60sdreamgirl Posted April 15, 2005 Share Posted April 15, 2005 guys-- got a question for ya: if a girl you were dating (pretty platonically, not much physical intimacy because it hadn't gotten to that level yet) for like a year, and then you cheated on her for whatever reason, she got mad and left, you realized you really missed being with her and felt sh**ty for cheating on her and grabbed an opportunity to apologize, which she took coldly... then later, she comes back and tells you she really loves you, but you're with another girl now... would you ever consider getting back together with her? or would this girl seem really unstable to you, and you'd just flat out forget it? any thoughts? by the way, the girl is me Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted April 15, 2005 Share Posted April 15, 2005 Depends on how I felt about her when we were together. I would probably question her love for me after she was cold and wonder what her motives are. I doubt I would get back with her and just move on.... Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted April 15, 2005 Share Posted April 15, 2005 If the relationship was "pretty platonic," I would consider that to be the same kind of friendship as with my golfing, fishing, and poker-playing buddies - my men friends. Which is to say that there is not the exclusiveness in the relationship where I would feel constrained from seeing other women. In a relationship, I would want a semblance of an understanding about what kind it is, & what's expected. In this particular case (being with another woman now), I'm assuming the relationship is more serious & exclusive, & not "pretty platonic." Which means that for the present, at least, I would consider myself unavailable to others, except for being platonic. I do wish you well, in any case. ___________________________________________ Make something idiot-proof, and they will simply invent a better idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 60sdreamgirl Posted April 15, 2005 Author Share Posted April 15, 2005 let's assume you wanted more in the relationship and she was too uptight to go into that phase because she just got out of a bad relationship sooo basically you still wanted more (physically) with her, and then it ended badly/weirdly when you cheated on her... would you still just forget about it, when she came back to you saying she wanted the relationship back (more than platonically)? Link to post Share on other sites
mixwell Posted April 15, 2005 Share Posted April 15, 2005 Its almost impossible to say. Only your ex knows how much he really loves you.. I mean personally if I were to be with another girl right now and my ex came back to me I think I would get back with her. But its a diff situation because we were together for 7 years. How long has he been with this new girl ? If it gives you more hope I actually stopped seeing 2 other girls because I wanted my ex back that bad, so there is a chance I guess but its hard to tell how your ex feels you know ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 60sdreamgirl Posted April 16, 2005 Author Share Posted April 16, 2005 we went out for a year, by now he's been going out w/ her for one year,.... so basically we're at the "equal" level now Link to post Share on other sites
mixwell Posted April 16, 2005 Share Posted April 16, 2005 hmm.. I would just say your going to have to move on ! I mean he cheated on you in the first place.. He has been with this girl for the same amount of time. I think he has just moved on and you should do the same !! Sorry Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted April 16, 2005 Share Posted April 16, 2005 If I were dating you exclusively, and I did not wait for you to get to a level where you were comfortable enough to try physical intimacy, and I cheated on you, I would wonder why in the world you would consider wanting me back in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
simon_uk Posted April 16, 2005 Share Posted April 16, 2005 If she looked like you and my new girlfriend looked like esmerelda then yes! That was a joke, but seriously, it would depend on the kind of intellectual relationship he had with you and the one he has with his new girl. Also if his new girl is very sexually adventurous and you two weren't it would be hard for the guy to leave that i think. There is definitely more to relationships than sex though, so if you stimulated him in more ways than the new girl there is a chance. You must have been doing something right for him to stay for a year with not much sex though. So I would say there is definitely a 'chance' How you go about getting that chance is beyond me though! Simon Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 16, 2005 Share Posted April 16, 2005 Originally posted by 60sdreamgirl ... would you ever consider getting back together with her? or would this girl seem really unstable to you, and you'd just flat out forget it? any thoughts? well if we had been "dating platonically" for a year and there was no sex yet then why would I want to get back together with her? esp when the new girl was giving me sex. and BTW, one cannot cheat on someone they have been "dating platonically". the word platonically implies no romance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 60sdreamgirl Posted April 16, 2005 Author Share Posted April 16, 2005 well he gave the impression he was feeling really badly about it ("cheating")... soo... don't know how to interpret that one. Link to post Share on other sites
tegteg Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 Describe what how he puts it... Cause if hes been with her for a yr, but yet still feels badly, it sounds like somethings missin? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 60sdreamgirl Posted April 17, 2005 Author Share Posted April 17, 2005 yup true but now i've been doing the no contact thing for a while, and he still hasn't contacted me... so i guess things are now evening out b/w him and his girlfriend, so i'm just gonna give up....! he was being a butt to me when i tried talking to him last (like a month ago), my guy friend told me it was prob b/c he's trying to make himself feel better b/c losing me for good would be too big of a loss to comprehend mostly b/c when we were going out i heard through mutual friends he really wanted to get more intimate but knew i needed some time (to get over old relationship), and he never really "got" that far, so.... unfinished business in a sense? lol.. but for real, we did have more than just physical longings Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 dreamgirl, you sound really distressed over this guy (I think I just saw another topic about it). Something's not right... Link to post Share on other sites
