My boyfriend has ADHD, and I don't know how to deal with it?

[Kkristine]

My boyfriend is extremely intelligent, but he also has ADHD. Because of this, several things bother me that he does/doesn't do, but I feel awful for feeling that way.

 

I feel like I'm constantly nagging him to do things. If he doesn't want to do something, he won't do it. Plain and simple.

 

He buys things and is over them after a few months. I am then left to take care of them. When he is in the process of enjoying something, that's all he cares about until he finds something else to focus ALL of his attention on. This has been an issue with jobs. He can't stick with anything. He plays his iPad game as soon as he walks in the door from work, and is on it until bed. He'll also do things like bring home $100 worth of junk food in one night, yet he complains that we can't buy too much when we go grocery shopping every other week.

 

I've asked him several times to do things (and not do things), but he doesn't listen to me.

 

He is not on any medication, so I'm wondering if maybe I should talk to him about this. He was on medication as a kid.

 

I consider myself passive, so I've let things go for a long time.

 

We were thinking about getting a joint checking account when we get married, but I don't think he will ever be responsible enough for me to feel comfortable with it.

 

I don't want to leave him, but I also don't want to just deal with it. He gets uncomfortable talking about his disorder, but I need to figure out solutions so that we are both happy. I don't want to constantly just do things by myself. Any advice on how to approach my problems with him so that he'll actually listen?

[jackiec22]

I'm married, and I have ADHD. My husband does not, and he sounds exactly like you.

In these relationships, it is common for the non-ADHD spouse to come off as a parent to the one with ADHD. There's tons of articles on this dynamic and ways to make it work. Just google "ADHD marriage".

Also, medication helps, but it's important for him to do a lot of research on ADHD and develop skills to actually learn to cross things off his long to do lists so to speak. This is what I've learned, and I'm still working on it...

Hope this helps.