lisbon67 Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 I'm about to divorce in matter of two weeks.... BUT ...sporadic memories of my WS ....my wife's affair.......keep coming in small bursts every day as divorce looms. .. What I wanted to ask was... I remember now my WW returning from her liasons with affair partner....what she told me for 3 months was her female friend she was visiting. .. She didn't have any real friend's here at that time to talk to..like sex in the city circles When she came back she was quite 'giddy '....couldn't resist it..needed someone to talk to about how lovely her night was with her new 'friend '.... She was indiferrent that she was actually relating her night to her husband..!!...it was like she couldn't hold her tongue and couldn't resist telling someone...like I was a girly mate... She even enthused to me about a Bodyshop gift 'she' ..ie he...had given her...and asked me 'do you think it's nice...while smiling broadly '.. I no longer mattered....she had to excite to someone and I was closest....husband was invisible. .. This happened a few times.... Is THIS NORMAL PHENOMENON? ?? I only knew it was an affair partner after she got rumbled after around 3 months btw... But this memories of the early days of the A coming back to me know.... I was a spectator to her show.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lisbon67 Posted April 7, 2015 Author Share Posted April 7, 2015 Ps. ...I dont mean her relating about having sex or anything... just how 'nice and funny ' and good conversation and making good food together etc 'she ' was etc....never gave any indication it was actually a man she was with all along.... I know now...how stupid I was. ..a blind man could've seen the signs...yet I didn't. ..and let it go Link to post Share on other sites
HurtOfGlass Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 I am speechless at the heinousness of your wife. But I pray you find peace. Just know the best revenge is to live happy. An advice - take a holiday and do some travelling 7 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 I don't know about "NORMAL PHENOMENON," but it's certainly not unprecedented. People like to share, sure, so it may have been a misguided attempt to bask in her apparent happiness. But I suspect two things are more likely. One, some people get a thrill out of walking on the edge, and almost telling your spouse about an affair would certainly give you that tingly fix, particularly while she's still in the midst of it. She may have even planned it or at least shared telling you with the guy. Two, some women straight up get off on cuckolding their men. None of these are good for you. At the best, she's just vain and uncaring, and at the worst she's vindictively trying to injure you, and rather severely, or at least being so negligent of your well being that it borders on abuse. (There are 'good' forms of cuckold play btw, such as with men who enjoy it, fantasy, etc. But they have to involve you specifically as an advocate and giving consent.) Sorry this happened to you. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Is THIS NORMAL PHENOMENON? ?? [/her QUOTE] I would not call this behavior normal, but I too had an ExWGF do this to me. I believe your WW told you these things mostly for the reason that you stated, as she lacked friends to confide in. Thinking back to when my ExWGF did this to me, she must have gotten a sick thrill out of my ignorance to not knowing what she was actually doing. Do not torture yourself now over what you can not undo. Best to continue with the D and look forward to removing her from your home and life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 (edited) My only guess at this time, is you had been converted to not much more than a roomate in her heart and mind. I think there are two ways WS view their BS.... 1) Either compartmentalized - i.e. two lives two different lives they live - the two exist separately and do not intersect - a denial thing - they like both situations ......or.....2) The WS degrade/detach/dehumanize their BS into something that allows them to treat them poorly. In both cases 1 & 2 treatment of their BS - they are avoiding accountability or guilt for what there doing... I had two marriages involve cheating. My first one that ended I was given the #2 treatment. My current one was very much the #1 treatment. Edited April 7, 2015 by dichotomy 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Yeah, my wife pulled that crap, too. Her affair was with her boss. Having a good leader and support from your leader is important in the field that we worked in. So it didn't surprise me that she was happy that her new boss was a good one. But it started to get a little over the top one day and I said, "You know, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were having an affair with the guy." She laughed and said, "Oh my, I guess you've never met Jose. He's balding with glasses. I'll have to tell my friend, Jan, that you said that. She'll get a kick out of it." As it turns out, Jan was her partner in crime the whole time (just over a year). Those three were like three peas in a pod. Apparently Jan wasn't enough of an ear for her about the affair so she brought it home to me, too. Sadly, her "balding with glasses" comment worked to steer me clear. With my wife, I think it was a bit of both things that have been mentioned here. I'd been her closest confidant so it's no surprise that she'd want to share what she could. But based on other things she did, she clearly got off on cuckolding me as well. I don't think it's that uncommon, even if it is heinously disrespectful. What they want is all that matters. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 I think anyone who does this kind of thing is a true POS. The overwhelming narcissism it takes to do something this disgusting is staggering. