The Marriage Apocalypse - I wasn't imagining this.

[loveweary11]

The marriage apocalypse may be coming (Opinion) - CNN.com

 

 

I am older, but was married to someone who is now 32.

 

Right now, I'm seeing millennials only because that's who I meet in life and that's who ends up wanting me. Yes, I'd take a 30+ if i knew any, but I have all millennials.

 

I keep saying on here it's only a single and hook up culture and that nobody is interested in marriage and few in ltrs.

 

The article is yet more data supporting what I see in everyday life. I don't know why it takes people so long to notice new trends...

[PegNosePete]

What on earth is a millennial?

[thefooloftheyear]

I didn't read it, but here is my take...

 

Many women still want it...Yes, even the younger women..They want a nice wedding, a nice home, kids. dog, etc...They are just having a hard time finding younger guys who are determined and mature enough to want to accept their part of the responsibility...It can be enormous at times..

 

I know we are living in an age of two career households and everything else that goes along with it...but no matter how things might change, the bulk of responsibility of raising and caring for the kids is going to fall in the lap of the woman in just about every case....Not that that's essentially a bad thing...Just means that there are going to have to be the type of guys that are willing to carry the load for a time...How long?...May be only a few years, but it also may turn out to be a lifetime...who knows...?...Ive seen many a very successful and high earning woman give that all up completely to become a SAHM and be totally comfortable in that role..Maybe work part time when the kids get older or resume their career later. etc...

 

Bottom line is that its becoming very rare to find guys under the age of 30 or so that sees this as something that he wants, envisions, or can even handle if it became a reality...

 

As always, there are exceptions...just what I have seen in my own family and the people around me.,...

 

TFY

[StanMusial]

I think the number of "happily single" people is overestimated. While the number of "single" people is not.

 

I don't doubt that there is a trend overall or in Scandinavian countries. But in my circles I don't really see it. And it would also be interesting to ask those same young ladies how they feel in 10 years.

[loveweary11]

What on earth is a millennial?

 

 

Here you go, Pete...

 

Millennials - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[spiderowl]

I don't think people have quite the reverence for marriage that they did have. This is because women have increasing economic independance and also because religion isn't in control of people's morals any more.

 

I'm sure it's something people will still want when they fall in love though as an expression of that love. Some may fear getting tied down if commitment was to turn into marriage. I can't imagine that it would be more satisfying to have sex with many shallow partners than with someone you love and feel more committed to, so I think people will always seek commitment if not marriage.

 

Marriage helps to secure financial commitment to children and carers as well as giving both rights over children and assets. It's probably more relevant in that context than in the love and commitment context now.

Edited April 7, 2015 by spiderowl

[thefooloftheyear]

I think the number of "happily single" people is overestimated. While the number of "single" people is not.

 

I don't doubt that there is a trend overall or in Scandinavian countries. But in my circles I don't really see it. And it would also be interesting to ask those same young ladies how they feel in 10 years.

 

 

I was thinking the same thing....

 

No disrespect, but what the hell does a typical 20 year old really know about life's direction, their true purpose on this planet or anything else outside of their little world??

 

I mean, I was no different...I thought I knew everything back then...Was I wrong!

 

Anyway, When those girls realize that life isnt all about their careers and how awesome they think they are, and all of their friends have moved on, gotten married and some have kids, my guess is they'll be singing a very different tune...

 

TFY

[No Limit]

I'll be 19 years old in just a few months and I don't see myself marrying at any point of my life. I'm a late millennial btw.

 

Many women still want it...Yes, even the younger women..They want a nice wedding, a nice home, kids. dog, etc...They are just having a hard time finding younger guys who are determined and mature enough to want to accept their part of the responsibility...It can be enormous at times..

 

And what type of women want that? Majority seem to get "baby hunger" 3 years into the relationship, then they'll say they got accidentally pregnant and as soon as the guy leaves they'll head for the abortion clinic and then go on to the next guy.

 

Women want stability and family in their 20s, men in their mid-30s, maybe later than that.

 

With sex being only a few clicks away marriage is becoming less and less attractive, also because for men marriage often means economic suicide. Everything has to be perfect, responsibility isn't wanted. Ergo marriage is dead.

[dichotomy]

yes - I think the 20 somethings have it all figured out..they always have. I did....

[spanz1]

yeah, so the alternative is shacking up unmarried, having accidental children, having the relationship break up due to the lack of commitment, and the world made up of single moms and their bastard kids??? sounds like an apocalypse alright.

[thefooloftheyear]

I'll be 19 years old in just a few months and I don't see myself marrying at any point of my life. I'm a late millennial btw.

