We CAN be more than Friends! A positive update...

[SecretlySensitive]

So, I started up this thread almost six months ago (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/498432-can-we-ever-more-than-friends) and I'm very happy to be back with a positive update.

 

 

First of all, I better warn those who don't like long posts to stop reading now as this post is over the last almost half a year so it's even longer than my original post.

 

 

My last post was to say how I'd made good progress with Emma that weekend. I'd spent a night with her where it was just us two for most of it and it had ended with getting her phone number. Getting her number was definitely a turning point for me as I wouldn't be where I am today if it hadn't have happened. We've had plenty of ups and downs since though.

 

 

So after her text the next day saying she had a good night and was looking forward to next weekend, I didn't hear from her all week. I wasn't too worried though. She text me on Friday morning checking if I was still out and telling me what time she'd be there. I saw her that night but things seemed different to the previous week. She was nowhere near as talkative. Other than us greeting each other and talking for about fifteen minutes, we spent the whole night on separate sides of the room with our groups of friends. I did throw her a glance every now and then and I'm pretty sure I caught her looking at me once or twice. Towards the end of the night, I found myself standing next to one of her friends named Laura(who I'd met the week before) while I was getting a round of drinks in. We spoke for a little while and I thought she was being very flirty (though, as I've said before, I'm useless with reading signs). Emma left much earlier than me and without saying goodbye. I was pretty sure she wasn't interested in me by now and the week before seemed like a distant memory. I figured either I was seeing things that weren't there, or Emma had had too much to drink and that's why she was interacting more with me.

 

 

So I couldn't go out the next weekend as I was going on a big weekender away with a large group of friends the following week and needed to save up. Having not heard from Emma all week, she once again text me on the Friday morning asking if I was going to be out that night. I told her I wouldn't be because I didn't have the money. Then, on Monday, she text inviting me to her birthday night out that Saturday night. I told her I couldn't as I was going away with my friends. I felt bad for turning her down twice in quick succession and didn't want her to think I wasn't into her so I decided to say, "I'm sorry I can't, maybe I can take you out and make it up to you?" I thought this would be a great opportunity to take her out on a date where we'd be one on one, no loud music, no alcohol and no friends with us. Her reply was, "Don't be silly, you don't need to do that. Have a good weekend, I'll see you soon." Once again, I took this as a knockback but accepted it and went and had a very enjoyable weekend away with my friends.

 

 

It had been almost two weeks since Emma's polite refusal to go on a date with me when I bumped into her in the club on a Friday night back home. We hadn't text at all in that time, other than me wishing her a happy birthday and her reply of thanks. When I saw her, we had a good chat, with her asking how my weekend was and me how her birthday was. We both said we had a lot of fun and Emma mentioned it was a shame I couldn't come to her birthday. I said "Well, my offer to take you out is still on the table." This was sort of meant as a joke but I was hoping for a response. She laughed and asked what kind of date it would be. I said I'd just take her for dinner and there'd be "no funny business" (again, joking). She then did that beautiful smile she does, nodded her head and said "Okay...but only if we go to Nandos so I can prove to you that it's brilliant." Nandos is a very popular restaurant over here in England and Emma goes there often. I've never really seen the big deal with it and think it's overrated. Emma and I had playfully argued over it once before. I obviously agreed and we arranged for me to pick her up that Wednesday evening as that was the next time we were both free. We spent most of the rest of the night together and with me finally getting to take her out soon, I felt great. She even text me the next day saying she was looking forward to it.

 

 

However, on Tuesday evening, Emma suddenly text me to tell me that she wouldn't be able to go out with me the next night. She said she had been ill the past couple of days. She apologised for letting me know so late but said she was hoping she'd get better. Now, we were in late November/early December and a lot of people were ill at the time so she could easily have been telling the truth. I obviously felt she was lying though and took it as confirmation that she wasn't interested in being more than friends. I pretended I believed her, told her it was okay and wished her better. I was very disappointed. However, the next time Emma and I crossed paths, things finally took a turn for the better.