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Hardgrind Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 My wife of 10 years did the same thing. She felt shame about the affair but no guilt. After D-Day while we were trying to R (actually she was cake eating, I was trying to R, but things are always clearer in hind sight), she would ramble about her AP and how he did this, how he did that. There was definitely a giddiness and she really didn't want to talk about anything else. I found it amazing that she was surprised I would get angry when all she wanted to talk about was the mundane details of her interactions with the AP. We are currently divorcing. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lisbon67 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Great insight from all replies..Thank you... I do remember even at the time that some of the night s she was relating were a bit strange...but I was genuinely quite pleased she had found a 'friend ' after only recently coming to my country to marry me....it wasn't a mail order bride btw..! But in hindsight....weird how vivid it becomes now...even tho never thought much about it at the time. .. But now...many years later...I actually remember almost everything in detail...must be some psychological reasoning for this....but I'm not medically qualified. ... but now I do remember For these 3 months or so of the A...I had a whole range of very stage behaviour and relations towards me. ...and I was totally bemused by it...jeez we had only been married for 3 months...I had done nothing wrong and thought everything was fine and dandy with us... But I had. ..indifference. ..strangeness..sometimes unprovoked antipathy. .sometimes stropiness. .sleeping in the other room sometimes. ..she I mean...then coming back in the morning. ..also starting pointless arguments about nothing. .. sometimes. ..occasionally! ...even mad sex.... but I still never twigged.... yet years later..I remember very clearly now all these very weird relations I was getting from her... I agree probably she was getting some tingling from coming back to me after it....but I never knew which one I was going to get...The same night or the next morning.... Now u can see it in clarity. .. Some times also she was very inward in herself... so mixed with the tingling I'm sure there was also some guilt and disgust with herself... I'm not sure about the cuckold ing...what does this mean ...sorry for my ignorance 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lisbon67 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 BetrayedH. ...same thing happened to me she would say 'are you crazy..look at him' ..he's an 'ogre'...putting me off the scent... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lisbon67 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 "Roommate in her heart and mind" Yep defo...in hindsight. ..this is exactly what I'd become She came back glowing and happy some nights...couldn't wait to share with me how nice night she d had talking with her friend... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 'm not sure about the cuckold ing...what does this mean ...sorry for my ignorance A cuckold is a man whose wife has sex with other men. It usually connotes some degree of foolishness on the part of the victim. (The word is derived from the cuckoo bird, which lays its eggs in other birds' nests to fool the other birds into raising its young, so the implication is that another guy will get your wife pregnant and you'll unwittingly play the role of father to a child that's not your own while he goes off and fathers other children.) Usually the role of the unfaithful woman is fully informed and equally exploitative as regards our use of the term, even if not in 'nature.' In terms of the associated fetish, the woman's part in it is played up to the point of nearly or wholly a domme type thing, where she has so little respect for her husband that she openly engages in affairs and mocks her husband over her behavior. The thing is, fetish-wise, it's usually done at the impetus of the husband, who gets a 'deviant' thrill from being sexually subjugated by an unfaithful woman. So it's generally an agreed upon fetish/fantasy play between married couples in that context. Sorry, you asked. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lisbon67 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Thanks jen! I kinda knew about the cuckoo bird...but honestly never knew about this 'cuckold'....many here on ls have used this term before in their posts to me...but never liked to ask before. ..you've cleared that up...cheers Foolishness on my part.....undoubtedly. ...that's what's killing me almost as much as the A itself...How the Feck could I have been so stupid and naive....jeez...she would be shaving her legs in the bath when I got home...putting on new stocking in front of my eyes and perfume and make up etc...she would say "you know...font be silly...all russian woman like to look good all the time..even to go to the shops.." This was apparently to go to her mystery russian female friend to talk and make Varenkii together... I swallowed that....!! I could kick myself...for naivety! ! And several other obvious signals...that even a monk would notice....! Thanks for clarifying that...and making me feel a bigger dork in the process ..!!...only joking... What about the guy buying her personal gifts to give to her when he knew she was married. .. he must've thought I was a pussy in the house too...I want to 'speak' to him now too...!! Jeez...I'm a 6 foot 2 hairy arsed Scotsman....I'm not a douchbag. ..tho in was then...! When I found out andcshe was rumbled. .he said they were just friends and went 'for coffee" I was too emotionally wrecked at the time...but want to deal with him now...!! The affair was sep to Dec 2003....We married in July 2003 !!...but Dday only 4 weeks ago..!! She constantly denied 'nothing happened " for nearly 12 years...! Maybe should be less for me than other B'S on here...but I'm absolutely devastated. .feels like the A was 4 weeks ago.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lisbon67 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Jen...what did you mean by this. .. She may have even planned it or at least shared telling you with the guy Link to post Share on other sites