 

 

With all due respect, you are only 18...I. like many other of us elders, will tell you that practically none of us stay the same...At 18 NO ONE knows the true direction their life is going to take..Not you, me (I didn't either) nor anyone else.....I mean, when I was 18, I was penniless and practically living in the street and was not too hopeful of my situation, and now I am financially independent....and have been for years.....Stuff changes...Just trust me on this...You may be right about your situation, but at least allow yourself that you just cant say..

 

 

 

And what type of women want that? Majority seem to get "baby hunger" 3 years into the relationship, then they'll say they got accidentally pregnant and as soon as the guy leaves they'll head for the abortion clinic and then go on to the next guy.

 

Some women do this.,.....but I don't know of any...I have several nieces your age...I couldn't see any of them doing this.."Baby hunger" usually has nothing to do with relationships...In fact, most women that I have seen get "baby hunger" when they aren't even in an active relationship...just that maybe her sister has a few or her friends do...

 

Women want stability and family in their 20s, men in their mid-30s, maybe later than that.

 

Agreed....

 

With sex being only a few clicks away marriage is becoming less and less attractive, also because for men marriage often means economic suicide. Everything has to be perfect, responsibility isn't wanted. Ergo marriage is dead.

Agree also on your last point...to a degree..

 

 

TFY

[elaine567]

I am not sure where the "marriage apocalypse" and this single life culture comes in because in the video every millenial wanted to get married by the time they were 30, apart from one who wanted to get married by the time she was 40.

[Gloria25]

W

What on earth is a millennial?

 

Sub-human species that I wish would get swallowed up by the earth.

 

You'd think natural selection would end up in these millennials not making it, but seems like they are the "norm" now a days and anything smarter, stronger, independent is in extinction.

 

I am hoping that with their steady diet of weed and Red Bull one day simultaneously their brains, hearts, etc will just explode and/or they just pass out in the streets and never wake up. Then, and only then we will be rid of this plague that will be the downfall of civilization as we know it.

[Gloria25]

I didn't read it, but here is my take...

 

Many women still want it...Yes, even the younger women..They want a nice wedding, a nice home, kids. dog, etc...They are just having a hard time finding younger guys who are determined and mature enough to want to accept their part of the responsibility...It can be enormous at times..

 

I know we are living in an age of two career households and everything else that goes along with it...but no matter how things might change, the bulk of responsibility of raising and caring for the kids is going to fall in the lap of the woman in just about every case....Not that that's essentially a bad thing...Just means that there are going to have to be the type of guys that are willing to carry the load for a time...How long?...May be only a few years, but it also may turn out to be a lifetime...who knows...?...Ive seen many a very successful and high earning woman give that all up completely to become a SAHM and be totally comfortable in that role..Maybe work part time when the kids get older or resume their career later. etc...

 

Bottom line is that its becoming very rare to find guys under the age of 30 or so that sees this as something that he wants, envisions, or can even handle if it became a reality...

 

As always, there are exceptions...just what I have seen in my own family and the people around me.,...

 

TFY

 

I don't agree...

 

I think women now a days sure want the 'titles' of wife and mother, but don't care to actually serve in that role.

 

I mean, you can't say you are an employee at X place and show up now and then...but women now a days show more dedication to being a "worker bee" rather than a wife and/or mother. They outsource cooking, cleaning, care for the kids and husband.

 

I'm sorry, but if I had kids, no way I'm outsourcing mommyhood to daycare, the public schools, etc. I also intend to feed and care for my family. Being an actual wife and mother is invaluable...can't put a price tag on it.

[Woggle]

The baby boomers and generation X created the millennials so they are the Frankenstein's monster of those who came before them.

[loveweary11]

I'll be 19 years old in just a few months and I don't see myself marrying at any point of my life. I'm a late millennial btw.

 

 

 

And what type of women want that? Majority seem to get "baby hunger" 3 years into the relationship, then they'll say they got accidentally pregnant and as soon as the guy leaves they'll head for the abortion clinic and then go on to the next guy.

 

Women want stability and family in their 20s, men in their mid-30s, maybe later than that.

 

With sex being only a few clicks away marriage is becoming less and less attractive, also because for men marriage often means economic suicide. Everything has to be perfect, responsibility isn't wanted. Ergo marriage is dead.

 

Spoken directly from the age demographic. Quite aan articulate member of the demographic too.

 

I guess it's because this is the age group I'm with all the time, that I notice these things. I did not notice this trend among earlier generations.

[CrystalCastles]

W

 

Sub-human species that I wish would get swallowed up by the earth.

 

You'd think natural selection would end up in these millennials not making it, but seems like they are the "norm" now a days and anything smarter, stronger, independent is in extinction.

