Mr. Goodguy Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Well I posted on here a little while back about how quickly my marriage was ending and you guys were right on point there was another guy and 3 weeks ago she moved out of the house and in with a 25 year old guy. She is 43. Here is where I could use some solid advice. I am home with the boys. She comes by the house every night and cooks dinner for the boys and stays for about an hour and a half and leaves. My sons are 18 and 14. They know something is going on but not sure what exactly my wife is doing. My main concern is to keep the home steady and make their life as normal as possible. Other then the kids my wife wants no contact with me. I am assuming she is trying to show this guy after 25 years together there is really nothing left. There is so much I am leaving out but this has been a nightmare. So this past Saturday I know they are at the beach together so its hard but I am trying to stay occupied. Now I dont know if he is drunk or high but out of the blue at 11 pm Saturday evening I get the following text: Just so you and I are clear....you are to leave Caren alone. I know how controlling and screwed up you are. You talk to her about the kids the divorce and nothing more. If you cannot abide by something so simple and reasonable hell will become your reality. Take it as you wish. This is my last warning. After calling him he then told me if I can near his home he would put a bullet in my head. I made a report with the local authorities changed the locks on my house and told her that if he says anything else officer will show up there and at her job. My question is since I dont know what element she is mixed up in what is the next step as I am moving toward divorce and trying to make sure my boys are safe without totally alienating her from the boys? I was going to do the divorce on my own without an attorney just because of the money but I am not sure what to do at this point. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 First thing I would do is file charges for harassment against her bf. Have him arrested. He was dumb enough to do it over text,so play hardball. You don't need him around your kids.Hell, he's not much older THAN your kids. File and ask for exclusive use of the home and use this,and her abandonment as the "why?",in case she tries to work her way back in when things go south. Stop letting her come and cook. Give her the freedom she desires by stopping this now. You're only confusing the kids and they're old enough to hear the truth. You need an attorney. You can't do this on your own. Not with kids involved and so much at stake. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 This guy made two "terroristic threats" to you, one in writing, and one verbally via the phone line (the latter was a threat on your life). I am not in Law Enforcement, but these statements, especially, in combination, sound like the crime. Depending on the laws in your state, you must have choices. I understand it is a delicate balancing act trying to maintain a sense of a mother/children relationship whilst she carries on this unusual affair. However, you might want to re-consider the arrangement of her visiting for dinner every evening for your own sanity, at the very least - and seek legal council. From the threats of this guy, he appears to be somewhat of a creep, and might be capable of doing anything, if provoked. Just her coming to the house could be ticking him off. You don't know what the heck goes on in the head of a screw ball like this. Changing your locks isn't going to do anything to help you. Someone want to enter your house, they just put a brick through your window - that is not a big deal. The whole thing is weird. Especially her coming over every night to make dinner. How can you take that? That is a really confusing scenario. I'm not sure you are really helping the kids cope with the pending divorce via this nightly visit. I would send some hard reality their way, not "what will happen next time." The deed is done, the threat was made, the fear and concern are now the reality, period. I would take strong, unrelenting action, and bar her from the home as well -- with the assistance of an attorney. I would also press charges on this goon, if at all possible. And DO NOT make any more threats yourself. Don't talk about what you might do, TAKE ACTION. That is my take. Hope this perspective is helpful. Yas 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LifeNomad Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 hi Mr Goodguy, I think your sons have a right to know what is going on with you and their mom, take them out somewhere and have a talk with them, they need to understand what is going on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Changing your locks isn't going to do anything to help you. Someone want to enter your house, they just put a brick through your window - that is not a big deal. The whole thing is weird. Especially her coming over every night to make dinner. How can you take that? That is a really confusing scenario. I'm not sure you are really helping the kids cope with the pending divorce via this nightly visit. I would send some hard reality their way, not "what will happen next time." The deed is done, the threat was made, the fear and concern are now the reality, period. I would take strong, unrelenting action, and bar her from the home as well -- with the assistance of an attorney. I would also press charges on this goon, if at all possible. And DO NOT make any more threats yourself. Don't talk about what you might do, TAKE ACTION. Agree 100%, this isn't a normal divorce. How do you know the BF isn't driving her to your house and waiting down the block in case (in his mind) something happens? They could also be conspiring to set you up on a fabricated domestic violence charge. Forget the cost involved, you need an attorney. And working with your lawyer you need to strategize a way forward... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Goodguy Posted April 6, 2015 Author Share Posted April 6, 2015 Thank you for the advice. I am lo.oking at all the options. This hurts like nothing I have ever experienced before in my life. I will be moving forward on some of these suggestions. Thank you for taking time to respond 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Goodguy Posted April 6, 2015 Author Share Posted April 6, 2015 Mr. Lucky, Thanks for the observation. But she pulls in the driveway in her vehicle. I only come back home after she has left. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Mr. Lucky, Thanks for the observation. But she pulls in the driveway in her vehicle. I only come back home after she has left. That is not exactly a solution. Here are a couple possible outcomes you might consider that could happen by dealing with a run-away wife and people that make terroristic threats: 1. Maybe when you get home after she leaves from making the dinner, the kids won't be there. 