Is this some clear cut BS or what?

[sfranklin]

Alright, so my girlfriend of about 8 months did something last night I don't think I'm going to be able to accept. Girl gets out of work at 8PM, we text, she lets me know she's going to the bar by herself to grab a drink. I've never known her to go to the bar by herself to grab a drink, I found it strange that she was doing this, so I protested a little bit. After that she said "fine" she changed her mind, and was just going to go home. I was still a little suspicious that she wasn't being completely honest with me so I swung by the bar just to see if she was there. She wasn't. She texts me again a few minutes later, lets me know she's back at her place and is just going to stay in for the night.

 

So I head into work. 9PM.

 

2AM rolls around and I get a call from a buddy of mine who lets me know that he just randomly saw my girlfriend and "Steve"(guy we work with) walking into Steve's house. Now my girlfriend is 22. Steve is 33. She really wants to believe that Steve is her friend. Needless to say, I've been somewhat suspicious of him in the past, but she's mentioned him before, doesn't act shady when the three of us are in the break room together, doesn't hide that she talks to him, etc. And outside of very minor inquiries into their relationship like "you don't think it's strange that a 33 year old man wants a 22 year old as a friend?", I've generally been pretty tolerant to the couple times they've hung out.

 

So having this information I text her...

 

Me: "hey you still up, anything going on?"

(....25 minute radio silence)

Girlfriend: "sorry I was taking a nap"

Me: "oh you're at home?"

Girlfriend: "yeah just laying in bed"

Me: "oh did you do anything tonight"

(.....15 minute radio silence)

Girlfriend: "No just been at home watching TV"

Me: "oh must be nice"

Girlfriend: "are you getting out of work at 4AM or 5AM tonight"

me: "5AM, why"

(...30 minute radio silence)

 

So I spend the remaining 2 hours of my shift in absolute fury.

 

After I got out of work, I called her up, she picked up right away, wide awake, and I asked her again if she went anywhere/did anything that night to which she replied "No, after I got out of work I had to drop the car off for my mom and then Steve drove me home, been home ever since." She didn't even mention the bar situation let alone the fact she clearly went to Steve's house. So I drive to her house (she's outside smoking a cigarette and her hair was damp for some reason) and I called her out, let her know that I knew she was lying, and wanted to know why she was lying. She denied everything at first but then admitted that she went to Steve's house for a few hours to watch a movie. When I asked her why she didn't just tell me that, she said because she didn't want me to get upset. We sat in silence for a while, she apologized, swore nothing happened, and reiterated that they were "just friends."

 

I'm still not convinced. Don't think I can be. Any input?

[d0nnivain]

Stop playing games & trying to trap her. Sit her down, tell her your other friend saw her with Steve. Ask her to explain. If you believe the explanation, fine. If you don't break up with her.

[dreamingoftigers]

Either way she gave you a totally bs lie.

 

Bye bye trust.

 

NEXT.

[badpenny]

Quite. What d0nnivain and DoT both said.

 

It's pointless playing mind-games because all they really do is mess with YOUR mind and make you angrier.

 

Just confront her, ask her to be 100% honest with you - and if you still don't buy it - or find the 'truth' unpalatable - end it.

[sfranklin]

Either way she gave you a totally bs lie.

 

Bye bye trust.

 

NEXT.

 

Yeah this is definitely the bigger problem. Whether or not she did anything, she was still very comfortable with flat out lying to me.

[lolablue17]

4 things bothers me:

 

1. she is a liar.

2. she is a liar.

3. she is a liar.

4. she is a liar.

 

I would leave her only for the first reason, and you have four...

 

When she says they just watched a movie - What is the value of her words? ZERO! That's the problem with lies - You will never know the truth with her ever again.

 

She lied because she didn't want to upset you. And after that she admitted only the facts you already know. So a can assure you she slept with him and doesn't want to tell you because she doesn't want to upset you.