 

 

So I text Emma on Friday morning asking how she was feeling and if she would be out that night and she said she would be. When I saw her, we were fine with each other. She once again apologised for cancelling the date. On this night, we were both with only one friend each and, as luck would have it, they happened to hit it off. My friend and her friend eventually moved onto the dance floor and Emma suggested we join them. I'm not normally one to dance on a night out unless I'm drunk as I would make a fool of myself, but I obviously took the chance and me and Emma went on the dance floor. We were looking at our friends, laughing and jokingly copying everything they did. When my friend noticed this, he went straight in for the kiss (I owe him so much for that!) When we saw this, Emma and I looked at each other and laughed before she said, "Well, we can't have them beating us can we?" An obvious sign, even to me! Again, I'm not normally one that would kiss a girl in a room full of people, but I wasn't going to let the opportunity pass! I leaned in for the kiss and, thankfully, she responded. It was the most passionate kiss I'd ever had and we spent the rest of the night together, talking and kissing every now and then!

 

 

Since then, Emma and I have started up a relationship. We went on our first date shortly afterwards and it went perfectly, we exchanged gifts at Christmas time and we even spent New Year's together! For New Year's, my family had a party at my house and we even did the cheesy thing of kissing at midnight, though it was in private outside and under the stars rather than inside with my noisy relatives around! We now spend most Friday nights at either of our houses rather than getting hammered in clubs! We each get along really well with each others family too, which is important.

 

 

As for when did we do the deed? Well, it took much longer than I'd hoped! I'm currently sharing a bedroom with my brother and she shares with her sister so it's obviously impossible to stay at each other's house and do anything. She did stay over one night but we just cuddled. No matter how badly I might have wanted it, I'm not sick enough to have sex with my girlfriend while my little brother is asleep in the same room! I decided to book us a hotel for Valentine's weekend and I'm proud to say that we spent most of our time in bed! It was amazing. I'm actually glad we waited so long because I grew to love her even more over our couple of months together and the sex was and is the best I've ever had! Since then, we manage to find time when we both have a day off work and do our thing at whoever's place is free! Again, I realise that sounds really teenage-ish but it's our current living situations and we have to work around it if we want any action!

 

 

I'm happy to say that Emma and I have been a couple for four months now and it's fantastic. It's the longest real relationship and certainly the most serious I've been in. The happiest I've been in ages. I could never have imagined this would have happened when I started the original thread but I'm so glad it did.

 

 

Emma has since admitted that she lied about being ill when she cancelled our date. She said she did it because she thought I liked her friend Laura and vice-versa. Laura had told Emma that she thought I was a really nice guy when she met me and Emma had saw us talking that night. Plus, I had apparently 'liked' a Facebook photo Laura had put up of herself, which I didn't realise was a big deal at the time! Apparently, after she had cancelled our date, she felt bad for lying and was down about it. She confessed this to Laura and told her the reasons and apparently her response was. "Likes me? Are you crazy? He so obviously likes you! I only told you he was nice that time cause I wanted you to go for it!" After some time being convinced, that's when Emma decided she liked me and should go for it.

 

 

I'd like to finish up by thanking everybody who contributed with advice or opinions on the original thread. Some of it really helped build my confidence. I've not shown Emma the thread as it's far too embarrassing but maybe one day I will and she can thank those of you who sorted me out! And to those who find themselves in similar situations to the one I was in, don't give up. Believe me, if it can happen to me, it can happen to you! Good luck!

 

 

Thanks again, guys. God Bless.

[Wombat88]

Congrats. There's nothing that says friends can never be anything more. I was friends with my wife for 3 years before we became anything more. It's certainly easier than dating a stranger, because you've already done the whole "getting to know you" thing, and know that you are both compatible on some level. Good luck.

[todreaminblue]

Congratulations ... a very sweet story....

 

 

i have always though relationships from friendship can be awesome..doesnt have to be sex all the way either... some things are meant to be special and i believe making love is one of them...as is getting to know someone and gradually seeing all they are ...and loving every minute fo knowing them better..like unwrapping an eternal birthday present but not once a year and every day..smilin....have a great day...deb

[SecretlySensitive]

Congrats. There's nothing that says friends can never be anything more. I was friends with my wife for 3 years before we became anything more. It's certainly easier than dating a stranger, because you've already done the whole "getting to know you" thing, and know that you are both compatible on some level. Good luck.

