now) equally. I can love only one man like I love my husband and I expect absolute fidelity from him. There is no one on earth that could hurt me or love me like my spouse. I am closer to no other human being and to think of trying to have that relationship and giving that much of myself to one person and having him spread it around is downright offensive.

 

 

Sisa, you don't want to be one of many wives. Its so clearly written in all of your posts that its painful to watch you struggle. You have it in your head that you have to put up with whatever crap this guy feeds you because if you don't, he'll leave. TRUST ME when I say that's the very best thing that could ever happen to you. You will eventually find someone who is worthy of your love and the next time, you won't be tortured by other wives, other women or any other of the manipulative stunts this guy pulls. I'm so sorry but he's a very, very bad man. I can't see one good thing in him. I just wish you could see him like we do.

[Ruffian1]

he toldme this today, he said I should be very clear in this.

He don't want she disappear.

He still love and treasure her

B]His perfect solution would be she and me get along well and share.And she always has right to return even she devorce now.

he said I should notimagine he will forget her one day."

 

One day, down the road, after you have lived with him for a good while, and the kids know exactly who you are, he is going to resent you at times. He will think about her every time you two have an argument or you try to stand up for yourself. He is not going to you happily but by a default way. Not good.

 

His perfect solution would be she and me get along well and share.

 

LOL, well at least he is honest that he likes eating and having his cake.

 

However I don't think he sees it as cake eating, but as something men have a right to, and dammit, if you (us) women would just cooperate, all would be perfect (for him and society).

 

 

And she always has right to return even she devorce now.

That should keep you on your toes. Keep doing the “pick me” dance, because you know he may just decide he wants to hang out with her again. You had better be perfect.

Andyou are planning getting pregnant right away, no?

That will change the dynamics between you two, and between him and his kids and xwife.

he said I should not imagine he will forget her one day

 

Get ready to have her in the picture for a long time, even if just in his head.

 

 

I never jealous about my siblings, but I don't know why I jealous her. MM say it's because society teach us this way.

No it is not because of society. It is the way most women who love and have babies with a man are. It is innate, it is instinctual , , , to not want another woman after his affection, attention and support.

 

 

I believe he is of a culture where it is encouraged for a man to have many wives, no? He has no problem with this ideology so you should not either.

 

 

Sisa, you are a grown woman. You know what you want and it is him.

Now you got him. You won. You will have to put your jealously aside and make nice with her and stuff the insecurity down and not say anything to him about it or he will get tired of it. Just accept your position, no jealousy or insecurity. He at least is being honest about it all with you.

Edited April 7, 2015 by Ruffian1

[sisa]

he doesnt want I love other, he said it's not woman nature. In fact I know I will never agree his multiple wives thoughts, it not my nature and I feel sad about it, however, I cannot leave him because besides this, he treat me good, his wife also told me he is serious with me, and he told her he love me and want me in his life. He wish I can understand him, see the good sides of it, he said he don't want hurt any because he love both, but if she want to leave or I want to leave, he will accept. But from his part, he will do best to keep both.

 

Leave it so difficult, half of the time I am unhappy but can't tell him, yes he start feel tired when I talk about it, I really can't understand why he can love many, I cant. Now we love each other and I can see he do something for me too, so it's hard to leave. I don't think I can leave him now, need to learn to accept it and less jealous, it's hard.

[MJJean]

he doesnt want I love other, he said it's not woman nature. In fact I know I will never agree his multiple wives thoughts, it not my nature and I feel sad about it, however, I cannot leave him because besides this, he treat me good, his wife also told me he is serious with me, and he told her he love me and want me in his life. He wish I can understand him, see the good sides of it, he said he don't want hurt any because he love both, but if she want to leave or I want to leave, he will accept. But from his part, he will do best to keep both.

 

Leave it so difficult, half of the time I am unhappy but can't tell him, yes he start feel tired when I talk about it, I really can't understand why he can love many, I cant. Now we love each other and I can see he do something for me too, so it's hard to leave. I don't think I can leave him now, need to learn to accept it and less jealous, it's hard.

 

You do know there are men who will both treat you well and who will love you and only you, right? This man is not the only man in the world, dear. There are many others who would make much better mates for you than a selfish man-child who is trying to manipulate and brainwash you into seeing love and romance in his twisted way.

[81West]

Einstein or somebody had a theory about this sort of thing.

 

Misery Quotient = (How long you stay in this mess) + (How long you eventually think about how long you stayed in this mess) * (the number of seasons of TLC's Sister Wives) squared

 

Ugh.

[MJJean]

I understand she is angry and disappointed about the situation, but in fact I didn't expect she would told me she want to divorce. She told me she choose to separate now because she just can't stay with him and she feel more peaceful when not seeing him. she told me she discuss divorce issues with MM many times, but MM always reject it before but last month start saying yes and they agree for kids sake both should keep life stable and should not tell kids, which I understand.

 

She said after she divorce, I can marry him. I told her I wish he can be single and can date with me in heath way for a while, and we will see if we really fit.

 

Have you considered that the reason why she doesn't want to be married to him anymore and feels at peace when he isn't around is because she has put up with his multiple woman fantasy life for so many years she is just worn down, damaged, and tired of it?

 

Take a real hard look at his wife. That's you in a few years.

 

And how in the hell do they plan on not telling the kids they're divorced and he is with you? Does he plan to hide you from his children for the rest of their childhoods? What is he going to tell the children if you're foolish enough to marry him? Just pretend you don't exist and you're not his wife?

 

If he loved his kids and didn't want to upset them with a divorce perhaps he should have stayed faithful to their mother.

 

If his wife loved her kids and didn't want to upset them perhaps she should have married a decent man who would honor his vows and set a good example for the children instead of running off and screwing anything in a skirt that was foolish enough to let him.

 

And what, pray tell, is your plan if you should become pregnant? What are you going to tell your own child about it's father, his ex wife, and it's half-siblings? What would you tell your own child when Daddy brings home his newest AP and asks you to accept her or he leaves you for the next silly girl?

Edited April 8, 2015 by MJJean

[adna89]

he told me this today, he said I should be very clear in this.

He don't want she disappear.

He still love and treasure her.

His perfect solution would be she and me get along well and share.

And she always has right to return even she devorce now.

he said I should not imagine he will forget her one day.

 

So he told you he will always accept her when she wants him back

 

what do u see in him seriously

[summerdowling87]

He doesn't want I love other,

Well why would he want to share you and give you the chance to find someone better than him?

 

He said it's not woman nature.

 

Of course he did.

 

 

In fact I know I will never agree his multiple wives thoughts

 

Why not he has one already and you're okay with it why not let him add as many as he wants?

[summerdowling87]

MM tell me he love me and her

He don't want she disappear.

He still love and treasure her.

His perfect solution would be she and me get along well and share.

And she always has right to return even she devorce now.

he said I should not imagine he will forget her one day.

 

Why are you accepting this?

 

How is he treating you good? Read the above I'm sorry but he's telling you and showing you that you'll never ever be his number one or his one and only.