 

You lost this R. It's over. But you can maintain your self respect by dumping her. Let her go to Steve as much as she likes...

[Diezel]

She lied, one way or the other. Just dump her, at this point, anything else is pointless.

 

"She watched a movie with Steve."

 

Sure, that's the least of what they did. Sorry buddy, but regardless of whether that is true or not, she still lied anyway. She thought she could get away with it too.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, get rid of her. You know she lied, and tried to deny it. Why would you want to continue a relationship with someone you know isn't honest? It's over.

 

For what it's worth, I would imagine she was planning to go to the bar with Steve, and that they likely did. Then went home together. You do the math from there.

[smackie9]

She was doing something inappropriate for someone that is in a relationship. I have male friends but I would never go over to their place alone to watch a movie. She has over stepped her boundaries, disrespected you and the relationship, she needs to go.

[No Limit]

Red flags everywhere. I think you already know what you should do.

[Friskyone4u]

Total bull. She slept with him, ce home , and took a shower .

Tell her you know she is lying and that she can have him.

My guess is she will say ok

She just told you more lies more times than I can count.

[pteromom]

Two reasons she may have lied:

 

- Because she was up to no good with Steve

 

- Because she knew that telling you would lead to a huge fight and accusations and tears and screaming and craziness.

 

So, which is it?

 

I am not condoning her lying, but if you don't give her a safe place to share the truth, it makes the lie at least a little understandable.

 

Just something to think about.

[MoreFire]

I hope you don't really believe the "movie " BS . She was f-8£&g with Steve . Point blank.

Why y'all even trying to explain how it's not appropriate to watch a movie with a male friend when we all know the damn tv was off .

[Space Ritual]

Alright, so my girlfriend of about 8 months did something last night I don't think I'm going to be able to accept. Girl gets out of work at 8PM, we text, she lets me know she's going to the bar by herself to grab a drink. I've never known her to go to the bar by herself to grab a drink, I found it strange that she was doing this, so I protested a little bit. After that she said "fine" she changed her mind, and was just going to go home. I was still a little suspicious that she wasn't being completely honest with me so I swung by the bar just to see if she was there. She wasn't. She texts me again a few minutes later, lets me know she's back at her place and is just going to stay in for the night.

 

So I head into work. 9PM.

 

2AM rolls around and I get a call from a buddy of mine who lets me know that he just randomly saw my girlfriend and "Steve"(guy we work with) walking into Steve's house. Now my girlfriend is 22. Steve is 33. She really wants to believe that Steve is her friend. Needless to say, I've been somewhat suspicious of him in the past, but she's mentioned him before, doesn't act shady when the three of us are in the break room together, doesn't hide that she talks to him, etc. And outside of very minor inquiries into their relationship like "you don't think it's strange that a 33 year old man wants a 22 year old as a friend?", I've generally been pretty tolerant to the couple times they've hung out.

 

So having this information I text her...

 

Me: "hey you still up, anything going on?"

(....25 minute radio silence)

Girlfriend: "sorry I was taking a nap"

Me: "oh you're at home?"

Girlfriend: "yeah just laying in bed"

Me: "oh did you do anything tonight"

(.....15 minute radio silence)

Girlfriend: "No just been at home watching TV"

Me: "oh must be nice"

Girlfriend: "are you getting out of work at 4AM or 5AM tonight"

me: "5AM, why"

(...30 minute radio silence)

 

So I spend the remaining 2 hours of my shift in absolute fury.

 

After I got out of work, I called her up, she picked up right away, wide awake, and I asked her again if she went anywhere/did anything that night to which she replied "No, after I got out of work I had to drop the car off for my mom and then Steve drove me home, been home ever since." She didn't even mention the bar situation let alone the fact she clearly went to Steve's house. So I drive to her house (she's outside smoking a cigarette and her hair was damp for some reason) and I called her out, let her know that I knew she was lying, and wanted to know why she was lying. She denied everything at first but then admitted that she went to Steve's house for a few hours to watch a movie. When I asked her why she didn't just tell me that, she said because she didn't want me to get upset. We sat in silence for a while, she apologized, swore nothing happened, and reiterated that they were "just friends."