 

I am hoping that with their steady diet of weed and Red Bull one day simultaneously their brains, hearts, etc will just explode and/or they just pass out in the streets and never wake up. Then, and only then we will be rid of this plague that will be the downfall of civilization as we know it.

 

You seem to really enjoy generalizing and also painting women in particular with a really ugly brush.

 

I am a millenial (I'm 22). All my friends are also. Nobody I know is "sub-human" or a weed smoker or any of that. I have no idea where you live or who you associate with to have come up with such ridiculous notions but I assure you, nobody I know is anything like what you have described.

 

I think in every age bracket there are smart people and there are idiots. I'm sure there are plenty of older idiots too, weed smokers, hookers, druggies, you name it. If you associate and hang out with trashy people, Gloria, don't assume everyone is trashy.

 

All the millenials I know also want marriage. I want marriage as well, although since I'm going into physical sciences, I'll be doing grad school, post doc, and so I won't have a job until I'm 30 or so. So the babymaking won't happen earlier as that will disrupt my education. But that doesn't mean the concept of marriage is dead for me. Most of my friends are like-minded- studious, intelligent people who are aiming high career-wise, are not sleeping around or smoking weed but rather are planning their futures. They're all marriage-minded. So I don't know where this eagerness to trash millenials came from.

 

Also, I did a quick read of the article. I find it curious that career and marriage are presented as an either or. I'm not sure why you can't have both. I'm not sure why the topic of lavish weddings is repeatedly brought up- marriage is cheap if you want to be married, all the lavishness can be totally avoided if you can't afford it. What's wrong with a quiet ceremony? I'm not sure why, once married, you automatically become a SAHM. There is such a thing as a "working mom". You just pay for a nanny to take care of your kid, or daycare.

Edited April 8, 2015 by CrystalCastles

[ascendotum]

W

 

Sub-human species that I wish would get swallowed up by the earth.

 

You'd think natural selection would end up in these millennials not making it, but seems like they are the "norm" now a days and anything smarter, stronger, independent is in extinction.

 

I am hoping that with their steady diet of weed and Red Bull one day simultaneously their brains, hearts, etc will just explode and/or they just pass out in the streets and never wake up. Then, and only then we will be rid of this plague that will be the downfall of civilization as we know it.

 

lol. blame the x generation parents that raised them.

[thefooloftheyear]

lol. blame the x generation parents that raised them.

 

 

You might be onto something.....

 

Just a theory, but many of the boomers and X gens considered kids later in life and also considered kids an accessory to their life-but not their whole life......They were whats most important....Their jobs, their careers, their Benz...their Mc Mansion's...They thought nothing of handing over tiny infants to the hands of daycare providers for 8-10 hrs a day......And when things got tough, they bailed...There was no "hanging in there for the kids"...as previous generations often did..

 

Autism is at record levels now...Staggering levels...especially in boys...How are these kids going to become functional adults..?....Marriage? Responsibility??....Kids???

 

You do really have to wonder....

 

TFY

[RedRobin]

If men don't want to get married until they are in their 30's, then no one should be shocked when women don't either.

 

 

What I read from the OP is that his "I'm older and (finally) ready to settle down, so you should want me" line isn't working as well as he'd like with the young'ins he prefers. He's in his, what, late 30's/early 40's and hitting the male baby crazies perhaps??

 

 

Someone call the whaaaambulance...

 

 

...and, frankly, I see lots of motivated young men AND young women who just don't see marriage and children as that thing that should rule their lives. Lots of people want the freedom to see the world, get on their feet financially, and become their own person before latching onto someone else and GOD FORBID, making another person. I don't see anything wrong with that at all. The world we live in today is nothing like it was when their parents were growing up. Back when lots of people could afford a home on a single income... and there were lots of good jobs that didn't require a college education. Thank you, globalization.

 

 

As a woman, I kind of resent the idea that all women are motivated by a man's finances. I never was and never will be.

 

 

Responsible millennial women aren't looking for a man to be the bread winner. They want to win their own bread, and if the guy makes a good partner, then maybe she'll let him knead the dough, lol.

Edited April 8, 2015 by RedRobin

[samantha_t85]

The fact that the article spent so much time covering the opinions of 21-year-olds undermines its point. I didn't want to get married when I was 21, either. I think 21-year-olds should travel the world, go to college, work on their careers, develop passions and hobbies, etc. I don't think they should be concerned about getting married.

 

The article also articulates why weddings (i.e. $20K+ parties) may start falling by the wayside, as millennials enter adulthood with substantially more debt than their parents' generation. But this does not equal actual marriages. The only mandatory financial expense of getting married is the license fee. Lavish weddings, engagement/wedding rings, frilly dresses…are all extra and completely unnecessary.