Author lisbon67 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 I am speechless at the heinousness of your wife. But I pray you find peace. Just know the best revenge is to live happy. An advice - take a holiday and do some travelling I like this my friend. ...have copied onto my phone memos pad 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Hmm, you seem ....unexpectedly happy about hearing all that. If it's a kink for you, that's all well and good, but it kinda changes the meaning of your thread here ultimately. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lisbon67 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Ps...One thing she said to me just the other night.. The first time they 'did it'...she had been drunk. .she said 'I think he put something in my drink or something ' This makes me really angry at the OM....but I don't think I believe that bull****... why would she then continue for 3 months if that was in any way true....very doubtful. .. but I'm thinking about going to the police. ..even though was over 11 years ago... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lisbon67 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Hmm, you seem ....unexpectedly happy about hearing all that. If it's a kink for you, that's all well and good, but it kinda changes the meaning of your thread here ultimately. WHAT???. absolutely 100 per cent NOT!! I was just trying to show appreciation that you explained what it meant... Where in my reply did it imply I was HAPPY about being a cuckold. ...sooooò...far off the mark...!! I'm devastated about it as I said...... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lisbon67 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Treated like a cuckold I mean....I wasn't a cuckold in any shape or form...I'm insulted by your suggestion 1 Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Thanks jen! I kinda knew about the cuckoo bird...but honestly never knew about this 'cuckold'....many here on ls have used this term before in their posts to me...but never liked to ask before. ..you've cleared that up...cheers Foolishness on my part.....undoubtedly. ...that's what's killing me almost as much as the A itself...How the Feck could I have been so stupid and naive....jeez...she would be shaving her legs in the bath when I got home...putting on new stocking in front of my eyes and perfume and make up etc...she would say "you know...font be silly...all russian woman like to look good all the time..even to go to the shops.." This was apparently to go to her mystery russian female friend to talk and make Varenkii together... I swallowed that....!! I could kick myself...for naivety! ! And several other obvious signals...that even a monk would notice....! Thanks for clarifying that...and making me feel a bigger dork in the process ..!!...only joking... What about the guy buying her personal gifts to give to her when he knew she was married. .. he must've thought I was a pussy in the house too...I want to 'speak' to him now too...!! Jeez...I'm a 6 foot 2 hairy arsed Scotsman....I'm not a douchbag. ..tho in was then...! When I found out andcshe was rumbled. .he said they were just friends and went 'for coffee" I was too emotionally wrecked at the time...but want to deal with him now...!! The affair was sep to Dec 2003....We married in July 2003 !!...but Dday only 4 weeks ago..!! She constantly denied 'nothing happened " for nearly 12 years...! Maybe should be less for me than other B'S on here...but I'm absolutely devastated. .feels like the A was 4 weeks ago.... Completely understandable given you have lived with this person for 12 years, and suspected something was wrong. Then only to find out 4 weeks ago that your suspicions were correct for all of these years has to be devastating. It could have taken place 25 years ago and you would probably still feel the same way. At this point you have taken the necessary steps to remove the WW from your life. Once she has moved on, you can begin rebuild your life. I don't know what your relationship is like with your children, due her having had issues with them visiting. Hopefully you can surround yourself with children, family and friends to get your mind on more positive thoughts. Your pain will eventually fade with time. She needs to leave your home as soon as legally possible. As long as she remain in your home, you will not be able to begin the healing process. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Treated like a cuckold I mean....I wasn't a cuckold in any shape or form...I'm insulted by your suggestion Ok, my mistake then. Sorry. To answer the planning/sharing question, I mean that, if she was getting a thrill out of your involvement she may have told the other guy afterward what she'd been telling you about her 'girlfriend,' like for laughs. Or if they were each getting a thrill out of it, they may have planned together to have her tell you. Not sure why you'd call the police ....are affairs criminal where you live? And if so, is there a statute of limitations? 11 years is a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lisbon67 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Ok, my mistake then. Sorry. To answer the planning/sharing question, I mean that, if she was getting a thrill out of your involvement she may have told the other guy afterward what she'd been telling you about her 'girlfriend,' like for laughs. Or if they were each getting a thrill out of it, they may have planned together to have her tell you. Not sure why you'd call the police ....are affairs criminal where you live? And if so, is there a statute of limitations? 11 years is a long time. Yep...I get what you mean about the olanning/sharing question now....and it's quite possible they did share their stories to tell to me... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lisbon67 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Is putting a drug into someone's drink not a crime in every country ??! Even 25 or 30 years ago...? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lisbon67 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 I give up 67.... You get me 100 per cent....thanks for that. ...appreciated 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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