 

I'm still not convinced. Don't think I can be. Any input?

 

Yep, I suggest you do it classy like Old Space Ritual would do it. And Relish every moment of it:)

 

Tell her you are going to go out for a nice evening and then drive to Steve's house and open the door and tell her to get the hell out of your car. When she freaks out and starts with all the drama just tell her "I said I was going out for a nice evening, that means without you. Say Hi to Steve for me and wish him the best of luck because you are his problem now".

 

And drive away.....

 

Seriously man, this one is a no brainer. She screwed around on you, lied and then when busted only admitted to what you could prove and then minimized it. Your relationship is D.O.A. Get rid of her or you will regret it.

[dreamingoftigers]

Yep, I suggest you do it classy like Old Space Ritual would do it. And Relish every moment of it:)

 

Tell her you are going to go out for a nice evening and then drive to Steve's house and open the door and tell her to get the hell out of your car. When she freaks out and starts with all the drama just tell her "I said I was going out for a nice evening, that means without you. Say Hi to Steve for me and wish him the best of luck because you are his problem now".

 

And drive away.....

 

Seriously man, this one is a no brainer. She screwed around on you, lied and then when busted only admitted to what you could prove and then minimized it. Your relationship is D.O.A. Get rid of her or you will regret it.

 

That's kind of.... yeah.... don't do that.

 

Dump her. Get mad about it.

 

Tell Steve he's a loser.

 

But don't do that. But it is funny.

[Spectre]

Two reasons she may have lied:

 

- Because she was up to no good with Steve

 

- Because she knew that telling you would lead to a huge fight and accusations and tears and screaming and craziness.

 

So, which is it?

 

I am not condoning her lying, but if you don't give her a safe place to share the truth, it makes the lie at least a little understandable.

 

Just something to think about.

 

It's actually not understandable either way. If she does not feel safe in talking with her boyfriend then she should not be with the guy. It's that simple. I don't even know why you are talking about how this might of been because of him. This girl is straight up shady. Even if you remove her lie from the equation, she went over to another guys house alone to watch a movie with him, all while she has a boyfriend.

 

There is really nothing understandable here. If she didn't tell him because she felt it would lead to a huge fight that kind of makes it worse. It means she KNEW it would upset him and decided to do it anyways. Seeing a movie with this other dude was THAT important to her. So I don't get the "it's understandable" argument.

 

Think about this for a second. What you are saying is that she possibly lied to her boyfriend about going out alone with some dude to watch a movie with him because she knew the boyfriend would get upset. The thing is, this might be more acceptable if what she was doing was minor and nothing to legitimately get upset over and she feared he might over react, but being pissed your gf spent the night alone watching a movie with some dude would by no means be an over reaction.

 

Basically, to the OP: Dump this chick. Forget about the lying for a second and realize this is a girl who thinks it is okay for her to spend several hours alone with another man even though she has a boyfriend. I don't care if she is the most honest person ever born, you still get rid of a woman who thinks like that. Even if nothing happened with Steve, you don't stay with a girl this clueless.

Edited April 7, 2015 by Spectre

[Diezel]

I am not condoning her lying, but if you don't give her a safe place to share the truth, it makes the lie at least a little understandable.

 

Just something to think about.

 

You are missing the point. She shouldn't need a safe place to share the truth.

 

She shouldn't be lying in the first place. Specially about "watching TV with Steve". There is NO safe place for that.

 

Just something to think about.

[Spectre]

I honestly don't even get why the notion of her not saying anything because she didn't feel "safe" was brought up. If the OP talked about him having a history of acting extremely possessive or something like that..yeah, I could see it. But someone just sort of plucked that theory out of thin air. I see no real point in that, I don't think anyone was needed to play any type of devils advocate here to suggest that the OP might somewhat be at fault here.

