Author lisbon67 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 completely understandable given you have lived with this person for 12 years, and suspected something was wrong. Then only to find out 4 weeks ago that your suspicions were correct for all of these years has to be devastating. It could have taken place 25 years ago and you would probably still feel the same way. At this point you have taken the necessary steps to remove the ww from your life. Once she has moved on, you can begin rebuild your life. I don't know what your relationship is like with your children, due her having had issues with them visiting. Hopefully you can surround yourself with children, family and friends to get your mind on more positive thoughts. Your pain will eventually fade with time. She needs to leave your home as soon as legally possible. As long as she remain in your home, you will not be able to begin the healing process. have copied your post to my phone memo pad too...very helpful Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Is putting a drug into someone's drink not a crime in every country ??! Even 25 or 30 years ago...? You'd have to see if there's a statute of limitations in Glasgow (that means you can only prosecute crimes for so long - forex you can't prosecute someone for shoplifting in the US ten years after the fact). Even so, if all you have is that your wife "thinks" maybe he put something in her drink, that'll pretty much go nowhere with nothing more to go on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Is putting a drug into someone's drink not a crime in every country ??! Even 25 or 30 years ago...? Lisbon67- As far as the WW claim she was drugged all those years ago, trust me when I say that she is trying to paint herself as the victim. Does she claim to have been drugged each time for the remainder of those three months of her A? It would appear that she is twelve years too late to try and ease your pain or save herself with a bull**it alibi like that. Don't expend your energy and emotions on these recent revelations that she's throwing at you only now. She is not stupid, she may be in self preservation mode now and want to stop the D or continue living in your home. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lisbon67 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Igiveup67 Yep...I have to say....your probably. ..no almost definitely. ..right in what you say... bulls##t lame excuse to make her out the victim. ..but still went back about another 15 times for more. ..roughly 2 nights per week for 3 months. ..possibly even lunchtimes when I was at work... highly highly highly unlikely. ..he had to drug her... but I might still go to police to cause some **** for the low life OM 1 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 My only guess at this time, is you had been converted to not much more than a roomate in her heart and mind. I think there are two ways WS view their BS.... 1) Either compartmentalized - i.e. two lives two different lives they live - the two exist separately and do not intersect - a denial thing - they like both situations ......or.....2) The WS degrade/detach/dehumanize their BS into something that allows them to treat them poorly. In both cases 1 & 2 treatment of their BS - they are avoiding accountability or guilt for what there doing... I had two marriages involve cheating. My first one that ended I was given the #2 treatment. My current one was very much the #1 treatment. Or both. They trade off #1 and #2 treatments depending on whether they need to think about it or not. Denial (don't think about it, don't remember, dont bring it into the same reality as marriage & family) when they just want to do it and not feel accountable; dehumanizing blame and/or debasement (BS's fault) when they just want to do it and not feel accountable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HurtOfGlass Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Do not listen to her. She is trying to manipulate you. Don't waste your money by filing a case for her. If she thinks her drink was spiked, then as you said, why did she continued having sex with him for the next 3 months? Don't be a fool. Keep to the divorce. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lisbon67 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Yep...I totally agree with dichotomy. .. Two different aspects and rational in the WS s world of 'justification '....in my case I think it was mainly number 1....she enjoyed having two men on the go at the same time...but hubbies. .ie me...was always the safe life and home to go back to for other kinds of nourishment. ...like going to your old mums for Sunday dinner... But merrmead. ..yep agree .probably both at same time too....! My WS def displayed almost sadistic aspects of the number 2 scenario absolutely! ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lisbon67 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Yep...you are spot on on this... just last week I was asking her some questions about the A...even tho we divorcing... she started acting all weird...then 'fainted' onto the kitchen floor. .. I'd seen this many times during our M when she couldn't face somethung or upset about something. .. I used to panic...put water on her face..even phone ambulances 3 times. ... this time I just stepped over her and went into living room and was blaze about it... funnily enough 5 mins later she came into the living room right as rain....! MANIPULATION to get her own way....I fell for it for years... my heart condition I think related to all this over the years.... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lisbon67 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Above was reply to HurtOfGlass Link to post Share on other sites
Author lisbon67 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 . Thinking back to when my ExWGF did this to me, she must have gotten a sick thrill out of my ignorance to not knowing what she was actually doing. .. YEP...I'm sure this was the case for me too 67 Link to post Share on other sites
VeryBrokenMan Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 That type of behavior never happened with my WW. She was unhappy with life before, during and now after the affair. I never once saw any glimmer of giddeness or excitement during the affair, maybe even the opposite. I'd find it really hard to deal with if she had done what you describe and I can see why you chose divorce. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
flowergirl14 Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 If we only knew..the lies and deceptions. What we do know as bs is enough! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lisbon67 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 UBM If she was so unhappy before during and after the A.. why do you think she did it or gained from it ?? It is quite sad...but I did see the giddiness. ..a few times....not every time...sometimes she appeared 'troubled ' when she came back to me after her visit to 'friend' I Agree what we already know as B'S is probably quite enough to be getting on with...I probably don't even know 50 per cent of what really happened. .. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lisbon67 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 “No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” Found this Buddha phrase today...true in my case certainly and may twig with other B'S. .. I'm not Buddhist btw... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
VeryBrokenMan Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 UBM If she was so unhappy before during and after the A.. why do you think she did it or gained from it ?? It is quite sad...but I did see the giddiness. ..a few times....not every time...sometimes she appeared 'troubled ' when she came back to me after her visit to 'friend' I Agree what we already know as B'S is probably quite enough to be getting on with...I probably don't even know 50 per cent of what really happened. .. She was unhappy before during and after the affair in our marriage. She was happy during the affair with him, she says he made her feel good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lisbon67 Posted April 11, 2015 Author Share Posted April 11, 2015 I get what you mean now VBM... but surely...If she was happy when she was having A with the OM...did she not find it hard not to display or show signs of this to you when she came home from him...?? Sorry to ask...must be hurting for you even thinking about it.... Link to post Share on other sites
VeryBrokenMan Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I get what you mean now VBM... but surely...If she was happy when she was having A with the OM...did she not find it hard not to display or show signs of this to you when she came home from him...?? Sorry to ask...must be hurting for you even thinking about it.... Thinking about it does not bother me much anymore and maybe that's why I'm able to move forward (some would say so easily). She has been sullen since her mother died two years ago and I never saw any change in demeanor during the affair. She did become secretive of her phone during the affair. But no she did not find new happiness or anything like that. I've asked her how she was able to talk to me with a straight face and she says the guilt was so overwhelming that she compartmentalized it. I don't think anyone that has never cheated could understand how they are able to do that, I know I don't. Link to post Share on other sites
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