Author 60sdreamgirl Posted April 17, 2005 Author Share Posted April 17, 2005 hey yea i guess i am still pretty hung up over it.... but you gotta admit, it's pretty goshdarn strange to see someone who was going ga-ga over apologizing to you and trying to get you back (after cheating on you) to suddenly do a 180 after you talk to him/tell him you really do love him, and ignore you and act mean to you! do people really do this sort of stuff to get their ego back in place? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 Yes, they do. And a whole lot more... When it comes to matters of the heart, logic gets thrown out the window. That you're feeling vulnerable is nothing new... Link to post Share on other sites
Author 60sdreamgirl Posted April 17, 2005 Author Share Posted April 17, 2005 so after ignoring me for a bit and being mean at every opportunity, i suppose he'll feel better about himself, get over me, and live life w/ his girlfriend in peace? pretty wacked up if you ask me... Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 Something tells me there's more to the story regarding his bad manners... nevertheless, you should just ignore what he says. Exes are going to talk about one another. They always do. The less you involve yourself in his life, the better. Let him have his girlfriend. If you keep puckering up the way you do in your pic, you shouldn't have any problem finding another guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 60sdreamgirl Posted April 17, 2005 Author Share Posted April 17, 2005 lol, thanks kid! well tough for him, when he comes crawling back realizing what he missed out (sooo inevitably), i shall have moved on.... Link to post Share on other sites
tegteg Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer If you keep puckering up the way you do in your pic, you shouldn't have any problem finding another guy. I second that! Yes it does sound like there is more.... Just leave him be, easyer said then done i know, but try your best... Link to post Share on other sites
Author 60sdreamgirl Posted April 17, 2005 Author Share Posted April 17, 2005 more regarding his bad manners? like from my end? hmmm not anything my fault, i think he may have an immaturity problem or something. i mean why else would someone want to be mean to an ex? ok true, so i did give him the cold shoulder after he cheated on me, which hurt him a lot, but tough toenails he deserved it. and he should know that? right...? lol. Link to post Share on other sites
prisoner Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 westernxer is right. there is more than meets the eye. how hung up do you feel? how long ago did all this happen (bad manners, etc)? are you preoccupied? is it worse than that? see the problem is that you have alot of answers to get here but you have to want them. first, why couldn't he wait for you in the first place? that is an answer you need. then you need to know why he couldn't come to you about it instead of just up and betraying you. that's right, i said it, he betrayed you. what i am getting at is: do the feelings you are having about mister bad manners have anything to do with the reason he had to wait for you in the first place? is everything resolved there? if not, then you have to resolve those to be able to clearly understand that you have been hurt by this man and he is trying (and doing pretty well) to confuse and hurt you again. if they are resolved then things are worse. you are talking about someone who is a controlling and manipulative personality that you need to get away from. he is playing on your vulnerabilities. he is yearning for an intimacy with you but i cannot see how it would be a healthy one. he gets to make you feel guilty for FORCING him to cheat on you? then he gets to make you feel badly for needing time in the first place? then he gets you to wonder what it is that you did wrong and what his behavior is all about? after he treats you badly? after you make yourself vulnerable? open up to him? twice? the there is his guilt. then there is his power trip. then there is his needing you to feel his guilt. it goes on and on and on with these people. move on while you still can. Link to post Share on other sites
tegteg Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 haha your talking bout a guy... U expect him to know haha, prob. not... Even if he does realize it he'll prob. never addmit it... This kinda sounds like a lil kid (immature)... Link to post Share on other sites
Author 60sdreamgirl Posted April 17, 2005 Author Share Posted April 17, 2005 aw i was hoping he wouldn't be so dense oh well..... yea he and i connected a lot more mentally that's why part of me still really wanted to hold on to him. and why he wanted to hold onto me. but he's still really antsy in the pantsy and wants to look around and be with other girls, even though i am SO totally perfect right now his girlfriend lets him do what he wants, and he knows he could never have gotten me to do that, that's why he "left" me. sometimes you just wonder, not really with desperation or anything, but ya just get to wondering if those type of people will ever really realize what they missed out on.... i mean they gotta grow up SOMETIME right? lol... Link to post Share on other sites
prisoner Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 they never grow up. they never learn. they just go through life hurting people because they have never been held accountable and they never feel responsible. Link to post Share on other sites
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