2. Maybe you might get assaulted on you way back into the house. You know, people get arrested all the time for simply defending themselves. Should this punk show up and cause a confrontation, and you happen to punch his lights out (as you are likely a stronger, more physically, larger, grown man), who do you think is going to go to jail? This example follows what Mr. Lucky is getting at. The fact is, when you're dealing with violent, stupid idiots (especially young ones), you don't know who, what, when, where or what time a confrontation might occur. He could be down the street, or waiting for you in the back seat of your car, or even show up at your workplace. This terroristic threats he made are serious. I would not eff around with this nonsense. Your wife knows too much about you, and you don't know what BS she is spewing from her big mouth. This wife of your has to be kept off the premises - that is a no-brainer. She has chosen a new lifestyle with an apparently messed-up young man (18 years her junior), and that does not encompass playing "Suzy Homemaker" every night for an hour or so, while you are sent out of your own home. You can make dinner yourself for the kids. Get an attorney asap, and get the law on them before they set you up. You've been warned. Get out of denial, move on to the divorce. Cut contact with this crazy-making situation so you can think straight. That is my advice. Yas 3 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Wow. She picked a winner, didn't she? You owe her nothing. Your only obligation is to your sons. They are old enough to know what is going on (if they haven't already figured it out for themselves.) I agree with Yas that you should put a stop to her nightly visits to fix your sons' dinner. She gave up that right when she made such poor choices. If this guy is a threat to you, who is to say he's not also a threat to your sons? What if he gets jealous of the attention their mother pays to them (when they are only a few years younger than this overt mistake of hers?) Also, when she comes crawling back once she realizes the err of her ways (and I believe she will), don't take her back! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Goodguy Posted April 6, 2015 Author Share Posted April 6, 2015 Thank you for your responses. I will weigh each one out and make sure to protect myself and my boys. She wont take the boys because that will interfere with her party lifestyle right now. I am talking to an attorney now. I dont want to stop her from seeing the boys until I get a strategy from the attorney that I can start implementing right away 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 LOL she picked a good one. Get a restraining order to keep him away from your boys, he served himself on a silver platter to you. And yes, don't leave anything to her. Get an attorney, be on the safe side. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LifeNomad Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 i would also say to save all the messages obviously but go 1 step further and screenshot them and then even more further email those screenshots to your own personal email that she doesn't have access too as a backup. Good luck man, be a good dad and that's all that matters. If you know in your heart your being a good father to your kids and they will remember that when they are older that's all you need. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Tell her what her friend did and ask her to keep him away from you. Keep interactions with her to a bare minimum. Only what is necessary for scheduling and kids. You are doing a good job keeping life normal for your sons. Keep doing that. If the guy calls or texts you again, tell him not to contact you again. If he does, then follow up with a restraining order or whatever you have to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Agree 100%, this isn't a normal divorce. How do you know the BF isn't driving her to your house and waiting down the block in case (in his mind) something happens? They could also be conspiring to set you up on a fabricated domestic violence charge. Forget the cost involved, you need an attorney. And working with your lawyer you need to strategize a way forward... Mr. Lucky Oh yes, please do this and perhaps determine what exposure the 14 year old has to have to him. Sorry-what a mess. She is bound to be sorry later, but hopefully, you won't care by then. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Controlled, supervised visits. Your wife is NOT the woman you married, she's so messed up and her OM is nuts, and dangerous. Glad you are speaking to a lawyer. Make sure OM is NO WHERE near your kids. He's an idiot for threatening you to begin with, and very stupid to be texting you. Duh, evidence he is just handing over to help you win your case on just how unfit your wife is to be around the kids alone. Your 18 year old is going to start asking questions so make sure you have some family counseling lined up to help with what's been going on. Your younger one might ask questions too but not be able to understand the realm of it all with his mom. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Goodguy Posted April 7, 2015 Author Share Posted April 7, 2015 Thank you everyone. This site and your insights is priceless. If any of you are ever in Orlando it would be my absolute pleasure to buy you a drink. Thank you again 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Get yourself a VAR (Voice Activated Recorder) and keep it on your body at all times. To CYA (Cover Yer A**) in case she tries to pull some chit, yell and scream, and then claim you hit her. Without proof you go to jail and her and OM can move in. And yes most definitely your boys are old enough and have a right to know who broke up their family. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Goodguy Posted April 7, 2015 Author Share Posted April 7, 2015 Well guys I will be retaining an attorney tomorrow morning to get this moving thanks again for all of you help and insight. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Well guys I will be retaining an attorney tomorrow morning to get this moving thanks again for all of you help and insight. That's good news and a wise decision. Keep us posted on the developments... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Goodguy Posted April 9, 2015 Author Share Posted April 9, 2015 I will Mr Lucky and thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
Movingforward2 Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 I feel for you man. I would talk to the boys and explain to them what is going on. Under no circumstance would I let your ex-wife into the house. She moved out, it's yours. I learned that the hard way when I moved out of my home, and now having to sell it because I didn't fight over it......Man, tough situation. I would probably kick the 25 year old's ass, but that would not do you much good. Some crazy people out there. Seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
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