 

 

I totally agree that it's easier than dating a stranger. My first date with Emma was by far the smoothest date I've ever had because we already knew each other pretty well and had lots to talk about. Normally before a date I'd be nervous as hell but I was so comfortable with her. At the same time, it wasn't like two friends hanging out because we both knew there was a mutual attraction there.

 

 

The love between friends is always there, so when you start up a relationship it's like you're months ahead than you would be by meeting someone new.

[SecretlySensitive]

Congratulations ... a very sweet story....

 

 

i have always though relationships from friendship can be awesome..doesnt have to be sex all the way either... some things are meant to be special and i believe making love is one of them...as is getting to know someone and gradually seeing all they are ...and loving every minute fo knowing them better..like unwrapping an eternal birthday present but not once a year and every day..smilin....have a great day...deb

 

 

Like I said in my very first post, I was attracted to Emma from the day I met her. Almost ten years ago and I've only recently made my move. It's crazy how things can turn out. She says she liked me too but never had any inkling I was interested in being more than friends. We both still remember being 13 and her best friend (who was also my best friend's girlfriend) pushing us together in the playground and jokingly implying that we should start something up! Now we can laugh about it and wonder why we were wasting all this time on short-term, meaningless relationships when we could have been with each other all along.

 

 

I'd always thought attempting to make the jump from friends to lovers was far too complicated to risk. Making a move could ruin the friendship. With Emma, I eventually realised that I cared about our friendship and didn't want to lose it but I cared more about trying for something more. A couple of my friends have asked what I'm gonna do if it all ends in tears and I'm sure some of Emma's have done the same but they don't understand that neither of us even think like that.

 

 

Because it means a lot more, the sex is easily the best I've ever had. Not to go into too much detail, but she's the first woman I've been with where I've honestly cared more about making her feel good than myself. Having said that, she certainly makes me feel good!

 

 

I've never been the type of guy to get all mushy but it's an amazing feeling when you're with someone you truly care about and, yes, love.

[Wombat88]

At the same time, it wasn't like two friends hanging out because we both knew there was a mutual attraction there.

Yet in a way, it is kind of like hanging out with a friend, and that's why it works so well. What is a relationship anyways other than deep friendship plus attraction? I never felt like I was "dating" my wife at any point - none of the awkwardness, trying too hard to impress each other, or the silly waiting games that we are both terrible at anyways, and knew that about each other because we had talked about it before. Instead of playing stupid games and eating ourselves up with worry and insecurity as many new couples do, we have always been able to just talk to each other about what's going on.

[preraph]

Great news! Have lots of fun together and build lots of fun memories.

[SecretlySensitive]

Yet in a way, it is kind of like hanging out with a friend, and that's why it works so well. What is a relationship anyways other than deep friendship plus attraction? I never felt like I was "dating" my wife at any point - none of the awkwardness, trying too hard to impress each other, or the silly waiting games that we are both terrible at anyways, and knew that about each other because we had talked about it before. Instead of playing stupid games and eating ourselves up with worry and insecurity as many new couples do, we have always been able to just talk to each other about what's going on.

 

 

I kind of meant that it was clear to both of us that we weren't just doing the friends thing and it was more than that but I found myself nodding along with everything you said there. It was by far the easiest date I've ever had, in terms of not being nervous of how to behave or what to say. No awkwardness. No mind games. I knew her sense of humour so I knew what kind of jokes and stuff I could get away with. I knew her hobbies and she knew mine so there was never any awkward silence. It went so smoothly that the obligatory end of the night kiss just came naturally rather than me being anxious and wondering if she wants it or not as I would usually have done!

 

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't advise people to strictly try to date friends because getting to know a new person can be a lot of fun also. But if you're like me and haven't had a whole lot of experience in the dating scene, it's a lot easier with somebody you already know so much about.

[SecretlySensitive]

Great news! Have lots of fun together and build lots of fun memories.

 

Thank you!

 

 

Emma and I have already built so many fun memories together that the bad ones in previous relationships aren't such a memory now!