 

Plus like I said, if seeing a movie with some dude is sooo important to her she lies to her boyfriend about it..it's best to cut her loose anyways.

[Space Ritual]

I am not condoning her lying, but if you don't give her a safe place to share the truth, it makes the lie at least a little understandable

 

You understand, that is CONDONING the Lie?

 

I think someone has been watching a few too many Diane Lane movies...Sheesh.

[sfranklin]

Yeah just so it's clear, I never forbade her from hanging out with the guy or threatened punishment if she did. i just wanted everything to be on the level. Evidently that was too much to ask. Appreciate all your comments.

[italianjob]

Really? You are allright with your GF seeing other men one-on-one? Do you go out on dates with other girls, too? I think you might be reaping what you sowed here...

 

She's been lying to you

1. Because she knows you're beginning to be suspicious.

2. Because she's hang ing with him A LOT. Probably she's with him a lot of the times she tells you she's alone.

 

And to be frank, they're not just watching movies. I think you are the clueless one, not her... Sorry.

[sfranklin]

Really? You are allright with your GF seeing other men one-on-one? Do you go out on dates with other girls, too? I think you might be reaping what you sowed here...

 

She's been lying to you

1. Because she knows you're beginning to be suspicious.

2. Because she's hang ing with him A LOT. Probably she's with him a lot of the times she tells you she's alone.

 

And to be frank, they're not just watching movies. I think you are the clueless one, not her... Sorry.

 

Not so much COMPLETELY alright with it, but you gotta have trust in a relationship. If the girls up front with me about her male friends I don't have to invent a problem where there isn't one. After this major lie here though, it's clear to me that there is(and probably was) some impropriety going on.

 

Gave her a chance, what more can I say.

 

Ironically, she was always jealous/suspicious of my female friends as well. But these are girls I've known 15 years, theyre more like sisters at this point. I also never hid if/when I was hanging out with them.

 

Now the bigger question. DO I CALL THIS DUDE OUT?

Edited April 7, 2015 by sfranklin

[ExpatInItaly]

Not so much COMPLETELY alright with it, but you gotta have trust in a relationship. If the girls up front with me about her male friends I don't have to invent a problem where there isn't one. After this major lie here though, it's clear to me that there is(and probably was) some impropriety going on.

 

Gave her a chance, what more can I say.

 

Ironically, she was always jealous/suspicious of my female friends as well. But these are girls I've known 15 years, theyre more like sisters at this point. I also never hid if/when I was hanging out with them.

 

Now the bigger question. DO I CALL THIS DUDE OUT?

 

What's the point, and why is that the bigger question?

 

You know she's a liar. I don't see what you'll gain by confronting this guy too. He'll probably be all smug that he got her to come home with him; clearly he knew she wasn't single and he didn't care. I don't think he'll care now either.

[Diezel]

The bigger question is: Why haven't you dumped her yet?

[elaine567]

Not so much COMPLETELY alright with it, but you gotta have trust in a relationship. If the girls up front with me about her male friends I don't have to invent a problem where there isn't one. After this major lie here though, it's clear to me that there is(and probably was) some impropriety going on.

 

Gave her a chance, what more can I say.

 

Ironically, she was always jealous/suspicious of my female friends as well. But these are girls I've known 15 years, theyre more like sisters at this point. I also never hid if/when I was hanging out with them.

 

Now the bigger question. DO I CALL THIS DUDE OUT?

 

Dont go calling anyone out, if he is f*cking her he will find it funny and if he isn't he will also find it funny. Do not give him the satisfaction.

Do not get yourself into a fight you may not win, a criminal record is no fun and she may just say adiós to you anyway. It is not worth it.

 

BUT I have to say this, those "sisters" may not seem like "sisters" to her. Yes she did wrong but maybe there is a bit of a tit for tat thing going on here.