 

More and more couples and individuals are becoming opposed to the idea of having kids, which is another factor that should be considered independently of marriage. I have no desire to have kids; my husband and I plan not to have them. That doesn't mean our feelings and love for each other were not great enough to want to spend our lives together.

 

This article is lumping a multitude of separate issues - from children, to debt, to generational differences - under the "marriage" umbrella, and it just doesn't work.

[samantha_t85]

W

 

Sub-human species that I wish would get swallowed up by the earth.

 

You'd think natural selection would end up in these millennials not making it, but seems like they are the "norm" now a days and anything smarter, stronger, independent is in extinction.

 

I am hoping that with their steady diet of weed and Red Bull one day simultaneously their brains, hearts, etc will just explode and/or they just pass out in the streets and never wake up. Then, and only then we will be rid of this plague that will be the downfall of civilization as we know it.

 

It must be exhausting to be so bitter, ignorant, and nasty.

[No Limit]

yeah, so the alternative is shacking up unmarried, having accidental children, having the relationship break up due to the lack of commitment, and the world made up of single moms and their bastard kids??? sounds like an apocalypse alright.

 

Accidental children are often simply aborted. And as soon as the 'great independent woman' feels the need to have kids in her 40's she'll check the catalogue for attractive sperm donors or travels the world to find an attractive guy to get impregnated via ONS. Both are more common than you think today.

 

With all due respect, you are only 18...I. like many other of us elders, will tell you that practically none of us stay the same...At 18 NO ONE knows the true direction their life is going to take..Not you, me (I didn't either) nor anyone else.....I mean, when I was 18, I was penniless and practically living in the street and was not too hopeful of my situation, and now I am financially independent....and have been for years.....Stuff changes...Just trust me on this...You may be right about your situation, but at least allow yourself that you just cant say..

 

I may change indeed but my future plans don't exactly welcome marriage (neither my opinion about marriage from all of the sometimes spectacular examples I see around me). I'll have finished college and university in 2024, at age 28. Depending on which career I choose I'll have to receive further training for another 6 years, so I'll be 34 years old when I can finally rest and enjoy the fruit of my labor. But I'm not foolish enough to expect a man of equal or more income range to ever be faithful (the infidelity statistics around doctors isn't that encouraging either), which means he's not trustworthy, which means he's a person I don't want in my house. So why would I willingly invest years of my life in a relationship with a pig, give birth to his children and then get them through a messy divorce and hand them back and forth, maybe even with some emotional blackmail mixed in - all for a ring? Really?

[blackcat777]

My parents are both working on marriage #4. I didn't have any stellar examples or insights about how to behave in a relationship, or what to expect, other than that things inevitably fall apart. Marriage never seemed like anything other than a stupid piece of paper.

 

.............UNTIL I met someone that made me realize HOLY CRAP, I need to figure out how to be awesome in a relationship, so I don't screw this one up and let it go. I was inspired.

 

I'm on the fence about kids. I refuse to raise a child in poverty, or as a single mother. I absolutely refuse. I wouldn't force half the things I endured during childhood onto another living being. It costs sooo much to live now. There's no way I could afford a child, currently. I'm going to school.

 

Not all millenials are selfish caligulas. Some of them just never experienced that life could be another way.

 

Now I look at long-term happily married couples with a sense of wonder and awe, kind of like endangered animals. I finally appreciate the spirit of a lot of "oldschool" thinking, in that gender roles honor biology and support a different but balanced partnership. Exploring these ideas transformed my current relationship immensely. Granted, there's no ring on it yet, but at least I know what I want my life to be like. The bar is set.

 

Marriage may be something that has to fall apart before it can be rediscovered. I'm optimistic. My Libra is in Venus.

[loveweary11]

Good old Red Robbin. You can always count on her to make up whatever she wants and turn it into a personal attack. May drop her on my ignore list soon. I have zero desire for a kid and only a thought that maybe it would be nice to be married again. (10 year marriage under my belt aready Red) Pretty much i give zero f's about any of it, but enjoy seeing trends in society. It's a hobby of mine or something.

 

Crystal Castles' post was very interesting and got me thinking... possibly if i were exposed to different millennials, of her particular trajectory, I'd not have noticed the trend. It's refreshing to read her take on things.

 

Then there's No Limit... wow... this chick is cool AF. Her cynical, but fact filled post makes perfect sense. Funny thing about her post is these things do happen. I recently had a millennial friend or girl i see or whatever proposition me to have a kid with her where I'm not involved. A donor, just as no limit mentions. Probably wouldn't donit though.