seekingpeaceinlove Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 My uncle (I met twice in my life) called my mother saying that he wanted to send his daughter to the States for the first time to visit. I have never met my cousin before and we all work full time. I run my own business so taking time off is not an option. Long story short, my aunt let her stay at her house and it was up to her and my family to show her around when we could on the weekends. My cousin (30yo) paid for not one thing while she was here. Nada. She never even offered. I'm wondering if it's my particular culture or...is that something you all have experienced with visitors from overseas? Do they expect the hosts to pay for their travels here? Dining out...tickets to sightseeing spots, etc. It was really odd to me bc if I travel, I pay my own way and also treat the hosts for their hospitality, etc. My cousin was a straight up mooch. Pissed my entire family off. What are your experiences? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 It's probably cultural. Her being a "guest" and a woman, especially if she's from a more traditional culture (& everything is more traditional than American culture) it may never have dawned on her. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 It's only money. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 It would annoy me greatly, too. I suppose it may be cultural, and depend in part on their wealth and/or exchange rates. If they are poor and I am not, I would consider treating, as long as they appreciate it and don't take my largesse for granted. If they have the ability to pay for some things but do not, they will not be welcome again. Also, after the first couple of times I would probably ask for two checks or pay my entry fee and let them pay for themselves, even in a group situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 that's just the way it goes man Link to post Share on other sites
Author seekingpeaceinlove Posted April 7, 2015 Author Share Posted April 7, 2015 It also wasn't just about the money. She literally asked me and my sis NO questions about us or our lives. We would ask her questions to try and to get to know her and she would answer and not ask back. It almost felt like we were her chauffeurs or a tour guide..but we paid. It was beyond irritating. The more and more I think about it, she may be socially awkward. In any case, I have a different prospective with traveling. I don't expect my hosts to pay for me. In fact, I treat them for their troubles. Period. It's the way I was raised. You show appreciation and gratitude... you don't expect anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 I agree with you. She's rude & entitled. You took in a relative out of the goodness of your heart & you got played. You live & you learn. Never host her or her family again with express up front discussions about the money but there's nothing you can do now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Totally normal in most older cultures. The upside here is you can go to see her country now and just pay for air fare. I made a big mistake regarding this stuff on a business trip in Spain...or was it Italy? I had a great wine I'd never had before, which is still my favorite. I went on and on about how much I liked the wine. When I got ready to get a ride to the airport from my associates, they surprised me with a nearly $1000 case of wine, which they shipped to my home in the States. I felt terrible. I screwed up the giving culture. You can certainly go visit them for free now though. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 The world is very different from just America. I'll be honest with you. When I go home to visit, I actually make money when I go there, which is the WEIRDEST thing for me now that I've been here for many years. When I go, I offer to pay for meals, drinks, etc, but I'm NEVER allowed to. Even though some of them make less money comparatively than I do. I come from a "guest mentality" culture. Also, your cousin seemed like they were "sent there" rather than expressing directly to go there. So it might be that they didn't even want to go there. If anything, I'd be pissed more at the uncle than at the cousin. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 YMMV, we generally always took care of things when hosting folks, save for any trinkets and other personal expenses they incurred, in our home while they were traveling. Such visits were at our invitation. I remember one in particular, hosting the daughter and her friend of one of my exW's friends in Australia when they came out during winter break from college in Virginia. This and a thank you card were all the thanks I needed. Just the smile on their faces seeing the beauty of Yosemite in January was worth every nickel. Great memories. I understand family can be different. My rule? Don't offer unless the offer is a gift. Any returns by a guest are considered to be a generosity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author seekingpeaceinlove Posted April 7, 2015 Author Share Posted April 7, 2015 According to my mom and my aunt, my uncle and his wife are huge moochers. I just thought their daughter would be a little different. Silly me! You're right though, Donnivan, no more hosting her or her family. They need to figure out if they can afford to travel next time they entertain the idea of visiting. Loveweary, they're not the type to host the way we did. Besides, I would feel incredibly uncomfortable with a free visit. So..lesson learned. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author seekingpeaceinlove Posted April 7, 2015 Author Share Posted April 7, 2015 Carhill, she wasn't invited. Her dad called my mother, my grandmother and then my aunt asking if he could send my cousin. She's apparently wanted to visit for some time. Those who have the ability to show her around work full time and it's difficult to take any time off. He sent her anyways. I've never met her, corresponded with her and knew nothing about her. It would have been nice if she showed any sort of interest in getting to know us. Money would not had been such a sticking point. Like I said, at the end of the day, we were her tour guide and financier. She left the States knowing nothing about the cousins who spent time trying to show her a good time. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 I really think you are upset with the wrong person, to be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author seekingpeaceinlove Posted April 7, 2015 Author Share Posted April 7, 2015 You're probably right. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Definitely is a cultural thing, because we consider it the norm in our family to host and properly welcome the guest. Meals are planned with the guest in mind. Particularly if they are family, the door is open to them. We might not have much but we sure do have alotta good times ! Sorry it didn't go that way, yet you did leave an impression. Unless this was an impromtu visit ( meaning they just showed up!) then I could see how it would be imposing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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